#vanessa;
the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

240788-->leo;
ex-IJTP.4/nine2004;
cjc.1T05;
swimmer; drama mama; councillor;
laugh_out_loud247[at]hotmail[dot]com;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
pinkstilettos;
temporary insanity;
guestbook;
poetry;


angels`
-friends

4/nine.
chij.
alyssa.
angie.
benjamin.
bernie.
bert.
brendan.
carol.
carol n.
charles.
cheryl.
chris.
corinne.
dalun.
darren.
elsa.
erika.
gen.
joachim.
jolene.
judette.
kimberly.
lester.
nat.
qibing.
roxy.
sam.
sean.
seb.
sheryl.
stephi.

-snaps
[Carolling]
[Dinner&Dance]
[CJC]
[Chinese New Year]
[Poetry]
[Misc]
[Sentosa]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

-thanks
blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

-memories
July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;

layoutandimages[by]q|en

Monday, February 28, 2005
Her feelings she hides.
Her dreams she can't find.
She's losing her mind.
She's fallen behind.
She can't find her place.
She's losing her faith.
She's fallen from grace.
She's all over the place.


__________________

i'm sorry but i have to type this out. i know that there'll be people who are going to be so pissed at me for blowing this up, but i just have to. i need to let it out, at least for the moment. so that i can move over and move on. bear with me, please.

met up with val, wyna, carol, qibs and candice to go back to school, and the atmosphere there was just intense. everyone was just freaking out, and understandably too. i mean, it's not everyday that you receive such important results, yes? hah. and i have to say that on the whole, IJ did very, very well, and i'm so proud of everyone, truly:

100% passes in Add Math.
100% passes in Chem.
100% passes in Lit with 75% Distinctions.
Average of 13.5 points in the entire level.


and 4/9, i think we did awesomely -- everyone qualified for JC, which should, in effect, mean that everyone got roughly under 20. now how cool is that? so anyway. i've gotten 13 points for my O-levels. BUT i'm not in the least bit happy or thankful or grateful or relieved. in fact, when mrs alex handed me my results slip and i looked at it, i could literally feel my heart sink. and everything just came crashing down. i went outside, and i just started crying. i swear, it was the first time that i've ever cried over results.

everyone was telling me as i tried to stop blubbing,

oh van, you did well what!

what are you crying for, you silly girl? 13's already considered pretty good!

eh, you can stay in CJC what!

but they don't understand that that's not the point. the point is that i don't deserve those scores. so maybe i'm wallowing in self-pity here, but i did honestly think that i could at least get 10 points. i thought i'd studied as hard as i possibly could. i thought i'd given it my bestest shot and i thought that just perhaps, my results would reflect how much effort and struggling i put in. but apparently not.

apparently, i didn't study hard enough. and i just screwed up in everything. admittedly, i'm glad that i got As for english, literature and emaths. but then again, what happened to physics? what happened to chemistry? why am i getting threes for both? i know it's greedy to want more and more, when others would give anything to have my score. but i just can't swallow it. unlike those who can admit that they were playing throughout Os, i studied my butt off. and this is supposed to be my just rewards? i can't help feeling as if i failed. and that i've failed myself by not reaching my own expectations. i can understand perfectly how rox feels.

that's the reason why i didn't go for thanksgiving mass with carol and val today, because i don't think any thanks i give would be sincere. knowing myself, i'd probably end up demanding to know why He let me get such crap grades. i know, "everything happens for a reason" and "everything, in His time" but screw it. whatever happened to "God helps those who help themselves"? i freaked out all my classmates by studying so hard, and but apparently i've not helped myself enough because my grades are far less than perfect.

okay. enough of this wallowing in self-pity thing. i've just gotta start all over and prove to myself, as rox puts it, that i can do it. and that i am capable of getting grades i'll be proud of.

she who thinks she can do it, will.

_________________

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way,
She felt it everyday.
And I couldn't help her,
I just watched her make the same mistakes again.

What's wrong, what's wrong now?
Too many, too many problems.
Don't know where she belongs, where she belongs...


she smiled
at 9:11 PM


Saturday, February 26, 2005
-- excuse my french.

________________

ok, no more sms-ing or talking on the phone late at night for me. my phone bill just rocketed -- $132. -cringes- even i don't know how i can use 1500++ messages in a month. no wait, actually i do. hahaha, and i know who to blame too, but i shall not. :) okay, cutting down from now on. i promise! my mummy's so pissed off at me, plus i have to pay my own bills. -sniffs- ah well. today was a good one! :) i've been getting quite a number of good days, which is awesome. :) hmm, i woke up with puffy eyes today! how digusting is that. my eyes aren't large at the best of times, and to have them puffy too is just quite repulsive. -makes face- oh well.

pe was cool today. we played volleyball again, which makes me almost certain that tomorrow i'm going to have very blue-blacked arms, instead of red spotty ones. :( ohwells. stayed to play for about an hour after pe was over, definitely a first for me! haha, usually i'm the one who's hurrying everyone to go eat. haha. anyway, skipped lit again -- what's new? -- and history lesson was cool as usual. after that we had another long break, and mag, shawn, ryhan, harrold, zhong ming and ryhan's friend - emily and i went to the grandstand. i don't know about shawn and mag, but i fell asleep almost immediately. and it's fun to sleep there, actually, 'cause it's quite breezy. so yes, next time i'm not in lessons, you know where to find me! :)

geoggers tutorial was spent bonding with mr low. haha! he's really not that bad, i guess, and it's nice to know he's human. ooh, and since history tutorail was cancelled, yining and i got to go home early! :) came home and slept again. don't know why, but the past few days i've been feeling so tired. anyways. i was an awful drama-tist. i skipped the yjc drama performance to go out and play pool with marie, jo and chrissypoo. haha, i'm sorry! but anyway, pool was good. met brendan and glen, who are just loony. honestly, they are hilarious! so yeah, it was great meeting them. :)

going out with daddy tomorrow! :) shall make him bring me down to toa payoh to watch roxy, sam, corinne and lun perform! i'm sure they're all going to do well.

_________________

let me let you in on a secret:
how to treat a woman right.
if you're looking for a place in her heart,
it ain't gonna happen overnight.
first you gotta learn to listen.
to understand her deepest thoughts.
she needs to know you can be friends,
before she'll give ya all she's got.
if you start from the heart, you'll see love is gonna play it's part...

if you wanna get to know her, really get inside her mind.
if you wanna move in closer, take it slow and take your time.
if you start from the heart, you'll see love is gonna play its part, yeah..
and if you wanna touch her...
really wanna touch her....
if you wanna touch her...



ask.

she smiled
at 12:10 AM


Thursday, February 24, 2005
-- won't you take a step into the lion's den?

