the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

swimmer; drama mama; councillor;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
temporary insanity;


carol n.

[Chinese New Year]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;


Wednesday, June 30, 2004
to you: hahaha don't think i'll reach home early tomorrow, so here's wishing in advance! GOOD LUCK for your test tomorrow! haha. pretty silly to put it here, but oh well. x) *hugs*

she smiled
at 7:43 PM

baby, i like it when it feels this good.
you always seem to make me smile.
can't nobody do what you do,
when you love me just a little while.
i know you got somewhere to go,
and i got somewhere to be right now...
i'll make 'em wait all day long,
if you wanna get a little wild!

chem double period this morning, and i noted that 5 people were sleeping! haha. but it was alright. at least i knew what she was talking about! hahaha. hmmm and geog after that was quite good! for once i wasn't bored outta my mind. ms wan made it more interesting by making all of us answer questions and all (impromptu!) and yeah. nice way to revise! haha. i must be mad. recess was so weird! i just kept eating and eating. yeesh! and tomorrow there's PE. if she makes us take height and weight i'll die okay. so bloody fat now. -sighs- haha. hmmmm after that not much until after school. carol and i were supposed to sit for our amaths exam but we both didn't want to and anyway, she had cramps and i was feeling sick cos i'd been sneezing the whole day! so we told janny lee and skipped. hahaha. went down to starbucks, met shawn and talked and gossiped for a while. hahaha fun! lols. all of carol and her long-fingers crap! hahaha. -beams-

hmmmm. two more days to the weekend. it's downhill from here! ohh. but this friday i've an emaths test (thank goodness it's only an hour plus) and chem tuition. balls! hahaha. ooh. check out the sidebar where i've written everything that's happening this july. so unfun. -pouts- anyway...

things i learned today:
1. my chinese teacher actually knows i exist (and still calls me veenessa)
2. i'm capable of eating like a pregnant woman.
3. i'm really good at making my voice sound like i'm terribly sick.
4. a lot of us aren't born dancers.
5. iced mocha lattes are still damn good.
6. popular is an irresponsible company!

Girl, why can't you see you're the only one for me?
and it just tears my ass apart to know that you don't know my band...!

she smiled
at 6:45 PM

Tuesday, June 29, 2004
just a quick one, then i've gotta dash.

today was alright. to summarise it all...

1. janny lee's a bitch who blames me for every freaking thing that's wrong in this world. (please don't ask unless you want a earful)

2. annabel chow's called anorexic ann and bulimic belle by her mother and her aunty thinks she's shameless for wearing form-fitting strappy tops.

3. there's an amaths test tomorrow and i'm going to fail it.

4. i fell asleep in literature today. for two periods.

5. annabel chow pms-es and hands out unjustified punishments.

6. being guai is really very hard. i envy nalli.

alritey. gotta run. later ya'lls.

she smiled
at 5:35 PM

Monday, June 28, 2004

So she said what's the problem, baby?
What's the problem? I don't know.
Well maybe I'm in love...
Think about it every time, I think about it,
Can't stop thinking 'bout it!
How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it, 'cause I can't ignore it if it's love.
Makes me wanna turn around and face me
but I don't know nothing 'bout love!

woooot. what a first day back at school! completely drama-filled! haha. firstly, carol's wallet got s-t-o-l-e-n! (read carol's blog for details) hahaha. let me start from the beginning.

when i got to school (with my eyes barely open) carol was holding her wallet and due to my brilliant memory, i remember her holding it very clearly. but before we went down for assembly, she found that she'd 'misplaced' it and didn't know where it was. but because she thought that maybe someone had taken it for her or was playing a prank on her (which actually happens a lot! and i should know man. die, nat! hahaha.) so she didn't mind that much. but later on, even at recess time the wallet wasn't returned! so we came to the conclusion maybe it was theft. and yeah, went down to the office to report it (i hate that woman there! she's super irritating!) and she asked us to go to joteo. and joteo asked us to check all the toilets and cisterns and dustbins and all, 'cause it made sense that the 'thief' would throw it there or something. well, we checked every bloody stinky toilet and dustbin in the entire school and no sign of it whatsoever. so we gave up and since we were in the middle of chinese period we just went to the study hall and ponned. haha crapped a lot there and it was nicee. hahaha. THEN! there was an announcement on the intercom that someone had carol's wallet! and it was the taxi driver! gosh. but his reaction was vellyvellyvelly funny! when she asked where he found it, he said "I cannot say."

so! the question is, is anyone in our class a thief?! and what's more, a witch to be able to teleport out of class to give the wallet to some unknown cabbie?! hahaha. either that, or carol, stephi and i all need our eyes checked. haha. what an intriguing way to start the semester!

mmmm. ooh! we had a new physics teacher today because mr tan is in PORTUGAL! unfair. and this new teacher is alright, but reallyreallyreally boring. haha thank goodness i've already learned this topic or i'd be doomed. oh and i actually managed to pay attention to chemistry, even though i was half-listening, half asking nalli how to do my tuition homework. stupid sngs work is damn hard! urgghs. haha oh well.

and have i mentioned She's a bitch?! now you know where i get it from. urgghs!

i feel it's changing, i stay the same.
i'm a solo cello outside a chorus.
i've got a secret,
it's time for me to tell that you've been keeping me warm.

just sweet beginnings and bitter endings.
in coffee city, we borrowed heaven.
don't give it back, i've never felt so wanted...
are you taking me home?

she smiled
at 6:16 PM

Sunday, June 27, 2004
Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.

