#vanessa;
the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

240788-->leo;
ex-IJTP.4/nine2004;
cjc.1T05;
swimmer; drama mama; councillor;
laugh_out_loud247[at]hotmail[dot]com;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
pinkstilettos;
temporary insanity;
guestbook;
poetry;


angels`
-friends

4/nine.
chij.
alyssa.
angie.
benjamin.
bernie.
bert.
brendan.
carol.
carol n.
charles.
cheryl.
chris.
corinne.
dalun.
darren.
elsa.
erika.
gen.
joachim.
jolene.
judette.
kimberly.
lester.
nat.
qibing.
roxy.
sam.
sean.
seb.
sheryl.
stephi.

-snaps
[Carolling]
[Dinner&Dance]
[CJC]
[Chinese New Year]
[Poetry]
[Misc]
[Sentosa]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

-thanks
blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

-memories
July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;

layoutandimages[by]q|en

Thursday, March 31, 2005
PICTURES UP!

1t08's orientation in sentosa.
a random day in the life of ms triggerhappy. :)

School rocks so far. I really, really like 1t08, even though I miss t5 sometimes. Ah well. Update more soon.

love you guys loads.
vann.

she smiled
at 9:51 PM


Sunday, March 20, 2005
:)

I realised one thing yesterday.

Sometimes you need to have an asshole come along and screw things up a little bit, so that you can see what's really important to you. :)

So yes. Thank you, asshole! :) Muchly appreciated.

she smiled
at 9:20 PM


Thursday, March 17, 2005
It's nice to know that you were there.
Thanks for acting like you cared.
______________

I actually had a whole long entry to type today.
But actually it's quite pointless,
to dwell on things that have already happened.

I learned alot today actually.
I learnt that girls do silly things like spend money on items that they probably won't need/wear just for the sake of spending money to (inadequately) express how they're feeling inside.
I learnt that I happen to be one of those silly girls.
I learnt that if you try hard enough, you can see God in your friends.
I learnt that even if you feed one cat, in an island full of thousands of strays, the feeling of satisfaction is still the same.
I learnt that consequences of actions might not be the conventional consequences that you thought they would turn out to be; it could, in fact, be much worse.
I learnt that if you'd only take the first step and surrender all your problems to Him when you feel like no one else can help you, He will give you a great big hug. Maybe you can't feel it physically, but it's a hug that warms the heart, not the body.

Val, I'm not sure if you'll read this, but I'm glad that you feel camp was a success 'cause of me. (Haha, it sounds insulting actually, but I shall take it positively! Haha.)
Joachim, thanks for listening today. It helped more than you know. Oh, and I've a name already!
Carol, don't forget. The next time you get angry, you're treating me to a shopping rampage.


I'm still learning.

she smiled
at 7:31 PM


It's nice to know that you were there.
Thanks for acting like you cared.
______________

I actually had a whole long entry to type today.
But actually it's quite pointless,
to dwell on things that have already happened.

I learned alot today actually.
I learnt that girls do silly things like spend money on items that they probably won't need/wear just for the sake of spending money to (inadequately) express how they're feeling inside.
I learnt that I happen to be one of those silly girls.
I learnt that if you try hard enough, you can see God in your friends.
I learnt that even if you feed one cat, in an island full of thousands of strays, the feeling of satisfaction is still the same.
I learnt that consequences of actions might not be the conventional consequences that you thought they would turn out to be; it could, in fact, be much worse.
I learnt that if you'd only take the first step and surrender all your problems to Him when you feel like no one else can help you, He will give you a great big hug. Maybe you can't feel it physically, but it's a hug that warms the heart, not the body.

Val, I'm not sure if you'll read this, but I'm glad that you feel camp was a success 'cause of me. (Haha, it sounds insulting actually, but I shall take it positively! Haha.)
Joachim, thanks for listening today. It helped more than you know. Oh, and I've a name already!
Carol, don't forget. The next time you get angry, you're treating me to a shopping rampage.


I'm still learning.

she smiled
at 7:31 PM


Wednesday, March 16, 2005
pics up! :)
rockafellaskank and cyf camp!

she smiled
at 12:21 PM


Tuesday, March 15, 2005
Rockafellaskank/CYF Camp.

The rockafellaskank was great. I went with the T-Fivers, (Kang, Harrold, Ning, Mag, Boon Wee, Andre, Pervinder, Kalpana, Cheng Hong) and Shawn went too. :) I thought The Redeemed (Io, Johanna, Wyna, Angie and their friend) and Xiaoan's bands were superb and so were most of the other bands. haha, it's cool to see so much talent. and there was this girl from t4 who sang so beautifully! I think her name's Alyssa or something? She sang alicia key's 'If I Ain't Got You' and Kelly Clarkson's 'Break Away'. Haha, what can i say? She has a gorgeous voice, and she had everyone mesmerized! Haha. But mostly, i admire the way she has the guts to stand up there in front of so many people and just sing her heart out. :)

Anyway! Came home and packed after that, and then it was onto CYF camp the next day! -beams- Let's see. i was with Kelvin, Jobeth, Kevin, and Janis (or better known as Ananda). Haha, a pretty small group by anyone's standards. We were at St Patrick's School and the state of the dorms and the toilets is better left undescribed, save for one word: YUCKY! Haha. Anyway, we had our Angel-Mortal selections (I got Beth as my mortal! But of course, she found out quite quickly. Given away by smileys -- how infuriating!) and of course, there was Talentime! Kelvin was superb, he had everyone in stitches! Haha, and of course there was Heng. I don't even have to say anything about him! Haha! Everyone's performances were funkydoodles. :)

The next day, Val asked me to read the First Reading for mass, and it was awesomest. Kevin, Joachim and I were sitting so near the altar and it was just so ohmygoodness. Haha! and we got to eat Communion twice too! With wine!! Haha, I'm running out of words now, so I'll just say that it was definitely an experience to remember. Oh, and on Sunday there was Mass Dance! It was Bhangra! Haha, so CJC and I bet it was Angie and Joa who incorporated all those slick Bhangra moves! Haha, loads of fun and it was great that everyone grasped it damn fast. Haha, and a great thing that I knew some of the steps beforehand or it would have been to embarrassing for me! Lols. :)

The Passover Feast was definitely memorable. I've never eaten Matzo before (unleavened bread, ie bread made without yeast) and actually, it tasted pretty good! :) It was a really cool experience. :) After that was The Washing of Feet. I was so nervous! Haha, 'cause I didn't know what to expect. But it was a really enriching experience, and it started with Ollie and Beth, 'cause they were the leaders who washed my feet. And you know, they don't just wash and dry your feet, they kiss them too. Maybe some of you think that's gross, but the gesture itself has shows so much love and service... I don't think anyone could be left dry-eyed.