________________

today was nicee! NE (national education) class today was supremely funny. harrold is just nuts, and he makes everyone laugh, especially me and mag! haha, he's always saying the weirdest and stupidest things. like during ne, when ms lee asked "how would you feel if you were stranded alone on the high seas?" (we were talking about the tsunami disaster), he said he'd feel bored because he wouldn't have any gadgets to play with. haha, he's MAD. but definitely a whole lotta fun. :) anyhoos! pe was unbearable. after pe, all our legs were shivering and shuddering and if they could scream, they'd still be screaming. we had to climb the grandstand about 12 million times, because according to mr liew, we all have thunderthighs and flabby calves.

AND HE SAID I WAS FAT!

me: *whining* but whyyyyyyy???? can't we run insteaddddd??? i'll do anything but that! we'll get huge enormous legs from developing muscles!
mr liew: *rolls eyes* NO! you have to tone up your calves!
me: *argues back* my calves are fine the way they are!
mr liew: *impatiently* then you have to get rid of the cellulite on your thighs!
me: *deeply affronted* i DO NOT have cellulite on my thighs!
mr liew: *pretends not to hear* and tone up your flab!
me: *even more offended* I LIKE MY FLAB!

and he wouldn't even let us be democratic, even though he comes from canada. i'm pretty sure they're democratic there!

me: *brightening up* let's take a vote! be democratic!
mr liew: *quickly* NO! i'm the dictator!

hahahaha. he's nuts lah. and that last quote from him earned much laughter among the guys, 'cause they started saying dicKtator instead. haha! anyways. after that was break, and the whole canteen heard me scream because of a very very intelligent and matured thing that shawners did to me -- he nearly caused me to fall on my butt in front of the whole bloody school! -scowls- but i got him back, so we're even. geoggers lecture after that. mag and i were supposed to skip, but ms ng saw us, so we couldn't. just as well, i got to enjoy aircon as i slept.

school ended at one! so i met shawn and we went to watch constantine since he hasn't watched it we were stuck in the front row! how unlucky. but yeah, the show is still good. keanu reeves is great at acting cynical and bitter and mean and angsty. haha. :) got home a while ago, and was reading eight days. it is SHIT FUNNY! there's an interview with adrian pang about his school days:

When did you have your first crush?
It was in primary school. She was six. I was six. She was friendly and smiled. So you had two six-year-olds smiling at each other across the classroom. It's kind of scary.

Do your two boys, Zachary and Xander, take after you in having crushes so young?
Zach, who's in K2 now, told me he wanted to marry a girl in his class, Vanessa, one-and-a-half years ago. She was a typical woman -- she liked him one day and didn't like him the next. My boys are growing up very fast. We were playing in the playground when this girl walked past and they whistled and shouted, "Pretty girl! Pretty girl!" I pushed them away and said they weren't mine.

What fad do you still remember following religiously?
Wearing crotch-bursting hot pants. In Sec Three, we had somehow convinced ourselves that girls wanted us in really short and tight shorts, which was, of course, the last thing they wanted. And we were just beginning to sprout hair on our legs, so we looked like a cross between Bangkok go-go boys and half-plucked geese.

On the subject of birds, when did you learn about the birds and the bees?
My Mum bought me a book, How Babies Are Made, when I was just seven. It had pop-up pictures! My mum read it to me and I was completely mesmerized. I brought the book to school and it scared the hell out of the other kids.

So you learnt about sex at seven?
Yes, I was probably the first kid in Singapore at that time to learn how babies are made. They are made of pop-up pictures.

________________

please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.

she smiled
at 7:36 PM


Wednesday, February 23, 2005
oh! i forgot to include. :)

two very special people made my day a very happy one. :) i'm not sure why, but yeah. you did! i love you both, seb and joa!

-bug hugs-

:)

she smiled
at 5:41 PM


-- when angry, count to 4.
when very angry, swear.


_________________

today was a good day. :) my elbows are still bruised and spotty, and they hurt like a bitch when i bump them or when someone (hint hint, shawners) presses them, but other than that they're fine. haha, strange how i'm the only one in class who has them.

anyways. alyssa and bonnie crashed today! and audrey yee too. :) it's always so fun when someone crashes, although i'm not quite sure why. haha. anyway, they went off with tricia tan after my break 'cause i had to study for history during my literature lecture and yes, i skipped lit again. (even alyssa's surprised that i have literature lectures.) anyway. went up to class, and saw this huge gathering of people outside t7, so i was wondering what on earth was going on, especially when tricia's class was making up the crowd. haha. and then i see dalun, looking like he's about to explode. yeah. there's some fucker in 1t07 who's been spreading rumours.

despicable. disgusting. deplorable.

out of jealousy, i suppose? -snorts- childish. but yes. i'll not go on and let some assholic fuckshit make me angry. :) history test wasn't that bad, although it wasn't fantastic either. i hope i pass, i suppose. -crosses fingers- oh, and drama was cancelled today, which sucks. :( i love drama! but ahh. there'll be other times. tomorrow school ends at one! how cool is that? i wanna go watch a show! :)

took the bus home with danesh and siong chew (i think?). they're my drama seniors, and they're both really nice guys. :) and oh gosh! in the bus, this old man sitting in front of danesh and me suddenly hacked up his phlegm and SPIT. we were all SHOCKED! ASTOUNDED! ASTONISHED! i went 'oh my god' really loudly, and then (i couldn't help it) i started laughing. loudly. hahaha! and then he turns around to look at me like i'm nuts.

well.

i'm not the one spitting in buses. hmph.

__________________

When we said we were gonna move to vegas,
I remember the look her mother gave us.
17 without a purpose or direction.
We don't owe anyone a fuckin' explanation!

I fell in love with the girl at the rock show!
She said what? and I told her that I didn't know.
She's so cool, better sneak me through her window.
Everything's better when she's around!
Can't wait until her parents go out of town.
I fell in love with the girl at the rock show.


she smiled
at 5:31 PM


Tuesday, February 22, 2005
-- sunshine through my window.
that's how you are to me.

________________

geoggers test today was HORRIBLE. i've pretty much guaranteed myself another F. -makes face- it's just such a yucky subject that i feel absolutely no motivation to study. anyways. besides that, school wasn't so bad. pe was fun! we played volleyball! but now my forearms are totally bruised and battered. and polka-dotted too 'cause my blood vessels burst easily for some reason. ahaha. hmm, chinese was the demoralizing bit! i failed my CA overall, 'cause i missed both the test and the spelling. ah screw it, it's only the first 3 months right? yeahh.

oh! i've gotta announce this: my daddy rocks. and i love him so so so so much! i called him after the geog test, and we had this conversation:

me: *solemnly* daddy. i'm sorry to have to tell you this, but i've developed a severe allergy.
dad: *freaks out* WHAT??
me: *still seriously* i'm allergic to literature. and if i have to go for lecture and tutorial later, i just might drop dead.
dad: *cursing under his breath* so how? what can i do for you?
me: well you could call my teacher and tell her that i'm having severe gastric aches.
dad: okay..
me: *delighted* THANKS DADDY!
dad: you think you very smart is it?! no need to go for lessons ah?!

hahaha! he's super funny. and he so rocks. not many other dads would help their daughters pon lessons. but then on the way out with shawn and harrold, i bumped into mdm damo! how suay can i be right? hahaha! it was one of the fastest facial expressions changes i've ever done. from perky and happy to deadly sick and lethargic and weak. -smiles- i hope she bought it! haha. but yeah, then again, i think she might not have 'cause i could've sworn i saw her smile. haha. :) did i mention, i love mdm damo too? ;)

________________

girl, you wanna come to my hotel?
baby i'll leave you my room key.
i'm feelin' the way you carry yourself girl,
and i'm only wit you 'cuz you's a cutie!
so if you wanna come to my hotel,
all you gotta do is holla at me.
cuz we're havin an after-party
checkin' out 6 in the mornin'.

she smiled
at 5:15 PM


Monday, February 21, 2005
-- standing at the edge, looking over.

