the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

swimmer; drama mama; councillor;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
temporary insanity;


carol n.

[Chinese New Year]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;


Wednesday, March 31, 2004
but i can't reach you. i wish i knew what's going through your mind. can't touch you, your heart's protected and i get left behind.

today's been alright. not much to talk about actually? mmmm. chem test today wasn't too bad considering i was sleeping through most of it. ohh! and nalli, i'm not depressed. haha she kept asking me if i was okay so many times today 'cause i didn't talk to her. haha she should be glad! =) so anyway. shall talk about yesterday. =)

i think nearly 3/4 of our class ponned sports day. -beams- haha. went to tasha's house yesterday morning to do some "studying" and we ended up at the pool for about 3 hours. fun! haha. just lazing about, doing nothing. and i was suntanning my tummy! but it was pretty stupid 'cause i was wearing jeans. couldn't swim 'cause of that once-a-month nightmare. haha so i kept burning myself every time i sat up and that metal button on my jeans touched my stomach! haha. i shall not even think up an excuse to defend myself. xP mmmm. then we were playing truth-or-truth (we were too lazy to do dares.) and it was lots of fun! haha. and tasha's jearous because i can burp and she can't. -gloats- ohh. and we were playing dress-up with tasha's assortment of beautiful clothes. haha yes, we're a bit too old for that. -embarrassed-

then we left, and carol and i went to lido to meet shawn, sebastian and lai for the show. 'my girl' is quite a good movie, just that it kinda lacked that 'ooomph' factor? yeahh. but simplicity's a good thing right? and the two leads were so cute! haha. x) anyway. after that i started thinking about a lot of things and i guess i didn't talk much. haha my brain has terrible timing. anyway. went down to toa payoh and had dinner at macs. saw elsa there (green house won! -beams-) and she was feeling sick so lai took her to the doctor's. then carol had to go home and have dinner before going for penitential service. then i had to leave for amaths tuition. and i met erika at the bus-stop and that IRRITATING, STINKY, STICKY girl hugged me. and she's gloating about it on her blog too. you wait! haha. but overall it was a great day, can't remember the last time i smiled and laughed for real.

she rolls the window down,
and she talks over the sound
of the cars that pass us by.
and i don't know why
but she's changed my mind.

would you look at her?
she looks at me.
she's got me thinking about her constantly.
but she doesn't know how i feel.
and if she carries on without a doubt,
i wonder if she's figured out
i'm crazy for this girl.
yeah, i'm crazy for this girl...

happiness is a state of mind.

she smiled
at 8:05 PM

Monday, March 29, 2004
"always, forever," all the things she said. "never say never," those simple lies that she fed.

had a medical examination today! gosh. you know 'cause of my crooked spine, the nurses had to examine it specially? yeahh. so there was a bunch of us who had to be examined, and they made us take off our BRAS as well! omg. utter embarrassment! haha. everyone was complaining about how violated they felt. xP anyway! my mother came to school today to talk to mrs tay about the issue of dropping chem. why can't they just make a damned decision? but i have to admit, my mother's pretty alright. you just have to see things from her point-of-view all the time. which isn't easy. but i'm trying. =/

tomorrow's sports day. i think the whole class is ponning. haha. don't know what else to say so i shan't say anything. x)

i'm sleeping at night
in the middle of a deep dream.
when all at once i wake up.
there's something that keeps
knocking at my brain.
before i go insane,
i hold a pillow to my head.
i sit up in my bed,
screaming out the words i dread
"I think I love you!"

this morning i woke up with this feeling
i don't know how to deal with.
so i just decided to myself,
i'd hide it to myself,
and never talk about it,
and did not go and shout it
when you walked into the room.
"I think I love you!"

i think i love you,
so what am i so afraid of?
i'm afraid that i'm not sure of
a love there is no cure for.
i think i love you.
isn't that what love is made of?
so it worries me to say,
that i've never felt this way.

