the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

swimmer; drama mama; councillor;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
temporary insanity;


carol n.

[Chinese New Year]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;


Saturday, July 31, 2004
30th July:

once divided, nothing left to subtract.

some words when spoken can't be taken back.

walks on his own with thoughts he can't help thinking.

future's above, but in the past he's slow and sinking.

nice right? found this poem last night as i was sorting through carol's present. can see why i typed it out! haha. it's nice. and quite meaningful, especially the words in bold. sometimes you say stuff that you think is the right thing to do at that exact moment in time, but later you realise that it was the silliest thing on earth that you could have done. haha that's happened to me before, and it sucks. so many what ifs, what-could-have-beens and all. it's sad, but what can we do right? no choice but to live with it? well, when someone says that there's no choice, they're just comforting themselves about the decision they've already made. so to do something or not? YOU be the judge. :)

i'm so full of shit. just typed an entire paragraph of musings. haha. anyway. today was quite alright, rather slack. chinese period was spent watching 'homerun' in the teachers' resource room and it was a nice show! haha so far anyway. veryvery sweet! lols. i'm glad tan poh yoke lets us watch the shows that the 4/8 and 4/6 teachers come up with. the teacher (this curly-haired pear-shaped woman) in 4/9 makes them do WORK! that evil four-letter word. hahaha.

anyway. nalli didn't come today, so i sat with christine. bitched a bit, talked a bit. am glad i got to catch up with her! today was a day for catching up, talked to shireeeenbaby as well during mass practice (sorry carol, sorry jo!). hmmmm. so half the class left after recess which included natters, wyna, erika and all. so empty! and chris and i were saying that our class makes us all feel so inadequate! y'know, like so many people receive prizes on honours day while the rest of us losers have to stay in class and rot. hahaha. jk. mmmm oh PC! PC was fun, 'cause we got this lady who's gonna teach us physiotherapy. hahaha sounds quite interesting la. =) i'm so easily influenced. now that someone's teaching us something that sounds just a bit interesting, i wanna study that too. i'm spineless. tsktsk.

hmmmm. then english, i had to do a picture description! ms chow's evil. hahaha. but in a way, i'm glad she made me do it 'cause the last time, for my prelims i got 6/12 which was bad 'cause i couldn't speak at all. yuppers. hmmm then emaths... WE BEGGED OFF THE EMATHS TEST! ms yue's very pitiful, we're always doing that to her. haha. but she's still so nice. am DELIGHTED that we got her as a form. x) after school, went to church to study with carol. and we got freaked out hahaha. wyna and ashley (right?) came after that and more and more people. was quite productive, especially since i was listening to my music and not listening to them talk and talking with them. haha yay! must do that more often. :)

OH! i forgot to mention. yesterday we did our NE quiz and guess what! i'm not as hopeless about national education than i thought i was. hahaha. that's a relief! i got $413000 and am an expert builder, but it's the year 2100 and there's no changi airport! HAHAHAHAHA. funnaye. oh. and i was PISSED because there was this person (whom i shall not mention because i happen to be a nice girl) who was constantly acting stupid to get attention? she scored fucking high for the stupid test but kept asking the world's most asinine questions? damn irritating la. if you know it, you know it la. what's so shameful about NOT knowing! and why seek the attention so badly? it just makes you look worse.

going out with daddy tomorrow. no amath test, not going for mass practice, bro's got no band -- what's the only thing that could screw it up? physics tuition at 12.30. right SMACK in the middle. how wonderful. poo.

don't follow in my footsteps: i walk into walls.

31st July (9.22am)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHANNA!! may all your dreams and wishes come true, and take care always! mwahhs!

it's 9.06. what am i doing awake? -sighs- waiting for daddy to come get us and then we shall probably have breakfast and walk around for a bit then send me to tuition. missing mass practice (carol was practically telling me not to turn up? HMMMM!) and basketball at tp cc. poo. sucky.

oh! let me tell you about my DREAM! i dreamt that ms chow caught me and shireen for going to the canteen and buying food when she was outta class (haha how typical. even in my dreams i can think of food.) and that we were all allowed to fly to Sweden! or switzerland? haha i'm not enirely sure. haha. and my mum let me go! not bad right. hahaha. but we were rushing, and it was like 8.30 and the flight was at 10.30 but we hadn't even packed! so cute right. hahaha. so we were rushing and rushing. but i woke up before we reached the airport! hahaha. and i distinctly remember carol telling me she didn't want to go! this is my analysis:

1. dreamt of shireen because i talked to her yesterday.

2. dreamt of flying off because erika and gen's friends are going to Scotland. notice the SSS?

3. carol telling me she didn't want to go because she's said before that she wouldn't travel outta singapore if she had a choice.

hahahaha i'm terribly bored. can you tell? mmmm. i've always had weird/freaky dreams la. haha but at least they're not scary or cliched. hahaha.

tonight, i'll be your naughty girl.

i'm calling all my girls.

we're gonna turn this part out.

i know you want my body.

tonight i'll be your naughty girl.

i'm calling all my grls.

i see you look me up and down.

and i came to party.

she smiled
at 9:34 AM

Wednesday, July 28, 2004
25th july 04:

woke up at 8 and woke dage up too 'cause i'd decided i was ponning tuition again. hahaha. i never seem to have the time to finish my maths homework! dear dear. ok, better improve on that. so yupp, went down to macs to do my maths work and all. i think my maths really sucks. i couldn't seem to get the damn answers. kept getting stuck! :( anyway. dage came down for breakfast though he had to leave early for his project thingy. so did more work, then left for tuition to go pick up my worksheets and hand in homework and all. hahaha.

so now. vanessa is bored outta her mind. blogger is fucked. and the stupid links keep popping up everywhere! shawn! gil! seb! SOMEONE PLEEEEASE HELP! -sighs- stupid com. yuppers. there's no one to talk to online except tricia who's insisting that i get her whatever she wants . and someone's in sentosa! i'm envious. -pouts- hahaha. ok enough from me. shall go read or sleep or something. -blows kisses- laters!

