the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

swimmer; drama mama; councillor;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
temporary insanity;


carol n.

[Chinese New Year]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;


Sunday, February 29, 2004
and a friend's a friend forever, if the Lord's the Lord of them. and a friend will not say never, 'cause the welcome will not end.

bitchfest: my family of fellow bitches! haha. well, what can i say? i've known some of you since sec1 (abish, carol, nat), some since primary school (stephi!) and some only last year (tasha, chris) but it's been a year since we've gotten to know each other much better and i'm grateful that you've all been there for me when i was down and out. it's almost depressing that our last year in IJ will see us all studying and studying and mugging away, and all those times we had in 3/9 last year with all the shouting and slacking and laughing will be just a memory (haha i'm going to make you ALL cry!) but i'm definitely not going to forget any of you! nat's fiction, stephi's quirky quotes, chris' ranting, carol's horny-ness, abish's fudge brownies, tasha's princess lifestyle... little things that i appreciate from all of you and that are special to me. nat, thanks for always listening to my repetitive lamenting and for just screwing my head on tight. -hugsyoutight- i don't know what i'd have done without you last year. and even if we don't agree on things, like you told me before, know that i love you and i always will. =) carol+chris, you two and your market auntie voices! haha. definitely the loudest friends i've ever made and i'm thankful 'cause your hearts are as big as those voices. am so glad to have gotten to know carol better, and that chris still gave our friendship a shot even though she'd heard many things about me in sec1 and 2. =) thanks so much for everything. -mucho hugs- tasha+stephi+abish: only got to know tasha better somewhere mid last year and i guess we clicked well since we're both equally lame. haha! but i'm thankful i didn't miss out in getting to know a diva like you! remember i love you, yes, princess?! haha. =) and stephi, the sweeetie* who had her hair rebonded together with me! can still remember how we were sms-ing in the salon 'cause we were seated far apart. likewise, even if we're far apart in future, you'll always be in my heart! -manyhugs!- abish, you're just always there to add some cheer, and you always seem to know just the right thing to say to brighten up an otherwise bleak day. x) -hugss!- myBITCHES! as we go on, we remember, all the times we had together. and as our lives change, come whatever, we will still be friends forever.

just felt like writing a little something for the bitchfest family. haha. =) more later for everyoneee! x) anyway! today's been fine so far. note the "so far"! had emath tuition which wasn't too bad, 'cept that the teacher told us we were going to have a test next week. whooooopeee. another test to end (or start?) the week. yeeeesh. =/ i'm going to study real hard for this chinese test, cause i wanna get an A if only to see that i actually *can*. going to 'PING!' for this one! haha. =) and i'm going to be a good girl for once and do my assignments and start revision on my physics. only got a 55/100 for my last test so i'm going to have to improve at least 10 marks. -starts singing- we will get there... haha. lameness has infected my brain. OHH. and my mum wants me to take up amath tuition again. -distressed- i suppose the only good that'll come out of it is that i'll be able to rub it in that stupid woman's face when i actually pass. -harumphs!- hahaha. IGNORE ME.

The Ballad of Charlotte Dymond. -- Charles Causley
It was a Sunday evening
And in the April rain
That Charlotte went from our house,
And never came home again.

Her shawl of diamond redcloth,
She wore a yellow gown,
She carried a green gauze handkerchief
She bought in Bodmin town.

About her throat her necklace
And in her purse her pride
As she walked out one evening
Her lover at her side.

Out beyond the marshes
Where the cattle stand,
With her crippled lover
Limping at her hand.

Charlotte walked with Matthew
Through the Sunday mist,
Never saw the razor
Waiting at his wrist.

Charlotte she was gentle
But they found her in the flood
Her Sunday beads among the reeds
Beaming with her blood.

Matthew, where is Charlotte
and wherefore has she flown?
For you walked out together
And now are come alone.

Why do you not answer,
Stand silent as a tree,
Your Sunday woollen stockings
All muddied to the knee?

Why do you mend your breast-pleat
With a rusty needle's thread
And fall with fears and silent tears
Upon your single bed?

Why do you sit so sadly
Your face the colour of clay
And with a green gauze handkerchief
Wipe the sour sweat away?

Has she gone to Blisland
To seek an easier place,
And is that why your eye won't dry
And blinds your bleaching face?

"Take me home!" cried Charlotte,
"I lie here in the pit!
A red rock rests upon my breasts,
And my naked neck is split!"

Her skin was soft as sable,
Her eyes were wide as day,
Her head was blacker than the bog
That licked her life away.

Her cheeks were made of honey,
Her throat was made of flame
Where all around the razor
Had written its red name.

As Matthew turned at Plymouth
About the tilting Hoe,
The cold and cunning Constable
Up to him did go:

"I've come to take you, Matthew,
Unto the Magistrate's door.
Come quiet now, you pretty poor boy.
And you must know what for."

"She is pure," cried Matthew,
"As is the early dew,
Her only stain it is the pain
that round her neck i drew!"

"She is guiltless as the day
She sprang forth from her mother.
The only sin upon her skin
Is that she loved another..."

They took him off to Bodmin,
They pulled the prison bell,
They sent him smartly up to Heaven
And dropped him down to Hell.

All through the granite kingdom
And on its travelling airs
Ask which of these two lovers
The most deserves your prayers.

And your steel heart search, Stranger,
That you may pause and pray
For lovers who come not to bed
Upon their wedding day.

But lie upon the moorland
Where stands the sacred snow
Above the breathing river,
And the salt sea-winds go.

(Charlotte Dymond, a domestic servant aged 18, was murdered near Rowtor Fortd on Bodmin Moor on Sunday April 14th 1844 by her young man, a crippled farm-worker, Matthew Weeks, 22. A stone marks the spot. Matthew was later hung.)

and though it's hard to let you go, in the Father's hands we know, that a lifetime's not too long to live as friends.

she smiled
at 2:15 PM

Saturday, February 28, 2004
(ripped off christine's blog

I feared being alone until I learned to like myself.
I feared failure until I realized that I only fail when I don't try.
I feared success until I realized that I had to try in order to be happy with myself.
I feared people's opinions until I learned that people would have opinions about me anyway.
I feared rejection until I learned to have faith in myself.
I feared pain until I learned that it's necessary for growth.
I feared the truth until I saw the ugliness of lies.
I feared life until I experienced its beauty.
I feared death until I realized that it's not an end, but a beginning.
I feared my destiny until I realized that I had the power to change my life.
I feared hate until I saw that it was nothing but ignorance.
I feared ridicule until I learned how to laugh at myself.
I feared growing old until I realized that I gained wisdom every day.
I feared the future until I realized that life just kept getting better.
I feared the past until I realized that it could no longer hurt me.
I feared the dark until I saw the beauty of the starlight.
I feared the light until I learned that the truth would give me strength.

she smiled
at 9:47 PM

forgive me, for being me. i've tried to let go...

my brother is extremely, superbly, utterly, absolutely infuriating, irritating, annoying, frustrating, and exasperating. -scowls- why does he have to be such a slob?! and why do i have to be someone who has a minute and practically non-existent tolerance for mess! can't he just put away his stuff after using them? is it that hard to pick up a book and put it back to where you took it from! -pouts- haha i'm being lame. anyway! had an extra social studies lesson this morning in school, and found out that i wasn't going out with my dad because my brother wanted to study!! i give up. -fumes- why do i have to give up going out with my dad the only time i can just because of a few CAs?! i've got a whole week of CAs coming up and i'm planning on studying tomorrow. AS IF he did any studying today! arrrghh. =(

mmm. after the lesson, went home and had breakfast even though shireen kept asking me to eat outside with her. haha i resisted temptation! congratualate me. =) came back, ate and fell asleep on my bed til lunch. haha. can anyone say 'pig'? went for physics tuition after that and it was quite okay. at least i didn't feel like sleeping. went shopping with my mum after that and she bought me a book on MAKE-UP?! yeeesh. do i look the type to start wearing make-up any time soon? -derisive snort- talk about wasting money! haha.