_________________

before i go into today, let me round up yesterday... i actually studied history! i was getting so fed-up with myself in the afternoon 'cause i kept dozing off somewhere between the proletariats and the bourgeois, between roosevelt and truman and between hitler and stalin. so i finally went down to the library and got myself a book to study! :) it was great, i feel like i know more all of a sudden. haha. and i found a book on names too, and GUESS WHAT!

Vanessa:
There are at least 2 possibilities for the origin of Vanessa. The Greek word phanes means "butterfly", and one of the Greek mystic divinities was named Phanessa. Obviously, Vanessa may have evolved forthwith. A pretty soft-sounding name, Vanessa is just as much in style today as it was in past ages.

funky, right? haha, if you guys want to know what your names mean, just ring me up! haha, it's so fun. anyhoos. :) school was quite crappy today. i was reminded by jasmine that we've got a geog test tomorrow, on 3 lectures and none of which i've actually read. and then we had history, geog and econs lectures in a row. but i don't mind history and econs so much, as i always say. hmmm, actually on hindsight nothing much happened today. we just kinda went through the motions as we always do. -sighs- and to think, we're all leaving each other soon. -makes face- yuck.

i've got about a million things to do. reply shireen's email, study for the stupid geography test unless i come up with an idea to skip it entirely, and study for the history test too. oh, i've got comprehension to do, and the passage is shit hilarious. here's an extract:

Love's symptons are familiar enough: a drifting mooniness in thought and behaviour, the mad conceit that the entire universe has rolled itself into the person of the beloved, a conviction that no one on earthhas ever felt so torrentially about a fellow creature before. Love is ecstasy and torment, freedom and slavery. Poets and songwriters would be in a fine mess without it. Plus, it makes the world go round.

haha, that's the introduction paragraph. oh, and the conclusion paragraph:

If, however, science is going to probe and prod andthen announce that we are all scientifically fated to love -- and to love preprogrammed types --by our genes and chemicals, then a lot of people would just as soon not know. If there is truly a biological predisposition to love, as more and more scientists are beginning to believe, what follows is a recognition of the amazing diversity in the ways humans have chosen to express the feeling. The cartoon images of cavemen bopping cavewomen over the head and dragging them home by the hair? Love. Helen of Troy, subjecting her adopted city to 10 years of ruinous siege? Love. Romeo and Juliet. Ditto. Joe in Accounting making a fool of himself around the water cooler over Susan in Sales? Love. Like the universe, the more we learn about love, the more preposterous and mysterious it is likely to be.
_________________

Reaching for something in the distance,
So close you can almost taste it...
Release your inhibitions!
Feel the rain on your skin,
No one else can feel it for you!
Only you can let it in.
No one else, no one else,
Can speak the words on your lips!
Drench yourself in words unspoken!
Live your life with arms wide open!
Today is where your book begins.
The rest is still unwritten...



We've been conditioned to not make mistakes,
but I can't live that way.


she smiled
at 7:26 PM


Sunday, February 20, 2005
-- keeping options open, and fingers crossed.
lose control.

_______________

yesterday was fun! i met erika early in the morning, 'cause she was passing me tickets to the sajc funfair! went to the funfair with elsa, and saw jared, xiaoan and weijie there with their friends. it was great seeing corinne, tricia, nat choy, cheryl wee and even fidelis again! haha, i hope they're having fun in sa. ohh elsa and i got henna tattoos, but it pretty much sucked. haha. oh! and we also met gwendolyn cho! i remember her from PRIMARY SCHOOL, and she still remembers me! that was the funkiest. there was this girl, who came up to me in church and asked me if my name was vanessa. and i said yes, and though i recognized her almost immediately when i first saw her, i didn't know if she recognized me, so i didn't dare say anthing. and she was tatyana! this girl i used to look after in primary school 'cause i was a prefect and y'know, on wednesdays when the teachers have their meetings, we prefects have this unearthly job of looking after the primary ones/twos. can you imagine? she's 4 years my junior, and she remembers me from so long ago! it was an awesome feeling. :)

anyhoos. after that we went to harbour front shopping centre to shop! it was fun, we both had our 'agenda', though we didn't get to complete it. bought a really bright tote, and she bought hairbands and hair accessories i think. my new bag is so cute, all i have to do is look at it, and it cheers me up. haha. talking to elsa is great, she understands me even if i have trouble explaining it clearly. and it's really awesome that she can be hilarious (and totally wacko) at one moment, but serious and advisory the next. haha, hardly something you see in a lot of people. so yes, elsa! i cherish you! haha.

hmmm, went down to toa payoh after that 'cause she had to do preparation stuff with the children's league people. so i left her at it, and met sam, johanna, judette, angie, val, joachim and owen 'cause they'd just come back from checking out the campsite for cyf camp. i can't wait to go. :) but yeah, went for lunch with joa, val, judette and angie, and walked around for a bit after that. thanks angie, for talking to me and all. it was much appreciated. haha. :) joa and i had to leave soon after though, so we caught 157 back together. it was nice, talking to that dipshit again. haha, though it was brief, it was really nice and made my day better in a way. so thanks to you too, joa! :)

church in the evening was very very very funny. haha, we have this new priest who sounds like an overgrown chipmunk on speed. it was freaking funny! i was trying not to laugh the entire time he was speaking. but he seems nice, so that's alright. now the only problem i have with the priests in church is a very fat one. i CANNOT stand him! but anyway, i shall leave that rant to another day. went to my mum's club after that, and had dinner. we went bowling and we played pool! it was so fun, and i thrashed my brother completely. haha, won two games out of three that i played with him. haha! but i still lost to my mum. so yes, i've gotta work on that. haha. :)

anyways.

the results are coming out this friday, according to much speculation from everyone. i just get a whirl of emotions thinking about it, about whether i'm going to do well enough to stay in cjc, whether i'm going to meet my own expectations, whether i'll able to take econs, lit, history (and one more subject, 'cause my mum wants me to take 4 A-level subs.), whether elsa and tim and grace and karthi are staying, whether my own classmates are staying. it's just an entire bunch of fears. and on top of that, they're saying that people who received a letter that advertises teaching or something are those that scored between 15-20 for their Os. i didn't get anything like that, i don't think, but god. i hate this feeling -- not being able to control all aspects of my life. now i know how stephi feels, and yes, i'm a control freak.

anyways. it's already sunday. i'm not sure i can survive for the next week, but i'll try. gotta do my history studying now. big history test on wednesday, i'm planning to ace it.

ps. thanks lun, for your message last night. it made a lot of sense, and it came at a time when i needed reassurance most. -big hugs- love you loads dear.

