#vanessa;
the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

240788-->leo;
ex-IJTP.4/nine2004;
cjc.1T05;
swimmer; drama mama; councillor;
laugh_out_loud247[at]hotmail[dot]com;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
pinkstilettos;
temporary insanity;
guestbook;
poetry;


angels`
-friends

4/nine.
chij.
alyssa.
angie.
benjamin.
bernie.
bert.
brendan.
carol.
carol n.
charles.
cheryl.
chris.
corinne.
dalun.
darren.
elsa.
erika.
gen.
joachim.
jolene.
judette.
kimberly.
lester.
nat.
qibing.
roxy.
sam.
sean.
seb.
sheryl.
stephi.

-snaps
[Carolling]
[Dinner&Dance]
[CJC]
[Chinese New Year]
[Poetry]
[Misc]
[Sentosa]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

-thanks
blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

-memories
July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;

layoutandimages[by]q|en

Friday, October 08, 2004
carol,
i'm sorry that i was angry with you. guess i was just being petty and narrow-minded. hope you can forgive me? yeah, and hope that we can go back to being bitches again. haha.


today, school wasn't too bad. had triple physics with mrs tang and surprisingly, that was quite painless. (: she's not too bad a teacher, and i'm slowly starting to lose respect for mr tan. i mean, where IS he when his students are having their O-level exams? doesn't he know that we need him to be around and that he does have a duty to be here? i don't mean to judge, but yeah, i hope he has a good reason for 'deserting' us like this.

hmmm, the rest of the day was pretty uneventful. went home, changed and went out to study and met my dad. (: i've been missing him alot so it was nice to see him. anyways, after that met christine and the rest at novena and had dinner with her, erika, gen and ethel after that. chris was superbly hyper! then after that during mass i think her hyperness just died. haha. (: mmm, bonnie messaged me something after mass, and i was really touched by that. haha, see, it's hard to spoil and IJ friendship! was quite happy about that. but onto other things...

this issue has been bothering me for quite some time now, and i'm just so frustrated. spent the last half-hour crying. i know there are some people who think i'm immature, and that i'm overly emotional, especially in affairs of the heart, but please try to understand that i'm only 16. i'm a teenager, and while i'm not excusing myself from all my vulgar outbursts with such a lame statement, i do think that i should be cut some slack. i'm not an adult, please don't expect me to behave like one all the time. i try to be sensible and adultish, but sometimes it's just not convincing enough, and my 'real' age peeks through. just don't be so quick to write me off as being shallow and silly like any typical teenaged girl, because i'm really not. if you'd bother getting to know me, you'd see that. i know i sound like i'm rambling so yes, i'll get to the point:

i don't know why CYF is getting it's knickers in such a twist because of us. it's not like we planned it to happen, and it's not like we're shaming their name outside. i don't see why we're being so severely 'disciplined', but others seem to have no problems at all. i mean, is it really so wrong? i know YOU'VE talked to me about it and tried to stop me from thinking and feeling this way, but it's hard. sometimes when i've had a rotten day and want nothing more than a hug as soon as i see you, i can't have it until we're somewhere secluded where no one will see. sometimes when i'm happy and just want to reach over for your hand, i've to stop myself. sometimes when i miss you and want to see you, i can't, 'cause if not people will start talking. at times i think i'm very selfish, because i don't think i deserve this. i'm only 16, don't i deserve a hassle-free type of romancey-thing? but it's only two months more... i guess i'll be able to stick it out.

i don't know, maybe it's just the stress of the exams and it's affecting me, or maybe it's just everything that's so overwhelming. i don't know, and i'm tired to think. well, think i shall go get some shut-eye now.

i'm looking down now that it's over,
reflecting on all of my mistakes.
i thought i found the road to somewhere,
somewhere in His grace.

i cried out, 'heaven, save me!'
but I'm down to one last breath,
and with it let me say, let me say...
hold me now,
i'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking,
that maybe six feet ain't so far down.


she smiled
at 11:43 PM


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