she smiled
at 7:48 PM

Sunday, March 28, 2004
sunday again. monday tomorrow. again.
am in the midst of trying to get my irritating mother to let me drop chemistry once and for all.
everyone tells me it's a good move.
if only that idiot could see that.
i'm not in a good mood obviously.
and i can't find my notebook! my beloved book.
-tears- =(
well anyway... i went out with my dad yesterday.
to his and my step-mum's house.
it's really strange seeing wedding photos of them together.
hmmm. but i played with my darling kittens.
they're huge! only 6 months old though.
and just the last time i saw them, they could fit into my palm.

been studying chinese the whole damn day.
my mother says i'm not studying hard enough.
truth is, i'm already feeling the pressure.
i'm just not showing it.
is that possible?
yeahh. i'm not the kind of person who'll break down before the exams.
stay up all night mugging, maybe.
but i'm not the sort to crack.
i just wish she'd understand.
but she never does.

No Time.
I knelt to pray but not for long,
I had too much to do.
I had to hurry and get to work.
For bills would soon be due.

So I knelt and said a hurried prayer,
And jumped up off my knees.
My Christian duty was now done.
My soul could rest at ease.

All day long I had no time
To spread a word of cheer.
No time to speak of Christ to friends,
They'd laugh at me, I'd fear.

No time, no time, too much to do,
That was my constant cry.
No time to give to souls in need,
But at last the time to die.

I went before the Lord, I came,
I stood with downcast eyes.
For in his hands God held a book;
It was the book of life.

God looked into his book and said,
"Your name I cannot find.
I once was going to write it down...
But never found the time."

Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell?
Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God).
Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing?
Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them?
Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me?
Are you laughing?

got this through an email that val sent me.
received it quite a few times before, but hey.
doesn't hurt to keep spreading the faith right?
hahaha. =)
oh and i finished the 'order of the phoenix' book!
it rocks. nearly made me start crying. haha.
and my arm is covered in black squiggly lines
'cause i was tracing my veins while studying.
so it's covered from my palm to my elbow. haha.

health screening tomorrow. wheeeee.
how i'm going to enjoy being told my back is crooked.

she smiled
at 6:00 PM

Thursday, March 25, 2004
and i don't ever wanna be like you, i don't wanna do the things you do.

it's a new day, but it all feels old.
it's a good life, that's what i'm told.
but everyday it all just feels the same.

*points* so darn true, right? haha. today's been alright i guess, just tiring and humid like hell as always. had pe which consisted of tps throwing another menopausal tantrum. why is she always doing that to our class? and ONLY our class?! so irritating. yeesh. haha but anyway. lessons today were alright, same old, same old. and physics practical was alright too. OH! and i got my physics test back today, i got 16/20! -beams- i'm so proud of myself. haha the first ever A i got for a physics test! x) hahaha. mmmm. haven't been blogging a lot or online a lot too. haha. this may actually indicate a lessened desire to spend mindless hours on the internet researching and reading brain-corrupting thoughts -- ergo, it's a good thing. =)

and i don't ever wanna be like you!
i don't wanna do the things you do!
i'm never gonna hear the words you say!

hahaha. i love good charlotte! x) ooh. and read this story, it's so cute!

An old man lived alone in Idaho. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Son,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad.

A few days later he received a letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the BODIES.
Love, Son.

At 4am the next morning, F.B.I. agents and local police showed up and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Son.

The moral of the story: Work smart not just hard. USE your brain, in the perceived impossible, sometimes it can make the impossible possible.

do you really wanna be like them? do you really wanna be another trend? do you wanna be part of the crowd?

she smiled
at 6:34 PM

Sunday, March 21, 2004
(ripped from erika's blog)