mass today was real nice! haha. it's not like me to actually comment on mass, but there was a new priest who's giving mass this weekend at RC and he's really funny! haha eg: "If all the Catholics in the world opened all their bibles at the exact same time, we would have a massive dust-storm." HAHA. and his other one: a woman came home from shopping with a dress and she told her husband that she actually didn't intend to buy it, but Satan tempted her. the husband asked her "Why didn't you say 'Get behind me Satan!'?" and she replied "I did! I went into the dressing room and as i was putting the dress on, I kept saying "Get behind me Satan!" and then Satan told me "The dress looks fantastic from the back." HAHAHA. it doesn't sound too funny here, but i guess you had to be there. haha. =)


i'm sorry for me needing you, sorry, girl, that you don't feel it too.

she smiled
at 8:54 PM

Friday, February 27, 2004
baby boy, you stay on my mind, fulfil my fantasies. i think about you all the time, i see you in my dreams.

i've quite a bit to talk about today, so bear with me! -angelic smile- will try not to bore you. =) anyway, today's chinese period was dead boring. even tpy's more entertaining than the relief she sent in as her replacement! gosh. but i suppose she was quite thorough in explaining the 'zao ju' of the chinese words, even if i wasn't really paying attention. haha oh dear. anyway! 4/8's currently at SAC which is why the classroom was quite empty during chinese (we're all banded according to our grades, and there're about 6 girls in my class i think.). i'm sure they're all having a blast! i miss our 4niners camp. but to echo what sam mentioned in her blog (i think it was her anyway) i don't think our class has quietened down much after SAC. i mean, at camp we were talking about how much the problem of noise is affecting everyone and i kinda figured that was a veryveryvery nice way of telling me to shut up 'cause i realise i'm probably one of those in class who's always making noise and not listening (whoops) but since then i've tried to cut back on the talking quite a little bit. haha even val and frances told me i'm quieter! x) but this is a really important year so i hope everyone can just hold their thoughts until after the lesson is over. we're capable of so much, and yet we're doing worse than expected. we gotta show them that 4niners rockK! haha. =) we can do it!

0-Level results came out today! and our school did quite well! -beams- i can't really remember the figures (and i'm too lazy to write them out even if i remembered anyway!) but i think we might've moved up a few placings. -proud smile- IJ rocks. no questions asked! and to those of you who just got back your results, even if they weren't too good and stuff, don't fret! everything will be okay in the end; therefore if it's not okay, it's not the end. -starts singing- we will get there! hah. anyway, it really made me think about how in approximately 1 year's time it'll be US worrying our butts off and fretting over OUR exam results. it's scary! gosh. suddenly it all seems so real. -ponders- hmmm. haha maybe i just think too much. we're going to have a TEN-YEAR REUNION! 4niners shall all gather together after 10 years, when we're 26, and see how far everyone's come. some of us might be engaged, others already mothers, some with well-established careers, others just taking time off. but i don't think anyone would ever forget 4/9 2004 even if we all take different paths in our lives. -sniffs- haha i'm being such a sap. yeeesh. alright! enough about that!

mrs tay's chemistry lesson was quite absurd! haha. she was talking about how chemistry is applicable in our daily lives and christine was practically tearing her hair out next to me! haha 'cause she was saying "why don't you cut your vegetables very early before you cook?" and while a lay-man might say it's plain common sense, the chemistry student will answer "because the vegetables will oxidise." -speechless- i can see how PHYSICS is applicable, but *chemistry*?! LOL! haha. quite funny in a very exasperating+irritating+pissing-offing way. HAH. xP anyway, onto more serious things. during english lesson today, we were discussing whether the tudung should be allowed or banned in schools (one of the reasons why i like ms chow. she actually gives you a chance to debate and discuss issues, rather than just sit there and do compres and stuff. interesting! haha.) and it was all fine and dandy, talking about a multi-racial society and how we shouldn't make it seem like we're attacking their culture and tradition, but then the lime-light turned to RELIGION. in my opinion, religion isn't something that's veryveryvery wonderful to discuss. because even though we've all learned to tolerate and accept others' religions, there'll still be the questioning and the even more intensive questioning that just sound plain accusatory or like riducule. and it kinda hurts, in a way. val told me she was tearing even. especially when abish (she's a Mormon) was talking, others were just going 'that's the most ridiculous thing i've ever heard' and all. i mean, even if you don't share their beliefs, there's no reason to be sort-of disrespectful of their religion right? in my opinion anyway. maybe i'm wrong, but i just feel that way. haha. =)

carol came over to study today, and my dad gave us a lift back to the house. he's such a sweet dad. sometimes when i really THINK and reflect on issues in my life, i feel like there's a lot of explaining and i've a lot of questions. haha that's if i could seriously think while crying. haha i think i cry too much. mmmm. yeah like why did he leave if he loved my brother and i so much? it kinda sucks to even think that you weren't enough and he just didn't love you enough to stay. yeahh. and even when i see him these days, we don't hug and stuff. i don't think i've hugged either parent since i was in primary school, before all the nonsensical rubbish happened. so i guess sometimes i can't help but feel that even if we spend the day together or call each other, we're still drifting farther and farther apart so it's not even much of a father-daughter relationship anymore. and that really sucks. =/ hah. this is a first. i don't speak to anyone about my family problems, like i told carol this afternoon, since i kinda prefer just keeping it to myself 'cause no one would understand anyway, but here i am going on and on and on about my family. hah. pardon me! anyway, we did some studying then she left for home and i read a little then went to meet matty and val. mat! hope your rash gets better soon. tkcare, daughter! ilu* mmmm. went to eat after that, and then headed down for cyf. =)

today's cyf was challenging in a way. we were made to do this amazing race thingy that we'll figure out a clue and get to a location and then perform a stunt or something la. and my group was techincally full of strangers! haha i didn't know most of them, except for crystal and gillian. and even though there were three girls only (myself included) we were like the leaders of the pack! hah. i think that could've been improved, 'cause the guys (except for joshua) weren't really participating. yeahh. but kelvin, our 'supervisor' was quite patient with us, even when we'd accidentaly left a team-mate behind. haha so yeah. thanks! but it was VERYVERYVERY tiring. my legs are aching more than ever. -sighs- headed back to church when bernard called and said my mum was there already. i hate always having to leave early, have i mentioned that? irksome! =( oh well. i shall just count the days til i turn 21... 1825 days from my birthday. -cries-

still have SS workshop tomorrow and i'm going out with my dad and going for tuition and going for mass. busy!! (at least i'm not going for training though, haha.) and my phone's with wyna. i feel naked!

1. give up swearing. (thanks wyna.)
2. try to cut down on my sms-ing. -embarrassed-
3. be more patient in teaching my younger brother.
4. try to pay attention during chemistry.
5. spend less time on the internet.

a moment like this.

if money is the root of all evil... i'll take my chances.

she smiled
at 11:45 PM

Thursday, February 26, 2004
the coming week is going to be a barrel of fun. every day there's something different on! wow. will really be smiling and radiating with happiness by the end of the week.