_________________

Don't count on me, to let you know when.
Don't count on me, I'll do it again.
Don't count on me, it's the point you're missing.
Don't count on me, cause I'm not listening.

she smiled
at 10:02 AM


Friday, February 18, 2005
talking to chris is great.
she's my bratbitch and always will be.
i love you, chrissypoo!

yeah. :)

she smiled
at 6:25 PM


i've spent the last hour crying between intervals.

to know that you're hurting, hurt me enough.
to know that you're hurting and i can't do anything, is much worse.
but to know that you're hurting, and i'm the reason for your hurt...
it's unbearable.
i never knew i was capable of hurting someone so much.
i never knew i had this capacity for cruelty.
i never knew that i could feel this way about myself.
i'm not good enough for you, or really, not good enough for anyone.
you don't deserve someone like me.
you deserve someone who's kinder. sweeter. lovelier. more caring.
i wish i could lie to myself, but i've not been that to you at all. you know that's true.

I have dreamed of a time when I'd leave this all behind,
But I thought that I'd be stronger or I hoped that I'd be blind.
But now I know that I am neither and it hurts to say goodbye.
I will always have your skyline in my eyes...

fuck it.

and you. i don't know what to say about you.

she smiled
at 5:57 PM


Thursday, February 17, 2005
-- and though i'd die to know you love me,
i'm all alone.
isn't something missing?
isn't someone missing me?

_________________

everything changed when i didn't go to school for one and a half days. shawners has SPIKED his hair! haha, and admittedly, it looks nice. :) haha! and maggers didn't come to school today either. we take turns to come to school. haha, lame. anyhoos. total defence rubbish today! haha, we watched this episode of phua chu kang. i think it was a pretty early episode, 'cause the jokes were actually funny! haha. :) so that was pretty enjoyable.

school was as per normal mostly. can't really remember much of what happened? haha. we went to the gym for pe! and that was cool. reminded me of swimming trainings, when we have to get up at 6 in the morning to go down to the pool and do those stupid excercises. haha, at least this time it's FUN! haha. :) hmmm. and geoggers lecture was spent messaging and replying elsa's letter. haha, i passed her her letter yesterday, she replied, i wrote again, she replied and i wrote again! all in the space of one day? haha, we're bloody typewriters lah. ;)

hmmm. skipped the last lesson of the day (geog tutorial) 'cause i just couldn't take it anymore. i end at 2.30, and i've got a break from 2.30 til 4, just so i can have a one-hour tutorial from 4-5? no bloody way am i going to stay for that! -makes face- i would have considered if it was history, but it was geog, so. ;) can't blame me. anyways! went to tp with elsa, and we talked alot! haha, it was really fun chilling with her until tim came, and then he sent me back. :)

results are coming out next friday or something. i can't stand the tension! -makes face- i'm not looking forward to the possibility of being uprooted from cjc, and all my friends being uprooted from cjc too. :( that'll just be too sad.

________________


When you feel all alone,
And a loyal friend is hard to find.
You're caught in a one way street,
With the monsters in your head.
When hopes and dreams are far away and,
You feel like you can't face the day...


Let me be the one you call.
If you jump I'll break your fall.
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night...
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart.

If you need to crash, then crash and burn,
You're not alone...


she smiled
at 7:12 PM


-- and though i'd die to know you love me,
i'm all alone.
isn't something missing?
isn't someone missing me?

_________________

everything changed when i didn't go to school for one and a half days. shawners has SPIKED his hair! haha, and admittedly, it looks nice. :) haha! and maggers didn't come to school today either. we take turns to come to school. haha, lame. anyhoos. total defence rubbish today! haha, we watched this episode of phua chu kang. i think it was a pretty early episode, 'cause the jokes were actually funny! haha. :) so that was pretty enjoyable.

school was as per normal mostly. can't really remember much of what happened? haha. we went to the gym for pe! and that was cool. reminded me of swimming trainings, when we have to get up at 6 in the morning to go down to the pool and do those stupid excercises. haha, at least this time it's FUN! haha. :) hmmm. and geoggers lecture was spent messaging and replying elsa's letter. haha, i passed her her letter yesterday, she replied, i wrote again, she replied and i wrote again! all in the space of one day? haha, we're bloody typewriters lah. ;)

hmmm. skipped the last lesson of the day (geog tutorial) 'cause i just couldn't take it anymore. i end at 2.30, and i've got a break from 2.30 til 4, just so i can have a one-hour tutorial from 4-5? no bloody way am i going to stay for that! -makes face- i would have considered if it was history, but it was geog, so. ;) can't blame me. anyways! went to tp with elsa, and we talked alot! haha, it was really fun chilling with her until tim came, and then he sent me back. :)

results are coming out next friday or something. i can't stand the tension! -makes face- i'm not looking forward to the possibility of being uprooted from cjc, and all my friends being uprooted from cjc too. :( that'll just be too sad.

________________


When you feel all alone,
And a loyal friend is hard to find.
You're caught in a one way street,
With the monsters in your head.
When hopes and dreams are far away and,
You feel like you can't face the day...


Let me be the one you call.
If you jump I'll break your fall.
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night...
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart.

If you need to crash, then crash and burn,
You're not alone...


she smiled
at 7:12 PM


-- and though i'd die to know you love me,
i'm all alone.
isn't something missing?
isn't someone missing me?

_________________

everything changed when i didn't go to school for one and a half days. shawners has SPIKED his hair! haha, and admittedly, it looks nice. :) haha! and maggers didn't come to school today either. we take turns to come to school. haha, lame. anyhoos. total defence rubbish today! haha, we watched this episode of phua chu kang. i think it was a pretty early episode, 'cause the jokes were actually funny! haha. :) so that was pretty enjoyable.

school was as per normal mostly. can't really remember much of what happened? haha. we went to the gym for pe! and that was cool. reminded me of swimming trainings, when we have to get up at 6 in the morning to go down to the pool and do those stupid excercises. haha, at least this time it's FUN! haha. :) hmmm. and geoggers lecture was spent messaging and replying elsa's letter. haha, i passed her her letter yesterday, she replied, i wrote again, she replied and i wrote again! all in the space of one day? haha, we're bloody typewriters lah. ;)

hmmm. skipped the last lesson of the day (geog tutorial) 'cause i just couldn't take it anymore. i end at 2.30, and i've got a break from 2.30 til 4, just so i can have a one-hour tutorial from 4-5? no bloody way am i going to stay for that! -makes face- i would have considered if it was history, but it was geog, so. ;) can't blame me. anyways! went to tp with elsa, and we talked alot! haha, it was really fun chilling with her until tim came, and then he sent me back. :)

results are coming out next friday or something. i can't stand the tension! -makes face- i'm not looking forward to the possibility of being uprooted from cjc, and all my friends being uprooted from cjc too. :( that'll just be too sad.

