#vanessa;
the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

240788-->leo;
ex-IJTP.4/nine2004;
cjc.1T05;
swimmer; drama mama; councillor;
laugh_out_loud247[at]hotmail[dot]com;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
pinkstilettos;
temporary insanity;
guestbook;
poetry;


angels`
-friends

4/nine.
chij.
alyssa.
angie.
benjamin.
bernie.
bert.
brendan.
carol.
carol n.
charles.
cheryl.
chris.
corinne.
dalun.
darren.
elsa.
erika.
gen.
joachim.
jolene.
judette.
kimberly.
lester.
nat.
qibing.
roxy.
sam.
sean.
seb.
sheryl.
stephi.

-snaps
[Carolling]
[Dinner&Dance]
[CJC]
[Chinese New Year]
[Poetry]
[Misc]
[Sentosa]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

-thanks
blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

-memories
July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;

layoutandimages[by]q|en

Thursday, December 30, 2004
Paint Brush - Bettie B. Youngs.

I keep my paint brush with me
Wherever I may go,
In case I need to cover up
So the real me doesn't show.
I'm so afraid to show you me
Afraid of what you'll do -- that
You might laugh or say mean things.
I'm afraid I might lose you.


I'd like to remove all my paint coats
To show you the real, true me,
But I want you to try and understand,
I need you to accept what you see.
So if you'll be patient and close your eyes,
I'll strip off all my coats real slow.
Please understand how much it hurts
To let the real me show.


Now my coats are all stripped off.
I feel naked, bare and cold,
And if you still love me with all that you see,
You are my friend, pure as gold.


I need to save my paint brush, though,
And hold it in my hand,
I want to keep it handy
In case somebody doesn't understand.
So please protect me, my dear friend
And thanks for loving me true,
But please let me keep my paint brush with me
Until I love me, too.


-sniffs- isn't that poignantly touching? i guess we're all guilty of, at one point or another, kinda 'making' people afraid of revealing their true selves. we're not as accepting of others as we say we are, and that's something i want to correct in myself. haha, i'm not the nicest person at the best of times, and at the worst, i guess you could call me a critical snoot-faced bitch. haha. but at least i'm trying. and everyone should try too. :)

anyways! i watched 'meet the fockers' today, with erika and shawn. it was pretty impromptu! haha. woke up early this morning 'cause i caught a cold yesterday and was having trouble sleeping with a stuffed nose and sore throat. so i came online and talked to erika (i'm missing all the 4/niners. poooey.) and she was mad 'cause her friends weren't waking up to watch the show. so she asked me and i asked shawn and bob's your uncle. :) it was a pretty funny show! haha, both of them said it wasn't as funny as the first but i haven't watched the first so i wouldn't know. hahaha.

anyhoos. after that, shawn went to school and erika bought cake for her mum and went home too. i bought myself a very very nice dress! haha, it's pink and black and white and quite summer-dress-y! haha, iloveilove. :) so i guess i'll be wearing that to the d&d tomorrow. came home, and read 'chicken soup for the teenage soul' while drinking hot water and sniffling like crazy. it's such a good book! so inspirational and touching. haha, and everyone knows that a sap like me is a good sucker for such books. :) and wyna yow is the most irritating sms-er in the world (after my brother)! it won't kill you to reply ONE message, woman! i went to buy the dress, not knowing that she had already passed it to lulu. pooo you, nu ren!

"...'cause i'm a grown man, not B2K
if i need a girlfriend,
it won't be today!
i'm not trying to be your man
pimp bones in my body!
rock them, body-hottie,
rock them like ladi-dadi!..."


ooh. i love nick cannon.

she smiled
at 6:09 PM


Wednesday, December 29, 2004
this is what a handwriting analysis thingy said about my handwriting! :)

Vanessa has a healthy imagination and displays a fair amount of trust. She lets new people into her circle of friends. She uses her imagination to understand new ideas, things, and people.

haha, a good imagination? more like full of bullshit! ;)

Vanessa is very self-sufficient. She is trying not to need anyone. She is capable of making it on her own. She probably wants and enjoys people, but she doesn't "need" them. She can be a loner.

ok, that is not altogether true. i do need my friends, but i'm self-sufficient in the way that i don't like people pitying me or anything. if i fall, i get up on my own, and if i cry, i'll wipe my OWN tears, thank you very much! haha. that kind of obstinacy is quite me. but the 'loner' bit is not -- i'd get too bored talking to myself.