1st March: Hand in CME project.
2nd March: Physics Test Chpts 17-19.
3rd March: Training.
4th March: Physics Practical Test. E.Maths Test Chpts 2 and 4
5th March: A.Maths Test Chpts 12 and 13.

excuse me while i go find a container for my inexpressable joy.

she smiled
at 6:57 PM

my milkshake brings all the boys in the yard and they're like "it's better than yours, damn right, it's better than yours. i could teach you, but i'd have to charge."

don't really know what it means -points up- but it's a catchy song. haha been stuck in my head since yesterday. anyway, went for training last night. i HATE training! gosh. the people there suck. there's this 19-year-old girl there (sad to say, her name's vanessa too.) and she's so stuck-up, she'll only speak to the big-shot swimmers and ignore the rest of us pathetic losers. -fumes- pissing-offing. and it was quite tough too, even if the coach was pretty kind to me. haha. my arms are aching so badly, it's a torture just taking off a shirt. -winces- at least the next time i train, it won't be with such irritating idiots. =/

anyway, today was pretty okay. cathecism wasn't too bad, 'cause the Father came and talked to us and stuff, and it was really quite nice. =) but nat's so cynical about the Catholic faith it's really irksome sometimes! she's always questioning our beliefs and why we do it, and she makes them out to sound so silly. no offence to nat, of course, but i guess the main reason why it makes me feel so annoyed is basically 'cause *I* don't know how to answer her questions. that's pretty disgraceful for a Catholic. -sighs- gotta learn more. hahaha. anyway! NEWSFLASH: ms teo is veryveryveryveryveryvery annoying! she made us do our 2.4km run again (i improved by 8 seconds. wow.) and then she spent the next period talking! arrrrghhhh. and i'd been looking forward to playing football again. -pouts- irritating! oh well. next week i suppose. mmmmm. english period was show and tell! haha quite interesting, but i think mine was the most boring of the lot. haha. =) oooh but nat's was interesting 'cause she showed the world her 'hotties' book. LOL! ms chow's facial expressions were a laugh a minute. -giggles- x)

had chem practical after school today too. was pretty alright, i guess. i'm always getting sky-high marks for the practical tests, but my theory work is at the bottom of the class. eg: practical-35/40. theory-9/40. what can i say man. hahaha. xP went to eat at long john's after that with carol, qb and binny. kinda put a lot of thoughts in my head, which was probably why i was supremely quiet. hah. -ponders-

new link!
http://topaziel.blogspot.com">sean leow!

opened my eyes today, and i knew there was something different. saw you in a brand new way, like the clouds had somehow lifted.

she smiled
at 6:08 PM

Tuesday, February 24, 2004
ooh, you think you got it. ooh, you think you got it.

mmmm. school was fine today 'cause we had like 5 periods free. janny lee's ill so we missed amath today (and tomorrow 'cause we don't have her lesson! there is a God!) haha. and mr tan didn't come too, so another 2 free periods for physics. THEN moral ed was about sex and sexuality so it was sort of like another two free periods. and chris and i were daring each other! haha she dared me to write "don't wear anything" when ms wan asked us "how can girls attract guys by what they wear?" haha. and i dared her to ask ms wan her take on homosexuality. and ms wan made a HUUUUUUUUUUUGEEEEE roundabout before telling us some rubbish that did not answer the question at all. do the ij teachers have some vow against discussing this topic in class? hmmm. but at least she didn't incur nat's wrath! =)

geog test today too. hope i pass so i can stop wasting my thursday recesses. but i think i wrote rubbish. -sighs- anyway. can't think of anything else. haha. i'm still smiling. x) *incoherency*

what good is a heart, if you're not gonna use it?
what good is a love, if you're not gonna choose it?
if your heart is beating, then it's for a reason.
if you're not even willing to start,
what good is a heart?

just did qb's test. haha it's really fun. take mine! everyone's failing!! -pouts-

girl, i love to watch you. you're like candy to my eyes...

she smiled
at 7:18 PM

Saturday, February 21, 2004
my tea's gone cold, i'm wondering why i got out of bed at all.

school wasn't too bad today. 'cept for double social studies and double amaths *consecutively*! could have died. and if that stupid janny lee picks on me ONE MORE TIME... -trails off dangerously- haha can't recall much of what happened already. mmmm.

went to church early for a meeting about the praise and worship sessions. mmmm. not too sure if i can do it now 'cause the practices are really often and i'm not sure i can make it for so many and like on weekdays and stuff. =( oh well. maybe next year i guess? =/ anyway, cyf was reallyreallyreally nice. i think anne and isabelle did a great job. it was on the 7 Deadly Sins and it was quite 'enlightening' while being interesting at the same time. hahaha and ange and i were both tearing! maybe we're too emotional.

walked to the interchange with the cyf people and then took the bus back with mat. and that shawn! always bullying me. ehh can be a bit nicer to your juniors? haha ungentleman! xP lol. anyway. in the bus (where we were talking about so much crap i'm not even going to go into it! although it did involve the topic of bra sizes. hahaha that was a bit entertaining.), i was so sleepy and worn out i put my head on mat's shoulder and everyone in the bus was staring! hahaha they're all insane. but thanks mat, for walking all the way and taking the bus with me. -hugs- ilu*daughter! haha. slept late watching 'Sweet Dreams And Turtle Soup' and i didn't even manage to watch it til the end. could barely keep my eyes open.

went for training this morning at six. -yawwns- and i met sarah, jan's sister! haha she's such a doll. literally as well! she's got this really too-cute-just-wanna-pinch face. haha but i think our swimming juniors this year are veryveryveryveryvery few. -tears- there goes hopes of having team training reopen again. anyway, went to school for Green+Red+Blue House Day. it wasn't too bad! they had like different games (captain's ball, scavenger hunt, bball etc) and stuff and they would rotate la. i was put in charge of basketball with michelle and cassandra and it was just HILARIOUS! hahaha i sound mean. but really, the score was like 12-1? haha on average anyhow! and cassandra had to play like 5 games in a row 'cause the groups kept having uneven numbers. lol but i was kinda sleepy and tired to really enjoy it. =/ haha. i met cheryl! she's awfully sweet. haha maybe we might not have too many people in swimming, but with nicee juniors like pq*meimei and cheryl, it's still somewhat tolerable. haha. OH! and the red house leaders dunked a vat full of disgusting gunk on tjl! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. that's for all the times you tortured us! pui! haha. i don't like her very much. x)

took the bus back to j8 with matty and val. they went to eat but i had to go home to eat microwaveable nasi lemak and then rush off for tuition. -sticks out tongue- i hateee not being able to eat outside with my friends. puipuipui. haha but it's cheaper to stay home and eat. haha shall make all my friends 'da pao' and come back to my place to eat. lol! i'm being mad. mmmm. tuition was quite alright 'cept that i was nearly dozing off from time to time. and we were all talking about ghost stories! -shivers- i'm dead cowardly. i've got the guts of a chicken! i've never watched a single horror show in my entire life. urggghs. x(

headed back to church after buying a couple of black hairbands. i now average about 5 hairbands a month. i broke carol's and matty's (today) and abish and christine broke two of mine. sheeeesh. haha anyway. it was shiiiit boring, just sitting there doing NOTHING for the better part of an hour. haha did manage to do some tuition homework though. help! i've developed kelly-itis. x( and i am veryveryvery angry! after mass we went to the coffeeshop opposite the community centre and there was this table that we were waiting for and the couple (old+ugly) sitting there had ALREADY eaten their food and were just sitting there picking their freaking noses and staring around at people. -SCREAMS+ROARS+SCREECHES- have they absolutely no consideration! this is what the term 'ugly singaporeans' mean. i'm disgusted.

still have tuition tomorrow morning. help.