26th July 04:

todayyy. hmmm. both the good and bad happened today. am finding myself increasingly irritated by tay yit ming, bored by physics and literature (two subjects that i want to study, even in U) and completely uninterested in anything school has to offer other than friends and free periods and somewhat edible canteen food. hahaha. i must be pmsing la. what's wrong with me!

sat with natters and abish today which was quite fun! hahaha. it's always fun talking to those two. :) haha. then we studied relative velocity for amath today, and erika simply couldn't get it! hahaha. she was like "Chris, you see, the walkway is moving! WHY?!" hahahahaha. was damn funny! haha. mmmm. oh!! and THANKS CHRIS for the earrings! they're so cute! :)

i'm sure you've heard these words before.and i know it's hard for you to trust them once more.you're afraid it all might end.and a broken heart is scared of breaking again.but you gotta believe me, i'm never leaving.you'll never cry unless i am there.and i will always be there - you will never be without love.when winter comes in summer,when there's no more forever,when lies become the truth.oh you'll know then baby.that's when i'll stop loving,that's when i'll stop loving you...

27th July 04:

i tried to kill my pain, but only brought more.i lay dying, and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal.i'm dying! praying! bleeding! and screaming!am i too lost to be saved? am i too lost...?my God, my tourniquet!return to me salvation.

today i sat with natters and abish again, and we played our silly game again! hahaha. it's quite fun to see how nat and my opinions on various issues (mostly sex because we are horny schoolgirls. hahahahaha.) vary so greatly from abish's! she's such a staunch Mormon. haha which is great really. nice to see that she has such strong faith in her religion and is committed to living a particular way of life because of it. it's quite amazing actually!

As a Mormon, she cannot:1. wear spaghetti-strap tops or anything revealing. t-shirts advised.2. drink coffee, or anything with caffeine (which includes soft drinks)3. attend mass everyday at 5 in the morning.

and that's only some of the things that i can remember right now! scary man. hahaha. am glad that even though i'm a Catholic and all, we're allowed to be not-so-strict, which has it's disadvantages of course but oh well. anyway! got back my geog test today. and i'm reallyreallyreally proud of myself because i got 66%! hahaha. it's an improvement since the last time i got a D7 i think? hahaha. yayers. am closer to my A. -beams!- hahaha. nerd.

hmmmm. oh! and had social studies test today too. poo. hahaha am so going to fail that, though. didn't even remember that we had a test til this morning! what the shit man. haha. mmmm. ohh and we had a talk today from ngee ann poly and it was dead boring! all about business and accounting and financial blah blah blahs. zzzz! hahaha. and lulu who was sitting behind me kept going "look, she's so poor thing! no one's listening to her! quick put up your hands!" hahaha. madness.

after school, wyna, val, qibing, carol, stephi and me went to eat and then onto popular to buy stuffs. saw some really nice books that i wanted to buy. :( hahaha. ohwell. next time when i've more $$ i suppose. poo! haha. mmmmm. i just got back from tuition awhile ago. still gotta study for the chemistry test tomorrow. double poo.

hmmmm i'm craving chocolates. yumyum. :)

do you remember me? lost for so long?will you be on the other side?will you forget me?

28th July 04:

long lost words whisper slowly to me.still can't find what keeps me here.when all this time i've been so hollow inside.i know you're still there.

had an english and chem test today. both were kinda alright, but tricky too. ohwell. just hope i pass my chem! if i pass, it'll be the first pass in two years. woweee. hahahaha. hmmm anyway. geog after-school lesson was alright 'cause ms wan decided to pull out the stick from her butt and let us off early after doing on map question. haha. wanted to meet YOU but since dad's coming over today i couldn't. so yeahh, sorry about that. next time yeahs? -hugs- haha.

mmmm. so walked home with val and talked about all sorts of stuffs as we ate our ice-creams! raspberry ripples and chocolate. haha guess who bought what! i'm addicted to chocolate, i swear. -licks lips- hahaha. x) thennn. on the bus ride home (sat with joshua. we're always meeting on 88 haha.) and there i was just stoning away and this shithead sitting behind me says 'how do you read this?' in chinese and shows me his phone on which he's written 'can we be fren?'

-rolls eyes-

yeesh! for fellas out there who want to do the same thing, please don't. it screams desperate. and disgusting. and gross. and, since he couldn't take a hint and asked twice, thick-skinned. urrrghs.

this is so pissy. i still can't figure out what the fuck's wrong with this stupidstupidstupid computer. arrrghh. can't blog! can't check my mail. can't fucking do anything! i don't know why, i just suddenly feel pissed with everyone and everything. my ass of a brother is playing some stupid fucking loud music while i'm trying to listen to my evanescence cd on the com. some stupid shit singing speedy gonzales?! ARRGHH! and yes. suddenly i feel irritated. and mad. and pissed. boys! WHY do they have to be such fuckheads?

pmsy. ignore me.

she smiled
at 4:45 PM

Sunday, July 25, 2004
24th July 2004

today is a very special day because something magical happened just over 16 years ago. a mother was screaming in pain as she delivered a new life into the world -- and the baby, after all the howling and wailing was through, was named VANESSA ANN VANDERSTRAATEN