Vanessa is sarcastic. This is a defense mechanism designed to protect her ego when she feels hurt. She pokes people harder than she gets poked. These sarcastic remarks can be very funny. They can also be harsh, bitter, and caustic at the same time.

wahaha! yes, i am very very sacarastic. (but not as bad as georgia nicolson!)

Vanessa is a practical person whose goals are planned, practical, and down to earth. This is typical of people with normal healthy self-esteem. She needs to visualize the end of a project before she starts. She finds joy in anticipation and planning. Notice that I said she plans everything she is going to do, that doesn't necessarily mean things go as planned. Vanessa basically feels good about herself. She has a positive self-esteem which contributes to her success. She feels she has the ability to achieve anything she sets her mind to. However, she sets her goals using practicality-- not too "out of reach". She has enough self-confidence to leave a bad situation, yet, she will not take great risks, as they relate to her goals. A good esteem is one key to a happy life. Although there is room for improvement in the confidence catagery, her self-perception is better than average.

right then, i've got to start taking more risks! and yupps, i do "feel good" about myself. haha, i am a contented girl. :)

Because Vanessa has sharp needle pointed 'm' and 'n' humps, she has a very sharp mind. She instantly sizes up situations, making instant decisions. She thinks and evaluates circumstances very rapidly. Many people with this type of mind are geniuses, thus she may be seen as highly intelligent. Vanessa is often irritated by slow talkers or slow thinkers. If she drives, she gets irritated by slow drivers in the fast lane. She quickly becomes bored when being taught on the level of the slowest student in class. She may be on problem number three when the rest of the class is on problem one. Vanessa is curious and very active. In fact, in school she might have been a trouble maker because she thought so much faster than the other kids, she finished her work first, thus having plenty of time on her hands to make trouble!

i would like to point out here, that they may not be entirely wrong, i am a smart ass. wahaha! *down, ego! down!* but then again, that would make nat, rox, alyssa and sam all very very smart. because their Ms and Ns are all pointy too. but it's true, i do get irritated by slow talkers and stuff. it's simply too boring, and i end up feeling like i want to finish what they're saying. and YES it is very very true, i am a big trouble-maker! (but i don't finish my work.)

Vanessa will be candid and direct when expressing her opinion. She will tell them what she thinks if they ask for it, whether they like it or not. So, if they don't really want her opinion, don't ask for it!

quite true. i was never known for my tactfulness! haha. :)

When Vanessa expresses an opinion on a issue she will stick to that opinion, and probably will not change her mind. In other words... Vanessa is stubborn. When she is wrong about something that she has decided upon, she will have trouble admitting she is wrong. Changing Vanessa's mind can be very difficult. Once Vanessa makes up her mind, she doesn't want to be confused with the facts!

yes, see this is where my mother and i collide. she is EQUALLY STUBBORN. and here we're taught the old ones are supposed to give in to the youngies, but of course with my mother, there's no such thing.

Most people with a severe leftward slant have some type of childhood trauma they have yet to work through. Since we didn't actually "see the writing", we can't tell if she actually has a hard left emotional slant, but if so… she has issues with trust and it is likely rooted in childhood. Vanessa has withdrawn into herself. She is reserved and shows her feelings only at times of great anger, extreme passion, or tremendous stress. Vanessa is an introvert. She makes decisions based on logic, therefore she is rarely impulsive. She doesn't find any need for expressing her emotions. In fact, she probably sees this emotional expression as an unnecessary waste of time. She has a hard time relating to an extreme extrovert, although it is common for her to be attracted to one. Many people do not understand Vanessa; it is difficult for them to really know how Vanessa feels.

this is quite rubbish. i can understand the 'trauma' bit, but i've NOT WITHDRAWN INTO MYSELF! that is absurd. i am ridiculously good at expressing my feelings (especially when i write it down) and this un-expressing only applies to some parental problems that i refuse to talk about (excluding the rants of my mother -- that often shows up.)