I remember, after Ollie and Beth washed my feet (and I was already tearing, 'cause all the stuff they said was just so overwhelming. I mean, to have two friends that I'm not even close to say things like they did was just an amazing feeling.) I went to my place in front and sat down a while, singing the songs that the leaders were flashing on the transparencies. Then, they started singing one particular hymn. You know, the hymn that we usually sing during Good Friday, the one which has a verse that goes like this: "Father, I have turned my back and walked away. Depended on myself, and lived life my own way... I forgive you, I love you. You are mine, take my hand, go in peace, sin no more, Beloved One."

That pretty much did it for me, I just started bawling my eyes out. At this point, I have to admit that I've been struggling with this for awhile: I was beginning to question my faith and whether or not everything was even real. I was asking myself, why do you believe? It could be a bunch of fables and made-up stories and when you die and realise that there is no God, how much greater would the feeling of betrayal feel then... I was seriously questioning everything. I would sit in mass and just feel so isolated. I felt like screaming at the top of my lungs: "You stupid asses! Believing in something that sounds so far-fetched!" at the congregation, the choir and the priest. I shared this with my group members (along with Val, Sam and Joachim) on Saturday, and then to experience mass sitting so near the altar and reading the First Reading... I don't even know how to begin to describe the experience. It was amazing and such a surreal experience, and I remember a feeling of wrongness coming over me when I remembered how I felt before then.

So yeah, I just went to the Prayer Room to cry my eyes out. I remember telling God how sorry I was that I'd doubted Him and that I had just wanted to know He was there. I remember saying that I was so angry with Him for giving me all sorts of shit, but that in the end, I'm sorry for behaving that way. And I could really feel Him then, and that was just so cool, for lack of a better word. Carol came in soon after, and we just cried on each other's shoulders for a long while. She kinda 'affirmed' me there, (if that counted as an affirmation) and I'm glad to say that our friendship is as strong as ever. :) She's still my bitch, and she always will be. Talked to Shawn Teo a bit in there too, 'cause I'd noticed that he was sitting in a corner by himself. Haha, even though I don't remember you from cathecism class, I'm still glad we're friends dude! :)

After that, I went to sit down with Shawn outside and then Kelvin came. Haha, I remember, he squatted next to me and put his hand out. I thought he was just playing! So I put my hand out and then he started pulling me up, so I was quite suprised! Haha. Anyway, he brought me back to the prayer room, and I stood in front of the picture of Jesus while he stood behind me, and said a prayer. His words were so meaningful, and he really hit the nail on the head as far as my feelings at that point went. SO, yes, Vannie started sobbing again. Stupid tear-ducts. Haha! But, Kelvin, if you ever read this, thank you so much for all your help and all your concern during camp. You're a great person and an even greater friend. :)

I washed a lot of people's feet that night, some old friends and some new ones. I think the Washing of Feet is an extremely awesome event. I mean, how often can you express such a sign of love right? Haha. Okay, time for some quick thank-yous! :)

Ollie, thanks for your affirmation so much, and for letting me wash your feet. Haha, maybe it's just me, but I've a feeling that we can become great friends in the future. :) Mat and Val, you guys seriously don't have to apologise, you silly twats. I've never taken it to heart, 'cause as I said, I know that you guys are so sweet and great people inside. :) You two will always be close to my heart, and I will always be here for you guys, yeah? I love you! Shawn Teo: Haha, thanks for everything that night dude. Actually, talking to you put lots of stuff in perspective for me too. So yes, thanks loads! :) Always here for you, yupps. Seb: YOU GREAT BIG BULLY! Haha, but I still dread the day when I'll lose your bullying. You're a great 'older brother' and someone I can turn to regardless of what it is. :) ge&mei forever and ever, Amen! Les: I don't know why you'd want to wash my feet, but it was so much appreciated and it really touched me even though I said I didn't want to have freezing digits. Haha, thanks for talking to me about everything. You're awesomest! Haha. :) Joachim: My favourite Leo! :) I'm so thankful to know you, and even more grateful to have you as a friend. Friends til the end, yeah? And like you said, more to come!
So that pretty much rounded off my night. :) After that, we were all so exhausted and it was time for bed soon after. It was a good thing that breakfast was at 9 the next day! Haha. Yesterday we just kinda rounded up everything. One last session on trusting God (much appreciated by me in fact) and it was spectacular. :) It made me realise that if you only believe, everything can and will be done. :) We finished packing and cleaning up before going back to church for the Angel-Mortal revelations! Turns out, my angel was Sam Koh! :) I figured it was a female leader anyway, 'cause she actually bothered to do stuff, but didn't reply my letter and all. So, thanks Sam! For everthing an angel could do! Haha. :)

Dinner was spent with a whole bunch of people at KFC, but I sat with Carol, Val, Joa and Xavier. Haha, it was a bundle of laughs! Xavier reminds me of about a million people: HENG, Xiaoan, Tim and Dalun all mixed into one. He's one funny guy, and I'm glad that he's in CYF. Val and I were almost in tears by the end of dinner! Haha. Anyway, in conclusion to this absurdly long entry: CYF Camp has changed me, and I've never been more thankful for change. :) I appreciate everything that everyone has done for me. To those that I've not written letters to or replied to: Truly sorry, I just never had the time and energy. Haha, but fret not, it will come in other ways! Haha. :) I love you guys.