and i wanna thank you... for the best day of my life.

she smiled
at 10:05 PM

Thursday, February 19, 2004
ain't nothing but a heartache, tell me why. ain't nothing but a mistake.

today's been quite fun. haha ooh and i'm going for Green House Day this saturday! haha it's gonna be funn. x) anyway. cathecism was quite boring as usual. yappers keeps talking about marriage and this is the thrid week already?! a bit tiresome. haha i'm just quite cynical about the idea of marriage. and it's not 'cause of my parents divorce or anything, but isn't it a bit boring (for lack of a better word) to spend your entire life with one person? like every day you wake up and see him. every night when you go home you see him again. haha i think the romantic in me has died. xP hahaha. after that was PE! shiiiiit fun. haha we played football again! -beams- but this time our team didn't do so well 'cause we were up against candice, erika and qibing all on the same team! unfairr man. haha but the way our class plays football is reallyreallyreally hilarious! haha if our juniors saw us they'd die laughing. x) erika and candice should be banned mann. haha erika kicked the ball into rachel AGAIN. and candice whacked cheryl in the eye with it. tskk. hahaha. and this idiot qb! when you play against her it's every girl for themselves man. haha she squashed my toe! haha it looks damn gross now. practically yellow-green and pus-y. haha. xP -winces- hurrrts. haha but it was funnn. x)

amaths test after PE was kinda okay. didn't know how to do the first two but at least i knew how to do the last two. haha so it's quite an achievement already! -pats self- haha. mmmm recess was spent in the company of ms wan again. xP hahaha and it was quite funny haha robyn should know why. =) phys practical was boringboringboring. tiring too. xP so today = SHIT (Sorry Honey, It's Thursday.) but thank goodness tomorrow is TGIF (Thank God It's Friday!)!! haha. gotta go down to church for a meeting early though. mmmm. rushrushrush. x)

now i can see that we're falling apart
from the way that we used to be.
no matter the distance, i want you* to know
that deep down inside of me...
you* are my fire, the one desire.

4niners SAC2004 photos are OUT! mucho thanks to marie and wyna. x)

i don't wanna run away, but i can take it, i don't understand. if i'm not made for you then why does my heart tell me that i am?

she smiled
at 6:01 PM

Wednesday, February 18, 2004
loneliness has always been a friend of mine, i'm leaving my life in your hands. people say i'm crazy and that i am blind - risking it all in a glance.

first of all. got back my chinese test today, and i'm quite pleased to announce i've gotten a 52.5/90. haha it's still not my A2 but it's a step closer. and in comparison to my last test which i didn't study for this is an improvement of 15 marks! haha. x) anyway. ohh and english period today was quite fun! haha 'cause since everyone was going for photo-taking and stuff, ms chow played this really retarded-yet-amusing game with us where we had to say a word that stars with the letter of the previous word. like if the girl before me said 'precious' i'd have to say 'sophisticated' or some word that starts with S. haha quite fun in a really spasticated way. haha. x)

and i'm pissed! during emaths, i suddenly thought of tattoos and piercings (random thoughts of mine) and i asked nat and chris if piercings were also a form of self-mutilation if tattoos were. and i got a earful! first nat tells me i'm having double standards if i think piercings are not counted as self-mutilation. THEN christine says (in a very disbelieving voice) 'it's common knowledge' over and over again, not giving me a chance to say i didn't even know! puipuipui. well yeah okay, sorry for my stupidity mann. haha i'm being such a bitchh. but christine's a bigger bitch k. today she kepy irritating people around her. except for erika! haha she can't annoy her. and she likes to bite people. *coughcough*somebodycallwoodbridge*coughcough* xP and those two are creating an 'Unhappy Scale' for me. riiiiiight. today i got a 7/10. hahaha. do i always look so sad? i'm not really. maybe tired, but not sad! i've not much to be sad about. =)

took the bus home with wyna today and though conversation time was quite little, i feel like i've learned a bit from her. haha about what, i'm not entirely sure, but she did say a couple of things that struck me a little. =) i'm shit bored. and there's an amaths test tomorrow. janny lee is going to fail me without looking at my paper man. made up a little pen tatt around my wrist. haha it looks so cutee. x)

i'm you hell, i'm your dream. i'm nothing in between.

she smiled
at 7:11 PM

Tuesday, February 17, 2004
now throw your hands up in the air, wave them around like you just don't care.

-beeeeg smile- fun. haha today's been okay, even if it's only tuesday. had a literature test today that i didn't even know we had. but it wasn't too bad, thankfully. ooh then all the real fun came after recess! 'cause we had moral.ed but ms wan didn't show so we had subs to monitor us. of course shireen and yilin and christine came over and i started msging people and somehow tasha, chris, linn and me all ended up on the floor. THEN this bee came in and started flying around! and it flew around us and kept hovering around *there* and wouldn't leave us alone! so after a lot of screaming and yelling and falling over each other and very annoyed-yet-curious stares from the sub, erika and i teamed up and we managed to kill the bee! hahaha that sounds almost evil. xP anyway. after that we had to go down and take our class pics. haha i'm dead sure i look spastic in all of them. haha and the fun shot! omg i think we're the only class that did that weirddd pose. haha. x) and just for the record, it's veryveryvery comfy to sit on the gym mats even though it's a bit tough to get up there. haha alyssa practically hopped up while everyone else was dying trying to climb up. haha. x)

got to 'catch up' with linn and shireen today! it's strange but even if you're in the same class, because of the different cliques, sometimes you don't get to talk to other classmates as much. haha so anyway. that was nicee! ilu linn! ilu shireeeenbaby! haha. and ms wan's so nicee! she actually gave us valentine's day sweets! haha i guess we're lucky to have a thorough yet sweet teacher. haha like, she's on the same wave-length as us (more or less, i suppose?) so she lets us eat sweets and snacks in class. -beams- niceee. well, actually not a lot happened today, it just felt more fun than usual. =)

even in my heart, i see you're not being true to me. deep within my soul, i feel nothing's what it used to be.

she smiled
at 5:42 PM

Monday, February 16, 2004
have you ever lost somebody...? wish there was a chance to say i'm sorry.

janny lee sucks. just finished her stupid amaths homework. arrgghh. i cannot wait for the stinking Os to be over! hahaha never mind the actual Os. i just want the chinese Os to be moved up! as far as i see it, the sooner i finish the stupid thing, the better. but i want to do well too, so... haha it's a bit of a dilemma.

i never thought that dreams came true,
till the day that i found you.
and even though i'll pretend that i've moved on
you'll always be my baby...
i never found the words to say.
"you're the one i think about each day."
and i know no matter where life takes me to
a part of me will always be with you*
let the world stop turning, let the sun stop burning.
let them tell me love's not worth going through.
if it all falls apart, i will know deep in my heart.
the only thing that mattered had come true.
in this life, i was loved by you*

sweeet songs! haha. still on a high* i feel like typing a lot but i just don't know what to talk about. haha. hmmm photo-taking tomorrow and i'm dreading that. i always look ghastly or constipated (or both) in photos. urgh. anyway, have you ever thought about where you would be in ten years time? supposing your classmates and you have a 10-year reunion after spending ten years apart. it's just one of my thoughts when i start day-dreaming (when it's not about xiezhi). i wonder how different everyone would look! haha i can so imagine tasha arriving in a chaffeur-driven Jaguar, all togged out in designer clothes. haha and nat would be in a blazer and khakis! haha these are just my thoughts, no offence to anyone. i'm just weird. hahaha. anyway. just to vent the pent-up energy my fingers have accumulated over -counts- a few hours:

JC Choices.
1. Victoria JC!
2. Anglo-Chinese JC
3. Saint Andrew's JC
4. Catholic JC

Polytechnic Choices.
1. Singapore Poly.
2. Nanyang Poly.
3. United World College (does that count? all i know about it is that shireen wants to go there to study drama.)