Vanessa enjoys being alone, and probably prefers working alone. Working with her hands is a pleasure. Vanessa's basic nature is to look out for herself first.

Although she can and does feel emotions, perhaps as deeply as anyone, she just almost always harbors them inside. The first time someone angers Vanessa, she probably will not say anything to that person at that time. However, she will mentally keep track of everything this person does wrong to her until she cannot hold her emotions inside any longer. Then; Boom! Vanessa will cloud up and rain all over them. And she will never regret telling someone off, because she knew what she was saying the entire time. She won't impulsively tell someone off. Emotional stories will not sway Vanessa. She thinks totally with judgment, first considering every situation by the effect it will have on her. Vanessa needs space and time alone. She will be much more efficient if given a job alone, rather than being surrounded by people.

again, pretty rubbishy. i don't enjoy working alone, i hate it. and i don't like working with my hands (think home econs and d&t) unless it's typing. and for heaven's sake, i do not keep my emotions bottled unless i don't want to talk about it at all. haha, and while i don't regret telling people off (unless i was in the wrong of course. or the person is dying overnight.) i don't keep track of grievances. and i do scold people impulsively. hahaha. ;) and STOP IT, i don't think with judgement, that's so my mother.

People that write their letters in an average height and average size are moderate in their ability to interact socially. According to the data input, Vanessa doesn't write too large or too small, indicating a balanced ability to be social and interact with others.

what an anti-climax. in any case, i certainly hope so!

she smiled
at 6:11 PM


Tuesday, December 28, 2004
realised i haven't blogged in a while. carolling was great, i thought this year's one was comparably better to last year's, but then again, who am i to judge? haha. even though i kinda screwed up my lines (trust my luck to be stuck with a new song that is the most weirdly-tuned thing i've ever heard) i still think it wasn't that bad. haha and i'm SURE cally found it memorable too eh? lols!

went out for brekkie with val and joa today. surprisingly very few people could come, which of course is due to my "poor public relations skills" from joa's point of view. ha-dee-ha-ha. anyhoos. had food, bought myself some white chrysanthemums, went down to cat high to collect some thingamajigs and then bought chocs (high point, finally. :)) and came home. i've lost my apetite even though i am hungry. it's like those weird days when you're sick and can't bring yourself to eat anything even though you know you should.

i feel weird. and a bit on the bonkers side. i don't even know how to describe it -- it's like a swirlpool of emotions inside. happiness, anger, fear, regret, remorse, annoyance and a twinge of sadness. i just don't know where one ends and the other begins, so i don't know how to sort through such a tangle of everything. i read a book called "The Beat Goes On" about this girl, Emma, who contracted HIV because she had unprotected sex -- just once -- with a guy she barely knew. and there was one phrase in there that kinda made me think -- we always hear of cases like these happening to one unlucky sucker in about a hundred. so we kid ourselves, how could we be that one sucker? it's just too absurd. but WHAT on earth stops us from being that one unlucky soul? how do YOU know your whole life won't be ruined by one silly careless and stupid mistake?

sacre bloody bleu. and tres patheticos.

i'm turning into a barmy psycho. good grief.

anyhoos. let's not turn into a loonybin before jc. yes. christmas has come and gone and the new year looms. so, it's the time of the year when people start buying new pens and new pencil cases (as did i! it's purple and spotty and so fun to look at) and new diaries and notebooks and schoolbags and everything. a new year, a new beginning, eh?

let's see.

Things That I've Learned This Year (2004)

(January)
1. joteo is a great english teacher. and i miss her.
2. i definitely do not like amaths. (or the teacher)
3. or chemistry for that matter. (ditto above)
4. remembering your best friend's birthday and reading her delighted sms reply is a joy in itself.
5. make new friends, keep the old. one is silver, one is gold.