________________


When you feel all alone,
And a loyal friend is hard to find.
You're caught in a one way street,
With the monsters in your head.
When hopes and dreams are far away and,
You feel like you can't face the day...


Let me be the one you call.
If you jump I'll break your fall.
Lift you up and fly away with you into the night...
If you need to fall apart,
I can mend a broken heart.

If you need to crash, then crash and burn,
You're not alone...


she smiled
at 7:12 PM


Wednesday, February 16, 2005
he's everything you want, he's everything you need.
he's everything inside of you that you wish you could be.
he says all the right things, at exactly the right time.
but he means nothing to you...

and you don't know why.

_________________

i stayed home today 'cause i'm sick. it's the stupid flu bug that my mum passed to me. been sneezing and having a runny nose since monday! and yesterday i left school early to come home and sleep. now my nose hurts like nobody's bloody business because i've been rubbing it so much. haha. -makes face- but i'm still happy! let me tell you about my nice day. haha ;)

talked to joachim this morning, and i thought it was fun. :) haha, he still infuriates me, but hey. where's the fun in having a friend if i can't bicker with him right? haha! so yes. thanks joa! appreciate it loads. and stop squealing and screaming over your mushroom game. other girls won't find it so attractive! hahaha. ;) and thank YOU, for coming over with medicine. haha, i appreciate it so much. -hugs-

mmm. had lunch and mopped the floor (see, what a good girl i am?) and dozed off a couple of times. so interesting right? haha. but elsa and tim came over! it was pretty fun talking to them 'cause they're both so crappy and fun. haha, i even sneaked out and went down to junction8 with them to just walk around a bit. i can't stand being indoors for the whole day. even if there's nothing to do outside, i STILL want to go out and breathe the outside air. haha! thanks you guys, for coming over, and tim thanks for the sweets! :)

school tomorrow is going to suck since i end at five. but, hmm. maybe i can sneak out earlier. y'know, i think i'm one of the few people in class who skip lectures and pon school and classes, and i'm the dc. haha! a bad choice if i ever saw one. ;)

oh, by the way! thanks shawners, yining, dalun and grace and all who asked if i was feeling better! haha, thanks loads yepps. :)

__________________


One more kiss could be the best thing,
Or one more lie could be the worst.
And all these thoughts are never resting.
And you're not something I deserve.


In my head there's only you now,
This world falls on me.
In this world there's real and make believe,
And this seems real to me.

And you love me but you don't know who I am.
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand.
And you love me but you don't know who I am.
So let me go, let me go...

I dream ahead to what I hope for.
And I turn my back on loving you.
How can this love be a good thing?
And I know what I'm going through.


In my head there's only you now,
This world falls on me.
In this world there's real and make believe,
And this seems real to me.
And you love me but you don't know who I am.
I'm torn between this life I lead and where I stand.
And you love me but you don't know who I am.

So let me go, just let me go, let me go...

And no matter how hard I try.
I can't escape these things inside.

I know, I know.
But all the pieces fall apart...
You will be the only one who knows...





(i heard this song on the radio this morning. and somehow i think it's really apt for what i'm feeling right now. you know who you are.)

she smiled
at 6:59 PM


Monday, February 14, 2005
happy valentine's day to all!

for all the couples out there, enjoy your day of 'couple-dom' and for all the singles out there, enjoy your day collecting gifts from admirers and watching all the frantic boyfriends trying to buy last-minute roses and stuffed teddys! :)

_________________

school today was alright. headed to school and received a bunch of flowers (my favourite ones -- daisies, and in my favourite colour -- red) and a box of chocs. :) knew straightaway that they could only come from one person. thanks shawn, i love them both. i guess only you remember that my favourite flowers are daisies right! hahaha. and thanks johanna, for bringing them to school. :) everyone was exchanging presents today, and it was almost like IJ all over again, but not quite. my thanks to yining, boon wee, cheng hong, kalpana, pervinder, jasmine and xuelin. :) i really appreciate all the presents. hope you guys liked the chocolates too!

lessons as per normal. chinese, history lecture and geog lecture were all pretty normal. and econs lecture was fun as always! the lecturer is really a pain in the butt, but he calls on the people all around me, except me! haha, so i'm not complaining. :) dalun was feeling sick so he left after econs lecture. thanks for the present, lun! :) superbly sweet. oh, and i doubt you'll read this, but thanks wyna for the hershey's kiss! hahaha.

everything was just hum-drummy after that. pretty boring. and i didn't donate blood because i've got cold-like symptons. my nose has been acting up the whole day today, and i've been sniffling and sniffling. ick. -makes face- hope i'm not coming down with anything. spent GP period practising walking coins. haha! boon wee should know what i mean. :) and literature lesson was pretty funny. we had to come up with our own love poem, in honour of v'day, and it really seems that i'm the only person in class who's optimistic and happy about love. everyone else is all gloom-doom about it! -frowns- i wonder why?

_________________


to you:
thank you, for all the sweet things you've done/given to me today. i appreciate every single bit of effort you've put in, and i love every little thing. :) you've always got a special place in my heart, one that will never be replaced. i hope you remember that forever. you're my best friend. and i love you.

_________________

what would you do if my heart was torn in two?
more than words to show you feel,
that you're love for me is real.
what would you say if i took those words away?
and you couldn't make things new,
just by saying 'i love you'...

she smiled
at 7:18 PM


Sunday, February 13, 2005
-- do what you would rather be doing.

_________________

i'm currently in the process of doing my 1800-word essay on tropical savanna grasslands. i've got all the facts and information, but damn. copying it out onto paper by hand is going to be a bitch. haha. :) i found that 'steps to happiness' bit this morning, and i think it's so apt. your humanity is showing just like everyone else's. haha, quite profound right? :) happiness is a state of mind.

anyways! valentine's day is tomorrow and i'm in an enormous fix. i still haven't gotten anyone anything. at this rate they'll all have to settle for hugs and kisses if i don't get my lazy butt down to doing something. mmmm. bright ideas, anyone? haha. IJ valentine days were the best. everyone had a little mound of cookies and sweets and presents on their desk by the time the first lesson started! haha. and you could see all the girls going around to different classes just to give a little something to their friends. somehow i don't think CJC will be like that tomorrow! haha. oooh! and there's the blood donation drive thing going on too. to be honest, i'm a bit scared of donating blood. it's not so much the watching-your-blood-leave-you thing, but the watching-the-big-fat-needle-entering-your-skin bit. oh gosh.

haha, i hope i don't faint. :)

_________________

Dreams aren't what they used to be.
Some things fly by so carelessly...

Smile like you mean it.

she smiled
at 10:47 AM


Steps To Happiness.


Everybody Knows:

You can't be all things to all people.
You can't do all things at once.
You can't do all things equally well.
You can't do all things better than everyone else.
Your humanity is showing just like everyone else's.

So:

You have to find out who you are, and be that.
You have to decide what comes first, and do that.
You have to discover your strengths, and use them.
You have to learn not to compete with others, because no one else is in the contest of being you.