1. Pierce your nose or tongue?: nose. i can't imagine having to go without solid edible platable food for two weeks.
2. Be serious or be funny?: a balance? haha i suppose it's just a matter of looking on the bright side of things. =)
3. Gstring or thongs?: thongs! g-strings are the world's most impractical, annoying things! hahaha.
4. Whole or skim milk?: -pukes-
5. Single or Taken?: (hahah erika, you swine!) single.
6. Simple or complicated?: simplicity is the key*
7. Law or anarchy?: what's anarchy? does it mean rebellion? if it does then i'm for it!
8. Flowers or angels?: -frowns- neither?
9. Grey or gray?: grey. haha don't ask me why.
10. Read or write?: read.
11. Color or black-and-white photos?: hmmm depends on the photo and its mood.
12. Sunrise or sunset?: mmmm both are beautiful but i like sunsets! haha it depends on the people i'm with.
13. M&M's or Skittles?: m&m's!
14. Rap or rock?: -scrunched up face-
15. Stay up late or wake up late?: both! hahaha.
16. TV or Radio?: tv
17. Is it POP or SODA?: does it matter?
18. X or O in Tic-tac-toe?: X. easier to write haha.
20. Eat an apple or an orange?: apples!
21. What came first the chicken or the egg?: ask me if i could give a shit. haha.
22. Hot or Cold?: hot. haha in any case.
24. Tall members of the opposite sex or short?
25. Sun or moon?: both. moon-bathing's a lot of fun!
26. Emerald or ruby?: ruby! july's birthstone.
28. Left or right?: -shrugs-
29. 10 acquaintances or 1 best friend?: 1 best friend.
30. Vanilla ice cream or chocolate ice cream?: chocolate!
31. High or Drunk?: drunkk.
32. Green beans or carrots?: -makes face-
33. Low fat or fat free?: mmmmm -licks lips- faaaaaaaaat.
34. What is your biggest fear in the world?: not living my life to the fullest / looking back and having regrets / my loved ones being hurt / roaches / being alone in the unknown.
36. Kids or no kids?: haha. i just told carol yesterday to shoot me if i ever said i wanted kids.
37. Cat or dog?: cats!!
38. Half empty or half full?: half full.
39. Mustard or ketchup?: yucks.
40. Hard cover books or soft cover books?: hard-cover?
41. Newspaper or magazine?: mags but not newsweek or readers' digest please!
42. Sandals or sneakers?: sneakers.
43. Wonder or amazement?: don't they mean the same thing? -puzzled-
44. Red car or white car?: blazing red!
45. Happy and poor or sad and rich?: is this a trick question? hmm i don't know.
46. Singing or dancing?: singing. haha you've not known true horror until you see me dance. hahaha.
47. Hugging or Kissing?: haha both!
48. Corduroy or plaid?: -shrugs-
49. Happy or sad?: -incredulous- happy!
50. Purple or green?: purple.
51. A year of hot sex or a lifetime of friendship?: hahahahahahahahaha. WELL. friendship, of course.

[Last time you:]
Really Smiled: today, 'cause i was wrestling with my brother. hahaha.
Laughed: ditto above!
Cried: mmmm some time ago i think.
Danced: haha i do not wish to recall!
Were sarcastic: today.
Kissed someone: haha i can't remember, but i think it was when i kissed robyn in class.
Watched your favorite movie: don't have a favourite movie.
Had a nightmare: hmmm been a while.

[ A Last time for everything.. ]
Last book you read: harry potter and the order of the phoenix. still reading actually haha.
Last song you heard: something about you, five for fighting and toxic, britney.
Last thing you had to drink: orange juice.
Last time you showered: just now.
Last thing you ate: my mum's spaghetti! yummmmm.

[ Fashion ]
1. Do you wear a watch: daily.
2. How many coats and jackets do you own: hmmm two. i am truly deprived.
3. Most expensive item you've bought: hahaha i can't remember but i'm sure it wasn't too expensive.
4. What kind of shoes do you wear?: normal shoes? haha school shoes, slips.

[ Friends ]
1. Do your friends 'know' you: sort of? in certain ways, but i don't think they know me inside out and stuff.
2. How are you with your friends: normal i suppose. crappy and ditzy i guess? haha.
3. Are there traits in you that are universally liked: hahahaha is there?
4. Are there people that you tell everything to: nope. not everything.

[ Other ]
1. Favorite band ever: too many to name.
2. Most listened to band: jay chou? 5566? haha.
3. Do you find any musicians: what?
4. Can you play an instrument?: hahaha erika we're in the same boat. nope!
5. Type of music listened to: mostly all sorts.
6. Type never listened to: umm classical.

