the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

swimmer; drama mama; councillor;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
temporary insanity;


carol n.

[Chinese New Year]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;


Wednesday, December 31, 2003
sleepy! as always haha. what's new. going for mass later with some friends. and matty that horrible daughter of mine won't come. ahh. i feel like going to watch the stars at the beach. it's something my cousins and i used to do about 5 years ago, when my uncles would come over every saturday for card games. hahaha we would go down to the carpark and just lie on our backs watching the night sky. it's one of the best feelings in the world! haha everyone who hasn't tried star-gazing definitely has to. so that's what i'd like to do right now. and to get piss drunk too haha! chris don't forget ahh we're going to do just that after the Os are over! x) k i better go now. tk care everyone! happy new year!

new link!

"Oh, don't I?" Her voice was amused, curious. "You imagine he will come for you because he loves you. He gives love out carelessly, that one, and often where it is undeserving. I am a demon and perhaps you will think I do not understand, but I do not see what your love for him or his for you has done for you besides bring you to this pass. I have lived six hundred years and I have seen the results of love. Pain and terror, conflagration and despair. Fate may be impartial and Justice blind, but Love hates mankind and knows well that the best way to make them suffer is to kiss him with her sickness."

she smiled
at 11:52 AM

Tuesday, December 30, 2003
"God of Rock, thank you for this chance to kick ass. We are your humble servants. Please give us the power to blow people's minds with our high voltage rock. In your name we pray, Amen."

she smiled
at 7:21 PM

A young lady named Sally, relates an experience she had in a seminary class, given by her teacher, Dr. Smith. She says that Dr. Smith was known for his elaborate object lessons.

One particular day, Sally walked into the seminary and knew they were in for a fun day. On the wall was a big target and on a nearby table were many darts. Dr. Smith told the students to draw a picture of someone that they disliked or someone who had made them angry, and he would allow them to throw darts at the person's picture.

Sally's friend drew a picture of who had stolen her boyfriend. Another friend drew a picture of his little brother. Sally drew a picture of a former friend, putting a great deal of detail into her drawing, even drawing pimples on the face. Sally was pleased with the overall effect she had achieved.

The class lined up and began throwing darts. Some of the students threw their darts with such force that their targets were ripping apart. Sally looked forward to her turn, and was filled with disappointment when Dr. Smith, because of time limits, asked the students to return to their seats. As Sally sat thinking about how angry she was because she didn't have a chance to throw any darts at her target. Dr. Smith began removing the target from the wall.

Underneath the target was a picture of Jesus. A hush fell over the room as each student viewed the mangled picture of Jesus; holes and jagged marks covered His face and His eyes were pierced. Dr. Smithsaid only these words... "In as much as ye have done it unto the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto Me." - Matthew 25:40.

No other words were necessary; the tears filled eyes of the students focused only on the picture of Christ.


One day Satan and Jesus were having a conversation. Satan had just come from the Garden of Eden, and he was gloating and boasting. "Yes, sir, I just caught the world full of people down there. Set me a trap used bait I knew they couldn't resist. Got 'em all!"

"What are you going to do with them?" Jesus asked.

Satan replied, "Oh, I'm gonna have fun! I'm gonna teach them how to marry and divorce each other, how to hate and abuse each other, how to drink and smoke and curse. I'm gonna teach them how to invent guns and bombs and kill each other. I'm really gonna have fun!"

"And what will you do when you get done with them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, I'll kill 'em," Satan glared proudly.

"How much do you want for them?" Jesus asked.

"Oh, you don't want those people. They ain't no good. Why, you'll take them and they'll just hate you. They'll spit on you, curse you and kill you! You don't want those people!"

"How much?" He asked again.

Satan looked at Jesus and sneered, "All your tears, and all your blood."

Jesus said, "DONE!" Then He paid the price.

Isn't it funny how simple it is for people to trash God and then wonder why the world's going to hell.

Isn't it funny how we believe what the newspapers say, but question what the Bible says.

Isn't it funny how everyone wants to go to heaven provided they do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the Bible says. Or is it scary?

Isn't it funny how someone can say "I believe in God" but still follow Satan (who, by the way, also "believes" in God ).

Isn't it funny how you can send a thousand jokes through e-mail and! they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about sharing.