Oh, and PS: Kudos to Angie and Ben (the failed Postmaster) for organizing a great camp. Your efforts have not gone undectected! Haha! :) You guys rock.

___________________

I never minded calling You a King
If that meant that I could count on You
To give me everything.

I never thought to ask You,
I always thought You knew,
It was never my intention to question You...
You never minded calling me a child.
Well, I guess that's how I acted all the while.
But You live through every tantrum, You see through every lie,
Though they seem to be more common,
I just wanted You to know why oh why...

Unforgetful You, unforgetful.
Unforgetful You, so unforgetful.


You never minded giving us the stars,
Then showing us how blind and unaware of You we are.
You painted me a picture and showed me how to see,
Though I just won't behold it,
Unless it pertains to me...


Unforgetful You, unforgetful.

Unforgetful You, so unforgetful.


she smiled
at 3:47 PM


Thursday, March 10, 2005
it's not getting what you want,
it's wanting what you've got.

________________

school was slack again today. mrs winter came in during history period with a surprise though... corinne, jeanette and melissa! wow, was i surprised. haha! turns out, jeanette's thinking of coming to CJC, so corinne and melissa were accompanying her, i think? so they came all dressed in the blue CJ shirts and pinafores, except that they were unlucky enough to bump into Brother Paul (otherwise known as Man In Dress, courtesy of Jeremy) and therefore, with some quick thinking, became official crashers! haha, how cool is that? so yeah, they followed our class around for the day. :) it was great, sorta like having new exchange students! haha.

pe (and corinne, melissa and jeanette joined in) was spent playing basketball. despite being short of two players (kalpana and ning were actually on the court too, but somehow i think walking around slowly and not even touching the ball counts as playing! haha!) we still managed to draw, 12-12. wahoo! we played with the t13 people, natalie and co. haha they're really great players and natalie can shoot awesomely as can this other girl called mag? i think that's her name. oh, and we had a one-man show on our team, daniel! haha, seriously the guy is good. :) so yeah, pe was fabbers.

mmm. skipped geog lecture with kang, kalpana and the 3 crashers. went to the grandstand and bummed around as usual. watched the guys play soccer, they're pretty good actually. if it was me, i'd be screaming everytime the ball came flying towards me. haha, i've got the nasty habit of yelling a lot. haha! and i'm a complete moron when it comes to soccer. or actually, anything that requires hand-eye/eye-leg coordination. chinese period was spent watching "Homerun" and playing silly finger games (it is honestly retarded) and listening to music (think Blink 182, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, Linkin Park etc) on glen's ipod. it's so unfair! everyone has nice music to listen to except me. my phone doesn't even have a radio? -scowls- haha, but i'll live. :) i shall do extremely well for my promos and then bargain with mum to get an mp3 player. -beams-

________________

Every time I turn around,
I'm looking up, you're looking down.
Maybe
something's wrong with you*,
That makes you act the way you* do.
Maybe I am crazy too...




where's the YOU i used to know?

she smiled
at 6:50 PM


Wednesday, March 09, 2005
don't need the sun to shine to make me smile.
don't care if it's dark outside,
'cause i've got YOU.
and though the rain may fall,
no, i won't care at all.
'cause baby, i know that i've got you.

_________________

oh, ewww.

i'm having (or actually, still having) an utter bad-hair day. my hair is frizzing up like crazy (for no apparent reason, it seems) and it looks like i've got a very angry cat on my head. -winces- eeeeyerrrr. anyways! got back about an hour or so ago from meeting karthi to take my thumbdrive from him. that sucker has withdrawn from college, which is sad 'cause he's a really good friend. ahh, oh well.

anyhoos. my day was great! i had loads of fun. haha, the best part of the day? a toss-up between having andre, boon wee and harrold back and not having lessons the entire day! :) had breakfast in the canteen as usual with ning, and Ms Lee came to join us. haha, she told us all sorts of stories about her time in VJC, and it was nice to hear them. :) hopefully, i'll have stories of my own to tell after my time in CJC. the first 2 months here has already been eventful enough, with all sorts of going-ons and 'scandals' in school. haha, and of course the cutting class and all. ooh. hope the year ahead is filled with more interesting stuffs. haha. :)

andre, boon wee and harrold came back to school! how funky! my day was made instantly better when i saw them this morning. :) it's so great to have them back, if only for a while. haha. oh, and i've got a cut on my knuckle now too, from where i punched harrold this afternoon. haha, LOVE HURTS MAN. DEAL WITH IT! hahaha, eeeeeyerrr. that sounds wrong! -makes face- oh, but it's sad that maggers and shawners didn't come back. and ryhan was absent too. if not, we'd have the whole of t5 back together! :) didja know, yesterday our ENTIRE class was absent. so all the teachers teaching 1t05 yesterday were given a break. no wonder mdm damo called everyone up. hahaha, funky!

andre, harrold, bw and i skipped geoggers tutorial 'cause i just didn't want to go for a subject that i'm not taking after this term is over, which is in 2 days. i just don't see the point of geography and all the weird stuff that it includes, like studying soils and rock formations and environmental problems. i mean, the environmental stuff i can understand, but soils? it's not like we're studying how to be earthworms. :) yes. so since i always skip lit lectures too, i was actually out of class from eight in the morning to twelve in the afternoon when it was time for GP.

gp was awesomest, as nat would say. we had a substitute teacher by the name of Jeremy. he and Ms Lee take the cake when it comes to cool substitute teachers. he actually had the balls to say 'fuck' in front of students. it doesn't sound like alot, i know, but teachers in singapore are so scared of swearing or saying anything explicit in front of their students. anyway, he very nonchantly proclaimed,

"Yeah, Stalin was a murderous fuck."