You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come.

Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.

Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs.

hahaha. eh! it sounds like me. hahaha. go here! to take it. hahaha cute! lols. hmmmm let's see. oh! stayed up to watch the match last night! HOLLAND WON sweden, 5-4 on penalties! omg! hahaha. it was so nerve-wracking okay. and my brother kept telling me to shut up 'cause i kept squealing. hahaha. cocu rocks can! hahaha. my bro said he looks like a psycho but he's shit good! but he got kicked in the balls. hahaha poor thing! was grabbing his balls on INTERnational tv. hahaha! ok, i shall not be obscene! ooh and van nistelrooy too! really like the way he plays and how he, like, scores? haha or at least, tried to score? hahaha. it was fated ok! no one scored until the penalties. every bloody ball hit the posts or crossbar or were caught by the goalies (Van der Saar rocks!) and when it came to the penalties, even the announcer was like "holland's shoot-outs are, simply, awful." hahahaha. practically didn't dare watch! gosh. haha but i'm SO HAPPY! hahaha. bert! you owe me moneyyyy! hahaha. yayers. -beams!- x)

so today. at least She let me off from swimming training. that's it man. NO MORE TRAINING! hahaha. i'm like that, i can start some activity with complete gusto and enthusiasm (and sucker everyone into buying stuff for that sport/activity for me as well.), but after a while, i sort of fizzle out. hahaha. unless there's someone there to keep me motivated. my own self-discipline and determination isn't much. hahaha. oh well. hmmmm. went for tuition and how come no one else stayed up! haha. She has released me from studying today but She wants to check my homework! HOW?! this is what i've done thus far:

Chem: paper1s for all 3 papers.
Emaths:1 full paper (mostly?) and 1 paper1.
English: 1 speech, 1 comprehension (everything)
Physics: a few questions?
Geography: none.
Amaths: none.
Lit: none.
Social Studies: none.

uhh... haha? ooops. -sheepish grin- i promise i'll work harder. i promise myself! hmmmm. oh and i finished Boy2Girl by Terence Blacker already. it's damn cute ok! everyone must read. definitely! -nods vigorously- haha. ooh and the new one i'm reading is quite cute too! StarStruck by Cathy Hopkins. excerpt!-->

Girls don't know how lucky they are. If they get turned on, or whatever, who's to know? They can keep it secret. But for boys it's deifferent. When we first start noticing the girlie bits of girls - a glimpse of boob, a hint of thigh - wahey, Polonius Plonker is up and ready for action, with his silent salute to all things feminine.


I was hoping I'd get a hairy chest, but I don't think it's going to happen. So far, I have four hairs: three on one side of my left nipple and one on the right. Elsewhere is all as per normal though, armpits, legs, pubes. Mac knows this interesting thing to do with pubes. A mate of his from London had shown him. (He lived there before his parents got divorced.) You pull out a few of your pubic hairs and put them in an ashtray or something. Then you light them with a match. It's amazing: they dance. Seriously - dance. It's a real laugh. Course, after Mac had shown me, we wanted to show Cat, Becca and Lia and see if girl's pubes did the same. But they came over all coy and prissy and said it wasn't ladylike. Girls aren't really impressed by stuff like that.

hahahahaha. damn hilarious! lols! see, this is what boredom does to you. okay, i'm outta here. x) ooh. but one more thing.

Vanessa loves Holland!! And Cocu!! And Van Nistelrooy!!

might have to peel me off the ceiling.
i'm like a soda that's been shaken up... boom!

i find your playfulness appealing.
that cat and mouse chase,
on your mark, get ready, go.

send you a drink, see what the deal is.
held up your glass and blew a kiss, and took a sip.
when you were finished, back to business,
you and your girlfriends group up,
this is how you draw them in.

she smiled
at 1:23 PM

Saturday, June 26, 2004
-beams!- good/disappointing day all in one. dad came to pick me up at around ten and we went over to his place to see my darlings! i swear, they're the cutest cats on the face of the planet! the girl will just walk up to your foot and do a half-somersault(!) and just drape herself over your foot! so spoilt ok. and she loves digging her claws into your thighs when she sits on your lap! hahaha. anyway, bought breakfast and went there. my dad, step-mum and i had a 'talk'? hahaha. one thing i like about her is that she doesn't suck up to me or try to get me to like her or anything. she's just normal. haha guess i appreciate that. x)

after that, went to loyang to get his dell stuff that he's supposed to deliver on monday or something. then went to my bro's school to pick him up from his band and that shit ended only at two?! shit man. was supposed to go meet all my cousins at orchard mrt for lunch and sorta like a day out together. haha eurasians are very family-oriented. we like partayyys! hahaha. mmmm. oh! at my brother's school there's this veryveryvery handsome greyish-brownish-tannish tomcat! and it's so super friendly that my dad and i kept calling it 'she'. hahaha. eunuch! lols. but it's really gorgeous and sweet. i've adopted it. hahahaha.