Isn't it funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar and obscene pass freely through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus is suppressed in the school and workplace.

Isn't it funny how someone can be so fired up for Christ on Sunday, but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.

Isn't it funny how when you go to forward this message, you will not send it to many on your address list because you're not sure what they believe, or what they will think of you for sending it to them.

Isn't it funny how I can be more worried about what other people think of me than what God thinks of me.

Are you laughing?

she smiled
at 7:11 PM

hanging out down the street; same old thing we did last week. not a thing to do, but talk to you. we're all alright! we're all alright! hello wisconsin! -- theme song to 'That 70s Show'


my brother's stupid chinese tuition teacher called at 8.45 this morning and interrupted my beauty sleep! and that really sucked 'cause i couldn't get back to sleep. sleep sleep sleep. hahaha vanessa the pigg. hmmm then carol came over at around 9.30+ and we went downstairs to meet ethelbert who bought us both breakfast! awww! haha thanks! =) yeahh then went to j8 after that and got my hair cut while ethelbert and carol made mischief and bought me a christmas present. which i have not dared to open! hahaha. i think i'm the only girl in the world who goes to cut her hair at a $10 shop. hahaha but why bother spending so much on hair right. it'll just grow back and i'll have to cut it again anyway. hmmm my hair looks strange now, it's the shortest i've ever cut it. a little like a blend of carol's and tricia tan's. hmmm. :/

then met up with veneta and shawn who told me he saw my blog too. hahaha hello! =) hung out at coffee bean for a while before going back in to meet the other people. i don't really know who they are 'cept for clarabelle and serena, ethelbert's old cat class teacher. watched 'school of rock' and that show truly rocked! hahaha undoubtedly one of the best shows i've ever watched. can't remember the last time that i've laughed so hard and so loud. haha and veneta next to me was laughing even louder than me! hahaha. yupp then aft the movie (starring kevin clark! hahaha the new tom felton. -sighs-) ethelbert walked me back. thanks! x)

mass tomorrow. anyone want to come with me? =)

she smiled
at 6:59 PM

Monday, December 29, 2003
this is the last smile i'll fake for the sake of being with you.

bored to tearrrs. school's starting in four days. -tear- i don't wanna go back! but at the same time i still miss everyone and would love to see them again. hahaha i think it's like this every year. =) hmmm. my dad came by bearing christmas gifts just now! hahaha i got a photo frame and a little trinket box from my aunts. awwww! so sweet of them. and my bro got a pair of shorts and a shirt. x) happy happy happy!

absolutely everybody in the whole wide world.

she smiled
at 8:07 PM

Sunday, December 28, 2003
busted - she wants to be me.

at first i told myself, i need my head inspected.
i noticed little things: same t-shirt and sunglasses.
then it got weirder see, she cut her hair like me.
she bought a red guitar, kept driving round in my car.
i'm kissing her and she slams me against the wall.
she crashed into a bus, chasing some supermodel.
she analysed my smile, she memorised my phone book,
she always wears my clothes, her favourite words are 'fuck off!'

she looks like, does like, sounds like me.
she's stealing my identity!
and i'm begging you!
somebody notice me, somebody notice.
i'm fading away here. what have i got to do make you see?
my girlfriend is a wannabe! and she wants to be me!

i'm seeing something wrong: she's out back playing soccer.
she used to do ballet: now she's a heavy smoker.
she's so obsessed with me, now she stands up to pee.
and now her stupid games have started taking over.
don't need no special help, no need to see a doctor.
i know you're worried but, i'm telling you just watch her!
it's like she's cracked my code, knows things i never spoke of.
she wants sex all the time and still finds time to fuck off!

she looks like, does like, sounds like me.
she's stealing my identity!
and i'm begging you!
somebody notice me, somebody notice.
i'm fading away here. what have i got to do make you see?
my girlfriend is a wannabe! and she wants to be me!

i'm in the loony bin, wearing a pale pink nighty.
the nurse comes through the door and whispers so politely,
"you're boyfriend's here to see you. look pretty, take a bath!
i love his silly band, can i get his autograph?"

and i'm begging you!
somebody notice me, somebody notice.
i'm fading away here. what have i got to do make you see?
my girlfriend is a wannabe! and she wants to be me!