hahahaha so bloody egotistical! hahahaha. anyway! am having a delightful birthday thus far! i have a whole list of people to thank. such darlings! hahaha.
THANKS to...
*YOU for ALL the gifts. -mwahhs-
*sheryl for yet another stuffed toy! but ooh, this one vibrates! hahaha! x)
*dage for the gorgeous earrings!
*dad+stepmum for the cross pendant!
*mum for the PHONE!
*justin for the new FUNKY watch!
*nat and chris for the strawberry-flavoured ribbed condoms!
*candice for her stuffed bear!
*darryl, joel, carol, val, joachim, angie, darren, mat, johanna, tricia yeo, mama, auntie mary, auntie angela, sean, aaron, marie, lulu, nalli, ethelbert, aunty pi, michelle, yilin, derek, russell, clarence, stephi, ubrina, greg, nadia, denise, sam koh, kelly, carol nguyen, lester and gil for wishing me happy birthday!
(yes i know i'm very bo-liao, but hey this is important things to me hahaha.)
heartfelt thanks and appreciation! am trulytrulytruly happy! hahaha. it's been a wonderful sweet 16 and it's all 'cause of YOU! -grins like a maniac- hahaha. well anyway, today started quite drably. haha. woke up sleepy as hell 'cause i went to the maris stella high school band's concert yesterday. it was brilliant! my bro played quite well i think! hahaha. and i saw ian and maurice there too. i think maurice played throughout the night? hahaha. anyway! there was one segment where the band played Wizard of Oz and my brother came out dressed as the tin man!! hilarious! laughed and laughed and laughed. on the whole, it was really enjoyable and the band played great music! ooh but marist boys are ROWDY! they kept yelling ole! hahaha. and the kid behind me was talking throughout the performance! so irritating! hahaha. oh wells. then went to pick my bro up from school, came back at about 11.40pm? had supper, talked on the phone a bit then headed to bed. was dead beat! hahaha.
anyway. this morning, woke up and it was only when my mum wished me happy birthday that i realised, oh YEAHH. hahahaha! hmmm. then she dropped me off at school for the amath test, but i didn't attend it. haha feel quite bad about that but yeahh. oopsie. mmmmm so met carol and qibing and convinced them to pon too (double oopsie) and then we went to meet shawn for breakfast. haha after that we went back to school where we met tricia, val and mat who were going to the cc to play bball. THEN qb decided she wanted to go play. and carol decided she didn't want to go for mass practice. SO, the whole lot of us went to play. hahaha. played til about 12.45 with dage, joachim, jeremy, yin hai and angie who came down later. :) was quite fun! but veryveryvery intimidating to play with bballers. hahaha. mmmm after that went for physics tuition then home then mass then dinner.
ooh! dinner! got treated to crystal jade. -beams- the food there was yummy! but i think we ordered too much, haha was stuffed by the time we were through. :) went home after that and cut the tiramisu birthday cake! hahaha. what a way to pile on the pounds. all in all, a greatgreatgreat birthday! mucho thanks to everyone who's made it special for me. -mwahhs- love you all! :)
oh btw, the previous post under 24th July is the one i'd written for 21st. just that i didn't get a chance to post it. :) hmmmm. this computer is fuckerish. it's great to type on and quite nice to use (as compared to dage's laptop which is bloody hard to type on and has no mouse at all!) but it's so prone to infections! what's wrong man. someone HELP!! and i've yet to blog on my own ever since the blogging thingy with all the colours came up. -pouts- ohwell.
"After the meek inherit the earth, I think we should just kick their butts and take it from them."

she smiled
at 2:53 PM

Saturday, July 24, 2004
racial harmony day todayyyy!
today's racial harmony rocked! everybody in our class wore ethnic costumes! can you imagine, 43 girls all dolled up and prettied! hahahaha. so much fun! nat wore the baju kurong after a great deal of persuasion, chris and tasha wore saris, stephi wore a punjabi outfit, abish a chinese one, and carol and i wore the sarong kebaya!hahaha. val, wyna, carol and me all wore sarong kebayas and looked like ahmas. hahaha probably only me la. haha.
urrrghhs. chem tuition later. yuckks. hmmmm. read some stuff on someone's blog and can't help wondering if they're referring to me? hahaha i hope not. ohwell. i still have my bitches, my daughter, my ge, my darling and everyone else, so life's still peachy! :) optimism is key.
blaahhs. derob.
shoutsge: mwahhs! mei+ge=forever! x)you: thanks for the camera today! made my day. -beams- x) love*
smiling so hard my cheeks hurt.

she smiled
at 11:33 PM

Wednesday, July 21, 2004
[[Invasion Alert!!]]
hey mei!! ge's here to invade agn, haha...hmmm, got yer present alr so yeaps...hoping yer like it?! wahahaha... =p haha, sorry didn't go down ta meet yer earlier...am still in town, nw at taka macs...well, think shant make this too long...ge wurbs yew loads!! -smuacks!-
Sebastian Kieran Andre

she smiled
at 5:05 PM

Tuesday, July 20, 2004
i'm at macs! yay! the com at home is fucked. can't blog by myself! anw. using dage's laptop now. fun but very hard to type! :( anyway. shall keep this short because the idiot next to me is making noise. hahaha. yupp. school today was alright. tiring. kept falling asleep. hahaha what's new.
oh!! but i wanna go to THE UNITED WORLD COLLEGE!!!!! ITALY!!!!! -beams- more about that later. gotstago.

she smiled
at 3:50 PM

Sunday, July 18, 2004
[[Invasion Alert!]]
hey mei!ge wurves yer loads! x) -smuacks- hahaha...thanks loads fer the pressie yupps! -grins-
Sebastian Kieran Andre

she smiled
at 11:06 PM

Saturday, July 17, 2004
today is my veryvery irritating junior's birthday! hahaha. happy birthday charlene! but she's mad eh. supposed to have marche lunch (treated by mrs tang) after flag day, and she didn't turn up for it! but i think the rest of the swimmers went anyway; i couldn't go 'cause of tuition at 1.30. so yupps. went for flag day today instead of the lit symposium which i reallyreallyreally wanted to go for. blame it on my own kiasuness and poor memory i suppose. :( hahaha. and i've got the most annoying juniors in the world! -pokes pq&cheryl- hahaha. mmmm OH! and let me tell you about flag day. it was TERRIBLE! only 3 hours but i felt like i'd been on my feet for a day. and i was so sick of repeating myself!