-beams- haha. well he's got my respect, anyway! and he's a really philosophical and stuff? which is cool, 'cause he talked a bit today about how real is all of these things around us. that's something which i've always thought about ever since i watched "The Matrix"! haha. i'm in a bit of a contemplative mood today too, i suppose. :) hmmm, so anyway. his lesson (which took place in the grandstand 'cause i suggested it, half-convinced that he'd say no) was over in 1/2 an hour. so we had more time to slack before mrs winter's period which was even more slacking time. :) i'm going to miss mrs winter so much if i don't end up taking history. she's so sweet!

no drama today for the J1s, so i went to watch the rockafella people perform. was waiting with jo in the auditorium for the people to come and set up the mikes and all, but it got cancelled in the end. :( still, i managed to watch xiaoan and his band do their stuff! gosh, they're good. and he sounds like mick jagger! haha! and jo and angie are great. i just know they're (along with wyna, johanna and another guy) going to be wonderful on friday night. :) speaking of which, i'm so proud of myself. i accomplished two things today in j8! i bought a top to wear to rockafella, AND it's colourful! :)

oh wait, not exactly colourful actually. just bright pink. ;)

___________________

it's just a little crush (crush)
not like i faint everytime we touch.
it's just a little fling (crush)
not like everything i do, depends on you.

she smiled
at 9:30 PM


Tuesday, March 08, 2005
skipped school in favour of thanksgiving mass at IJ today. (honestly, now that everyone is gone, i'd use any excuse to skip school. it's just so boring, and so not worth it. -makes face-) mass was quite sweet, but it was with a bit of sadness that everyone went i think. knowing that it just might be the last time the go back to IJ before other commitments become too important. :( how saddening. anyways. went out with erika, marie and chris after that to watch hitch. it was an alright show, pretty sappy and cliched here and there, but not too shabby on the whole. ohh, and melo, praveena, clare and jo were there too. :)

after that we went to play pool, as per usual. haha, we lead such routined lives. oh but pool today was great. i want everyone in the whole wide world to know: I BEAT BRENDAN. AND DHANESH. haha, despite the fact that brendan was being an idiot and mucking about, and that dhanesh actually forfeited a few games i think? haha! but yes. good effort, van. you're improving! -pat on the back- well done. :) gosh. i am so lame. wanted to shop today too, but there was nothing nice anywhere. -makes face- how unfun.

ahhhh. i feel random and funny and strange. random.random.random.



i want to feel the tingle.

it's silly, but i miss you.

where's my happy ending? how unfair.



vanny is being silly and lame and dumb. ooh.

she smiled
at 7:50 PM


Monday, March 07, 2005
boredbored. so i've decided to let the world know how insane harrold is. ;)
harrold: the epitome of crazynuttyfunny. -beams- :)
(you better be honoured, i'm not usually so nice!)

MSN Nick:
Bus fare to peya lebar-$0.43.
Sentosa entrance fee-$3.
Adrenaline rush from being chased by DM--PRICELESS

And then there are conversations. :)
(after my drawing of a tongue stud)
Outpost of tyranny says: it looks like something very WRONG

_________________

(when i was writing my letter to mdm damo)
Bus fare to peya lebar-$0.43 , Sentosa entrance fee-$3 , Adrenaline rush from being chased by DM--PRICELESS says:
then say i accept full unconditioal responsiblity for my acttions
Bus fare to peya lebar-$0.43 , Sentosa entrance fee-$3 , Adrenaline rush from being chased by DM--PRICELESS says:
and i aplogive to all those hu i have dissapointed
Bus fare to peya lebar-$0.43 , Sentosa entrance fee-$3 , Adrenaline rush from being chased by DM--PRICELESS says:
please forgive if u wan to go to heaven

:D funniness.

she smiled
at 7:09 PM


i wanna make you smile whenever you're sad.
carry you around when your arthritis is back.
all i wanna do is grow old with you. :)

______________

kang and i were the only two 'runners' who went to school today, and mr tan came to look for us after assembly. actually that was pretty much a relief in itself, i thought Brother Paul would call out our names and tell the school what we'd done! haha. mr tan gave us pen and paper and told us to write a 5000-word essay and entitle it "The Adventures of Vanessa" and "The Adventures of Wee Kang" respectively. haha, that old cheekopek is nuts! so kang and i spent chinese period and history lect outside writing our long adventure stories. hahaha. after that it was separate interrogation and that was pretty much it. he says punishment will be KIV-ed, but hopefully he'll forget. :)

anyway. school sucked today. no shawn + no mag + no harrold = no fun. seriously, that's the way it looks now. today only kang, cheng hong, zhong ming, ryhan, joshua and the rest of the girlies were in school. and i think ryhan and pervinder are withdrawing tomorrow 'cause they got caught skipping malay class! hahaha, such a loser. :) but he's a T5 loser, so it's not so bad. :) we're really not that horrible a class, it's just that we get caught more often than not. -scowls- irritating. hmmm, so yes. geoggers and econs lect were stupid and boring. history lesson was icky too. so was gp lecture and so was lit tutorial. -sighs- i think the only interesting thing now is that there is internal conflict within the class. or rather, between kang and joshua. ;)

school is so unfun now. mmm, think i'm skipping school tomorrow to go for the Thanksgiving mass in IJ. ooooh, i get to see all the bitches, hopefully! haha. and all the darling 4/niners. with exceptions of binny*cupcake, linn and shireen. -sniffs- hmmm. then we shall go play pool and have fun after that. -beams- i can't wait for rockafellaskank on friday even though i have yet to buy tickets. shall ask mum if i can go tomorrow or something.

oh, and ps. we weren't suspended. HOW ANNOYING! y'know, suspension is like a "Get-Out-Of-School-Free" card! -pouts- i was already making plans to go to my daddy's place: go see my cats and have a shower and maybe sleep somemore and watch a bit of MTV (can you believe it, my dad's place has MTV but we don't?) and then change and call some friends out and meet them and go play pool or watch a show?!?!?

oooooooh. -scowls- you horribleickyyuckymeanoldcheekopek.

she smiled
at 6:10 PM


i wanna make you smile whenever you're sad.
carry you around when your arthritis is back.
all i wanna do is grow old with you. :)