greece won france! major upset? hahaha. i KNEW greece would win! hahaha. and i'm not even interested in soccer. lols. yupps. so headed back to bishan after that, had lunch at mass and went shopping a bit. and now i'm home! oooh. next week i'm dead! i've got to pay for 3 birthday presents. abish's, Hers and my dad's. shucks man. i want to buy her this book : Bitter Sweet Symphony by Shyama Perera. just finished reading it and it's very insightful! it's about a woman whose husband runs off with this woman he barely knows and how her world just crumbles. but how she manages to work it out in the end anyway! hahaha. real nicee! still, i don't suppose i have the dough. any donations, anyone? haha. x)

Why does love never happen the way you want it to? The night you're jammed into your sexiest underwear is the night you get stood up by your date. The moment when you're ready to give all to a man you barely know, a meal beckons.
Life is full of lost moments and unrequited longing.
When I was eighteen we'd go to clubs feeling hot, high and ready for love - and he only blokes who'd ask us to dance were either half-cut or four inches too short. So many opportunities lost for... lack of opportunity.

ahhh. boredom sets in. ooh okay, i shall go read my beautiful new book! Boy to Girl by Terence Blacker and no, it's not about a transvetite! haha. are you bored too? go here! it's fun! hahaha. oh and has everyone seen the ij website it's quite cool. x)

pretty girls want to touch my salsa!

she smiled
at 4:38 PM

Are your palms sweaty? Is your heart racing? And your voice caught within your chest?
It isn't Love, it's Like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off them, am i right?
It isn't Love, it's Lust.
Are you proud and eager to show them off?
It isn't Love, it's Luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't Love, it's Loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't Love, it's Loyalty.
Do you stay or their confessions oflove because you dont want to hurt them?
It isn't Love, it's Pity.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't Love, it's Being Unconfident.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't Love, it's Infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't Love, it's Friendship.
Do you tell them everyday they are the only one you think of?
It isn't Love, it's a Lie.
Are you willing to give all your favourite things of their sake?
It isn't Love, it's Charity.
Does your heart break and ache when they're sad?
Then it's Love.
Are you attracted to others but stay with them faithfully, without regret?
Then it's Love.

Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's Love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then it's Love.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's Love.
But do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and elation pulls you close and holds you?
Then it's Love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's Love.

Now, if love is so painful and tortures us so, why do we love?
Why is it all we search for in life?
This pain, this agony?
Why is it all we long for?
This torture, this powerful death of self?
Because... it's Love.

she smiled
at 9:10 AM

Friday, June 25, 2004
i don't know what it is
that makes me feel like this.
i don't know who you are,
but you must be some kind of
'cos you got alotta eyes on you
no matter where you are.
you just make me wanna

mmmmm. yet another boring day. haha sometimes i wonder why i bother to blog when nothing's happening whatsoever! urrghhs. school in 2 days! oh whooopeee. can you sense my utter joy? i'm delighted! truly! haha. well, at least there'll finally be something to blog about! well, let's see. today i changed the water in the fish tank! all by myself! with my bro's help here and there too la, as in, he helped hold down the pipes. hahaha. i'm so proud of myself! i'm not that hopepress after all. -winks!- hahaha.

hmmm. then carol messaged me, so went down to toa payoh to meet her 'cause she wanted to get her eyebrows shaped. which reminds me, i wanna do it too, but She will probably say something to the effect that instead of working hard at my school work i'm off galivanting (yeeesh, i HATE that word!) and doing stupid things. wooot. WHATEVER. yupps. after that, headed down to the library for a while then went to buy dinner then home. see, boring day. OH! and can someone please tell me where they can download good music from? every bloody site i go to doesn't have songs like 'shake your tail feather' or '5 colours in her hair' or 'naughty girl'. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE PEOPLE?!

oooh. and in other news, it's 30 days to my birthday! -hint!hint!- hahaha.

she's got a lipring and five colours in her hair.
not into fashion, but I love the clothes she wears.
her tattoo's always hidden by her underwear.
but she don't care...!

every body wants to know her name!
i threw a house party and she came.
every one asked me 'who the hell is she?!"
that weirdo with five colours in her hair.

she's just a loner with a sexy attitude.
i'd like to phone her cos she puts me in the mood.
the rumours spreading round that she cooks in the nude.
but she don't care, no she don't care...!

she was all i thought about the girl i couldn't live without
but then she went insane.
she couldn't take the fame, she said i was to blame...
she'd had enough and shaved five colours off.
now she's just a weirdo with no name...

she smiled
at 6:14 PM

Thursday, June 24, 2004
say goodbye to your boyfriend: she's in town for the weekend!