she smiled
at 1:24 PM

boredd. the gathering at greg's house was quite fun! hahaha cally, shawn and lai were so fascinated by my surname? hahahaha. and we watched 'down with love' too. hahaha a little bland but still quite funny x) but i missed the ending 'cause i had to leave early since i had to walk carol back. oh well. talked to ethelbert again last night haha and shawn was making such a din in the background! pui! hahaha. the lot of the are at leadership training camp and by the looks of it, it sounds like they're having a blast. =)

ahh. school's starting in what? 5 days? -sighs- cause for distress. haven't done any holiday homework and i've no intention of starting now. at the very least i did my english, literature, social studies and geography work or part thereof. ahhh. i don't want to go back to school! -pouts-

she smiled
at 1:13 PM

Friday, December 26, 2003
let me pray not to be sheltered from dangers, but to be fearless in facing them. let me not beg for the stilling of my pain, but for the heart to conquer it.

i'm sleepy! carol woke me up at 10 today. such an ungodly hour! tsk! anyway. my bro's new school uniform looks retarded and he's got to wear a tie as well. HAHAHAHAHAHA. x) anyway, my mum's forbidden me from going out until the Os are over next year which means i'll probably die by march. :) haha. only allowed out the last time today, to go to a CYF gathering at greg's house which is about two blocks down from my place. :) so yeahh. sorry lulu! you know i want to go to the marche thing on sunday. -sobs- will miss all of you! john! marie! jieying! frances! :/

hmmmm. christmas was not really christmas. i mean, it's supposed to be a time of happiness and joy, but i don't know... it just wasn't. found myself thinking about my dad. my cousins. where they are, what they're doing, wishing i could be with them. of course, i was at home, watching serendipity last night and some shitty tv show the night before on christmas eve. it just didn't feel like christmas! and the fact that my mum and i were still snapping each other's heads off (mostly mine being snapped at) didn't help to contribute to the spirit of christmas much. oh well.

new links!

when you think you're alone in this world, you're not. when you think no one understands you, someone does. and when the tears fall, God will be there to catch them... and to catch you.

she smiled
at 12:51 PM

Wednesday, December 24, 2003
decorate your father's belly.
fa la la la, la la la la.
while he's sleeping by the telly.
fa la la la, la la la la.
jelly smeared in patterns festive.
fa la la la, la la la la.
makes a centrepiece suggestive.
fa la la la, la la la la.

next create a yuletide bonbon.
fa la la la, la la la la.
drip some chocolate sauce upon him.
fa la la la, la la la la.
better chase away the pets now.
fa la la la, la la la la.
or your dad is christmas dog chow.
fa la la la, la la la la.

colouredlights his belly wreathing.
fa la la la, la la la la.
blend so gaily with his breathing.
fa la la la, la la la la.
crowning all a star above it.
fa la la la, la la la la.
show the neighbours, they will love it!
fa la la la, la la la la.

if your dad begins to waken,
fa la la la, la la la la.
hide the tinsel-covered bacon.
fa la la la, la la la la.
tell him that he looks delicious!
fa la la la, la la la la.
run like hell, he might get vicious!
fa la la la, la la la la!!

she smiled
at 2:22 PM

this thing sucks. blogger is perpetually screwing up? pui. anyway, went for carolling last night and the night before with the CYF people. hahaha it was shit fun. =) hahaha but mat and carol were acting as my bouncers practically 'cause of some stuff that happened that carol will probably blab to everyone. hahaha. anyway, it was a blast like i said. on monday night, while we were caroling, i got a call from my mum on marcus' phone while we were on the bus, saying my bro was in hospital 'cause he hit his head?! i was stunned man. took a cab and ran all the way back. thankfully he's alright now, just a badd scare. =/ hahaha that night i stayed up til three, chatting with mat that useless daughter of mine haha and baking cookies. had to wake up at seven to go to my bro's new school to register him -- maris stella. which meant four hours of sleep.

then yesterday (after yet another night of lovely singing!), i *couldn't* sleep so i was chatting with matty and lai and ethelbert. haha THEN stayed up til almost six talking to ethelbert haha. he owes me man! and my mum woke me at ten. another four hours of sleep. eight hours in 48hrs is not enough by anyone's standards!! i'm going to fall asleep in mass! hmmm but we're not going for midnight mass today, which sucks. which means i'm not going for the after-mass-til-dawn party at sam koh's hse, which sucks more. argggghh. as i told him last night, the man with no shoes cries until he sees the man with no legs. haha. out there, somewhere, is someone worse off than me. not much of an optimistic view, but oh well. oh and sheryl's new link! go see!