(February)
1. SAC was still the best thing that happened to our class.
2. Valentine's Day is a day to be celebrated with someone really nice. :)
3. in the end it doesn't matter whether or not you received presents to others for v'day.
4. the happiness... is in giving. truly.

(March)
1. getting really into knowing somebody can be wonderful.
2. holidays are not really holidays if there's a mountain of work!
3. going out with dad is sometimes frustrating, even though i love him.

(April)
1. april fools' day is still fun, no matter what age you are.
2. do not eat roadside taiwanese sausages before you go for a concert.
3. bulimic people really don't have fun.
4. a simple kiss on the cheek is too much for a silly schoolgirl. :)
5. "i'd rather chase after my own happiness, than to merely watch it from a distance and hope it comes to me."

(May)
1. physics exams are the best.
2. mid-year exams are still yucky.
3. you're not the only one disappointed when you get lousy grades. your teachers and parents are sad too.
4. making a promise to work better is always beneficial.
5. founders day mass can be sad.

(June)
1. harry potter is cool only because of the cute bad blonde boy.
2. and the fact that they're all english. :)

(July)
1. no matter what anyone says, it's always nice to sing them a song on their birthday.
2. even if they're as similar as night and day, it doesn't mean that 2 people will get along.
3. to have your birthday remembered can bring tears to your eyes.
4. keeping secrets is alright for a while, but after a while you get angry.

(August)
1. national day mass rocked because WE DID IT.
2. i still love my class.
3. chemistry tuition sucks.
4. belly-piercing hurts like crap. but it's so worth it. :)

(September)
1. even if he's the world's most horrid person, you still love your brother.
2. although you may feel that a friendship is the same, it might not be so.
3. chemistry tuition may not be so bad after all.

(October)
1. if you haven't woken up by prelims, you're pretty dead meat.
2. if you have, you'd better give thanks to the one up there.
3. getting improved marks on your prelims can really make you smile.
4. saving your friend's mum's number is always a good thing.
5. surprising your soulmate (THIS MEANS YOU, WOMAN) with a belated birthday thingy is just the funnest.
6. it is when you can do the chem tys over and over and not feel like burning it, that you know you've really overcome your obstacle.

(November)
1. exams are really nothing to be afraid of.
2. stinky examiners are.
3. when the exams are finally over, no one can really believe it for a while.
4. THEN. the smiles start coming out.
5. i really do like chemistry now.
6. grad night is a sad affair even though everyone looks so happy.

(December)
1. sometimes you should read in between the lines and people's emotions and what they're really thinking.
2. even if you've been hurt by a friend, it does not mean the end of the friendship.
3. do not ever do anything out of obligation to another person. it just makes it hurt more if she finds out.
4. you should always be honest with those you love, even if it hurts.
5. christmas is still beautiful even if everything around you sucks.
6. do not commit reckless mistakes, unless you want to possibly ruin your life.
7. it's horribly saddening when you think of people that you love leaving.
8. even though change is for the better, it can still be sad sometimes...

the next time you read from me, i shall have more ponderings up here. i've been doing a lot of that lately, and i guess it's 'cause i'm reading more. :) hmm, a list of things that i'm thankful for, and a list of things that i will be happy to say goodbye to come 2005... and so on. :) loving all of you. -bighugsallround-



(oh, and have i mentioned that i look british books? actually i lover everything british, including a boy called thomas felton. -winks- i'm currently in love with a girl though, and her name is georgia nicolson. :) for those of you who have yet to get me anything for christmas, now you know!)