it has been trulytrulytruly a boring day. tried to do a bit of my homework, though. and i stress on the "a bit". hahaha. school starts in 3 days! those of you who haven't completed your holiday homework (your truly, included), now is the time to start panicking! mmmmm. maybe i'll get down to doing a bit later la. haha how come in sec1 and sec2 studying was such a breeze, but now it's like pulling teeth to get me to even open my textbook? meeep. the mysteries of life.

actually, i'm kinda looking forward to going back to school. at least i don't have to see my brother so much (granted, seeing janny lee isn't exactly a good compensation, but still!) and it'd mean time passes faster, which means that the Os will be over in a matter of months. blaaaaahs. i've got nothing left to say. poo!

poor little superstar!

she smiled
at 6:17 PM

Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Well I saw you with your hands above your head,
Spinning around, trying not to look down,
But you did, and you fell, hard on the ground.
Then you stumbled around for a good ten minutes,
And I said I'd never seen anyone look so dumb before,
And you laughed and said I still know how to turn you on though.

You're the only one who,
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams.
You're the only one who,
Knows exactly what I mean.

And I probably forgot to tell you this,
Like that time I forgot to tell you about the scar.
Remember how uncomfortable that made you feel?
See you're not what I expected.
But you're the only one who knows how to handle me
And you're such a great kisser and I know that you'd agree.

You're the only one who,
Drags me kicking and screaming through fast dreams.
You're the only one who,
Knows exactly what I mean.

I hope you can forgive me for that time,
When I put my hand between your legs,
And said it was small,
Cos its really not at all...
I guess there's just a part of me that likes to bring you down,
Just to keep you around.
Cos the day you realize how amazing you are
You're gonna leave me.

You're the only one who,
Hold my hair back when I'm drunk and gets sick.
You're the only one who,
Knows exactly what I mean...

she smiled
at 12:12 PM

i know that the spades are the swords of a soldier.
i know that the clubs are weapons of war.
i know that diamonds mean money for this art.
but that's not the shape of my heart.

just got back a while ago from school.
had amaths lesson with janny lee (insert: retching noises) and there were only 5 of us?!
they bluffed us!
i thought it would be like an eric tan lesson with 5 classes all squeezed into one classroom but no.
it was like private tuition.
with the she-devil herself!
but honestly, it was quite okay. she wasn't being too yucky today.
why can't she be like that ALL the time?!

off to study now. (yes, amazing, i know.)

everytime i try to fly, i fall.
without my wings i feel so small.
i guess i need you, baby.

she smiled
at 12:06 PM

Tuesday, June 22, 2004
And through it all,
He offers me protection.
A lot of love and affection,
Whether I'm right or wrong.
And down the waterfall,
Wherever it may take me,
I know that life won't break me.
When I come to call,
He won't forsake me...
I'm loving angels instead.

updated site! GO LOOK! -wheedles- PLEASE!

hmmmm. in other news, training still sucks. my arms hurt like whatsits. hahaha i'm becoming all british after reading those books. brit humour's the best! x) so. i'm not studying today, taking a nice break. especially since i studied HARD yesterday! haha. well, i did. sortof. x)

with nothing but a t-shirt on,
i never felt so beautiful, baby as i do now.
now that i'm with you.

she smiled
at 11:46 AM

Monday, June 21, 2004
everybody in the club getting tipsyyy!

just got back from church.
spent about 5 hours there studying i think.
haha. and only got roughly one emaths paper2 done. with some questions still undone 'cause i can't figure them out.
vanessa, the genius. x)
there's still chem tuition later.
the only good thing about that is that i've done my homework and that my tutor smells of Crave.
doesn't suit him though. it's too heeep!

anyways. been reading Seventeen!
it's quite educational really, wouldn't know what i'd do without it. -smiles sweetly-
so this is what i've learned:

1. A large portion of Americans think that 17-year-old female American teenagers are obsessed with make-up, clothes, how to create different hairstyles and how to buy the perfect bikini for your body shape.
2. A large portion of Americans are sadly correct.
4. Thankfully there's still a tiny percentage who display disdain at such frivolence.
5. Bare legs are nice. Airbrushed legs are unforgettable.
6. Tube tops can flatten you out, giving you a uni-breast look. So, pick a top that ties in the front. It will subtly lift and give you just the right amount of cleavage.
7. Boy briefs can make your bottom look bigger 'cause they have too much fabric. String ties can adjust to go just above the hips, which elongates your legs and trims your behind.

on hindsight, i think that if you have a bottom like JoTeo's no amount of string tying can "trim that behind".
which is why no one will see me in a bikini for a long time coming.
hahaha. as if there's a lot to look at! xP
lol. i'm bored.

ooh, but before i go, remember!
Throw out mascara and liquid liners after 6 months 'cause bacteria can grow in these moist conditions!