silly poem i found.
i didn't know that this would happen.
i wasn't sure if this was true.

all i knew is that i fell for you.
only the time we spent together
made the moments of love come true.
but what would you do if i told you?
what would you do if i fell in love with you?

she smiled
at 2:13 PM

Monday, December 22, 2003
don't find love, let love find you. that's why it's called falling in love - you don't force yourself to fall... you just fall.

going caroling later with carol and the rest from CYF. =) going to fun i hope. updated my site a little bit. this template is a little strange. the star that was originally on it is gone! haha weird. oh well. probably won't blog until school starts until i get to kidnap the computer which is unlikely. so, merry christmas to all! and a happy new year!

she smiled
at 4:25 PM

Friday, December 19, 2003
blogger is fucked.
haven't been coming online for the past few days 'cause of my mum. yelled at me on tuesday again. after buying me clothes and taking me shopping on sunday and monday. mood-swings perhaps? how sweet of her to take it out on me though. but anyway, what she said was true in a way, that this year i really let my studies slip. gonna have to start studying and revising for the Os... but it's like the mind is willing, but the flesh is weak? yeahh.
next year i'm not allowed on the internet at all unless it's for school. and even then i've to go on at night when she's home and for an hour. honestly speaking, it wouldn't take a lot for me to end up hating her. oh well.
will blog when i've the chance. take care everyone and merry xmas! -hugs-

don't say i'm not in touch
with this rampant chaos, your reality.
i know what lies beyond my sleeping refuge.
when i'm there i build my own world to escape.
in my field of paper flowers,
and candy clouds of lullaby.
i lie inside myself for hours.
and watch my purple sky fly over me.

she smiled
at 3:16 PM

Sunday, December 14, 2003
this morning when i wokened,
and saw the sun above,
i softly said "good morning, Lord.

bless everyone i love."
right away i thought of
and said a loving prayer
that he would bless
you specially,
and keep
you free from care.
i thought of all the happiness
a day could hold in store.
and i wished it all for
because no one deserves it more.

she smiled
at 12:29 PM

Saturday, December 13, 2003
ask me if i could give a fuck about you. go on! ask!

went out with stephi today! met her around 11 and it was a tiring day! hahaha that silly girl dragged me halfway 'round the world looking for the perfect black long-sleeved collared shirt. along the way, we met roxy and sam and rox told stephi about a shirt she saw at mango that was black and collared and long-sleeved and only $16 so we went there to look. and it was the same shirt i pointed out to stephi about an hour ago. xP that's stephi, miss fussy! hahaha just kidding. re-pierced my ear too and bought a very bimbotic looking wallet and this nice grey top. =) quite happy! hahaha. went home and then onto CYF. hahaha it was quite fun as usual, though we didn't do much since the newcomers weren't allowed to vote and lester kept looking in our direction and saying sorry. hahahaha. oooh plus there was log-cake too and that was so yummy! hahaha quite irrelevant but oh well. =)

happy birthday, steph goh! don't think you'll see this but happy birthday anyhow. hahaha tk care lots and have fun on your special day. x) -hugs- anyway, went out with my daddy today! hahaha i'm one happy girl! hahaa. we went for breakfast first and after that my brother and i wanted to go ice-skating so we went down to kallang. but instead of ice-skating, we went bowling! hahaha i suck at bowling. but i managed to pull of a 139 on the second game, after my previous one of 48. hahahaha like i said, i stink at bowling. but my dad's great! strike after strike, spare after spare. and the spares were all 9 spares! and i only had one strike in my entire game. haha he's really good, along with my brother. after that was lunch at BK and then we finally went to see the skating rink. it's freezing! my whole face was so cold and we were only there for like 5 minutes? but it looked like a shit lotta fun so i hope we get to try it out some time. x) can't wait! and there's an inline skating rink too with all the ramps and stuff. ahhhh! january had better come fast man. can't hardly wait! going to my mum's club later too bowl again (maybe?) and play pool. ahh! i missed pool! hahahaha life, at this precise moment, is looking nicee. x)

uploaded pictures! finally!
marie: hahaha i do have pimples! ahh! lulu's going to pay if i end up like her. hahaha just kidding, lulu! and no the email was not nice! it was shit scary man. =(
lulu: i did not kiss your shitty hamster! you put it down my back! asshole! and my complexion is ruined by you k. you suck!