Then:

You will have learned to accept your own uniqueness.
You will have learned to set priorities and make decisions.
You will have learned to live with your limitations.
You will have learned to give yourself the respect that is due.
And you'll be a most vital mortal.

Dare To Believe:

That you are a wonderful, unique person.
That you are a once-in-all-history event.
That it's more than a right, it's your duty, to be who you are.
That life is not a problem to solve, but a gift to cherish.


And you'll be able to stay one up on what used to get you down.

:)

she smiled
at 10:40 AM


Friday, February 11, 2005
-- living for that stolen moment,
breathing in my frozen time.

_________________

today was alright! i had fun for most part of today. pe wasn't that bad, could've been worse. but shawners was having trouble catching his breath i think. he doesn't have much colour in his face at the best of times, and the whole time i was sitting with him after pe, he had as much colour as a dying goldfish! hope he's feeling alright now. :) i skipped literature lecture again today, and so did ning, pervinder and kalpana. zhongming is just too good a boy. and we are unable to corrupt him! haha. i feel a bit guilty, but oh well. ;)

history lecture was SCARY. ms narindar is about a million times worse than mrs winter, and she scares the crap outta me! gosh. and to think, if i'd come on monday, she would've gotten to know my name already. -shivers- hmmm, after that it was pretty unmemorable. geoggers and then history tutorial. i swear, shawners is falling in love with ms lee. and actually, i can see why too! she's so young, and yet intelligent and FUNNY! it's not everyday that you see people like that. :)

also went to see elsa with grace, dalun, sam, weijie, xiaoan, jarrod (?) and tim, instead of going for mass today. heard from dalun that she had chicken pox, and later on from tim that they were going to go visit her. poor girl! i had chicken pox in primary 5, and the itch nearly killed me. those water-filled pustules are just disgusting. -makes face-

__________________

And doesn't that sound familiar?
Doesn't that hit too close to home?

Doesn't that make you shiver;
the way things could have gone?
And doesn't it feel peculiar
when everyone wants him even more?
something I do remember,
to never go that far...
Could you leave me with a scar?


she smiled
at 8:57 PM


Wednesday, February 09, 2005
:) today's post is on tim's blog because i told him i'd update for him, seeing as he's neglected that poor thing for about a year. (hint hint, carol.) so i shall just leave you guys with lyrics. i love. :)

__________________


I don't want another pretty face.
I don't want just anyone to hold.
I don't want my love to go to waste.
I want you and your beautiful soul...

I know that you are something special,
To you I'd be always faithful.
I want to be what you always needed,
Then I hope you'll see the heart in me.

I don't want another pretty face.
I don't want just anyone to hold.
I don't want my love to go to waste.
I want you and your beautiful soul.
You're the one I want to chase.
You're the one I want to hold.
I won't let another minute go to waste.
I want you and your beautiful soul...

You might need time to think it over.
But I'm just fine moving forward.
I'll ease your mind,
If you give me the chance.
I will never make you cry,
C'mon let's try.

Am I crazy for wanting you?
Maybe do you think you could want me too?
I don't wanna waste your time.
Do you see things the way I do?
I just wanna know if you feel it too.
There is nothing left to hide.



she smiled
at 7:24 PM


Tuesday, February 08, 2005
Monday, 7th February.

today was marie's birthday! but i wasn't in school to wish her happy birthday, 'cause... i skipped school! haha. let me elaborate. :) i went to school early in the morning to pass stephi the nurses outfits to give to mandy, and then headed out to the busstop to meet dalun (who had lamented to me the day before about his entire lack of interest in attending school today). it was nearly a botched attempt though, because mr dalun was HALF an hour late, and only about HALF the school saw me sitting outside. way to go, really. ;) haha. anyhoos! he came eventually and we adjourned (ooh, big word) to tp for brekkie -- macs! we're such health freaks, eh?

after that, we played truth-or-truth at spinellis in town. actually we were supposed to play truth or dare but since i wouldn't do mine (a ballerina leap in the middle of the pavement) and he wouldn't do his (asking for the number of the MAN working in spinellis) we settled for truth-or-truth. haha, informative, to say the least. but at cine, we played dare-and-doubledare! :D it was hilarious!

a summary of our dares:
1. do 5 push-ups in the middle of the place.
2. run around the entire place.
3. sing a song. (i sang jian dan ai!)
4. have a minute-long conversation with a fire extinguisher.
5. do silly poses in front of an open window for 20 secs.
6. kiss all the female characters in 5 movie posters. (10)
7. kiss all the male characters. (7)
8. breakdance in front of a shop and say hello to the auntie.
9. do a catwalk down an aisle, and say "hai-yohhhh" girlishly every three steps!


hahaha, 1-5 is what i was dared, and the rest are what i dared him. it was such a laugh! i have to say, he's pretty game for everything. haha. :) hmmm, after that we caught elektra, and i thought it was a pretty cool show although lun was so so so restless. haha. but yeah, kudos to jennifer garner man. she must've had a hard time training for the role. oh, and this happened when we were buying tickets (i still find it funny!):

ticket-seller: where would you like to sit? *gestures* the couple seats are in the back row.
dalun: *jumps about 3 feet away from me* we're NOT a couple!
me: *deadpans* yeah. so that's why, he's going to sit here *points at the farthest left seat* and i'm going to sit here *points to the farthest right seat*.

haha, okay maybe it's not that funny here. but his reaction was so swift! haha, i still think it was funny. ;) hahaha. but we still ended up in the backseats anyways, 'cause the seats are super comfy. after that we headed to far east, and GUESS WHO WE MET!

NATALIE TANG WEI-YE!

when i tapped her back (because i saw this grey bag on this IJ girl who had a little ponytail, with the same wooden keychain) she turned around slowly, and in true IJ style...

SCREAMED IN MY FACE!!

i've taught her well, ok! hahaha. gosh, i was so happy to see her again. nat, you've no idea how much i missed you. it's like you said in one of your sms-es: there will never be a second you. i'm going to hold onto you girl. you know that's true! :D

anyhoos. we bummed around and waited for elsa and tim (who skipped the last few lessons for the day) and then we walked down to taka after grabbing a bite. we also went to heeren, where i taught lun a new game! haha, it's cool right, dalun?! :D haha. it just takes an exceptionally talented (or warped) imagination to make the game extremely funny. ;) haha. headed down to plaza sing after that to meet maggers and the rest of 1t05! :D everyone except pervinder, kalpana and zhongming went to mag's place for the 'bbq'.

it was a bbq without the bbq. haha, we were all so lazy after swimming that we simply could not be bothered and just ordered pizza! haha. swimming was fun, haven't swum in a loooong time. and the guys were just digusting! i swear, i have to have my eyeballs cleansed. -makes face- haha. but anyway! played pool too after dinner. cheng hong and i beat shawners! haha. :) yet another thing that i haven't done in a long time -- pool. gosh, i've got to start getting back these missing elements in my life! haha. anyways. went home after that and crashed out pretty fast. was just too tired. haha.