Nelly Furtado - Try.
then i see you standing there,
wanting more from me.
and all i can do is try.

truth be told, i've tried my best.

she smiled
at 9:27 PM

just a day, just an ordinary day,
just trying to get by.
just a boy, just an orindary boy,
but he was looking to the sky...

omg. did anyone watch The Simple Life yesterday?
paris hilton buys a dog carrier for $1500 without blinking an eye.
that bloody chihuahua leads a better life than me! how depressing.
oh, but the plus side?

Paris: *cluelessly* What're wells for?
Paris: What is Wal-mart? Do they sell wall stuff?

hahaha. dear, dear. the rich and famous are to be pitied.
they know nothing about us commoners' lifestyles. x)
well. had tuition a while ago which was quite alright, except there were only 5 of us.
but after that, it was quite a surprise.
She Who Must Not Be Named actually brought my brother and i for retail therapy (as linn calls it!) at IMM.
ok, granted, it's not exactly Dior or Louis Vuitton stuff, but hey.
it's not too bad for us commoners. hahaha. so yupp! bought quite a bit of nice stuff:

1 pair of Adidas track shoes (bro's bday in SEPT.)
1 pair of ReeBok school shoes (bro)
2 tees (bro)
3 pairs of shorts (bro)
1 pair of jeans (SWNBN)
1 denim jacket (me)
1 black racer-top (me {which is DAMN NICE})
1 black tee. (me)

She really dotes on him, eh? haha who cares. -sticks out tongue-
ooh! and here's a revised list of my Birthday Wishlist!
(hahaha, humour me.)

1. a pair of converse/north star sneaks.
2. a digicam.
3. contacts.
4. nice berms.

well, actually MONEY can already. hahaha thou should not be greedy! x)
our internet is still NOT set-up. bollocks!
is typing like this nice? i wonder. hahaha any comments?

TLC - I'm Good At Being Bad.
player, you must be crazy.
whatcha gonna do when it looks like me?
i'm so good at being bad.
i'm the best you never had.
and, in other words, SEXY.

sick of people trying to tell me what to do.
it's my life and i'm living like i want to.

she smiled
at 9:26 PM

he takes a whisky drink, he takes a vodka drink.
he takes a lager drink, he takes a cider drink.
he sings the songs that remind him of the good times,
he sings the songs that remind him of the better times.

todayyyy. hmmm as i type this, it is precisely 7.44pm
and the mustard seed people are having a very very fun barbeque.
which is unfair because i am stuck at HOME.
yes. HOME.
being very very miserable.
my brother says it's not bad because he's here,
but personally, i think he overrates himself. HAH.
well. had phsyics tuition which was quite cute,
cos lulu was asking about how come her hamster's (turkey, for future reference) soul (yes, soul.) hasn't come back to vist her.

what can i say?

lulu is lulu.

but it's very sad that her hamster has passed on.
-hugslulu- he was a great hamster who was completely and totally (and perhaps a bit violently) loved.
well, after that went to the library to read but i forgot that the library closes at 5, so i was stuck outside reading for 45min.
haha. whoops.
so, went for mass and now i'm home.
and bored.
AND miserable.

oooh typing differently today. wonder if it'll come out nice.
AND! heres a recommended nice/funny/wacky/cutesie book to read:
On The Bright Side I'm Now The Girlfriend Of A Sex God. by Louise Rennison.

Sunday July 16th
my room

Staring out of my bedroom window at other people having a nice life.
Who would have thought that things can be so unbelievably pooey? I'm only fourteen and my life is over because of the selfishosity of -so-called- grown-ups. I said to Mum, "You are ruining my life. Just because yours is practically over there is no reason to take it out on me."
But as usual when I say something sensible and meaningful she just tutted and adjusted her bra like a Russian roulette player. (Or do I mean disco thrower? I don't know and, what's more, I don't care.)
If i counted up the number of times I've been tutted at, I could open a tutting shop. It's just not fair... How can my parents take me away from my mates and make me go to New Zealand? Who goes to New Zealand?
In the end, when I pointed out how utterly useless as a mum she was, she lost her rag and SHOUTED at me.
"Go to your room right now!"
I said, "All right, I'll go to my ROOM!! I WILL go to my room!! And do you know what I'll be doing in my room? No you don't, so I'll tell you! I'll be just BEING in mmy room. That's all. Because there is nothing else to do!!!!!!"
Then I just left her there. To think about what she has done.
Unfortunately, it means that I am in my bed and it is only six o'clock.

it's hilarious! A MUST-READ! x)
ooh and did i mention i had the WACKIEST dream last night?
i dreamt of TRICIA in a pastel-blue flowery lacy dress.
please don't kill me.
hahaha. and that i made my brother cry! haha.
plus the other night, i dreamt of 'duanchengfeng' from MVP and he was sticking his finger in my ear.
oooosh. boredom sets in quickly.

Quote Of the Day
Shawn: "(talking about inheriting his father's money etc) Well, at least I'll get to enjoy life when I'm old. *pauses (apparently thinking about his father's stinginess)* I hope."

remember everyone, bullshit does not pay!

she smiled
at 9:25 PM

Friday, June 18, 2004
So she said what's the problem, baby?
What's the problem? I don't know,
Well maybe I'm in love...
Think about it every time.
I think about it,
Can't stop thinking 'bout it.