"Excuse me, would you like to donate? *cheesysmile*"

ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH! hahaha. and there was this man who insisted we were being paid for doing this and therefore he won't donate. -rolls eyes- men! hahaha. and people can be SO rude! i mean, it's alright if you smile and say 'no thanks' or say 'i'm sorry i donated already' or something like that, but i absolutely completely totally utterly HATE IT when they just walk right pass you without the slightest deference to you! that's so freaking rude! like you're not important and bloody invisible. hahaha. well. i shall try to help fellow flag day-ers next time! hahaha. i shall not imitate these barbarians. :)

anyway. after that, went to have lunch (walked to the interchange with tricia tan. sounds silly but i miss talking to her a lot! hahaha. oh well.) and then spent the remainder of the time absorbing air-con in the library and explaining the book angels and demons to shawn. hahaha it's a damn GOOD book! but as carol has told me before, not for those who have weak faith in the Catholic church. it'll just make you doubt them more. haha. ooh! here's an excerpt-->

(speech made by the camerlengo)
to the illuminati, adn to those of science, let me say this. You have won the war. the wheels have been in motion for a long time. your victory has been inevitable. never before has it been as obvious as it is at this moment. science is the new God. Medicine, electronic communications, spcae travel, genetic manipulation... these are the miracles about which we now tell our children. These are the miracles we herald as proof that science will bring us the answers. The ancient stories of immaculate conceptons, burning bushes and parting seas are no longer relevant. God has become obsolete. Science has won the battle. We concede.

But science's victory has cost every one of us. And it has cost us deeply. Science may have alleviated the miseries of disease and drudgery and provided an array of gadgetry for our entertainment and convenience, but it has left us in a world without wonder. Our sunsets have been reduced to wavelengths and frequencies. The complications of the universe have been shredded into mathematical equations. Even our self-worth as human beings has been destroyed. Science proclaims that Planet Earth and its inhabitants are a meaningless speck in the grand scheme. A cosmic accident. Even the technologies that promises to unite us, divide us. Each of us is now electronically connected to the globe, and yet we feel utterly alone. We are bombarded with violence, division, fracture, and betrayal. Skeptism has become a virtue. Cynicism and demand for proof has become enlightened thought. Is it any wonder that humans now feel more depressed and defeated than they have at any point in human history? Does science hold anything sacred? Science looks for answers by probing our unborn fetuses. Science even psumes to rearrange our own DNA. It shatters God's world into smaller and smaller pieces in quest of meaning... and all it fins is more questions.

The ancient war between science and religion is over. You have won. But you have not won fairly. You have not won by providing answers. You have won by so radically reorienting our society that the truths we once saw as signposts now seem inapplicable. Religion cannot keep up. Scientific growth is exponential. It feeds on itself like a virus. Every new breakthrough opens doors for new breakthroughs. Mankind took thousands of years to progress from the wheel to the car. Yet only decades from the car into space. Now we measure scientific progress in weeks. We are spinning out of control. The rift between us grows deeper and deeper, and as religion is left behind, people find themselves in a spiritual void. We cry out for meaning. And believe me, we do cry out. We see UFOs, engage in chanelling, spirit contact, out-of-body experiences, mindquests - all these are unashamedly irrational. They are the desperate cry of the modern soul, lonely and tormented, crippled by its inability to accept meaning in anything removed from technology.

Science, you say, will save us. Science, I say, has destroyed us. Since the days of Galileo, the church has tried to slow the relentless march of science, sometimes with misguided means, but always with benevolent intention. Even so, the temptations are too great for man to resist. I warn you, look around yourselves. The promises of science have not been kept. Promises of efficency and simplicity have bred nothing but pollution and chaos. We are a fractured and frantic species... moving down a path of destruction.

Who is this God science? Who is the God who offers his people power but no moral framework to tell you how to use that power? What kind of God gives a child fire but does not warn the child of its dangers? The language of science comes with no signposts about good and bad. Science textbooks tell us how to create nuclear reaction and yet they contain no chapter asking us if it is a good or bad idea.

To science, I say this. The church is tired. We are exhausted from trying to be your signposts. Our resources are drying up from our campaign to be the voice of balance as you plow blindly on in the quest for smaller chops and larger profits. We ask not why you will not govern yourselves, but how can you? Your world moves so fast that if you stop for even an instant to consider the implications of your actions, someone more efficient will whip past you un a blur. So you move on. You proliferate weapons of mass destructions, but it is the Pope who travels the world beseeching leaders to use restraint. You clone living creatures, but it is the church reminding us to consider the moral implications of your actions. You encourage people to interact on phones, video screens and computers, but it is the church who opens doors and reminds us to commune in person as we were meant to do. You even murder unborn babies in the name of research that will save lives. Again, it is the church who points out the fallacy of this reasoning.

And all the while, you proclaim the church is ignorant. But who is more ignorant? The man who cannot define lightning, or the man who does not respect its awesome power? This church is reaching out to you. Reaching out to everyone. Show me proof that there is a God, you say. I say use your telescopes to look to the heavens, and tell me how there could NOT be a God! You ask what does God look like. I say, where did that question come from? The answers are one and the same. Do you not see God in your science? How can you miss Him! You proclaim that even the slightest change in the force of gravity or the weight of an atom would have rendered our universe a lifeless mist rather than our magnificent sea of heavenly bodies ,and yet you fail to see God's hand in this? Is it really so much easier to believe that we simply chose the right card in a deck of billions? Have we become so spiritually bankrupt that we would rather believe in mathematical impossibility than in a power greater than us?

Whether or not you believe in God, you must believe this. When we as a species abandon our trust in the power greater than us, we abandon our sense of accountability. Faith... all faiths... are admontions that there is something we cannot understand, something to which we are accountable... With faith we are accountable to each other, to ourselves, and to a higher truth. Religion is flawed, but only because man is flawed. If the outside world could see this church as I do... looking beyond the ritual of these walls... they would see a modern miracle... a brotherhood of imperfect, simple souls wanting only to be a voice of compassion in a world spinning out of control.

Are we obsolete? Are these men dinosaurs? Am I? Does the world really need a voice for the poor, the weak, the opressed, the unborn child? Do we really need souls like these who, though imperfect, spend their lives imloring each of us to read the signposts or morality and not lose our way?

Tonight we are perched on a precipice. None of us can afford to be apathetic. Whether you see this evil as Satan, corruption, or immorality... the dark force is alive and growing every day. Do not ignore it. The force, though mighty, is not invincible. Goodness can prevail. Listen to your hearts. Listen to God. Together we can step back from this abyss.