she smiled
at 2:44 PM


Tuesday, December 21, 2004
let me tell you how my day went today. :D




























she smiled
at 6:39 PM


Sunday, December 19, 2004
ahhhh. for some reason, i feel highly antagonized. like there are so many things i need to do and not enough time, and too many people who need something from me. hah, and look here, school hasn't even started? -makes face-

anyways. today my mother decided that, for some asinine reason, CJC would be open on a Sunday so we took a drive down, and it wasn't open! what a surprise. really, my mother can be the most stubborn and self-righteous creature known to man. urgghs, pissing-offing. but anyway, we went down to junction8 after that to shop! wow, twice in two days? i am getting to be a very, very lucky girl. haha. hmmm, bought a tube top from esprit that cost me $5! oooh, God loves me. ;) and some socks too, purple and lime green. :) and i decided to forgo my last $20 (which was supposed to buy me a nice short skirt) to buy my brother's CD. just so that ass would stop sulking. seriously, he is THE worst person anyone could go shopping with. he'll just sulk and walk slowly.

let it be known: it is every person's duty to, when on a shopping trip with other people, NOT be a pain in the ass and to be happy. if you cannot honestly be happy when on a shopping trip, FAKE IT. the rest of us truly do not care, as long as you do not ruin this joyous occasion for the rest of us.

oh, and while i'm on the topic of shopping... I CANNOT FIND A SKRIT THAT FITS BOTH MY BUDGET AND MY ASS. why *on earth* is that?? is my butt really that enormous? i think not! and i'm not even asking too much for the price, just about $20! is that too much to ask for? sheeesh. all of a sudden it seems that every other singaporean girl has shrunk ten sizes over night and so have all the clothes. so everyone else gets away in a skirt except me. how lovely. *scowls*

anyway. the digital camera is coming tomorrow! :) just in time for carolling. i can't wait to take photos and upload them into the com. it'd be nice to have immediate pictures for a change.


maybe i'm just pmsing, but HOW can my computer not be able to open GOOGLE?! *glares*

she smiled
at 8:18 PM


Saturday, December 18, 2004
I close my eyes when I get too sad,
I think thoughts that I know are bad.
Close my eyes and I count to ten,
Hope it's over when I open them.

I want the things that I had before,
Like a star wars poster on my bedroom door.
I wish I could count to ten,
Make everything be wonderful again.

Hope my mom and I hope my dad
Will figure out why they get so mad.
Hear them scream, I hear them fight
They say bad words that make me wanna cry.

Close my eyes when I go to bed.
And I dream of angels who make me smile.
I feel better when I hear them say
Everything will be wonderful someday...


Promises mean everything when you're little.
And the world's so big...
I just don't understand how
You can smile with all those tears in your eyes.
Tell me everything is wonderful now.


Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.

I go to school and I run and play.
I tell the kids that it's all okay.
I laugh aloud so my friends won't know,
When the bell rings I just don't wanna go home.


Go to my room and I close my eyes.
I make believe that I have a new life.
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful someday...


isn't that song the best song you've ever read? haha, i'd say heard but i don't have the code for it. anyway, it's everclear's "wonderful" i think. it's lyrics are really meaningful to me, especially after everything that's happened and all.

anyhoos. let's not be pessimistic! today i went out with my dad, and i really had a great, great time. went over in the morning and saw the cats. they're huge now! yeesh. i really miss them A LOT. haha. anyways, my dad gave me a shirt that he bought in malacca and my step-mum gave me a hongbao! haha. it was really nice of them. after that, my dad and i went down to pick my brother, but we stopped at the spca first! i saw a puppy that was so adorable! spotty and mischievous-looking! haha, but it's sad that he's only two and a half months old. how can people be so mean?

anyway, after that we picked my brother up and went down to hougang to shop! bought two shirts there, my dad bought a belt and we bought (he paid!) my mum's xmas presents! i think that was really sweet of him. and there was one ornament we saw that said this:

Save yourself for the one the Lord has saved for you.


what a way to discourage sex. hahaha! and another that said:

Happiness is not on the outside, it's on the inside; it's not about what you have, but about what you are.


now, how true is that? happiness is a state of mind, no? haha. anyhoos! hougang is a great place to shop! quick, shopping trip anyone? hahaha. i've yet to get my brother's present and the bitchfest girls. :) this'll take some careful planning i suppose. haha. yupps, came home after that, and went down to church to help with the setting up of all the thingamajigs but guess i didn't really help much, haha. sorry guys! :( saw christopher at mass! gosh, he looks so different now! haha, but then again, i guess i look really different too. i wonder if i'm different on the inside too. hope it's for the better if it is. :) ohh! and shawn was doing this video thingy! pretty cool, and i think he makes a great host! hahaha, wacky! and entertaining! wahaha! :D haha, i'm biased i guess. ;)

christmas is coming...