How much longer will it take to cure this?
Just to cure it, cause I can't ignore it if it's love.
Makes me wanna turn around and face me but I don't know nothing 'bout love...

Come on, come on,
Turn a little faster.
Come on, come on,
The world will follow after.
Come on, come on,
Cause everybody's after love.

So I said I'm a snowball running,
Running down into the spring that's coming all this love.
Melting under blue skies,
Belting out sunlight,
Shimmering love.

Well, baby I surrender
To the strawberry ice cream.
Never ever end of all this love.
Well I didn't mean to do it,
But there's no escaping your love.

These lines of lightning
Mean we're never alone,
Never alone, no, no...

Come on, Come on,
Move a little closer...
Come on, Come on,
I want to hear you whisper...
Come on, Come on,
Settle down inside my love...
Come on, come on,
Jump a little higher.
Come on, come on,
If you feel a little lighter.
Come on, come on,
We were once
Upon a time in love
We're accidentally in love...
Accidentally in love...

she smiled
at 12:04 PM

oooh. overprotected rocks! love it. right, well now i'm finally able to update on my own. mucho thanks/love/kisses/hugs to everyone who's helped me blog! thankfully, my mum's bought a new computer so i'll be able to do my own shit now. haha. and she's letting me keep the old one! for future typing and stuff. well, at least i can keep my own files and stuff without risk of it being discovered! hahaha.`whatever. x)

oooh! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY MATTY! and HAPPY CONFIRMATION TRICIA! haha. been wanting to post it but haven't been able to blog since carol's birthday. hahaha. bleahs. i'm bored shitless. bleahs! xP

most girls want a man with the bling-bling,
got my own thing, got the ching-ching!
i just want real love...
most girls want a man with the mean green,
don't wanna dance if he can't be!
everything that i dream up
a man that understands real love.

pool later! yayers!

she smiled
at 11:10 AM

Saturday, June 05, 2004
i'll be with you as long as you want me to, until the end of time.

simply[vannie] (ignore the one on the right)
wearing: white tee and shorts.
eating/drinking: chocolate chocolate muffins and water.
watching/listening: ven's nameless song.
wishing: i didn't have to go for tuition later.
wanting: a digicam! (this won't change for some time yet.)
experiencing: sore eyes.
missing: my kittens! and you*
loving: chocolate chocolate chip muffins.
(haha ripped that from jolene. hope she doesn't mind!)

yesterday's harry potter movie was quite nice! but as carol said, it does lack ooomph. alfonso cuaron's not a bad director la, but his style is really different from chris columbus. and that's kinda weird i guess. haha and the linking's quite bad! lols. it's like if you didn't watch the first and second movie or if you didn't read the books, you wouldn't really understand what's going on. haha. oh well. i'm glad she enjoyed her birthday though! x)

came home and things went downhill from there. haha don't know what happened. everything really got to me i guess. it sucks that i have so much tuition for subjects (with the exception of emaths and physics) that i don't have the remotest bit of interest in. can ANYONE tell me they love physics so much they want to be a physicist? or a chemist? or an accountant? yeahh riiight. whatever. it's pointless to keep harping on it.

haha and 'cause i was so angry at my mum when i fell asleep i still dreamt i was yelling at her! for some reason she threw away my dinner and i was still hungry so i was practically screaming at her. haha. ooh and was it my dream, or was the thunder really damn loud last night? hahaha seriously! it was so LOUD. like an explosion haha. ooh! it's CALLY'S wedding today! congrats! sorry i can't be there though. -hugs!- congrats to the happy couple!

i wonder what it's like to be married. haha maybe it's just me, but won't they get bored of looking at the same person for the rest of their lives? haha okay, enough of you cynicism vanessa! haha. oooh and i didn't pierce my ears, was in too much of a rush. x( dang! ohh and tricia wants her name mentioned here because she helped me post an entry the last time: TRICIA! haha. xP

shireen: eh my name shall be mentioned too!!! lol...i love u vanessa!...missing u like crazy...must go out one day k??..study ok!!!tc gurlll...

there are things in this world that i don't understand.
and there's a lot of things i don't want to know.
but you're the only face i recognize.
it's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes.
it's alright, i'm okay.
i think God can explain.
i believe i'm the same, i get carried away.
the world seems bigger than the both of us.
yet it seems so small when i begin to cry.

she smiled
at 11:53 AM

Friday, June 04, 2004
i think i'm ready now.

HAPPY SWEET SIXTEEN CAROL! finally 16! unfair man. haha anyway, gonna see you later for harry potter yeahs? haha still remember "tom felton is so sexaye!" ?? hahaha. anyway, may God bless you always! manymanymany happy returns for the day. -hugs&kisses!- x)

simply[vannie] (ignore the one on the right)
wearing: blue polo and shorts.
eating/drinking: doritos, nachos and water.
watching/listening: baby boy - sean paul feat beyonce.
wishing: i could see my kittens.
wanting: a digicam! (this won't change for some time yet.)
experiencing: aching muscles.
missing: my kittens! and my dad.
loving: ven's nameless song!