[ Stuff ]
1. Do you own any plaid clothing: nope.
2. Do you own Converse shoes: nope.
3. Do you own Saucony shoes: what's that?
4. Do you own old school Nikes: nope.
5. Do you wear tight pants: haha tight jeans, yes.
6. Is there more than one zipper in your pants: is there supposed to be more than one?
7. Do you own a messenger bag: -baffled- what's a messenger bag?
8. Do you wear your messenger bag across your chest?: ditto above.

[ARE YOU...]
A Vegetarian?: -wide eyes- over my dead body.
A Good Student?: -snorts-
A Good Driver?: (HAHAHAHAHA. erika!) i don't drive.
Good At Sports?: haha nope.
A Good Singer?: well i try. hahaha.
A good Actor/Actress?: i try.
A deep sleeper?: nope, i wake up at the slightest noise. unless i'm completely beat.
Shy?: sometimes.
Outgoing?: i try to be
A good storyteller?: hahaha i TRY okay?!?!?!

[DO YOU...]
Enjoy parks?: sometimes.
Like Picnics?: they're alright, provided company's good. =)
Like School?: i tolerate it.
Like the color pink?: sometimes! hahaha.
Wet the bed?: haha nope.
Collect anything?: nope.
Like to sing?: yeps! =)
Like to shop?: -beams-
Like to Party?: who doesn't?
Get in trouble a lot?: -rolls eyes- it's a daily affair.
Chew your food before swallowing?: i'd be insane not to.
Love someone: of course!

Go to a DEFTONES concert if you had free ticket?: what in the world is deftones?
Ever get a tattoo?: yup! =)
Ever get any body parts pierced?: yup! can't wait til june! -beams-
Kill someone you didn't know for 15 million dollars?: nope.
If you were stuck on a planet which one person would you want with you?: mmm i don't know.
If you're house was on fire what three things would you take?: hmmm assuming my family members get out alright... all my money. my memories box. my phone?
If you were stuck on a planet with Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne and you were starving which one would you eat?: is roseanne fatter than rosie? and why are we always stuck on a planet??
If someone offered you a small part in a movie would you accept? if it's not a porn movie, sure!
What would you do for a klondike bar?: what's that?

you dance: toxic! hahaha i LOVE that song.
you die: hmmm.
you are buried: HMMMMM.
you sleep: i won't be able to sleep with anything playing.
you say "I love you": something about you! great song. or any sappy love song, really. haha.
you cry: "superman (it's not easy)"
you laugh: any upbeat and fast song.
you kill: (erika, you're bonkers.) this is a psycho question.

she smiled
at 9:00 PM

baby, there's something about you that i can hold onto.

seems i've been blogging less and less recently. haha i suppose it's 'cause of school. there's not much to talk about without school and all it's quirky happenings. and it's pretty sad when you think about it, not having enough to blog about because you're on holiday. -shoulders droop- as i've no social life to write about whatsoever. =( haha. anyway! school starts again tomorrow. wheeeee. i'm thrilled.

i pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy.
just like all my thoughts: they always get a bit naughty.
when I'm out with my girls, i always play a bit bitchy.
can't change the way i am
sexy, naughty, bitchy me.

hahaha. i know it's a shitty song, but it's stuck in my head. mmmm. oh, and the Five For Fighting song 'Something About You' is really good too! such a sweet+sad song. =) -starts humming- OH! and my mum bought the 'harry potter- order of the phoenix' book for me 'cause it was on sale! hahaha. s'lovely book. been reading it ever since friday and i'm still about eight chapters away from the end. -rubs hands with glee- =)


she smiled
at 7:47 PM

Thursday, March 18, 2004
gosh. been quite long since i've been here.
oh, and i'm going to type like this today.
all short sentences and staccato-like. haha.
well. my thighs HURT. since yesterday.
and training this morning has made it worse.
now, every step is complete, absolute TORTURE.
mmmm. haven't exactly done a lot of studying.
haha. whoops?
on tuesday, mat came over (invaded, as she claims) and
we were supposed to study but ended up talking and
gossiping after about 5 minutes. haha.
then carol called and she came over. and we then had a
complete bitching session in full-swing. how nice! haha.
mmmm. went to watch haunted mansion after
that with carol and shawn and it was shit freaky! haha. well,
not too bad actually. and it wasn't as *wow* as the trailers
made it out to be. ahh well.