______________

kang and i were the only two 'runners' who went to school today, and mr tan came to look for us after assembly. actually that was pretty much a relief in itself, i thought Brother Paul would call out our names and tell the school what we'd done! haha. mr tan gave us pen and paper and told us to write a 5000-word essay and entitle it "The Adventures of Vanessa" and "The Adventures of Wee Kang" respectively. haha, that old cheekopek is nuts! so kang and i spent chinese period and history lect outside writing our long adventure stories. hahaha. after that it was separate interrogation and that was pretty much it. he says punishment will be KIV-ed, but hopefully he'll forget. :)

anyway. school sucked today. no shawn + no mag + no harrold = no fun. seriously, that's the way it looks now. today only kang, cheng hong, zhong ming, ryhan, joshua and the rest of the girlies were in school. and i think ryhan and pervinder are withdrawing tomorrow 'cause they got caught skipping malay class! hahaha, such a loser. :) but he's a T5 loser, so it's not so bad. :) we're really not that horrible a class, it's just that we get caught more often than not. -scowls- irritating. hmmm, so yes. geoggers and econs lect were stupid and boring. history lesson was icky too. so was gp lecture and so was lit tutorial. -sighs- i think the only interesting thing now is that there is internal conflict within the class. or rather, between kang and joshua. ;)

school is so unfun now. mmm, think i'm skipping school tomorrow to go for the Thanksgiving mass in IJ. ooooh, i get to see all the bitches, hopefully! haha. and all the darling 4/niners. with exceptions of binny*cupcake, linn and shireen. -sniffs- hmmm. then we shall go play pool and have fun after that. -beams- i can't wait for rockafellaskank on friday even though i have yet to buy tickets. shall ask mum if i can go tomorrow or something.

oh, and ps. we weren't suspended. HOW ANNOYING! y'know, suspension is like a "Get-Out-Of-School-Free" card! -pouts- i was already making plans to go to my daddy's place: go see my cats and have a shower and maybe sleep somemore and watch a bit of MTV (can you believe it, my dad's place has MTV but we don't?) and then change and call some friends out and meet them and go play pool or watch a show?!?!?

oooooooh. -scowls- you horribleickyyuckymeanoldcheekopek.

she smiled
at 6:10 PM


i wanna make you smile whenever you're sad.
carry you around when your arthritis is back.
all i wanna do is grow old with you. :)

______________

kang and i were the only two 'runners' who went to school today, and mr tan came to look for us after assembly. actually that was pretty much a relief in itself, i thought Brother Paul would call out our names and tell the school what we'd done! haha. mr tan gave us pen and paper and told us to write a 5000-word essay and entitle it "The Adventures of Vanessa" and "The Adventures of Wee Kang" respectively. haha, that old cheekopek is nuts! so kang and i spent chinese period and history lect outside writing our long adventure stories. hahaha. after that it was separate interrogation and that was pretty much it. he says punishment will be KIV-ed, but hopefully he'll forget. :)

anyway. school sucked today. no shawn + no mag + no harrold = no fun. seriously, that's the way it looks now. today only kang, cheng hong, zhong ming, ryhan, joshua and the rest of the girlies were in school. and i think ryhan and pervinder are withdrawing tomorrow 'cause they got caught skipping malay class! hahaha, such a loser. :) but he's a T5 loser, so it's not so bad. :) we're really not that horrible a class, it's just that we get caught more often than not. -scowls- irritating. hmmm, so yes. geoggers and econs lect were stupid and boring. history lesson was icky too. so was gp lecture and so was lit tutorial. -sighs- i think the only interesting thing now is that there is internal conflict within the class. or rather, between kang and joshua. ;)

school is so unfun now. mmm, think i'm skipping school tomorrow to go for the Thanksgiving mass in IJ. ooooh, i get to see all the bitches, hopefully! haha. and all the darling 4/niners. with exceptions of binny*cupcake, linn and shireen. -sniffs- hmmm. then we shall go play pool and have fun after that. -beams- i can't wait for rockafellaskank on friday even though i have yet to buy tickets. shall ask mum if i can go tomorrow or something.

oh, and ps. we weren't suspended. HOW ANNOYING! y'know, suspension is like a "Get-Out-Of-School-Free" card! -pouts- i was already making plans to go to my daddy's place: go see my cats and have a shower and maybe sleep somemore and watch a bit of MTV (can you believe it, my dad's place has MTV but we don't?) and then change and call some friends out and meet them and go play pool or watch a show?!?!?

oooooooh. -scowls- you horribleickyyuckymeanoldcheekopek.

she smiled
at 6:10 PM


Sunday, March 06, 2005
things i'm going to miss about 1t05:
  1. the way mag thinks that everyone else is insane except her.
  2. the way mag pokes my cheek and draws tortoises on my arms.
  3. harrold's quirky comments.
  4. the way harrold makes mag laugh!
  5. the way i can poke shawn and have him leap into the air.
  6. stealing shawn's food, and him not getting mad. (haha.)
  7. the way shawn looks when someone irritates him.
  8. andre's "what the hell"s.
  9. boon wee playing music in the morning (all the chinese songs)
  10. cutting lit lectures with yining, pervinder and kalpana.
  11. ryhan's hopeless volleyball-ing.
  12. kang swearing getting angry with ryhan 'cause of his hopeless volleyball-ing.
  13. cheng hong's superb volleyball-ing.
  14. kang's facial expression every time cheng hong isn't on his team.
  15. the way we can all sit together and just talk about anything. :)

whatever tomorrow brings, i'll be there.
with open arms and open eyes, yeah.


she smiled
at 1:49 PM


good afternoon, world! it is yet another lazy sunday. :) got up only a while ago, and had a nice lunch of nasi lemak. now i'm trying to write a letter to mdm damo and ms lee to say sorry about thursday so that maybe there's an offchance that they'll forgive me. i don't think i can bear to look at them tomorrow. -winces- :( ohwells. at least there's only another week to go. i wouldn't be able to survive more than that without maggers and shawners and everyfreakingone in class. -sniffs- idiots.