-raptured- i'm in awe of dan brown.

oooh. on a lighter note, i'm addicted to 'accidentaly in love' on qibing's blog! -dances around the room- x)

she smiled
at 9:42 PM

Tap on my window, knock on my door,
I want to make you feel beautiful.

there's something seriously wrong with blogger. or my com. either way, i'm not happy about it! it opens up to the create posts page and then, all of a sudden i can't type anything! it freezes or something. oms. someone HELP please!

anyway. today was alright i suppose. the emaths test finished earlier than i'd thought it would. ooooh! and i've been reading Angels And Demons by Dan Brown throughout today. hahaha it's damn nice okay. very intriguing and super factual and riveting! hahaha. must read the da vinci code afetr that. :) mmmm. oh, and we found out our listening compre marks today. did quite well i think, 16/20. :) but that's only tpy's answers, so it might not be accurate. oh well.

i find i get bored easily and often. WHY is that so? hmmmm.

"So faith is random?"
"Hardly. Faith is universal. Our specific methods for understanding are arbitary. Some of us pray to Jesus, some of us go to Mecca, some of us study subatomic particles. In the end we are all just searching for truth, that which is greater than ourselves."
"And God? Do you believe in God?"
"Science tells me God must exist. My mind tells me I will never understand God, and my heart tells me I am not meant to."


dage: you paaaangsai! make me feel guilty right. hmmmph. much against my better judgement i still love you! hahahaha. and others can get the wrong impression all they want, we know what's going on right? hahaha. -mwahhs!- take care!
lulu: congrats on qualifying! hahaha. doubt you'll read this but oh well. :)
you: :) i don't suppose i have to say anything. you already know what how i think like anyway. just felt like writing something. hahaha. -mwahhs- :)

It's not always rainbows and butterflies.
It's compromise that moves us along.
My heart is full and my door's always open,
You can come anytime you want.

she smiled
at 9:39 PM

[[Invasion Alert!]]
hey mei mei...ge's invading now coz am bored to pieces...can't slp now...hmmm, nth much this time so yeah...just want yer ta take gd care of yerself & study hard fer yer o's okays? ge wurbs yew loads... -hugs-
//sebastian kieran andre//

she smiled
at 12:15 AM

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Easy is to get a place is someone's address book.
Difficult is to get a place in someone's heart.

Easy is to judge the mistakes of others
Difficult is to recognize our own mistakes

Easy is to talk without thinking
Difficult is to refrain the tongue

Easy is to hurt someone who loves us.
Difficult is to heal the wound.

Easy is to forgive others.
Difficult is to ask for forgiveness.

Easy is to set rules.
Difficult is to follow them.

Easy is to dream every night.
Difficult is to fight for a dream.

Easy is to show victory.
Difficult is to assume defeat with dignity.

Easy is to admire a full moon.
Difficult to see the other side.

Easy is to stumble with a stone.
Difficult is to get up.

Easy is to enjoy life every day.
Difficult to give its real value.

Easy is to promise something to someone.
Difficult is to fulfill that promise.

Easy is to say we love.
Difficult is to show it every day.

Easy is to criticize others.
Difficult is to improve oneself.

Easy is to make mistakes.
Difficult is to learn from them.

Easy is to weep for a lost love.
Difficult is to take care of it so not to lose it.

Easy is to think about improving.
Difficult is to stop thinking it and put it into action.

Easy is to think bad of others
Difficult is to give them the benefit of the doubt.

Easy is to receive
Difficult is to give

Easy is keep the friendship with words
Difficult is to keep it with meanings...

she smiled
at 7:15 PM

Wednesday, July 14, 2004
bordercolor=red cellspacing=0 cellpadding=12 width=300px>


From Go-Quiz.com



From Go-Quiz.com

she smiled
at 6:58 PM

How to make a ditz

3 parts friendliness

3 parts silliness

5 parts empathy
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Top it off with a sprinkle of lustfulness and enjoy!


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

she smiled
at 6:57 PM

How to make a vanessa

1 part pride

1 part brilliance

5 parts joy
Blend at a low speed for 30 seconds. Add fitness to taste! Do not overindulge!


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

she smiled
at 6:56 PM

just a short entry. stupid chem tutor is coming soon. -makes face- hahaha. anyway, today was damn funny. that madmadmad bird! it flew straight in and hit the wall with a loud THUD! hahahahahahaha i thought erika had thrown something across the room and it hit the wall, but then i saw erika howling and crying with laughter and then everyone screaming and fussing about. that poor stupid mad bird! i had a bird like that once too! it slammed into a glass door in my house. hahahaha but that's GLASS. this is a BLUE WALL! i am speechless.

oooh. and my com is still rubbishy! hahaha. but i think it's working. dage, the scan didn't turn up anything this time! my goodness. hahaha. mmmmm. i still want to say something but i should not. it's mean. nat remind me to bitch to you tomorrow. hahaha.

gotstago. laters ya'll. -hugsallround-

saddam got death penalty. his last wish was for beckham to take it.

How to make a vanessa ann

3 parts mercy

3 parts self-sufficiency

5 parts leadership
Layer ingredientes in a shot glass. Add sadness to taste! Do not overindulge!


Personality cocktail
From Go-Quiz.com

she smiled
at 6:40 PM

Tuesday, July 13, 2004

mei mei!! hahaha, ge's here to invade yer blog...nth ta do so yeah...haha...also coz yer asked me to? -sticks tongue out- haha...rmb, ge wurbs chew loads yeah? wahahaha...anyways, yer better take care loads & study hard too alrights? well, ge shall go see if there's anything to be done ler, shan't invade a long entry... -hugs yew- sorry couldn't help with the com.. =(

Sebastian Kieran Andre

light of the world,
you stepped down into darkness,
open my eyes,
let me see..

beauty that made this heart adore you,
hope of a life spent with you..

here i am to worship,
here i am to bow down,
here i am to say that You're my God..
You're altogether lovely,
altogether worthy,
altogether wonderful to me..

she smiled
at 10:55 PM

Sunday, July 11, 2004

ahhhh! if it was in white it'd be nicer. x)

i like this top! want one like this for xmas but in red. -drools-

val's phone i think. i WANT.