she smiled
at 6:19 PM

Wednesday, December 10, 2003
stephi: hahahaha you sweetie! nah it's fine, don't get me anything. =) i re-edited it anyway, after thinking it through. if you must then i'd just like a nice poem hahaha. love ya lots dear. *hugs&kisses*
marie: MARIE! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! how dare you send me that horrible email. you watch out. i'm gonna get you back for that! *evil laughter*

she smiled
at 4:49 PM

to mydaddy.

i said a prayer for you today,
and know God must have heard.
i felt the answer in my heart,
although He spoke no word.
i didn't ask for wealth or fame-
i knew you wouldn't mind.
i asked Him to send treasures
of a far more lasting kind.
i asked that He be near you,
at the start of each new day,
to grant you health and blessings
and friends
to share your way.
i asked for happiness for you,
in all things, great and small,
but it was for His loving care
that i prayed for most of all.

she smiled
at 4:43 PM

Sunday, December 07, 2003
My Christmas Wish List.
1. XJSN Volume3 ($14.90)
2. XJSN Volume4 ($14.90)
3. The Tony Sun book I saw at Popular.
4. The XJSN book I saw at Popular.

5. Grey racer-back BUM shirt. ($18)
6. Pink polka-dotted 37degrees halter.
7. Polo shirts.
8. T-shirts. ($20-$30 worth)
9. White Converse sweater. ($45.90)
10. A 2004 yearbook / notebook.
11. A black/brown leather wallet.
12. Pink+purple pencil case I saw at Roxy. ($15)
13. Hipsters.
14. A pair of heels like my mum's.

15. A long-sleeved striped collared shirt. ($29)
16. A pair of black work-pants.
17. A nice pair of berms.
18. Ribbed tank from Miss Selfridge. ($16)
19. My own digital camera. ($299)
20. To be more tolerant.
21. To curb my temper.
22. Better grades for Chinese+Physics+Amaths.
23. To work hard at school and diligently practice my maths.

Quote Of The Day:
Lulu: *confused* I still can't find my tree!

marie: haha yes! let's go out! =) but must wait til i've got money first. i'm shit broke now. -sobs- tc!
lulu: for heaven's sake it's not your true love! god. we need to find you a bf asap! hahaha. and no, turkey does not count as one okay? x) tkcare you loserrr.

she smiled
at 12:22 PM

had tuition just now with that sucker lulu. it was the worst lesson i've ever attended! ms millie kept going so fast and gave us so little time to do the questions and lulu and i were completely lost. x( i think failing emaths next year is very very inevitable. along with amaths, chem, physics and chinese. -sobs- life sucks. counted my savings last night! haha actually i was supposed to go shopping with lulu today after tuition, but just thinking about spending money after counting my savings is just depressing:

the total count stands thus:
1 Australian dime.
1 broken safety pin.
2 receipts.
5 notes passed during class.
2 pieces of scrap paper.

this is very sad.

she smiled
at 12:06 PM

Saturday, December 06, 2003
XJSN Pictures

look here.

Lulu: I am not kissing your filth-infested guinea pig! Oh and everyone go and see this. The most accurate testimonial of Lulu by yours truly! Hahaha! x)
Mellie: Haha yes I miss you too! You mad cow hahaha. Take care always yeahs mellieee!? ilu*

she smiled
at 8:40 PM

Just had dinner a while ago after coming back from Bonnie+Erika+Chris' comfirmation. I've got quite a bit to blog about so I'll start from yesterday. =)