(haha ripped that from jolene. hope she doesn't mind!)

got back from training a while ago and i'm dead beat! gosh. my arms and legs are hurting like crazy. -winces- urghhs. oh! and i actually forgot i had tuition yesterday! hahaha. whooops? oh, and do you notice that my right-side bar is quite messy? haha i'm speechless! hunnybunny*! you've got a terribly blur hubby! hahaha. x) ooh but the song there is REALLY nice! veryveryvery sweet. anyone who wants, ask!

hmmmm. going to watch harry potter with carol and company later to celebrate her birthday! haha. i'm thinking of getting my ears pierced too while i'm at it. so the grand total will stand at 6! x) can't hardly wait.

(You know there is two sides to every story)

See I don't know why you cryin' like a bitch.
Talkin' shit like a snitch.
Why'd you write a song 'bout me?
If you really didn't care,
You wouldn't wanna share,
Tellin' everybody just how you feel...

[ Fuck what I did was your fault somehow.
Fuck the presents, I threw all that shit out.
Fuck all the cryin' you didn't mean jack.
Well guess what yo, fuck you right back. ]x2

You thought you could really make me moan.
I had better sex all alone (hahahaha)
I had to do your friend.
Now you want me to come back.
You must be smokin' crack.
I'm goin' else where and that's a fact.

[ Fuck all those nights I moaned real loud.
Fuck it, I faked it, aren't you proud?
Fuck all those nights you thought you broke my back.
Well guess what yo, your sex was wack. ]x2

Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea
Whoa whoa
Uh uh yea

You questioned did I care?
Maybe I would howl if you wanna come to me.
Now it's over.
But I do admit i'm glad I didn't catch your crabs.
I can't swear bad cause I got to go.

Fuck what I did was your fault somehow
Fuck the presents, I threw all that shit out
Fuck all the cryin' you didn't mean jack
Well guess what yo, fuck you right back.

(Spoken) You made me do this.

watch this space! (thanks for blogging, julianne!)

she smiled
at 9:29 AM

Thursday, June 03, 2004
thank yous:
to bernie! tricia! veneta! shawn! mat!
THANK YOU for blogging for me. haha honestly, i'd probably have murdered my com if you guys wouldn't help me. haha so yes, this lame shout-out is to you guys. you rock! hahaha. x)

get your pens and papers out, ladies and gentlemen, and start taking notes! THIS is what vanessa wants for her birthday. all are welcome to purchase the gifts on her behalf and more than one present per person is truly welcome! -beams-

1. a digicam! (panasonic d-snap)
2. the corrs' new cd (borrowed heaven!)
3. collars for my darlings.
4. a nice dress.
5. semi-formal heels.
6. northstar/converse sneakers.
7. MONEY for movie tickets!
8. a computer which does not hate me.
9. a Jill Mansell book! or one by Sophie(?) Kinsella.
10. a naval stud so i won't have to use linn's. x)

have i mentioned i'm bored?

she smiled
at 4:19 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JILL! woah 17 already, you sexy thing! haha. anyway, you're in England now and i guess you won't read this for some time yet but oh well! haha. anyway, may God bless you always dear! manymanymany happy returns of the day. *hugs&kisses* love you cuzzie! x)

what are the joys and sorrows of being a teenager?
1. having a handphone. (not applicable to all)
2. more internet and msn time. (again, not applicable to all.)
3. more freedom. (DEFINITELY not applicable to all!)
4. more friends. (could be un-applicable.)
5. puberty.
6. boy-girl relationships.

1. parents don't trust you enough. (definitely applicable to all!)
2. not old enough to do the things you want to. (pubbing, piercing, tatts.)
3. being under your parents' fat thumbs til you're 21.
4. school. (need i say more?)
5. puberty. (lack of growth in certain areas, too much in others!)
6. boy-girl relationships.

haha. saw this question in one of the english homework assignments i'm supposed to do this hols and thought i'd give it a go. seriously, i could rant and rave a whole lot but i shall spare my faithful and ardent blog-readers. hahaha yeah riiight. x)

hmmm. today has been a boooring day. as always! gil came over to drop off certain stuffs in the morning (thanks for the star! x)) and am now expecting val but she hasn't called. haha. hmmm was talking to veneta a while ago and she wants to get her belly pierced too! haha i'm not alone. x) and heng too, but he wants a UV tatt. and we're quite alike eh! haha he likes bikes too. x) haha how ironical that the youths in CHURCH want tatts+piercings etc. hahaha.

mmmm. yesterday was a public holiday so mum took us out for swensens'! haha lurrrrve their food. hmmm went home after shopping for a bit and yeah. haha can anyone tell that this is going to be one helluva boring holiday? urrghhs!

some quotes from the Family!
Jus: *cheerily* What's our plan for today?
Mum: *indifferently* No plans for today.
Jus: *spluttering* But you said...!
Mum: *retorting* I didn't say anything. *picks up a pair of shoes* Whose shoes are these?
Jus: *whining* But you said...!
Mum: *tersely. waves the shoes* Whose shoes are these?
Jus: *still whining* But you said...!
Mum: *shouting* WHOSE SHOES ARE THESE?!
Jus: *meekly* Mine. *still mumbling under his breath* But she said...!