yesterday. met nalli in school at around 9am to do our lit
project. and she was too busy raving on and on about her newly
threaded eyebrows and dirty dancing
(maybe we shoulda seen that instead.)
so i didn't feel like studying.
so she didn't feel like studying.
so we didn't study! amazing, isn't it? x)
haha. so bitched til about 11. then headed down to the library
where carol joined us. had to rush back for lunch though, which
sucked. =/ haha.

today. went for training with my thighs still crying in pain.
slept for a couple more hours when i came home.
haha so damn interesting right? -rolls eyes-
am severely bored.
want to go to linn's birthday party tomorrow but i can't.
want to go with the cyf people to sentosa tomorrow but i can't.
want to go play pool with carol and her friends tomorrow but i can't.
don't want to go for physics tuition tomorrow but i HAVE TO.
life's a bitch.

PLEASE NOTE! If somebody called munro1@hotmail.com adds you. dont accept it. Its a virus. Tell everyone on ur msn because if somebody on ur list adds them u get the virus too. Copy and paste this to everyone you know.

'cause here in my heart, there's a picture of us.
together forever, unfaded and unbroken.
whereever you are, your love follows me.
forever more, you'll be here in my heart.

she smiled
at 2:39 PM

Friday, March 12, 2004
i don't want to be the one whose battles always choose. 'cause inside i realise that i'm the one confused.

today was alright i suppose. mostly class was just boring. haha as usual! =/ oh, but all the nasty stuff happened after school when i met the juniors to go for the invitational relay at yio chu kang swimming complex. haha and i've been complaining to both my parents, my brother, the swimmers, christine and shawn. haha. sorry, you lot.

HEARHEAR: i am pissed off at all raffles schools! they're such fishballs okay! freaking frigging fishballs! -snarls- today. they made us take the blardy bus to the blardy interchange and then take the bloody train to the bloody swimming complex at yio chu kang only to bloody LAUGH in our bloody faces because those bloody fishballs had already swum the bloody invitational relay WITHOUT US. EARLY. can you sense the spite in this?! just because we won the debate matches, the netball matches. spiteful fishballs! stupid imbecilic fishballs! puipuipui! and i don't care how many bloody raffles fishballs i offend out there! -sitcks out tongue- i WILL NOT forget this! -glares- so blardy embarrassing okay! and even the bloody RI boys were laughing! -glares!- at first, when a couple of girls from another school came up and told us that we'd missed the relay, we didn't believe it 'cause we thought they were being bitches and just trying to throw us off. and it turned out to be true! -winces-

(as we were walking out) charlene: make your face thick a bit and walk straight out.

hah. but this is NOT funny. bloody fishballs! i'm damn pissed. and i can't even swear properly because of lent. -glares somemore- anyway. charlene and i were blardy pissed. the pissed-est ones in the group because she wanted to go out and i wanted to watch the play! read christine's blog and glad to know we did well, even if we didn't win! -standing ovation- given the time we had, YOU guys pulled off an awesome job! carol roxy nalli shireen wyna erika natasha corinne binny robyn stephi and everyone else! 4/niners rock! =)

when you look at me, tell me: what do you see?
this is what you get. it's the way i am.
when i look at you, i wanna be, i wanna be
somewhere close to heaven with the neanderthal man.

am still pissed. blaaaaahhhh. xP carol+val are going for cyf camp tomorrow! i wanna go, but my mum doesn't allow. unfair! =( well. enjoy yourselves, yes! haha. remember to call me at night and tell me how it's like there alright! =)

gotstago. got a date with my textbooks. meep.

i don't know how i got this way, i'll never be alright. so i'm breaking the habit tonight.

she smiled
at 8:07 PM

Thursday, March 11, 2004
you are all i need to get me through. like a falling star i fell for you! you have shown me how to love, an ANGEL sent from high above. now i know that all i need is you*