watched "Royal Tenenbaums" yesterday, and it was a fantastic show! honestly. i can't really describe what i liked about it, it was clipped, hardly funny, and monotonous to a certain extent. but you know, it came together really really well! :) i love gwenyth paltrow's 'margot tenenbaum', this sullen, depressed and angst-ridden playwright. -beams- haha, okay enough already.

ooh. i bought 17 yesterday too, and was pretty much bored to death by it. there's always so much stuff on make-up, and how to take care of your skin, and what kind of facial scrubs you should use and blah blah blah. haha, i'd much rather look at the clothes, thank you very much. speaking of clothes, i need to do some serious shopping. I HAVE NOT GOT A SINGLE SKIRT and i'm getting bored with my clothes. -makes face- it's time to add some sparkle and colours to my wardrobe. i find that i'm always wearing neutral colours! how boring. i resolve to glam up my wardrobe and make it colourful. haha. :) SO. any sponsors, please feel free to give me a call! :D

let us eat, drink and be merry... for tomorrow, we shall die. how apt.

i don't wanna go back to school tomorrow.

she smiled
at 1:49 PM


Saturday, March 05, 2005
some days, i couldn't get up,
couldn't get down.
i was bored of everything.
somehow, a little black cloud rained over me.
someone was making me ill.
i bet you're still, a 2,3,4-letter word.
yes, you heard, the pretty little birds fly home...
BUT --
these days, the world's alright,
the sun shines bright
i'm kicking out the bad dreams.
these days, the sun kicks in,
the good guys win,
i'm positively somewhere.
these days go on... long after you've gone. :)

good afternoon! just so you guys know, i am in love. -beams- with jadakiss and ciara. oh gosh, i love jadakiss' "you make me wanna" and ciara's "one two step" it rocks! :) been going crazy every time i hear it. :) ooooo-errr. hmmm, staying home today, 'cause i can't even be bothered to go for mass. poo! how boring. had an awful nightmare last night, a sort of fusion between past events and fears of the future. it's like the past has come back to haunt me, and the shadow of that particular event is making me doubt others' intentions now. god, i hope this doesn't turn out the way it has happened before. haha, i sound wacko, do i not? ahh. i guess i'm thinking too much.

on a lighter note, i found something in 8days that is too hilarious to not put up. it's sort of a parody of Prince Charles and Camilla (yes, the rottweiler) as Chucky and his bride. -snickers-

Charles
Ooh, baby, ooh, baby...
Camilla
Fuddy Duddy Daddy, would you put your stamp collection into the drawer and come to bed?
Charles
I would, Old Bat Of My Loins, but you're still on it.
Camilla
But My Dear With Funny Ears, England expects us to do our duty and begin the reign with a big bang.
Charles
Can we skip that, My Used-Car Spouse? I would start a bang with a firecracker, not a tired cracker.
Camilla
My Creaky Highness, did not you say once that you loved me so much you wish to be reincarnated as my trousers?
Charles
That's true, My Ancient Sweetheart, but I certainly don't want to be reincarnated as Queen Victoria's Jurassic G-string which you're wearing right now. I assure you it looks most horrifying to me from up here on top of the royal cupboard.
Camilla
Oh, don't be so scared, My Decrepit Athlete. Jump down from your imperious perch. Let's begin our blessed union with a peck on the mouth.
Charles
I desist, My Crumbling Darling. I fear our peck on the mouth may lead to mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.
Queen Elizabeth
(banging on wall of adjacent bedroom)
Oyyyy! shut up and get on with it you farts, or I'll set my vicious Corgis upon you!
Camilla
See what you've done, Elderly Hubby. You've made Mum angry. Come and take me right now.
Charles
Dearest Dried Prune, you know I'm not into physical contact with anything but my mother's crown, which I secretly put on every evening. Let's pretend we've done it already. Nobody will know.
Camilla
But Dinosaur Buns, your son Harry the Nazi will know because he's peeping at us right now.
Charles
What? Where? This bed chamber is royally protected by taxpayers' money. Nobody except the 200 official Royal Peepers and and their 400 attendants can look in.
Camilla
There, on that portrait of that ravishing woman on the wall over there. I could've sworn her eyes and nose were moving.
Charles
Oh, you mean the portrait of Diana? Don't worry, Fossil Dazzle, her eyes are always moving.
Camilla
Diana is watching?
Charles
No, sweetie cow, it's Mum. She sticks her nose into every royal affair. That's why we are now together, and you are here as Bride of Chucky 2.
Queen Elizabeth
(still peeking in through the peep hole)
Guards! Send in the Corgis!

she smiled
at 12:03 PM


Friday, March 04, 2005
I said let's talk about it,
as she walked out on me,
and slammed the door.
but I just laugh about it,
cuz she's always playing those games.

deep down I know she loves me,
but she's got a funny way of showing me how she cares!
last night she did a donut on my lawn
and drove off with her finger in the air.
oh yeah...

Sometimes it's black, sometimes it's white.
sometimes she's wrong, sometimes I'm right.
sometimes we'd talk about it or we'd figure it out.
but then she'd just change her mind!

sometimes she's hot, sometimes I'm cold.
sometimes my head wants to explode!
but when I think about it,
I'm so in love with her,
every other time.

Sometimes we'd sit around,
just the two of us on the park bench.
sometimes we'd swim around,
like two dolphins in the ocean of our hearts.

but then I think about the time
that we broke up before the prom,
and you told everyone that I was gay, ok.
Sometimes I walk around the town
for hours just to settle down.

would I take you back and you kicked me down.
cuz that's the way uh-huh-uh huh I like it!

-chorus-

Keep it up homegirl don't you quit,
you know the way you scream is the ultimate!
and when I walk away just watch the clock.
I bet I don't even get around the block!



lfo -- every other time! that song put me into a spectacular mood today. i remember it from secondary 2 i think? haha, i used to sing it over and over again and i kept writing the lyrics everywhere! haha. happy songs make me happy. :)

pics up!

she smiled
at 8:34 PM


Many faces I have seen.
Many places I have been.
Walked the deserts, swam the shores (coming closer to you)
Many faces I have known.