I don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.


she smiled
at 10:40 PM


Friday, December 17, 2004
on the 3rd of january 2005, at 8 am, i will be reporting to

Catholic Junior College.


you cannot believe how relieved i am. i thought i'd committed the most gigantic mistake of my life, but thank God (seriously!) that i didn't screw it up. :) for those of you who are now confused because i have been proclaiming my deep love for ACJC, no i have not completely lost my mind. there will be plenty of time for acjc after the O-level results are out. (i'm being optimistic at least.) haha. :) wheeee! let's see who's going there!

1. marie
2. hyeh yun
3. joachim
4. george

haha, and that's all i know for now. natters and lulu are going to nj, yuwen is going to ac (!*#^$)^@*&! hahaha.), sam and rox are going to sa, and kim is going to srjc. everyone's so split up it's weird. haha, but in any case it's going to be interesting, to go to a mixed school for the first time. kinda strange, but i'm pretty eager to finish with the boring holidays and go back to school. haha, anyone out there share my sentiments? lols. but it'll be very different, without natters or tasha and the rest in class (or school!) with me. :( ohwells. you win some, you lose some i guess?

she smiled
at 10:18 AM


Sunday, December 12, 2004
mmm, lots of things have happened that i should blog about. i'll begin with friday. :)

on friday, my mum, brother and me woke up really early and went to pulau ubin with her colleagues. it's sort of like a 'family day' kinda thing, where all the kids and families can go. and before we left s'pore, i saw a jellyfish! first time i've seen one so upclose. haha, it was pink! with long traily tentacles, and it kinda bobbed with the waves. to all the atheists out there: how can there not be a God, when even something without a brain or a heart can exist and live? :) they're really cool, those jellyfishes. haha.

anyhoos! then, we got onto the boat and made for ubin. once we were there, we cycled around the island doing activities at checkpoints. admittedly, their games are improving. hahaha. :) it was pretty fun, on the whole. my brother and i were racing each other throughout. haha. oh! and i kayaked! honestly, how fun is that? :) kayaking is something that i really miss from obs, so it was great fun to do it again.

after that, we went home and i went down for AGM! it was pretty cool, lots of awards and stuff being given out, to the leaders, and to the advisors. a lot of people stepped up too, to become leaders for next year. hope they have a great experience learning how to put together sessions and how to be good leaders. haha. AND GUESS WHO'S THE PRESIDENT! wahaha, none other than that brother-in-law of mine. cyf's gonna topple next year! haha. but seriously, i think he's got what it takes to be a president, so he better give it a good shot. :)

right, onto saturday. went down (with great big eyebags!) for cyf orientation. and it was really nice meeting the new members. haha, they all seem so shy! oh well, i guess i was pretty much the same when i first joined. haha. :) anyway. played a few games (i maintain my stand that i'm going to get back at zena!) but i had to leave before it ended, 'cause of HAROLD'S WEDDING! kim, candice, shawn and i went for it at elim church. quite an eye-opener, as far as i could see. no altar, no tabernacle, and held in an auditorium. hmmm. plus, a lot of praise and worship songs during the wedding. haha, just weird for me lah. but it was great seeing harold so happy and laughing and crying so much. hahaha! hope he and jeanette have a great life together. :)

after that, not much really happened. haha. ohh, but big news! my mum's decided to buy a digicam! how great is that. finally, i don't have to keep taking other people's photos because mine take so long to develop. haha. thanks to sam, stephi, corinne and anyone else i've 'borrowed' pictures from! haha. :) i miss everyone. i miss 4/9 and nat and stephi and chris and natters and tasha and abish and alllllll.
poooey.