HELLO WORLD! haha. in a good mood today. TGIFT! (thank God it's friday tomorrow!) hahaha. my lameness is showing. x) hmmm. pe was rubbish as always. ms teo's always making us do stupid circuit trainings! and 4/8 gets to play football and all the fun stuff! -grumbles- unfairr. =( oh and she was being such a bitch today! she scolded a few of us just because we went to buy drinks after pe. exactly WHAT is wrong with that?! isn't it natural to be thirsty after pe?! madness! x( haha. ohh! and we had show-and-tell again today and ms chow was telling us about her blind (and apparently pretty stupid) dog. haha it was hilarious! =) most of the teachers we got this year are great, even though there are SOME exceptions like janny lee and ELT. but other than that i think we're pretty lucky! haha. =)

overall-y my day was alright. =) even chem practical today wasn't too painful. ohh! during chinese i was making silly lists. it's quite fun to make them haha. =) and, as a result of boredom...

things to do during next week:
1. study chinese!
2. emaths holiday homework.
3. go jogging every evening.
4. go for morning trainings on every day except monday and sunday.
5. make notes for physics and memorize 3 chapters.
6. study amath! and do amath and emath daily.
7. lit project with nalli.
8. meeting to do the green house stuff.
9. borrow a few good books from the library and remember to pay off the fines.
10. sleep before 11 every night. =)

things i want to buy:
1. wallet! ($20)
2. jacket! ($30)
3. black sleeveless shirt. ($10)
4. kitten-heeled flip-flops. ($29.90 - OP)
5. short shorts. ($22.90)
6. contacts! ($120)

target for mid-year exams:
english -- A1
chinese -- A2
emaths -- A1
amaths -- B4
literature -- A2
ss/geog -- A1
physics -- A2
chemistry -- C6

abhorrent slang words:
1. sia
2. wah piang
3. power
4. hor / lor (even if i'm guilty of it sometimes!)
5. relaC

countries / places i wanna go:
1. england.
2. florida.
3. france.
4. new york.
5. melbourne.
6. taiwan.
7. new zealand.

where i want to be in ten years:
1. RICH. $$$
2. working in theatre.
3. engaged. (haha.)
4. travelled a little more. (and gone skinny-dipping! hah.)
5. having my own cat.
6. having my own bike.
7. still keeping in touch with my friends.
8. still blogging near-daily.
9. hopefully not making anymore lists.

can you tell i was veryveryvery bored? -nods- unspeakably! haha ignore me. rgs relay tomorrow. -sticks out tongue- i don't want to swim!

if you could see what i see...
you're the answer to my prayers.
if you could feel the tenderness i feel,
you would know, it would be clear.
that angels brought me here...


i don't know much, but i know i love you. and that may be all i need to know.

she smiled
at 7:05 PM

Wednesday, March 10, 2004
the girls need a break. tonight i'm gonna take the chance to get out on the town. we don't need romance, we only wanna dance! we're gonna let our hair hang down.

man! i feel like a woman! haha. i love that song! -beams- haha. anyways! today's been alright. hmmm got back our emaths and chinese papers today, and i'm pleased to announce that for chinese, i'm only about 5 marks away from an A2! -prays hard- i'll make it! haha. self-motivation is important. emaths was 18/25 and though it's not that good, it's only needs a few more marks to improve to an A1. haha. but the chem test today was rubbish! it's like every few steps i take forward, chem and amaths sets me a few back. -sighs- oh well. maybe that tutor my mother wants to get will help me pass. -pouts- irritating. =/

hmmm. the play's on friday! yeesh. and so is the rgs relay. and i don't want to swim! but pq's injured and sarah won't swim. HOW! -panics- i don't wanna swim! -sighs- =( anyway! carol, cheryl and qibing came over to study just now. haha but i wasn't in the mood to study so i was just sitting there stoning, while cheryl was slogging away! haha i think she got the most done out of the four of us. and carol plays the piano really well! haha. i guess that's 'cause i don't play it, but really she's awesomest. hahaha. =) and nat and i were being sick in class today! haha yeesh. and i bet she was getting horny! haha. alright i shan't say anymore. -tries not to smile- haha. =)

don't lose your way, with each passing day.
you've come so far, don't throw it away!
live believing, dreams are for weaving.
wonders are waiting to start.
live your story, faith, hope and glory.
hold to the truth in your heart.
if we hold on together, i know our dreams will never die.
dreams see us through to forever, as clouds roll by...
for you and i.