_____________________

Tuesday, 8th February.

i had a blast today! gosh. alright, let me start from the beginning. went to school and had a brierf rehearsal for the last time for the drama skit. i ended up being narrator! and yeah, i had loads of fun! :) the concert was pretty fab! i thought the bhangra dancing was cool! haha, and of course our little skit rocked. jeremy is superb! and shereen too! i'm surprised that we could actually get the audience to laugh man. i thought we'd end up being uber embarrassed, but no we didn't! haha. :) that really made me so happy.

and then i got to see so many faces that i haven't seen for the longest time. like nat's, tasha's, chris, erika, alyssa, qb, candice, linn and allll. :) i love you guys! pictures are up too, so you guys can copy them off from there alright? :)

i'd say more, but my brother wants to use the computer. i shall be nice and try not to fight with him.




(operative word: TRY)


she smiled
at 4:37 PM


Sunday, February 06, 2005
-- someday we'll know if love can move a mountain.
and someday we'll know why the sky is blue.
and someday we'll know,
why i wasn't meant for you...

_______________

went to thomson for lunch and shopping with my mum and brother today. it was alright i guess, if you can count assessment-book-buying exciting. -makes face- haha. oh and alyssa's going to crash cjc too! but apparently she just wants to go there for the food? haha. well, it's up to her. i think she can go for the econs lecture actually. doubt anyone would notice. anyways.

went to toa payoh after that and met shawn to get the nurses outfits from him, 'cause his mum's a nurse in SGH. to be honest, now i'm feeling a bit messed up. i had hoped it would be easy, but, as Amanda says in "The Glass Menagerie"... "things have a way of turning out so badly." it's not going to be easy at all, and you should know that i'm going to have to deal with my pain too. it's hard to see what we worked so hard for just slip away, even more so when i can't do anything about it because deep down, i know that it's probably the best way to go. i can't be so unfair to you, even though i know that either way i'm still hurting you. but whatever it is, just know that i love you, and i always will. you're my best friend, you know? and i want to keep you forever.

when two friends fall in love with each other,
it's because they've realised that they want to cherish each other in a deeper way.
when two friends fall out of love with each other,
it's because they've realised that they want to keep each other forever...
____________________

Looking in my memory, what do I see?
All the good times you gave to me.
Even from the park, way after dark,
Listen to the radio in my car.
It's times like these, you see the wood from the trees,
You came to my aid when I was on my knees.
The next time you feel alone, just pick up the phone.

Reach out and touch, whisper my name.
I will deliver, again and again.
Straight from the heart, honest and true,
I promise you this, I will be there for you.


When I think, I'd be lost without you.
Makes me wonder what I did before you.
When it mattered you were there for me,
You were my rock, boy, you were my energy.
Time flies but I'll never forget,

the way it was the day we met.
Don't be surprised, you know it's true.
I'm gonna be there for you.


Reach out and touch, whisper my name.
I will deliver, again and again.
Straight from the heart, honest and true,
I promise you this, I will be there for you.

Through the sun, through the rain,
I will still feel the same.
Be it good, be it bad,
I'll always understand.
When you're down, when you're blue,
I will be there for you.
Cause nobody does it better,
We're gonna get there together...



she smiled
at 10:20 AM


Friday, February 04, 2005
-- i bet you never knew
what you were getting yourself into.

_________________

just read yesterday's post again, and the song lyrics suddenly mean so much more to me. haha, and it only just popped into my head yesterday. ohwells, i shan't think about it so much. thinking does not do anything for van except give her a major headache. :)

anyhoos. today was alright. the pain in my side is still there, and it irked me so much i asked mr liew what was going on. and everyone is warning me that it could be appendicitis since it's on the right side. but then again, it's not a sharp pain like mr liew said appendicitis would be like. so i doubt it, probably just a muscle strain or something. haha. but yeah, pe was alright if you ignore the fact that we did 6 sets of grandstand running? gosh. my legs were wobbly! yeesh. but thankfully after that was break. went to eat first while the rest stayed to play basketball.

kalpana, pervinder, ning and i all ponned literature lecture, so out of the 5 of us who take literature, only zhongming went. haha, i bet the teacher must have been amazed. haha! but yeahs. i think we're all fed-up with literature already. they're lectures are infinitely boring and stupid, 'cause they're all about "what is drama?" "what is prose?" "an introduction to poetry" blah blah blah. you would've thought that after 4 years in secondary school, you kinda have the basic idea! :P

i also went for the econs lecture too. it was fun! :) econs is always fun, i don't know why they don't like it. haha. and it's pretty easy to understand too. haha, and of course lectures are made more fun by the best class ever, 1t05, because we're all laughing while the teacher is lecturing. haha, just today mag was antagonizing harrold (which was a pretty good thing too, 'cause he embarrassed me majorly this morning! what the hell!) and that was quite funny. :)

oh! and i shall be performing on tuesday in our skit on blood donation. i think jeremy makes a great drama-tist! haha. he's got really good comedic timing. and shereen's another expressive one. haha, but in the whole skit, mandy and i have one word to say:

"NEXXXTTTTTT!"

you guys will understand on tuesday when we try not to embarrass ourselves. haha. ooh, and 1t05 is getting more and more funky! haha. they're all organizing this barbeque thing that's supposed to happen on monday evening. we crash maggers' place and talk through the night and chill and then wake up and go to school the next day looking like a bunch of rabid racoons that have been wandering the Gobi for about two decades.




you know what? it sounds like fun. :)

___________________


I still believe my feelings.
But sometimes I feel too much.
I make believe you're close to me
But it ain't close enough.
Not nearly close enough...



she smiled
at 7:14 PM


Thursday, February 03, 2005
the truth of the matter:
something so pure, so carnal. and yet so dangerous, and so dark.

maggers ponned school again today! i don't know why i bother saying so many sweet stuffs to her when all she does is pangseh me in school. haha. :) but anyhoos. today wasn't that bad, shawners never fails to amuse me. haha. religion class was so stupid! i think everyone in that class hates me lah. because i go into class with a black face (that i show everyone who looks at me) and it does not change until the period is over. -scowls- i just don't like it! :P

after that i studied my chinese spelling (only to be told that there would be no spelling later on. howtypical.) while the rest had aomaths, and after that was pe. pe was fun! kalpana, xuelin and i beat the other girls 7-2! haha, cool shit man! that was a really fun game of basketball, 'cause there were so many many fouls and weird stuffs! xl kept screaming (haha, and it's always the same type of scream that's uniquely hers) and pervinder kept travelling with the ball and so much more. i'm so going to miss the girls in my class when it's all over. -tears- but ohwells. i shan't think about it now.

during the break, sam, roxy, cheryl and nicole came down! was so great seeing sam and rox and cheryl again man! :) missed them loads. anyways. lent them some shirts and they went for geoggers lecture! but i don't know how roxy got caught. so she had to "leave", but she actually took cover in a toilet upstairs. haha. and i don't know how cheryl got away with it. cheryl was asked by ms ng which class she was in, and cheryl nonchantly said "1t05" and ms ng didn't say crap! and that bloody woman sees us three times a week?? i don't know whether she's superbly sharp for having spotted rox, or superbly dumb for not even realising that cheryl had just made a huge mistake. madness.

gp after that was forgettable, chinese too and so was geoggers. sighs. why is life so boring?