she smiled
at 4:13 PM

chijmes! pretty isn't it? took this at the walkathon.

she smiled
at 4:12 PM

cherie t'amie, cherie t'adore
my darling, i love you a lot more than you know!

had emath tuition this morning. was quite alright i guess. haha did my amaths homework finally. maths is alright only when you know how to do it. if not, it becomes a first-class pain in the you-know-what. hahaha. ohh! wanted to blog about yday but couldn't. ok, so i shall write it all here.

went for the amaths test in the morning in the bloody freezing ava and sat next to erika. hahaha she's damn diligent! i finished about an hour early (left out all differentiation questions) but she continued checking and checking and doing until time was up. wahh. haha i'm impressed! lols. hmmmm. after that, carol and i dropped by the CC to see dage and val and then left to meet shawn. wanted to watch a movie actually, but there was a mustard seed meeting. darrrn. so yeahh. went for the meeting (i shall be writing the next issue's cover article! watch out for it! -beams!-) and lunch after that. after distributing the newsletters to the secondary students (who, incidentally, are dressing completely unappropriately for church! tskk! -smirks-) bernie, carol, greg, shawn and i left to j8! to shop. ooh, i forgot to mention --> tuition was cancelled! hahaha. that's why i had so much free time. wanted to play pool too, but was in school uni so couldn't. ^&@%&^##&*&^!

hahaha. so yesh. that sums up my day yesterday. ohh. and the fact that i didn't go for drama night. -scowls- so bloody unfair! the last drama night in IJ and i don't get to go because of my yuckyyuckyyucky mother. double &#^&(!^#%@! hahaha. am feeling so lame. lamelamelame. :/ ahhhhh. chinese orals are tomorrow! yeeesh. hope i don't start speaking in english or going 'ummm' 'errrr' and all like i'm used to. i hate orals. i mean, i don't mind studying for a written paper, but why in the world would i want to try pronouncing it and enunciating it perfectly like some china person? it sucks. hahaha. well, i suck la. at speaking chinese. erika and i both have the same problem! the correct tone to use never really comes out quite correctly. hahaha. oh well.

oh. and is it just me, or are there an unusual amount of links everywhere that go to 'ntsearch' or something? uh-oh.

i wanna be pretty!

she smiled
at 2:33 PM

Friday, July 09, 2004
life without friends are like boobs without nipples - pointless.

the below post is a testimonial to how bloody brilliant i am! hahaha yeah right. i took about 4 posts to realise how it was done. hahaha. whoops. but, thanks corinne!! you rock! yayers! now everyone will see more pretty pretty pictures. yayyyy! *dances around the room* yay! hahahaha. ok. enough.

today was quite fun! except that some people in the class were missing 'cause of the rehearsal for drama night (which i can't go for because my mother has decided it's of me and therefore does not require my presence in any way whatsoever) anyway! sat with erika and tasha for most of the day. missed tasha like mad! haha. but ditced nalli because of that and i feel badddd. -sniffs- oh well. shall bring chocs for her on monday! hahaha. mmmmm. so yes. john is mad! i've got a 'van' written on my elbow and a 'john loves you' on my knee! hahaha. but i wrote on her arm: "dearest erika, i wurb chiu! love, mrs tay yit ming." hahahahahaha i am mean. hahaha. and right now i'm damn hyper. and i don't know why. hahaha.

a poem.
me is squidge, am full of folly.
messed things up. am velly solly.

hahahahahahaha! oh gosh. oh, y'know. my english is going down the drain ok. all thanks to all the bad influences around me! terrible. ok, i should go. laterrrs ya'll. x)

i likeee! -squeals-

she smiled
at 5:37 PM

shawn and his ugly tongue

she smiled
at 5:33 PM

Thursday, July 08, 2004
there's a light in your eyes, i used to see.
there's a place in your heart, i used to be.
was i wrong to assume you were waiting for me?
there's a light in your eyes, did you leave that light burning for me?

it's 12.31 and i'm at home! haha. woke up at 10.55am (due to hunger pangs) today because i'm sickkk. this sucks man. i miss everyone already! so i'm missing school as well as my nats heat. hope nat choy isn't too angry with me. s'damn weird! yesterday i was sneezing and sneezing the whole day, so much so that my nose was a decent shade of red! yucks. hahaha. anyway. just read linn's blog. she's bloody funny! hahaha. gonna miss her so much when she goes away. x'( don't gooooo! -wails-

don't feel like blogging. urgghs. laters.

Sad eyes follow me,
But I still believe there's something left for me.
So please come stay with me.
'Cause I still believe there's something left for you and me.

she smiled
at 12:35 PM

Sunday, July 04, 2004
oh! and i updated the links! haha it's damn cute. -thickskin- x)

she smiled
at 3:52 PM

i finally found what i was searching for.
and now you know i'm gonna love you more.
hold me now, 'cause it's always been you.

to think that you were always there,
to be my friend and wipe away my tears.
now it's clear that it's always been you.

went to CHIJMES yesterday! but quite late at night 'cause of tuition and all which prevented me from going in the afternoon. a bit boring there but i guess it's 'cause i went at a lousy time. then walked down to esplanade, and it's damn nice there! lovingit! lols. mmmmm. oh but then on the way home, She was being a bitch (what's new?) and i couldn't get my stuff from lulu's 'cause at tuition i'd asked her to bring my stuff home with her 'cause my bag was bulky and i didn't want to bring it all the way back to CHIJMES as well. lulu is a great friend! unlike some people who didn't even go for mass. hahaha just kidding. so yeahh. today i went to tuition with my brother's pencil case. urgghs.

had tuition this morning which was alright. i don't know why but either my tuition centre is veryveryvery cold or i'm very intolerant of coldness. hmmmm. haha oh well. She's being irritating again. urrghhs. i quote: "Just because your life is almost over, there is no reason to take it out on me!" haha. whatever. oh! and tomorrow is a HOLIDAY! yes! monday holidays are the best. x) but i think my brother's got no band. shuckers. guess i'll have to go down to church to study or something.