Many ways in which I've grown.
Movin closer on my own. (coming closer to you)

_______________

today was a holiday for the j1s 'cause the A-level results are released today. hope jeremy and alex did well, they were studying hard for it. :) anyhoos! woke up at around ten, and headed down to meet jo and the rest at cafe cartel in cine, and despite being 5 minutes late, i was still the earliest. haha, when will anyone be punctual? :) jo, marie and their classmate amanda came down. amanda's really nice! haha, seems like i'm getting to know more t10 people everyday. haha. had a nice lunch before going to meridien to play pool (yes, again). i swear i'm addicted.

we met brendan there and played a few games before manda, bren and me left for cine 'cause shawners called and said that he, mag, boon wee and andre wanted to watch a show. we watched 'A Series of Unfortunate Events'! it was a truly sweet show. i liked how it wasn't so perfect, with the typical happy ending sort of thing. i mean, yes the ending wasn't a horrible one either, but it was simplistic, and pretty near perfect. :) even if the critics gave it 2 and a 1/2 stars, i'll give it 4. the actresses and actors are fabbers. and jim carrey is still shining as the star of the show. :)

oh, and random thought here: i watched the show sitting next to shawners, which happens to be really nice 'cause he was wearing hugo boss! i'm obsessed with that scent. it's the bestest perfume in the whole wide world, and i'd wear it everyday if i could. but then again people would think i'm a man or that something's not quite right up there. haha, crap. :)

haha. yes. anyway! after that, we went back to meridien (me, bren, manda, james and cheryl -- two of manda's friends) but there wasn't enough space so we went to lucky plaza to play pool instead. gosh, so much walking today! haha. played only for a while, 'cause i was already late in reaching home. took the train back with manda, and bought dinner on the way home. mmm, i wanna go out tomorrow and play again. haha, shall ask the cyf people if they're free!

mmm. i feel like piercing my tongue. ;)

she smiled
at 8:12 PM


Thursday, March 03, 2005
this is a very important announcement:
if you don't see me in school after monday, please know that i've been suspended. or, if you do see me in school for a loooong while (ie, staying back after school) please know that i'm in detention.

confused? haha, you know when i said i'd no balls to actually cut class with the rest of the idiots in my class? yeah. well, as it turns out, i do/did. and it was probably the stupidest thing i've ever done. haha. after pe, mag and the rest decided that they were going to leave and since i didn't want to stay either 'cause then i'd be one of 2 that would be staying behind, i left with them too. and oh gosh. lesson to be learnt, boys: do not walk outside brother paul's office? hahaha. that was mistake #1. mistake #2: do not cross overhead bridges! the discipline master, michael tan, saw us! oh good Lord. and he started shouting and pointing at us, and therefore we started to run. we ran and ran and miracle of miracles, there was a bus! amen!

so we took 154 all the way down to paya lebar mrt station where we had breakfast and fretted like crazy. haha, we were all simply freaking out. haha, but as every cloud has a silver lining, so does every conversation when harrold's around have a funny quote! :) we were talking about going to confession for some reason and how i didn't really believe in going 'cause i don't think i'm all that sincere about wanting to be absolved of my sins, and this is what he said:

Harrold: *rationally* Since Jesus died for our sins, we shouldn't let him die in vain.

HAHA! he had us all in stitches, honestly. he's just a little loony up there, but he's cool. :) anyhoos. took the mrt down to harbour front and then we caught the bus to sentosa. haha, we were planning on saying we were the CJC volleyball team if anyone asked. haha! anyhoos. got there, and the weather was just dismal. it's really sucky, when the only two times i've been to palawan beach the weather just screws up on us. haha. played a bit of volleyball, swam a bit. overall it wasn't so much where we went, but the company we had. :) haha, i love you guys, seriously! from now on, this is our clique k? haha! and yes. outsiders unallowed. ;)

anyways. packed up after a while and headed to eat a bit. but then the issue of whether to go back to school or not came up. i decided to tell my daddy that i'd skipped school, 'cause i was the only one in the group who hadn't let anyone know. and my dad reinforced the idea in my head, that i should go back and face the consequences of my actions. so i tried to convince the rest, but in the end, i went back alone. haha. :) it wasn't that bad i guess. i mean, he didn't exactly yell or scream or anything. but he did say that there would be follow-up action on monday, so i'm dreading that. haha, plus it looks like i'll face detention alone too, 'cause the rest are planning to withdraw from college. ohwells. at least i have three more days to have fun.


and, at least, my mum doesn't know. :)

________________


Why you all in my ear?
Talkin' a whole bunch a sh*t that I ain't tryin to hear.

Get Back! You don't know me like that!
Get back! You don't know me like that!
I ain't playin' around...!
Make one false move, I'll take you down.
Get back! You don't know me like that!
Get back!
You don't know me like that!



ooh, boy. you better watch your step.

she smiled
at 6:45 PM


Don't need to be on somebody's arm to look good.
(I like who I am)
I'm not saying I don't wanna fall in love 'cos I would.
I'm not gonna get hooked up just 'cos you say I should.
(Can't romance on demand)
I'm gonna wait, so
I'm sorry if you misunderstood.
_______________

in school now having mrs winter's lesson. we're in the computer room, and we're supposed to be looking for some website on the cold war, but everyone is playing around. haha, mrs winter rocks, no? :) and we're all keeping a look-out for ms narindar next door. ooh, she's just left. hmmm. last night was disappointing, i won't deny that. but it's like what dalun says.

"there are many things in this world that would be wonderful if they happened.
but sometimes things are just not meant to be..."

sounds really simple and all, but it means something to me, i guess? haha. :) anyhoos! it's alright, really. i guess i just needed to know, and now that i do, i can move on and still be happy. haha. anyway! my entire class is thinking of leaving after pe, which is the lesson after history. but mdm damo will merde us, seriously. think i'll just go swimming or something 'cause i've no balls to pon school with them since i'm one of the few that are staying. haha. :) ooh, and 9 people came today! improvement mann. shawners, maggers, kang, andre, harrold, boon wee (wee wee!), zhong ming, joshua and me. so yes, yesterday there were two guys, and today there are two girls. haha, we are such dilligent students.

alrights, i shall post again later. :)

______________

Make your move if you want doesn't mean I will or won't.
I'm free to make my mind up.


you either got it or you don't.

she smiled
at 9:24 AM


Wednesday, March 02, 2005
art class all over again. :)

i hope it made you happy,
if even for a while.
but i'd gladly draw a million
just to see you* smile.