-sighs- :(

she smiled
at 7:04 PM

i try not to think, about the pain i feel inside. do you know you used to be my hero?

in chem class now! hahaha and a chiobu's sitting next to me (wyna's words, not mine.) but i love you wyna so don't scowl at me. haha and roxy's on my left! and she says hi. x) haha anyway! had my chinese test just a period earlier, and it was much easier than i expected! like, the comprehension bit 'cause it was a lovely essay. haha. i am bored.

are you sure that you're mine? aren't you dating other guys?

she smiled
at 1:43 PM

Sunday, February 15, 2004
Somewhere between the procrastination and the homework, the incessant forwards and the friendships, the calls to each other complaining about crushes and boy/girlfriends; somewhere between the phone calls to old friends, and the 'I miss you's and the 'I love you's and the 'What are we doing tonight?'s; somewhere between all the changing and growing, between the classes and the skipping of classes, between the studying for tests and the pretending to study for tests and the downright NOT studying for tests... I forgot. I forgot what school was all about.

Somewhere between all the appointments, Starbucks Coffee and McDonald's,paying of bills and not paying of bills, making of plans then breaking of plans, appearing, disappearing, then re-appearing... I forgot. I forgot what it was like to cry.

I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy. And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart. I forgot that you can't just forget the past, in fear of the future.

I forgot that you can't control falling in love. And that you can't make yourself fall in love. I learned that I can fall in love, and that it's okay to mess up. I learned that it's okay to ask for help, and that it's okay to feel like crap. I learned that you can complain and whine to your friends for a whole long day. I learned that sometimes the things you want, most you just can't have and that the things you look for are right in front of you. I learned that the greatest thing about college and high-school and the working world isn't about the parties, the drinking, or the hook-ups...

It's the friendships, which means the taking of chances. I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about. I learned that Time and Love can heal all things. I learned that just when you think it can't get any worse -- it does! But with the love and support of your friends, you survive. I've learned that when you start feeling bad about losing touch and about those that you've lost, they're feeling the same way too.

I learned that letters from friends are the most important things. And that sending cards to your friends can make them feel immensely better. But basically I just learned that all my friends, both old and new, are the most important people in the world to me, and without them I wouldn't be who I am today. So this is a Thank-You to all of my friends for always being there. And even if we're not on good terms, or we've lost touch... I will always have an unconditional love for you. Always and forever.

she smiled
at 8:37 PM

it's my party and i'll cry if i want to.

today's been awesome! -squeals/giggles- haha anyway, before i go there. went for tuition this morning only to find out that tuition had been cancelled 'cause Ms Millie's ill! could have leaped for joy, but the principal was there and while she didn't seem very grave, i thought it in my best interest not to express too much happiness at the fact that my poor hardworking teacher had been taken sick. hahaha i'm being lame, forgive me. so took a bus down to church to give shawn my camera 'cause he was kind enough to promise to help me take photos of 5566 at junction8 today! hahaha. helped give out a few newsletters while i was there too. haha Mustard Seed rocks!! plus an article carol and i wrote is inside haha so it rocks all the more. x) came home after that and did my homework like a good girl should. -beams- but i don't like studying for chinese!

so, left the house at around 4.30 and reached the MRT at 4.45 only to spend the next 45 minutes cracking my knuckles and thinking of various ways i could kill shawn! was so angry okay. and when 5566 appeared on stage and started singing one of their love songs (a very poignant one too!) i could have just died! could have cried my eyes out man. hahaha sounds so unlike me, right? lol. but after that when i gave up all hope that he'd ever show up, he did -rolls eyes- and said he'd been there for a very long time already. hahaha so i couldn't really be mad. anyway, 5566 rocks! -sighs- hahaha i'm not THAT mad over them, like those insane/avid fans who queued for the autograph session until the ITE entrance which was at least 500m away, but it's just a rush? hahaha i don't know. but iloveloveloveloveloveLOVElovelovelovelove 5566! especially tony. xie zhi wo ai ni! xD hahaha.

shawn: you DITZ! bullied me the whole time we were there. -sobs!- hahaha but THANKYOU for missing your soccer and getting scolded just to come by junction8. haha yeah i owe you! x) -hugs- tkcare!

you would cry too if it happened to you.

she smiled
at 8:05 PM

(14th Feb: 6.15pm)
mirror, mirror, hanging on the wall. you don't have to tell me who's the biggest fool of all.

happy valentine's day everyone!

today's been alright. x) i THOUGHT we were having the group study thing that chris and all wanted today at her house so woke up bright and early just for that, only to find upon arriving and giving her a call that the girl was at school! and that it wasn't this week!! i am truly mortified at my own ditziness. -sighs- hahaha. but like my dad always quotes "Murphy's Law: If anything can go wrong, it will." haha that's so true! and we all should just learn to take it easy and like, live and let live? haha. especially for me man. if i blew up at every little stupid thing i did i'd have been six feet under a looooong time ago. haha. x) riight anyway. caught the bus down to EC Mac's after that to study there instead but it was quite a big mistake! so many couples. so manymanymany kids. so bloody NOISY! -pouts- dangabit. haha SO after about an hour's work, i decided to go to church instead 'cause it's nearer to my tutor's house and i *thought* it'd be quiet. AS ALWAYS, VANESSA IS PROVEN DEAD WRONG. construction workers + empty church + machinery = a LOTLOTLOTLOTLOT of noise. hahaha. thankfully i'd finished most of my tuition work by then so i just kinda slacked and day-dreamed, best as i could, for an hour before going for physics tuition. it was fun! hahaha phys takes a lot of the many mysteries out of life but it's still fun. haha i guess when you've got a good teacher who makes the subject interesting, you'll like it more and more. =) after that, met greg for lunch. hahaha it was fun though i didn't get to eat much! hahaha and thanks again for the flower! haha should NEVER waste good money on stupid flowers ever again! use it to EAT! hahaha and he calls me another form of 'Becker' HAHAHAHA. x)

not allowed to go for church today 'cause my mum's sick and anyway i've been out the whole day and it's time i did my homework and started studying. her words, not mine. so, shawn, les and greg, your (insert: BEAUTIFUL+GORGEOUS+DAZZLING) v'day gifts have to wait! haha shawn you better go and prepare mine man. lol. =) and mat's back from camp! hahaha my daughterrr! and she messaged me to tell me she's got a lot of exciting things to tell me. hahaha can't wait to hear her many experiences at camp. lol. x) my bro just came back from cat class grumbling, saying he'd walked all the way to the interchange just 'cause he needed a piss and there was no toilet to be found. HAHAHAHA. xD

amaths stinks. -pouts-

i said i couldn't do it but i did it, after telling everybody that i wasn't with it. and it brings to my tears to my eyes, i can feel it. but i know inside i'm gonna be alright.

she smiled
at 7:25 PM

Friday, February 13, 2004
i want to see what you see when you cry those tears.