ahhh. laters, ya'll.

i know i can (i know i can)
be what i wanna be. (be what i wanna be)
if i work hard at it (if i work hard at it)
i'll be where i wanna be. (i'll be where i wanna be)

she smiled
at 3:39 PM

Saturday, July 03, 2004
had listening compre this morning. quite scary! hahaha. 'cause nat and i both didn't have any A answers, but 6 Cs?! guess i can only pray for the best. haha and actually the songs on 92.4 are quite nice. haha just that they put you to sleep relatively quickly. hahaha. x) hmmmmm. after that went for breakfast/lunch with carol and shawn and she saw her present. darn! haha. but hope she likes it la. not a bad effort, if i do say so myself! haha.

mmmmm. going for the CHIJMES thingy tonight! -punches air- yes! my mother might be temporarily insane or having a hormonal imbalance, but i'm just grateful she let me go! hahaha. ohh. and do you guys know, Gigolo by Nick Cannon is damn addictive! right, johnny?! ohh! and Just a Little While by Janet Jackson too! hahaha. loving it! -beams- hahaha.

i'm not trying to be your man,
pimp bones in my body!
rock them body hottie!
rock them like ladi ladi!

she smiled
at 12:06 PM

Friday, July 02, 2004
I see that people dancing,
Boys and girls romancing.
They want this to last forever.
'Cause underneath the moonlight,
Everything is alright,
We're reaching our hands up in the air...

-deep breath- hahaha. what a rant. am feeling slightly better now though i still want to kick the asses of every guilty party involved. pungsai. hahaha anyway. shall not dwell on that. it's unhealthy. -smiles sweetly- hahaha.

mmmmm. today was youth day and that was quite shitty. hahaha. mass was enjoyable and all, and the gifts are really nice this year! haha. but after that, the teachers felt they had an obligation to make our youth day much more special by singing over our very yucky PA system. frankly... that was quite nasty! hahahaha. omg. thank goodness they didn't sing "More Than Words" or, as mrs alex would say, "there will be murder." hahaha. i looove that song. x) hmmmm. and 4/9 went and set a good example for our 3/9 juniors! haha. because no one wanted to do the emath test, the WHOLE class trooped down to 3/9 and stood outside the door and asked "ms yue! can we have the emaths as homework, PLEEEEEEEEEEASE?!" hahahaha. what can i say. 4/9 is u-neeeeeq. hahaha.

after that, carol and i went down to church to study after dropping by wyna's grandparents' place. haha the luohan fish is scary. hahaha. anyway at macs we met yin hai! hahaha. and then val came shortly after so the bunch of us trooped down to study. was quite productive. at least i finished my homework! haha. i like studying in church! hahaha. and my mum actually let me! woooot. better watch out everyone, armageddon might just be around the corner!

hmmmm. that's enough from me. ooh! and don't forget to go down to CHIJMES tomorrow! for our wonderful Arts Fest! -beams- ohh and there's listening compre tomorrow for chinese. ahhhh. oh well. best of luck to everyone! cheers!

never insecure until i met you,
now i feel stupid.
i used to be so cute to me,
(just a little bit skinny.)

why do i look to all these things?
(to keep you happy.)
better get rid of you
and then i'll get back to me!

she smiled
at 10:23 PM

If you have always thought that convent girls are chatty, flirtatious and bitchy, well, you're right.

At least according to two "ex-Cons" - actresses Koh Chieng Mun, 44 and Irene Ang, 35. The two former convent girls will share their saucy school stories and perform stand-up comedy in Confessions of Two Ex-Cons on Saturday. Their act will also include "confessions" sent to them from other ex-convent girls.

The performance is among a slew of activities for the two-day True Blue - An IJ Arts Fest at Chijmes this weekend to celebrate the 150th anniversary of the Convent of the Holy Infant Jesus (CHIJ) group of 11 schools and homes.

Said Koh: "Oh, all those traits; it's all true. You can spot a convent girl from a mile away! When IJ girls get together, you'll always hear endless chatter, loud laughter and uninhibited behaviour!"

Koh spent her primary and secondary school days from 1966 to 1975 at the then Town Convent, so named because the first CHIJ school, opened in 1854, was located at Victoria Street. The premises are now home to the dining and entertainment hub Chijmes.

Ang, who is Rosie in sitcom Phua Chu Kang, studied in CHIJ Kellock Primary from 1974-1979.

On the naughtiest things she did in those days, Koh said: "I remember, in Secondary 3, a group of six of us played hokey and went to the ice-skating rink a few times for a few months just to catch the good-looking instructors there.

"We'd ask them to 'tutor' us so we could get up close and get free lessons, too," she said, in between laughs.

That ended when the head prefect caught them and reported them to the principal.

Ang said: "I used to lie to my teacher when returning my spelling books. I said I lost them whenever I had bad grades to avoid getting my parents to sign them."

She was only found out many years later when her grandmother saw the books under her bed.

But it was the infamous Capitol bus-stop, the one where the secondary school St Joseph's Institution boys and CHIJ girls wait for their buses, that saw a lot of action and held a lot of memories for many of the old girls.

Said Koh: "We got this letter from an old girl who said she used to open the windows of her classroom, which faced that bus-stop, and shout and whistle at the SJI boys. When they looked, she and her friends ducked. This went on for a year till the principal received complaints from the public."

Ang added: "Of course, we've got a lot of stories... a lot on the Capitol bus-stop! Things like how the girls used secret codes to meet the boys."

But these, she said rather coyly, will be included as part of the 45-minute act. The highlight of their act is a segment on the ABCs of the traits that make a convent girl.

As the cliche goes, convent girls are either lesbians or sluts.

Ang, who confessed to dating only water polo boys during her secondary school days, reasoned: "It's a growing-up process and it's only natural for the girls, especially for those in the same-sex schools, to like someone they look up to. But it's mostly harmless and they grow out of it."

Said Koh, who admits that she was one of those who hiked up her uniform skirt: "Maybe it's because we look 'havoc'. We were overt and blatant about hiking up the skirt, folding up the sleeves and maybe a few buttons come off. It's how we 'operate'!"