5th Dec/Friday
Went to FTPPS child-care centre at Toa Payoh to help take care of the kids there! Hahaha the kids were pretty cute! Haha but Ange and I had a tough time 'cause we were doing arts and crafts with them and there was this one kid who acted pretty angry all the time, like he'd snap at people and punch them and scold them vulgar words. Maybe he's got a lot of anger inside... I don't know. Hahaha and there was this one Indian boy who kept scolding the rest of the children chinese vulgarities. Hahaha! Plus one 12-year-old eurasian girl who kept smiling at Ange! Hmmmm! x) Hahaha. But the teachers there are very fierce and they kept scolding the children and shouting at them. =( That's probably the only not-nice part of the day la. =) Came home early (so I missed the 'Games' part with the kids that the CYF people thought up.) and was pretty beat so I'm glad my mum said I could skip training tomorrow morning. =) Now I won't have to train til Thursday/Friday! -Beams- x)

Woke up at 10+ after having this hilarious dream! I dreamt of DaBeck from XJSN and it was so funny 'cause we were playing some stupid arcade game and it was all in Chinese and I didn't know what the hell I was doing or shooting at. Hahahaha. Twisted dreams always haunt my sleep! Hmmmm then I went for Bonnie+Erika+Chris' comfirmation! Happy confirmation you guys! Was actually supposed to meet Lulu at the bus-stop to take the bus over to Holy Spirit but my mum decided to give us a lift instead. Haha that was lucky 'cause Val and Yricia were at the bus-stop too! So we gave them a lift too. Hahaha was pretty shocked. When I came home the first thing my mum said was "who was the boy?" and I was so stunned til I realised she was talking about Tricia *snickersnickersnortsnort* Hahaha what a laugh. =) Anyway, we met Cheryl, Jolene and Inka there too. Hmmm actually the church is much nicer than Risen Christ, just that the choir was pretty dead and everyone wasn't completely paying attention? Other than that, I think the church is really nicee! Especially the toilets. Not like RC's stinky dirty malfunctioning toilets. Hahaha. Christine was looking soooo pretty! Hahaha gorgeous! And Bonnie too, in her spag dress. =) Oh and I saw myshireeeeenbaby there! That girl was all dolled up, looking so *cute* haha. x) Hmmm so after that, Bonnie invited us back to her place 'cause she was going to change 'cause she, Inka, Tricia and Val were going to town. Then her mum gave us all a lift to J8 and Lulu and I left to go home. But she wanted to shop and she bought "her true love" from BUM (this very ugly, very typically-lulu shirt.) and then she went to sign up at my tuition centre. So we'll be having tuition together every Sunday from now on. *horrified* Hahahaha. =)

she smiled
at 8:17 PM

Friday, December 05, 2003
Mrs Chevely: The strength of women comes from the fact that psychology cannot explain us. Men can be analysed, women... merely adored.
Sir Robert Chiltern: You think science cannot grapple with the problem of women?
Mrs Chevely: Science can never grapple with the irrational. That is why it has no future before it, in this world.
Sir Robert Chiltern: And women represent the irrational.
Mrs Chevely: Well-dressed women do.

Words of Wisdom.

1. You see, it is a very dangerous thing to listen. If one listens, then one may be convinced; and a man who allows himself to be convinced by an argument is a thoroughly unreasonable person.

2. Questions are never indiscreet. Answers sometimes are.

3. It is always worthwhile asking a question though it is not always worthwhile answering one.

4. My poor Olivia! We have married perfect husbands and we are well punished for it.

5. I like looking at geniuses, and listening to beautiful people.

6. Life is never fair, Robert. And perhaps it is a good thing for most of us that it is not.

7. I remember having read somewhere, in some strange book, that when the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.

8. I had a wild hope that I might disarm destiny.

(taken from "The Ideal Husband" by Oscar Wilde.)