^^from the show 'Land Before Time'! gosh. it was so sad okay.

and if you lose your way, think back to yesterday. remember me this way... remember me this way.

she smiled
at 6:19 PM

Tuesday, March 09, 2004
another day is passing by, i'm thinking about you all the time. but you're out there, and i'm here waiting.

been some time since i came online! good to be back. haha. anyway! ms yue changed our places yesterday, and now i'm at the back with nalli and it's shit hard to see anything! -pouts- unfairr. and everyone's been split up and messed up. and i can just figure out which -censored- teachers were the ones that requested the change! -more censored words- i think my Lenten promise of stopping my swearing is getting nowhere. haha. xP

today was alright! haha. ms wan's absent + ms yue went to watch the netball match = no boring *egad!* sex lessons = no stupid+boring geography lessons = no emaths lesson = 5 free periods! -speechless- there is a god! hahaha. but that was a nicee surprise. anyway, we spent the free periods working on the play and i discovered i wouldn't be there on friday to act. haha but i'm an extra anyway so it's alright! haha. i think we've made progress but it's still a bit short and a bit boring. but no worries! 4/9ers don't give up so easily. haha i think i'm going maddd. school's getting boring-er and boring-er. irritating! x(

my mum wants to get one of the boys in her office to tutor me for amaths, physics and chemistry. i shall die. =( not much to talk about. shall try to remember more the next time i blog. =) tkcare all!

let us eat, drink and be merry!
for tomorrow, we shall die!

god must hate me, curse me for eternity! god must hate me, maybe you should pray for me...!

she smiled
at 5:23 PM

Saturday, March 06, 2004
i'm sorry chris. i shouldn't have written those things. and yeah, basically that's it. i'm sorry.

she smiled
at 9:06 PM

i feel lost. just read christine's blog. yeahh. maybe i am screwing my life up. maybe i am being hypocritical. maybe i'm not trying hard enough. maybe for once in my life, i'm trying to find a meaning. maybe i'm just tired of trying. maybe i want god to be there. maybe i just want to be left alone. maybe i don't ever want that to happen. maybe i'm scared of losing my friends. maybe i'm just scared. maybe i want to make my friends happy. maybe i just don't know how to do that. maybe i want people to believe in me. maybe i should do something about that first. maybe i'm being stupid. maybe i am stupid. maybe i want to go back to the past. maybe i should realise there's no way that's going to happen. maybe i should wake up. maybe i should pray this is all a long nightmare. maybe there's someone. maybe there isn't. maybe i wish i wasn't quite so idiotic and blur. maybe i want to change... but do you know that? maybe i wish i could answer your questions. maybe i wish you'd never asked. maybe i am fucked. maybe i wish i knew how to change.

maybe i'm trying. but i don't know how.

she smiled
at 9:06 PM

bounce, baby, out the door! i ain't gonna take this no more.

today was alright i guess. had training this morning with sarah, and met my other junior, hannah. she seems pretty nice. =) training wasn't too bad today either (for once!) dread going again on wednesday, though. =( mmm. after that, bought breakfast and came home to change and go out with dad. (sorry, carol, that i couldn't make the play rehearsal! =( sorrry.) anyway, went to his office and sat around doing nothing, waiting for an important fax i think. left after waiting for a while, and went to toa payoh to have lunch. then i had to leave at 2 for tuition... i can't help feeling there's something missing. it doesn't feel right anymore. i think we're drifting so far apart and so fast, soon there's going to be nothing left but cold politeness. i HATE this feeling. =/

anyway. was s'posed to meet up with mat after tuition but the stupid girl was late so i walked around with gilbert and greg for a bit (met chris and cheryl chua too! all red and burnt! from playing netball i think.) before meeting her. mass was kinda shitty 'cause everyone was totally quiet and i don't mean that i expect people to talk during mass or anything but it was just weird. yeahh. i think that's how today should be described = weird. finally got my camera back from shawn though. haha King Ditz! xP anyway, back home now. hoorah.