Me: *pondering and not concentrating on homework* Where do you most want to be right now?
Jus: *without looking up from his work* Heaven. *looks up and smiles* 'Cause Mum won't be there.
Me: *shocked but smiling* High-
Jus: *goes on* 'Cause she'll be in Hell. *looks at me pointedly* And you'll be in Hell too and i bet you'll both still be fighting there.
Me and Mum: *spluttering with laughter* Eh...!
Jus: *gleefully* And you'll definitely be fighting with the Devil to 'qiang wei zi'!

hahaha. what can i say man? heaven won't have me and hell's afraid i'll take over. x)


I still believe in feelings.
But sometimes I feel too much.
I make believe you're close to me...
But it ain't close enough.
Not nearly close enough...

she smiled
at 3:43 PM

Tuesday, June 01, 2004
this post is dedicated to tricia yeo hui boon because she helped me blog that one single time and without her my entire life would come to an end because i wouldn't be able to blog that one single time. so cheers tricia! x)

gosh i'm bored. and this bloody com is acting up. either that or it's blogger itself. pui! x( -makes face- gotta study this hols man. stupidstupidstupid. urghhs. and this week there's so much happening! cally's wedding, carol's birthday, opening of harry potter, mat's birthday, tricia's con... and i doubt my mum would let me go for anything! urgghs! whatever man.

and as a result of my boredom...

wishing: that i could go out! gosh. i'm under house-arrest! -makes face-
after this: dinner! -licks lips- yummm.
talking to: shawn, heng, gil and bert.
fetishes: tattooooooos! piercingssss! -beams- x) haha i just love them.
some favourite movies: 50 first dates! harry potter!
something you're looking forward to:
last thing you ate: ruffles potato chips! yummmmy. x)
something you're afraid of: roaches. being alone in the unknown! haha that rhymes.
some favourite foods: oh gosh, just FEED me! x)
something -or someones- you wish you could understand better: MY MOTHER. haha doesn't everyone?
miss someone you haven't seen in a long time: nope not really.

[in the last 24 hrs have you]:
cried: yupps. haha over a really stupid reason.
bought something: nope.
sang: haha yeah!! to myself when i'm feeling bored. haha.
eaten: yupp of course!
been kissed: nope.
felt stupid: yes! hahaha.
wanted to tell someone you love them, but you didn't: nope.
talked to an ex: nope.
talked to someone you have a crush on: haha not exactly.
had a serious talk: sort of, with carol this morning.
missed someone: yupps!
hugged someone: nope.
argued with a parent: not argued, just her yelling at me. haha.
dreamt about someone you can't be with: nope.

[Do you]:
like candles: -shrugs- kinda indifferent? haha.
like company: of course!
believe in soulmates: yupps.
believe in love at first sight: haha yeah, but it only happens once every million years.
believe in forgiveness: -sings- i believe forgiveness is the key to your own happiness... ('affirmation'; savage garden.)
want to get married: maybe.
want to have kids: NO.
ever want to adopt kids: ditto above!

who is your role model: my dad. he's so heeeep! x)
ever liked someone you can't be with: yup of course.
ever wanted to get revenge on someone 'cause they hurt you: haha of course! but i'm big hearted! hahaha *bragbrag*
cried over the opposite sex: nope.
your favourite physical appearance: as in mine or the other person's? i like the eyes. haha.
are you happy with yourself: no girl is happy with themselves! haha. but we make do.
what plans do you have for the future: hmmm. go to college/poly, get a job/go to U. i really don't know! haha. my aim is just to get through a day at a time. x)
who's your most trustworthy family member: my dad! x)
deep secret: as if i would tell it here!
embarrassing moments: too many to name man.

[social life]:
best girlfriend: andrea!! haha but there are really too many. hmmm guess it's nat or carol.
best guy friend: hmmm. don't know man. shawn? clarence? haha.
boyfriend/girlfriend: nope.
pager/cell: cell. it rocks! haha.
are you the center of attention or a wallflower: haha a wallflower!
would you rather be with friends or on a date: friends! hands down!
job: i want to work in theatre. but not at the moment obviously.
like being around people: definitely! wasn't this asked already?

three words that sum you up: anything but ordinary. -beams!- x)
jewelry worn daily: earrings.
wallet: pink+pink tones+black stripy brandless wallet. haha.
coffee: iced mocha latte from starbucks! x) yummmmm.
shoes: any sort. haha no prefrence.
cologne/perfume: oceanus, body shop. oh! but i love CK/Hugo Boss scents! nicee!
clothing you have on: green house shirt and school shorts. haha i'm so ij-y.

wooot. that was LONG.

she smiled
at 6:28 PM

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