she smiled
at 3:08 PM


Thursday, December 09, 2004
love is a touch, a gentle embrace.
a smile, a laugh, a simple grace.
love is soft skin upon your own.
love is never being alone.
love is patient, love is pure.
love is one thing i know for sure.
love keeps us close, my friends and i.
love never ends though we may die.

love is a tear, shed without hate.
love is a heartbeat, felt too late.
love is a feather from an angel's wing.
love is the means by which we sing.
love is wind, love is rain.
it is truth, faith, hope and pain.
love is blind, love has no bound.
love is silence, love is sound.

love is you, love is me.
love is one small word -- we.
love is my blind faith in you,
love is a word best felt by two.


isn't that a sweet poem? -tears- i love! haha. yupp, it's by kimmie davidson. anyhoos! am currenty sitting at home, waiting for a few people to get their butts down to my place.

my brother: because he has my lunch, and i'm starving,
my brother-in-law: because i'm a big kaypoh. :)
bert/josh/johanna/val: because if they're not here, my bro-in-law will be too scared to come. wahahaha! :)

mustard seed camp was a great experience. got to know the other members of MS, like shawn teo (i NEVER knew he was in my cat class for THREE years until camp!), maurice (my bro's senior in school and band), ian, matthew and lee (who are cousins), stefanie (we used to take the schoolbus together) and cheryl (that i knew through mellie who has disappeared. haha.). definitely had a great time getting to know them, and also exploring different ways of writing and even taking photos. :) apologetics session by les was my first ever apologetics session, and i guess i should say a big BIG sorry to joa. hahaha. but i'm not as bad as that right! :)

anyhoos! christmas is cominggggg! actually, i'm having quite mixed feelings about it. christmas at my house is nothing really fantastic. we put up the tree probably a week before, and take it down within the week after. we wrap books and boxes and bricks to put under the tree so that it looks like there's a lot of presents (encouraging false hope, if you ask me). yeah, and we don't go out to see any relatives. it's just me, my brother, and my mother. talk about depressing.

but then, there's this hope. that maybe this year i can go see my relatives and cousins on my dad's side. forget the presents, it'd just be great seeing them after so long. that's always been a sore point for me, her taking away our freedom to see our cousins and so forth. after 5 years it just seems like we're no more cousins, more like strangers. even if she was angry with my dad, it has really nothing much to do with us right? why should we bear the brunt of her anger? oh well... anyway. oh! there's another hope too. that i might be able to go out and celebrate christmas with the church people. but still, that's just a hope.

i woke up, got my lazy ass outta bed.
watered all the rocks growing in my head.
i had a thought, and fell asleep on you.
there i was, somewhere west of tomorrow land.
flying through the stars, just like peter pan.
i said 'damn, this looks too good to be true.

there she goes, my heart again,
would you mind rolling over?
i can feel it in the air,
something's coming down.
i don't know and i don't care
that it's a small world.


it's a nice day, when you wake up in disneyland.


she smiled
at 1:51 PM


Friday, December 03, 2004
just read linn's blog. that party girl is finally in thailand and missing all of us (including me, i hope!) in singapore. tasha's going to england after acjc (i think?) and shireen's going to aussie. kinda ironical isn't it? we can't wait to leave IJ and get our hair dyed, our tongues pierced (well, me anyway!), and do all the things that we were never allowed to do in school, and yet once we're gone, we miss it terribly. haha. humans, the walking ironies. :)

anyways! i'm going for camp tomorrow! yessiree, i'm going for the first ever mustard seed camp, and if you're wondering what mustard seed is, it's a bi-monthly church magazine produced by the youths for the youths. pretty interesting stuff! :) makes me wonder if a career in publications and the like would be a good thing. haha, who knows.

ahh! loads of things i need to get. or rather, want to get. :)