hold on, if you feel like letting go.
hold on, it gets better than you know.
don't stop looking, you're one step closer.
don't stop searching, it's not over!

everything's gone funny. i don't like it this way.

i'm just a kid and life is a nightmare. i'm just a kid, and i know it's not fair.

she smiled
at 8:40 PM

todayyyyy. i can't remember much. hahaha. oh! i learnt how to blow bubbles with bubblegum! haha i'm such a pathetic loser. xP but it's a lot of fun! haha. was trying to blow them in the bus on the way home, and i think everyone was staring and staring at me. haha. and the amaths test SUCKED. janny lee is going to murder me... -sighs- haha and nat, chris and i were blowing bubbles in her face! haha. anyway! after school, went home and had a bath and lunch then went to church to do a little bit of studying with val, mat and carol. too bad that carol had to leave not long after i got there. =/ haha would have been nice to study with her again! especially after studying with her and shawn on wednesday. haha those two! forever arguing. so anyway, studied a while (mat and i were both listening to jay chou on my discman! (which i finally got back after it's been repaired! yayers!)) and then went for dinner. oooh and cyf today was dead spooky! the Father that came in and gave us a talk about occult and all was really great! i mean, he managed to put the message across even though he had to freak us all out. haha everyone was saying how they wouldn't be able to sleep at night! hah. for the sake of those among us who have far weaker hearts, i shall not elaborate on what the Father said. but it was reeeeeally quite scary. yeeesh. -shudders-

she smiled
at 8:39 PM

today was fine, i suppose. had PE and i haven't gained any weight! yayers. haha but i haven't lost any either. yeeesh. =/ but pe was fun 'cause we were playing badminton with joteo! haha that was quite fun la, just pallying around with an ex-teacher? haha. ooh and there's a dead snake in the grassy area behind the dance studio! haha first time i've seen a dead snake up close man. but it wasn't terribly disgusting so that was a bit of a disappointment. haha. x) hmmm. show-and-tell today was quite interesting too. i like the concept of show-and-tell! haha just 'cause i've never had show-and-tell lessons before and it's all new to me. hahaha but so interesting! =) val's one was on her 'memory box' and i was like 'shucks, wish i'd remembered that!' haha. i've got one too, 'cept it's a drawer full of memories with stuff like letters, presents etc. =) ohhh! and I MISS TAN POH YOKE! *egad!* hah. but really!! my relief chinese teacher sucks okay. she puts the whole bleeeding (shireen! our word! hah.) class to bleeeding sleep! haha. terrible bore! i can't wait to have tpy back. i mean, i don't like her anymore than i do the relief, but it would be gratifying to at least be able to stay awake during lesson! xP mmmm. our emaths and physics practical test today weren't too bad! quite easy actually, which is a relief. ohh and shireen, nat, robyn and i were talking about bungs+bungs+bungs after school while waiting for practical to start! (and here i thought i was going to get a bit of studying done!) hahaha was soooo funny! we were talking about how the sec1s ADORE+WORSHIP+IDOLISE some bungs in school. haha was a bleeeding riot! hah. =)

she smiled
at 8:39 PM

Monday, March 01, 2004
some girls dance with women, knowing that it gets them attention.

monday blues again. chinese test today wasn't so bad 'cept that i didn't remember most of the words. hahaha. what's new! xP anyway, most of the teachers that came in today were all talking about grades and the O-level results and all. now the pressure is ON! everyone's saying how we must definitely do millions of times better because our PSLE scores were better than the batch that just graduated. =/ does it really work like that? and of course, at recess we were all talking about where we wanna go after secondary school, a topic which is quite thoroughly discussed every few days! haha. mmmm. VJC's getting farther and farther away. think i'll need 6 points to get in, somthing, considering my chinese and physics marks which will never get me an A1, is completely beyond my reach! -sighs- but it's either VJC or poly, 'cause of the course that i wanna take. fiddlesticks! hah.

gotstarun. physics revision awaits. =/

With the taste of your lips, I'm on a ride. You're [toxic] I'm slippin' under... With a taste of the poison paradise, I'm addicted to you. Don't you know that you're [toxic]?

she smiled
at 5:02 PM

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