____________________

Can't take the sadness from your eyes.
Can't put the truth back in my lies.
Don't make me try and explain,
Let's just start over again.

Been a naughty girl,
Real bad so and so.
Done too many things a girl shouldn't know...
I swear I never knew
I could hurt you so.
One too many things a girl shouldn't know.

The more you try to stay,
The more I let you go.
Done too many things a girl shouldn't know.
I swear I never knew
I could hurt you so.

One too many things a girl shouldn't know.

Won't stop and try to turn the clock back.
I won't beg - I'm no good at that.

Too late to start and act like a saint.

Can't be something that I ain't.



she smiled
at 10:00 PM


Wednesday, February 02, 2005
Hey, I've been watching you,
Every little thing you do.
Every time I see you dance
In my homeroom class, makes my heart beat fast.
I've tried to page you twice,
But I see you roll your eyes.
Wish I could make it real.
But your lips are sealed, that ain't no big deal.
'Cause I know you really want me.
I hear your friends talk about me.
So why you tryin'to do without me,
When you got me where you want me?

(Hey Juliet)
I think you're fine!
You really blow my mind!
Maybe someday, you and me can run away...
I just want you to know,
I wanna be your Romeo!
Hey Juliet!


Girl you got me on my knees,
Beggin' please, baby please!
Got my best DJ on the radiowaves saying:
"Hey Juliet, why do you do him this way?"
Too far to turn around,
So I'm gonna stand my ground.
Gimme just a little bit of hope,
With a smile or a glance, gimme one more chance.
'Cause I know you really want me.
I hear your friends talk about me.
So why you tryin' to do without me,
When you got me where you want me?

(Hey Juliet!)
I think you're fine!
You really blow my mind!
Maybe someday, you and me can run away.
I just want you to know,
I wanna be your Romeo!
Hey Juliet!



she smiled
at 10:16 PM


--a funny sort of feeling that i hope i won't feel again.
such confusion.


today was an alright day. was feeling a bit unhappy when i got to school, so i went down to the track and ran. i think i ran about 1.5km, just trying not to think. haha, who knows, maybe one day i'll fall in love with running? haha. after that my classmates had econs and aomaths so i went and did my work in the canteen. met angie there, and had brekkie while chatting with her. it's great to talk to her 'cause she's really understanding. -smiles- mmm, after that had geoggers and another break. haha, and i skipped literature lecture too (although today it was mr fahy. ohwells.) 'cause i just didn't feel like listening. haha. so shawners and i went to the grandstand and just chilled. he's awesome to talk to. haha, even if we've got two very different and yet similar personalities. haha. :)

history after gp tutorial was so much fun, as usual. mrs winter has pet fish! by the names of eeny, meeny, miney and mo. HAHAHAHAHA! and she actually revived her fish (after it jumped out of the bowl) by pouring water onto it and stroking it? ok, maybe it doesn't sound so funny here, but she's damn funny lah! ;) really love her lessons. (and during our cross-country, she also encouraged me when i felt i couldn't move anymore. haha. i love you, mrs winter!) but i did badly for the mindmap test. got 9/25. at least i beat my geog score though. it's just too bloody bad that they don't test on content! that would be awesome. i think if that were the case, harrold and i would have done much better. :)

and just to let everyone know: i'm extremely proud of myself and maggers. :)

for the cross-country, we actually ran without stopping for 2.4km, which for me is already a feat in itself, and we completed the race still alive! haha, and maggers actually came in 60th. we ran pretty much next to each other for the whole way, until the end when we were on the highway, i started to lag a bit. so when we were coming into the final stretch, i was a few persons behind her. so i guess that makes me somewhere between 61-70? haha. and it was pretty crappy lah! the running in the jungle bit wasn't too bad, 'cause you could only see a few people in front of you? but after that when you're on the highway, you can see everyone and they're all far far far far ahead of you! haha, how demoralizing. but anyhow, i'm super proud of myself. :) and of 1t05! fuckit man, we did it! haha! :D you guys rock my world.

after that, a few of us went for dinner, and that was pretty alright too. took a cab home and now here i am! haha. -stretches- god. my legs are going to be aching like crap tomorrow. and sam, roxy, corinne and cheryl are coming tomorrow too! :) am lending shirts to sam and rox i think. oohwee! :)

angel... i hope they love you like we do forever!
angel... i'll be proud to be like you,
be like you. :)


she smiled
at 9:02 PM


Tuesday, February 01, 2005
:)

that, as nat calls it, is [dotdotbracket] -- in other words, a smile. and that smile is for some very special people. you two know who you are, i don't have to say it. haha, but i know one of you probably won't ever see this. haha. :) ohwells. thanks, you guys.

________________

anyhoos! today was a badddd day. haha, nobody wanted to pon school with me, and look how it turned out! haha. well, let's see. RE was, as predicted, stupid. all about spiritual gifts and blah blah. good thing shawn was with me though, to talk to me. even if i had to force him to come. haha. :) maggers didn't come to school today! -sniffs- pon school and didn't tell me, eh? -scowls- haha. well anyways, after that we had GP and had to do an essay. i think my essay writing skills are becoming strange. i haven't written a reflective or narrative story for aeons! so now the sudden shift to argumentative and expository is slightly weird. but hey, we're all trying.

after that was pe, and it wasn't that bad. for starters, we only ran two rounds! cool right. haha. and we got to play basketball again. i dread the 1/2 periods, they're all for physical conditioning (read: running running and more running) but the 1 hour periods aren't that bad. :) mmm, chinese was after that and we had to write YET ANOTHER essay. i swear, i'm going to get terrible marks -- my chinese vocab is equivalent to a primary 6 year old kid's. haha, but if that's the case then i think shawners is still stuck in primary 4. haha! i'm mean. ooops. ;)

geoggers tutorial was sleep-inducing. and shawners, maggers and i failed our geog tests -- all 3 of us got 7/25. haha, dear dear. this is what you get for not bothering to read those stupid geofiles. and lit lecture after that was TORTURE. mdm damo really has an icky voice -- more so over a microphone and amplified! i actually fell asleep in the lecture theatre, and i was sitting in the first row. haha. lit tutorial... i shan't go into that, it's just too painful.

mmm. tomorrow we have our X-Country! i'm going to D-I-E. my stamina is crap, and i doubt i'll be able to last 4.8 km. in the offchance that i do survive, i'll blog to let you guys know. OH! and 4/niners! i won't be able to go back for mass on tuesday. so i'll probably just go to town straight after school ends. how about that?


ooh. shawners' hugo boss is still on my wrist. and i'm eating hersheys' cookies and creme.
i love! :)


she smiled
at 6:33 PM


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