just had lunch. let it be known and shouted from mountain-tops that i HATE ginger. x( anyway, today was nicee! haha. came to school to find chris (shocker! she's never as early as me!) and jieying and val all putting gifts on everyone's table. since it's the day before valentine's day (and also friday the thirteenth) everyone brought little chocolates and sweets and stuff like that to school for friends! ironically, it's also total defence day today, which meant that the stupid school closed our stupid canteen so we had no stupid food to eat except for stupid new water and stupid biscuits -- stupid rations. hahaha but it was quite ineffective 'cause we were all eating our chocolates anyway! haha. x) got little sweet messages from matty/val/nat. haha nat's one nearly made me cry! and mat's one was ultra-sweeeeet. and she and the rest of 4/6 are at camp now! missherrr...! hahaha. x)

nat's: hey girl. i don't know how to start this or what to say to you. happy valentine's, for one. and you rock, for another (even if you always sms). by the way, thanks for not killing me off yet. i have no idea how you've put up with me so far. do you? i'd have clobbered me to death by now. looking back, i'm almost laughing. who would've thought, huh? the two of us? unlikeliest friends ever. god we've come so far. thanks for being there every step of the way. can't imagine anyone i'd rather be walking down the road with. and no matter what i say or do, know that i do love you -- a lot. you rule in a big way, babe. and don't let anything get you down -- theatre's only a stepping stone away. :)

nat! i don't rock and i'm not a babe, but i'll forgive you for these minor errors. hahaha. anyway, i don't have to PUT UP with you! it's always you tolerating my rubbish, and whinings, and pms-bitchiness. and are we that unlikely as friends? hahaha. i can't imagine what life would've been like if i'd missed out on the chance of knowing you. i'm keeping you for a lifetime, bubble! haha. and i'm thankful you're there for me every single day as well. you're always in my heart yupp! haha and i think of you and miss you more than you'll ever know. x) -manymanymanyhugs- ilu*

haha anyway. social studies after recess, and that GOOSE made about 20++ of us go to the shack between St Gabes' and St Raph's to do the homework that we'd forgotten to do. haha. actually i'd done a part of it, but i think if i sat there and did my work i'd accomplish FAR more than i would have if i sat in class and not paid attention to her teaching. haha and most of us stood up before she even called on us to check whether we did. haha it was voluntary ok! x) after that, jieying said we should do things like this more often as a class! haha. i couldn't help agreeing. x) and it was quite fun too, to sit in an open environment where there aren't any teachers but at the same time you're with your (insert: very hardworking) friends who'll just influence you to study. hahaha. x)

going for cyf laterr. finally! =)

but you gotta believe me, i'm never leaving. you'll never cry unless i am there, and i will always be there... you will never be without love.

she smiled
at 3:34 PM

Thursday, February 12, 2004
i promise i'm not trying to make your life harder, or go back to where we were.

lots to talk about today!

been moody-ish today but i'm not quite sure why. hmmm. anyway, had PE today and were forced to run 2.4km down the St Mikes' slope and up the St Rapheal's slope 3 times. haha i think we made a wrong choice, 'cause even though the St Raph's slope is much shorter, it's also steeper and that makes it harder to run when you're tired. haha did a rubbish time of 17min++. -frowns- haha that sucks. =/ gotta start jogging or something! hahaha and of course, lulu was practically flying when the rest of us were staggering behind. -pouts- and val and nalli fell down! poor things. hope their arm and legs heal soon. anyway, after that we played soccer, and being the lewd bunch of girls we are, the two teams we formed were called 'The Lesbians' and 'The Perverts' -eyes widen- OMG! hahaha. and i was in the former, and we won! hahah 5-0. and there were about 5 people guarding our goal and no goalie at our own. hahaha! x) and erika was mad. that girl was playing full-contact rugby by the looks of it! kicking the ball into one girl's boobs, abish's stomach and MY HIP! -pouts- hahaha. mmmm was lotsa fun. x)

after that was amath, and that f**king jenny lee gave me a lecture on my attitude in class and how badly i did in my test and how i needed to pay more attention stat. and then she gave me about 12 questions to do and hand in tomorrow and practically the entire chapter's questions to do and pass up on monday?! i was all 'WTH!' after that, haha think i scared the people around me. was really pissed with her. is it my fault that i don't like amaths? or that i can't understand it? but now, thinking about it sensibly i guess i was in the wrong. =/ going to do my homework later, and mucho thanks to nat, robyn and tasha for offering me help! x) that was really sweet of you guys, you know? haha. -sniffs- mmmmm. recess was spent in the company of ms wan and other girls who failed the geography test. i think i failed 'cause i didn't study and was having a fever that day, and not that i don't understand it. dang. wish i'd studied! alright, next geography test i shall get a B3! -prays- x) hahaha and physics today was shiiiit funny! xD mr tan was being so lame.

chem practical after school and that was just the regular affair, titration and mixing some chemicals and recording the results. surprisingly i do pretty well for practical. haha about ten times better than my written stuff. but i guess it's 'cause of all the mole calculations that i copy off from robyn or binny. hahaha THAT might have something to do with it! anyway, after that, stephi, carol, abish and i went to tp interchange to buy their v'day stuff. took the bus to buy dinner and walked ALL the way back after that. -exhausted- any case, today wasn't a bad day on the whole. -grins- =)

valentine's day tomorrow and i'm behind schedule on gifts. darrrn.

some say it wasn't worth the things we went through; i say it ain't worth losing you. i hope you know how you've changed all our lives. someday you'll see, if only through heaven's eyes.

she smiled
at 7:11 PM

Wednesday, February 11, 2004
when you need to fall apart, let me mend your broken heart. when you need to crash, to crash and burn, you're not alone.

today. mmmmm. was quite an alright day, i suppose. =) oh except throughout physics, nat, tasha and i were talking about how much it took to raise each of us for a month, like monthly expenses. so we counted, our tuition fees, our food, electricity/water/internet/phone bills and stuff. mine amounted to about $1000! and tasha's was about $7000! hahaha we were THAT bored. hahaha. tis the life of a student. x) had a trainee teacher in lit lesson today too, and the second she walked in, lulu let out a huge "CHIO BU!" lol! and everyone was laughing like mad. x) got back my chinese test today. quite disappointed that i got 37/90, the lowest in my class. -sighs- MUST make an effort to study harder for chinese so i can do well in april/may then i won't have to study anymore.

went to buy lollies after school with wyna, val and carol who were on their way to church to study. the lollies cost me $30! -faints- felt so sad parting with that money. haha i'm such a cheapskate right. haha but it's the last year in ij already, so i just figured what the hell. =) bought for my whole precious darling class! haha still on a high from camp. -squeals!- x) anyway, my dad called just now to tell me about the birds and the bees and to not get a boyfriend this year because i should be completely 100% focused on my studies! -eyes widen- riiight daddy. =)

i don't think a lot happened today though. just mundane stuff, which under normal circumstances i would hate alot, but today i was pre-occupied thinking of v'day gifts. it's so near!! and sunday's so far away! 5566's coming down for the MTV Asia Awards! x) -hops about the room- so exciting! and they're coming to junction8 too on sunday! -hops around more- can't wait! hahaha and i finally found someone who shares my love for 5566 - charmaine! haha from my chinese class. and it's a pity she can't go on sunday (my mum allowed me! haha and she was smiling lol!) but she said maybe i can borrow her digital camera provided i take alot of pictures of jason. HAHAHAHA. she loves him and i love tony. -blissful sigh- and i don't care what you say.