1. a nice fat diary/notebook for 2005. preferably with the dates and all written down so that i remember when i'm supposed to do what.
2. a nice wrap-around top. -beams- i've a sudden craving for that.
3. a short black skirt.
4. a nice loose-fitting tube! sheesh, i still haven't gotten one.


i can't think of anything else. haha. ohwells. my com's so fucked. i keep getting signed out of msn, and i can't open any freaking page. oh, and now i can add another thing i want: a nice, never-gets-infected-by-any-bloody-virus laptop. which i've been promised should i get my beloved 8 points for the Os, but which i feel my mother should seriously reconsider and buy me one anyway. ;)

she smiled
at 9:49 PM



all of us at this restaurant on the last day of school.

she smiled
at 9:46 PM


Thursday, December 02, 2004

wyna and qb! haha. i seriously hope sam doesn't mind. :)

she smiled
at 4:02 PM


i finally feel like blogging. :)

lately i've found myself in no mood to blog even though the blasted exams are over, which is quite disturbing for someone who likes to pen down every single thought. haha. well, let's see. today i'm sick with the flu, which means i'm now bitch supreme. oh, and i went to an interview at ntuc earlier this morning (i've been going down there -- a ten minute walk from my house -- every day for the past 3 days.) for this cashier job that my mother wants me to take up. honestly, i can't really see myself as a cashier! i think i'll end up just losing money. hahaha. ;) but the pay is quite good i think. for 5 hours work, i get about $25.45, which is to say that in a 5-day week (or 6-day by the sounds of it), i'll get $152.70. -beams- so i'll pay for most of my books next year, and also pay for my xmas shopping! :)

hmmm, let's see. many events have happened that i have yet to talk about. mmmm.

grad night was really an event to remember. leading up to that one awesome thursday night, i was plucked (my eyebrows were massacred by this lady in hollywood secrets), dyed (my hair is now an exotic red!), exfoliated (i'd rather not go into it), tanned (with carol, at toa payoh complex and bishan complex. i was baked.), blistered (by my heels, by traipsing around orchard road a few hours prior to the event) and contact-ed (contacts! that i got in tp, accompanied by joa and bert.) well, the few hours leading up to grad night were great. i returned to the hotel room that i was sharing with the rest at about four-ish, to find an entire assortment of make-up, clothes and shoes all over the room! wyna -- by the look on her face -- was being tortured alive by elsa and dawn, candice was trying to cover her eyebags, stephi was sitting in an armchair, nonchantly reading my eightdays magazine, clearly unaffcted by the going-ons. and in the midst of putting on my own mascara, i received flowers and chocolates! -BEAMS- i'm still very happy about that. hahaha! that made grad night wonderful, even if i could barely walk in my heels.

anyways. not only did everyone turn out spectacularly dressed (save a few who looked decidedly different), the entire night's atmosphere was really fun. sure, there were plenty of imperfection, like a DJ who kept interrupting our favourite songs with his irritatingly perky announcements, and a ten-course dinner that really wasn't that ten-course in quality. but i think everyone still enjoyed themselves tremendously! :) pictures will be uploaded soon, once my dad passes me the developed photos. after that, val, mat, inka, bon, tricias, jolene and me went to town! haha. walked and walked, and mad bonnie wanted to walk to newton. in the end, val and i decided to go back (after i remembered i was supposed to buy liquor for the rest) and went back to the hotel room where we bitched and talked and talked somemore. andddd. certain persons, who shall remain unnamed, made our night even more memorable by sprawling drunk into our rooms. hahaha, certainly an experience i'll not be forgetting any time soon.

in any case, a lot has happened. i've read a factual and probably accurate account of exactly what went wrong in my parents' marriage, and it was no less shocking than it was enlightening. i'm really at a loss of what to say about it, so i shan't say anything except that i realised this: my parents are human too, and they were young once. i mean, alright it might seem a little dense of me to only come to a conclusion about this NOW, but i guess i knew it all along and just didn't understand it. haha. alright, i guess i don't make much sense. oh well. :)

she smiled
at 4:01 PM


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