"But I also think that it offered an all-round education with the moral values and the emphasis, during my time, on appreciating the arts."

have you read a bigger pile of complete cow shit? wait, that'll be insulting cow shit. poor cows. anyway... i have A LOT to say about that article! can you imagine? two ex-convent girls can actually say that about IJ schools to the ignorant public? i mean, if you said that to CONVENT girls, it wouldn't be too bad, 'cause we're in the system and we can understand where they're coming from and that they're comments aren't derogatory. but to tell that to a bloody REPORTER, THREE DAYS before our ARTS FEST, is f**king bullshit! ms chow gave that article to us this morning before mass and everyone (with the possible exception of nat) was outraged!

As the cliche goes, convent girls are either lesbians or sluts. WHAT THE F**K ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! that's about the most derogative thing that i've heard about our school thus far. and to have it said in a NEWSPAPER is just plain infuriating!

"Convent girls are chatty, flirtatious and bitchy." excuse me, if you haven't noticed, SO IS HALF OF THE FEMALE POPULATION!! so why are we the ones getting labelled bitches and flirts when the entire female population, at one point or another, are guilty of the exact same flirting and bitching that we engage in?! it's like what ms chow said, when one RGS girl gets seen talking loudly/rudely, being obscene/vulgar, everyone just goes "oh, she's the exception."

but when they see one IJ girl doing the EXACT SAME THING, everyone goes "SEE! they're all sluts and lesbians and bitches!"

exactly why are we the ones who are always getting attacked for these sort of things? i mean, as IF the other schools don't do it but what? because they're government schools they don't get in trouble? only MISSION schools do?!

as ms chow put it, "Endless chatter, loud laughter and uninhibited behaviour?! What's wrong with that?! We're HAPPY people, SORRY!"

{ hahahaha. she's shit funny. i admit, i do like her lessons. i mean, at least she talks about issues that are relevant to us and interest us in a big way and lets us discuss and share our opinions (though mostly nalli's is heard. hahaha.) which is great. haha. that's one of the reasons why i enjoy english class. anyway, i digress. }

the whole of 4/1's sent in a letter to the editor to complain about that article and about what a bad light they put us in. the public already misunderstands us SO much and you want to ADD to that?! y'know, in all the chinese/english dramas, the 'bad girls' are always dressed in an electric blue pinafore with a loose belt around the hips and unbuttoned collar?! alright, the way WE dress in public (when in school uniform) is to blame so we can't pin all the fault on them, but please! do you have to wear our school uniform to show the 'bad girls'?! okay, it might seem like a stupid thing to talk about, but slowly you start to EXPECT IT! and that's just scary. because i've ever thought about plays and directing one, and the leads (mostly antagonistic ones haha) are always in our school U! if even an IJ girl can think that, what does the public think?!

i might be making a mountain out of a molehill. but this concerns my school and i'm not going to take any flak/shit/complete absurd rubbish about my school lying down. IJ rocks, and anyone who has anything else to say that will make me more incensed than i already am, please let me know, so i can use you for an outlet. -screams!-

she smiled
at 9:46 PM

Thursday, July 01, 2004
you got something that you want me to sell.
sell your sin. just cash in.
you got something that you want me to tell.
you'll love me. wait and see.

Holland LOST. 2-1 to portugal.

i am truly depressed.

why?! so sad. and their one goal was an own goal! what happened to them?! so irritating. -sniffs- oh well. but today, as a tribute to the best football team on this planet, i shall type in its national colours! haha. mypoorpoorholland. -wails-

hahaha. anyway, today was alright i guess. cat class was again so boring that i spent it designing the back of the paper on which we're supposed to write some reflections thingy on with the words 'holland - a tribute to the fallen'! hahaha. everyone was really annoyed with me in the morning 'cause i kept moaning and complaining about it. haha whoops. mmmmm. then pe after that was just plain annoying! i simply cannot understand why we've got pe teachers who do nothing but talk about things completely unrelated to pe! i mean, you took the effort to wear a shirt and shorts to go for PE and she just sits there talking about how we should learn how to behave like ladies and be good girls and not like the girls who screamed and laughed during choir night or the KC incident or whatever. i mean, PLEASE! hahaha. i don't know why, i just get very frustrated with her all the time. urrghhs!

mmmmm. thennnn. english was alright, quite funny actually! got some cute quotes from there. ohh, i've been appointed by carol as Class Quote Collector once again. last year i'd collected alot of shit funny quotes but this year there's so few! oh noooo! haha. anyway. recess was great 'cause we'd ask the auntie to packet food for us! so we were the only ones who had fried rice to eat. hahaha. yummmm! x) physics lesson/practical after school was quite alright i guess. she had us make notes during her period so she didn't have to teach. hahaha. hmmm after that, went to church to study with carol, val, wyna, qibing and cheryl and yin hai, joachim, jeremy and seb came after. it's actually quite productive 'cause i actually feel motivated to study! haha just too bad that we didn't get there early enough.

bought a cake for Her on my way back. it's Her birthday today and she has a parade to attend so she'll be back late. quite sad actually, knowing how you'll be spending your birthday. hahaha. so yes, happy birthday mum. i bought her Tuesdays with Morrie, by Mitch Albom and so now i'm broke. sighs! oh well. tomorrow there's an emaths test. blahhhs. mmmmm. y'know, i can't say i expected this. i mean, people aren't exactly reacting the way i'd hoped they'd react. that's not to say that it's all bad, but... is it so hard to smile for me? haha. or am i just selfish? hmmmm. i think i think too much. hahaha. alright. enough from me! x)

Do you ever have that dream
where you're walking naked down the street,
and everyone just stares?
Do you ever feel so deep
that you speak your mind
to put others straight to sleep?
You wonder if anybody cares.
Sometimes I think I'm the only one,
whose day turned out unlike it had begun...

And I feel barenaked.
And I just can't take it.
I'm getting jaded,
No, I just can't fake it anymore.
'Cuz I'm barenaked.
And I know life's what you make it.
Wish I could float away,
to some other day...

she smiled
at 6:46 PM

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