"Do you love her?" she said. It wasn't what she had meant to say at all.
"What do you think?"
"I think you don't know."
"Then you give me too much credit," he said.

i'm a big big girl, in a big big world, it's not a big big thing if you leave me.

she smiled
at 6:43 PM

Monday, February 09, 2004
animals and children tell the truth, they never lie. which one is more human, there's a thought -- now you decide.

im gna write lyk linn n binny todae. hahas n mk every1 suffer cos its hard ta read. newaes, todae was fine! hahas. its funny tht im finalli looking forward ta a mondae hahas. but i guess its cos of e camp n its still got every1 feeling pretty high! mmmmm. wrote an eng essay todae on 'a recount of ur life'. hahas so interesting mann. =) but u shldve read natalies. hers was damn gd!! hahas. newaes pc was interesting cos ms yue gave us dis sht of paper tht had things lyk 'u did a gd deed fer me at camp' or 'u said sth meaningful ta me' n stuff liddat n we were supposed ta go ard n ask ppl ta lyk autograph fer u. hahas n it was jus damn hilarious. -beams- made my dae hahas. (hahas n chris' orgasmic chocolates!)

dint study fer chi fer 2 whole wks so todaes test was naturally badddd. terrible mann. was practically falling aslp everytime i tried ta read ta cloze passage and compre. f.ck it la. n tht blardie tan poh yoke can go n tell me ta pls sit more nicely when doing e stupid test. wth mann. cant even sit cross-legged ahh. pissing! hahas newaes. tht stupid tym wasnt here todae! hahas so dere was a sub instead. she looks lyk one of e gurls in our level. so much hw todae. gna die mann. hahas i read e eng compre hw jus now. e writer is seriously damn funny. x) go readdd! x)

(i've just realised that it actually takes a lot of effort to make it sound like this. haha but it's only 'cause i'm used to typing like this. haha.)

i know i left too much mess and destruction to come back again.

she smiled
at 6:25 PM

Sunday, February 08, 2004
i'll be your dream, i'll be your wish i'll be your fantasy.

whew. haha spent close to three hours typing that out! =) but yeahh. self-awareness camp rocked. everyone who hasn't been yet, you're going to enjoy it SO much. treasure every moment! x) anyway, met mat after tuition to eat then went for mass together. hahaha it's alotta fun spending time with her! that stupid lamer. haha. anyway, tuition this morning was alright. haha was freezing as always and emaths is a little boring even if i do like it. =) lalalala. school tomorrow! haha yayers. and we've got a chinese test too that i have not yet studied for so i'm gonna do that later. haha i'm turning into a nerd!! -squeals- distressing. haha. right i've said enough!

updated site!! go see!!

when i look into your eyes i know that it's true, God must've spent a little more time on you.

she smiled
at 1:50 PM

what would you do if my heart was torn in two?

-big smile- camp was awesome! on thursday, before camp, sam and i were talking online and we were both saying how we hoped our class would share and open up about things and that hopefully it would be an extremely special and meaningful camp to us. and it WAS! gosh. it's probably the best camp i've ever had in my entire life so far. x) let me start frm the beginning haha.

went to school yesterday in our class t-shirt and berms (along with 4/5) and after a short briefing from ms tan, we were on our way. arrived at CHIJ Bukit Timah Primary and it was such a picturesque(sp?) place! hahaha like a little cottage. found out mrs lewis teaches there too, though she never taught me. haha i just used to look after her classes. anyway, i had my apprehensions of course. hahaha. the mattresses are NOT mattresses. sleeping on the floor would probably be more comfortable! haha i'm exaggerating, but still. (AND THEY STINK!!!) the sides of the mattress are hardened? they're rock solid mann. haha. and the pillows appeared to be made of little balls of separate cotton wool. LUMPY! hahaha. i think the school should invest in a few newer mattresses and pillows. haha. but in the end we didn't really sleep that much so it was fine.

the first session was basically about rules and regulations, i think. don't really remember much, but there were ice-breaker games that were really funny! =) after that i think was the much more serious sessions. the picture language thingy >> omg. the sharing session was just so powerful. what we had to do was to look at pictures scattered on the floor and pick one that we can relate to and that describes our present or past life. and the things everyone said... well, at first it wasn't really sad or anything... just normal. then it started getting sad, and sadder and sadder still. haha rachel was the first to cry, then before i knew it, val was crying, jieying, frances, sam, corinne. everyone on my side was crying. then it was this one girl's turn (i don't want to mention her name.) and the things she said about her problems with her family... i just started crying there and then. i mean, i never thought that i would cry in front of so many people. i think that's the first time that's ever happened to me, to lose it in front of so many others. it's just that when you can relate to that person's problems with memories of your own that caused you sadness, you automatically feel sad, y'know?

and what made that session so precious was that everything they were sharing came from the heart, and willingly, and i never even knew that so many people in class are going through the same things, and feel the same pain and sadness that i feel sometimes. and for once i think the facade that some of us where was finally taken off, if only for a while. so yeah. i think during that session what we learnt was that we're never alone. if we'd just open up and talk a little bit, there's always some out there who could help in so many different ways.

anyway, after that we had lunch which was great. haha the food was always fantastic 'cause i was always hungry. more sessions and stuff after lunch which were fun too, though i'm not sure i can remember most of it now. oh, we had to make these envelopes with our names on it and like, write little messages to our friends and stuff and put them into their envelopes! haha that was fun and the messages were all sweet and so nice. haha we decided as a class we're going to continue to put our envelopes up and write more little notes to everyone. =) Mass after that was BEAUTIFUL. haha so we sang out of tune, and it didn't flow very well, and we actually sang the "Alleluia" before the Responsorial Psalm but hey, we're only kids right? haha. it was beautiful in the sense that EVERYONE sang, and it just sounded so perfect. and the 'peace-be-with-you' part was naturally a lot more livelier than ever. hahaha. plus the guitarists, jo, jessica and wyna played beautifully and yeah. it was lovely! haha but i love the dedication song the most! (haha the one i suggested! -beams-) "More than Words"!! jessica's playing was SUPERB! hahaha. and all of us were in a circle singing. -tears- haha. after we finished that song, someone wanted to sing "Last Kiss" so we started singing that! and we're so full of it, y'know! when we didn't know the words we just went "da-da-da-da-da-da!" all the way through. LOL. then we started with the "Dip-Dip" song again. we're all mad! x) it was a blast. xD

games! games was funfunfunfunfunfun. two thumbs up to the games comm! you guys did a fab job. =) haha the games were interesting! the hello game and stuff. hahaha don't feel like elaborating. x) SO. after the games, all of us went to wash up and start writing our little loveletters to each other haha. managed to be one of the first to bathe. haha. right so after writing to about 20 people (for those i didn't, next week yeah!) yilin and candice wanted to play truth-or-dare, one thing i was so looking forward to! haha. don't know what it is with girls and truth-or-dare. x) anyway, didn't dare try the dares 'cause shireen and candice and qibing and cheryl and all were playing and i'm pretty certain that any dares given from them would require some point of self-humiliation. haha. so i chose the easier way to humiliate myself by choosing truth. riiiiight. thanks yilin! (haha and no, i'm not angry, this is just for fun haha.) hahaha anyway. soon got tired of truth-or-dare and that's when the confessions started. haha it was all just questions and then we'd go in a circle answering it. mmmm think there were about 10-13 of us there huddled in a circle. haha. omg. of all the things we were talking about, we were going on and on and on and on about sex in a nunnery. -snorts- irony! hahahaha. but it was really cool to talk about stuff (not sex!) and it kinda cleared my head a little. haha. =) don't think i can mention the things we spent a good two hours gabbering away about here, but jiyeing, wyna, val, qibing, carol, shireen, candice, cheryl, yilin and all know la. x) but i feel crappy that i didn't get to spend the night yakking with the bitchfest family (which was not really together since chris was with shireen and erika and carol was with me) about their Confucius sayings. hahaha you have to listen to them! they're hiliarious! (like: Confucius says "Man who marries Jo shall not be f**ked." 'cause jo's grumpy at night and only perky in the morning! haha lame shits! lol. xD )

didn't even sleep in the bed that i'd prepared for myself haha. the whole lot of us slept together i think? woke up this morning (6.30! UNGODLY!) next to jieying! haha i had tried to pull her blanket over in the middle of the night 'cause i was cold. haha everyone was bloody freezing! anyway was probably one of the last to wake up! hahaha. and i didn't even help with the cleaning up and all 'cause i was outside walking with a few others taking a breather. whoooops. sorry 'bout that! -embarrassed- so after everything was cleared up, we played some games i think. haha my thoughts might be a little jumbled and confused 'cause i didn't bring anything to write down what happened. anyway, shared more, yakked a little and cleared up and said our goodbyes in the form of the "Shalom" song that jo and i came up with. x) hahaha and then after that, the WHOLE CLASS (well not whole, some had to go home. -grumbles- myself included.) went to town to have lunch! hahah that must've been quite a sight, all 20+ of them going to town just to eat. lol! x) see, this is class unity mann. -beams- yupp. so on the whole, i've had an amazing time. it was truly kick-ass wonderful.