:)

she smiled
at 9:48 PM


Cinderella said to Snow White:
How does love get so off course?
All I wanted was a white knight
With a good heart, soft touch, fast horse.

Ride me off into the sunset.
Baby, I'm forever yours.


_______________

my eyes are still getting swollen for no apparent reason. no, i've not been crying, and yet this stupid puffiness won't go away. guess it's the haze and all the crap in the air.

anyway. school today was pretty fun, unless you count the fact that only 7 of us turned up. Pervinder, Kalpana, Xuelin, Yining, Zhong Ming, Joshua and me. -scowls- still an improvement from yesterday, though, when there were 6. haha! and i heard what they did yesterday, locking up the classroom early and going home, and leaving two teachers to come to empty classrooms. haha. it's lucky that we weren't put into detention today! thought Brother Paul might haul us out during assembly and blast us all, but thankfully, no such thing occured. and ms ng (she was one of the two teachers whose periods they skipped) wasn't mad at us either. this just goes to show how lovable 1t05 is! :) haha.

harrold, zhong ming, joshua and i were selected to give a speech on this really boring topic about expatriates for the pre-u seminar which'll happen in june. i've NO interest in politics whatsoever, but i don't want to let my mum down. she said that it'll look good in my school records, and that it'll help to -- in a way -- make me 'smarter', as silly as that sounds. as in, it'll make me think instead of sitting on my backside all day like a normal student. urgh. maybe i'll just skip it altogether and go to sentosa like my classmates are doing. oooo-errr. :)

no drama today, so i went to play pool with jo, pinkie and cheryl after school. pitiful, really. we all suck! haha! but then again, that's the fun in playing -- making mistakes and laughing about it. :) glen was there too, and so was xiaoan. played til about 5, before deciding to go home, and xiaoan and i took the train back. he writes poetry too, how cool is that? haha. it's rare to find someone who even likes poetry, much less writes it. :)

________________

if only it was like a game of snakes and ladders.
it would be so easy for everyone.
the only thing we would have to do is roll a dice, and see.
advance, retreat, or miss a turn.
life is a game, play it. isn't that what they say?
hmmm. it's not a very fun game at the moment.


your turn.

she smiled
at 7:33 PM


Tuesday, March 01, 2005
i need to believe.
make me believe in you again.
please.

i'm reminded of one of lun's old nicks.
let bastards be bastards.
oooh. lots of meaning there, and i wholeheartedly agree.
but tell me.
why does that bastard have to be you?

she smiled
at 11:06 PM


Tell her you think she's cool.
Tell her why you think she's so cool.
Introduce her to your friends as the coolest girl you know.
Talk to her in movie theatres.
Sit in the park and talk to her.
Just talk to her.
Hold her hand and skip.
Hold her hand and run.
Just hold her hand.
Take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones.
Take her to the library.
Take her anywhere.
Tell her dirty jokes.
Tell her stupid jokes.
Tell her a secret.
Tell her your secrets.
Tell her happy stories.
Tell her sad stories.
Tell her your stories.
Tell her anything.
Write on her.
Write about her.
Write poems about her.
Write her letters.
When she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her.
Get her mad, then kiss her.
Kiss her in the rain.
Just kiss her.
Go see her band play (even if they really suck and tell her they were great).
Take her to shows of bands she's never heard of.
Hold her hand in the mosh pit.
Listen to all the bands she mentions.
Don't tell her that her favorite bands suck.
Let her pay if she wants to.
Let her take all the photos of you she wants.
Call her.
Call her back if she calls you.
Let her fall asleep in your arms.
Stay up with her all night when she's sick.
Stay up with her all night when she's worried.
Stay up with her all night when she just misses you.
Sing to her, no matter how bad you are.
Slow dance with her even if the music is fast.
Carve your names into a tree.
Make up pet names for her. (but cool ones, not sappy ones)
Give her space if she needs it.
When she's happy, hang out with her and buy her ice cream.
When she's sad, hang out with her, even if she's not saying anything.
Just hang out with her.
Look into her eyes.



Trust her.
Cherish her.
Be yourself around her.
and when you fall in love with her,



tell her.


she smiled
at 7:23 PM


Nobody told me we'd only get one chance.
I didn't know that our tide would turn so fast.
Why we have to say goodbye, I don't understand...

_____________

skipped school today 'cause, for some reason, i just felt like staying home and sleeping in and spending time with me, myself and i. ooh. doesn't that sound narcisstic? haha. :) anyway, my day's been alright. just bumming around the house and watching tv and listening to the radio. the lyrics above are from darius' song "Live Twice". pretty nice song, and the phrase that caught my attention was "if only we could live twice". mmm. that's a nice thought, isn't it? kinda ideal, if we could live twice, and make amends for all the mistakes we made in our first life. :)

haha, if i could re-live the past 16 years, i think the first thing i'd do is to not be such a pain to my mum. haha, i admit. i can be yucky and horrid when i want to be. so the first thing i would (or rather wouldn't) do is to not give her so much grief. after that, maybe i would've listened in amaths or chemistry classes. -pause- but then again, even if i were to live twice, i somehow doubt that! :) there are some things that go beyond my scope of power. haha! and of course, i wouldn't have given so much trouble to shawn either. hmmm, this whole idea of living twice sounds quite depressing. it just makes you think of the past and regret! but i don't, and i won't. :)

what would you do if you could live twice?

______________

I live in a crazy world full of crazy things,
That I never quite understand.
But I know that the people that care for you
Are the measure of any woman or any man.
And if you need anything then I'll share.
If I need you would you be there?


she smiled
at 6:55 PM


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