oh where, oh where can my baby be?
the Lord took her away from me.
she's gone to heaven so i've gotta be good
so i can see my baby when i leave this world.

fourNINERS: i think you'd all agree with me that that camp was one of the best experiences we've had ever since we entered CHIJ Toa Payoh Secondary around three years ago, and i'd just like to say that i enjoyed every moment of it because i spent it with you guys. in some way or another, all of you have touched my life and made a difference. maybe i've never said anything of significance to you, but you being in 3/9 and 4/9 has made an impact on the class nevertheless. =) so! haha let's work together towards achieving the discipline that our class needs (i, for one, will try to remain quiet even during periods i don't have any interest in!) and yeahh. we *can* do it, and we *will*! 4/9 -- together til the end. -beams- hahaha that's so cheesy! lol. x)

all you have to do is reach out your hands and touch me, hold me close and never let me go.

she smiled
at 1:49 PM

Thursday, February 05, 2004
and i know it's hard to keep it all inside. it's days like these that i run and hide.

been a dreary day. everything sucks. suckssuckssuckssucks. pe this morning started out normal, but then ms teo had a bloody menopause tantrum or something and went all bitchy. was silent throughout the lesson, ignoring us from that point onwards. so we killed about 1 and a half periods by just sitting and staring at each other. exactly how useful that is, when we seem to be doing NOTHING for pe every single time, remains to be seen. sheeesh. do all the teachers hate us or something? or are they just exhibiting symptons of second-childhood? x( sucky. anyway, had physics practical today too and finished early, for once. but today weather's been yucky. humid and sticky. -makes face-

1. why are all the mosquitos always biting me? and only me?
2. why is every day getting shittier than the last?
3. why do i feel that something's changing and it's not going to be for the better?
4. why do i even bother trying to sort out the huge jumble that is life?

haha i'm a cranky bitch today. argggghhh! bite me, world. and i know some friends out there who're having a shit time too. cheer up yeah? life isn't as bad as we complain it to be sometimes. (haha for the record, i'm de-stressing.) and the calm comes after a storm right. =) so yupp. let's all be happy. x) camp tomorrow! xD

r.e.s.p.e.c.t -- find out what it means to me.

wish i could float away, to some other day...

she smiled
at 5:39 PM

Wednesday, February 04, 2004
(Kinky)Fortune Cookies for Celebs.
Ken Watanabe, Tom Cruise's Jap pal in The last Samurai: Confucius he says beware of short white man with big ego living among you. He may steal your beautiful Asian women away.

The Cast of Friends (in its last season): Confucius he says sex with friends tends to get very boring. Check out the girls in Sex and the City.

The Cast of Sex and the City: Confucius he says sex with men tends to get very boring. Check out the girls in Friends.

Achar! girl Steph Song: Confucius he says inter-racial relationships very good and rewarding. ET asks you to phone him.

Jerry Yen: Confucius he says it is no use wearing a cloth around your head in Magic Kitchen. Safe sex is usually more effective with a condom.

Ho Yeow Sun: Confucius he says sexy low-cut dresses best worn by people who like to play-play, not pray-pray.

Naomi Watts: Confucius he says display of nipples in 21 grams very exciting. Please do it again 21 times.

Louis Koo: Confucius he says surrounding onself with too many topless girls in Naked Ambition may make one impotent. You must film a serious movie and make a clean breast of things.

Ben Afleck: Confucius he says wedding speech postponed for too long will grow into a steer with horns. There is a point here, a point there, and a lot of bull in between.

Harrison Ford: Confucius he says must marry younger woman this year, or next year you'll be so old even Viagra cannot help you -- only construction crane can.

Gwyneth Paltrow: Confucius he says pregnacy will make women fat. So now very good time to make Shallow Hal 2.

hahaha 8Days is damn lame!!

she smiled
at 10:08 AM

i can't stand to fly, i'm not that naiive.

sick. i think it's tonsilitis again (see, chris, it's not dengue fever!). haha the doctor once told me my tonsils were the biggest he'd ever seen. haha. the night before yesterday was *terrible*. had a perpetually leaking nose that i could barely breathe through, and a throat so sore that every swallow hurt. so you can imagine how i was in school yesterday, all cranky and grumpy. hahaha. anyway, the fever came some time after recess (38.8!) i think and took a panadol which made me so sleepy i can't even remember what i wrote in my geography test. =( anyway, came home from school and took a nap and when i woke up the fever was back, higher at 38.9. and it got stranger and stranger after that, 'cause the more i sponged and drank water and took panadol, it kept going higher. first 39.0 then 39.1. -raises eyebrows- right.

anyway, i'm at home now, and much better. =) i think it's finally over with 'cept that my throat's still a little sore. can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp!can't wait for camp! hahaha. x) there's an emaths CA tomorrow. so fun! =) emaths rocks. and i'm not delirious! haha. boredddddddd. (and hungry!)

it's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life.
won't you take me by the hand?
take me somewhere new.
i don't know who you are, but I,
I'm with you.

have i mentioned i can't wait for camp?

it's so easy, it's so right, it's so easy to rock it all night.

she smiled
at 9:56 AM

Sunday, February 01, 2004
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world, just a lie "You got to rise above".

read the NewPaper today! hahaha it talks about fuck-bands, and how teachers, parents and counsellors are concerned. please, i don't think alot of teenagers out there can be silly and irresponsible enough to actually follow the game! (for those of you out there who have no idea what i'm talking about --unlikely, but still-- fuckbands are black rubber bracelets that you wear around your wrist. black means sexual intercourse, yellow for a hug, orange for a lap dance and green for oral sex. apparently, breaking someone's bracelet, he/she must have sex etc with you. another way of playing the game is that once you sleep with someone you give them a band.) i doubt teens are that silly. i mean, sure some of them (myself included) know about the bands and it's connotations and meanings, but i don't think they would take it any more seriously as they would a joke. hahaha why am i debating about this here? because i've nothing to write! hahaha. right. i still love my fuckbands that stephi bought me haha. x)

remember our first apartment?
our couch was never big enough for two.
so we'd fall asleep in each other's arms,
and wake up on the floor...
now looking back it was made for me and you.

-points up- from veneta's blog. haha it's so sweet. =) been quite a lousy day. haha had emath tuition this morning with a runny nose and a sore throat. arghh. my mum and bro both have colds too. hope it goes away by friday. =) there's a mass comm meeting tomorrow at nine in the morning. ungodly.


let the rain fall down and wash away my tears. let it heal my soul and drown my fears.

she smiled
at 7:40 PM

Get awesome blog templates like this one from BlogSkins.com