she smiled
at 12:58 AM

Wednesday, December 03, 2003
ok i shall write tis arsehole another testimonial since she complained abt my earlier one. anw, vanessa is a VERY big piece of shit. one ting bad abt her is tt when u're out with her, she'll walk so faaast that you're way way way behind, and she attributes it to her "loooong loooong legs". shes such a sucker rite? budden in the morning when we're going to sch, she'll walk so SLOOOOWLY. sometimes when u turn arnd to look at her, u half expect her to turn into a snail. i wonder where her long legs disappear to in the morning... probably her brother ate them up. so yeah, its *very* not nice going out with her. really. oooh, and vanessa is a very bad host!! she was pouring water for me to drink and she poured a big fat ugly fly into my water and secretly did not tell me in the hopes that i would drink it and become a fly myself. isnt she sucha horrible gal!?!?!? wahaha! and i honestly dunno why, but she likes westside dunno wad, when its full of *poseur* guys who act cool anyway. and she ruins the whole show by calculating how its impossible for them to jump so far because by the law of physics, it isnt natural and blahblahblah... i tink she has nothing better to do!!! hmmm okay and shes a very fickle woman. u noe why rite, vanessa?!?! all ur "i dun like turkey anymore" promises!!! and another ting, vanessa is a big seducer!! shes always trying to get pple to sit on her lap. ewwwwwww!!! and shes forever poisoning her bloodstream by drawing on herself with pens and markers and all sorts. oooh, the tings she draws! little hearts, names, pictures and all that. shes a very bad artist actually. hahaha! and she likes to go around drawing on pple and writing "van loves u" but i forbid her to do that to me. how dare she! anyway, vanessa is a very loser and poser woman. wahahah!! kidding kidding... well anyway i tink my testimonial fer u is long enuff rite!??!!? better appreciate it u suckerrr!!!

lulu's sucha sweetie right. -glares- you sucker! watch out! !&%$@&!!

she smiled
at 3:56 PM

Monday, December 01, 2003
urghs. haha i suck at html-ing. pui. and this stupid thing can't change colour! linn it doesn't work! -wails- x( oh and i can't seem to get the tagboard in so til i find a way (which will probably be some time next year) sign the gbk k? mucho thanks! =)

she smiled
at 5:42 PM

I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
Or tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were.

Well I will go down with this ship.
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be.

I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again.
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will.
All that was there, will be there still.
I'll let it pass, and hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on.

she smiled
at 4:39 PM

been a boring day. my throat hurts. my eyes are sore and red again. and my nose is fucking stuffed. everything sucks on a monday!! arghh. haha. on the brighter side, at least there's xjsn and gxxd today! haha. i'm turning into a cheenafied freak. dear dear.

jolene: hello dear! x) haha u tk care yups! *hugs*
chris: i wanna go! hahaha. when is it again? you know i can't remember =P haha. anw sorry abt that! really really really slipped my mind. =(
rach: missing you loads dear. how can u think that i'm nt! haha. anyway, u tk care sweets. and msg me sometime yeahs. haha. tc and love ya lots sweetheart. *mwahh*

she smiled
at 4:28 PM


Some years ago, on a hot summer day in south Florida, a little boy decided to go for a swim in the old swimming hole behind his house. In a hurry to dive into the cool water, he ran out the back door, leaving behind shoes, socks and shirt as he went. He flew into the water, not realizing that as he swam toward the middle of the lake, an alligator was swimming toward the shore.

His mother, in the house and looking out the window, saw the two as they got closer and closer together. In utter fear, she ran toward the water, yelling to her son as loudly as she could. Hearing her voice, the little boy became alarmed and made a U-turn to swim to his mother. It was too late. Just as he reached her, the alligator reached him. From the dock, the mother grabbed her little boy by the arms just as the alligator snatched his legs. That began an incredible tug-of-war between the two. The alligator was much stronger than the mother, but the mother was much too passionate to let go.

A farmer happened to drive by, heard her screams, raced from his truck, took aim and shot the alligator. Remarkably, after weeks and weeks in the hospital, the little boy survived. His legs were extremely scarred by the vicious attack of the animal. And, on his arms, were deep scratches where his mother's fingernails dug into his flesh in her effort to hang on to the son she loved.

The newspaper reporter who interviewed the boy after the trauma asked if he would show him his scars. The boy lifted his pant legs. And then, with obvious pride, he said to the reporter, "But look at my arms. I have great scars on my arms, too. I have them because my Mom wouldn't let go."

You and I can identify with that little boy. We have scars, too. No, not from an alligator, but the scars of a painful past. Some of those scars are unsightly and have caused us deep regret. But some wounds, my friend, are because God has refused to let go. In the midst of your struggle, He's been there holding on to you. The Scripture teaches that God loves you. You are a child of God. He wants to protect you and provide for you in every way.

But sometimes we foolishly wade into dangerous situations, not knowing what lies ahead. The swimming hole of life is filled with peril - and we forget that the enemy is waiting to attack. That's when the tug-of-war begins - and if you have the scars of His love on your arms be very, very grateful. He did not, and will not, ever let you go.

Please pass this on to those you love. God has blessed you, so that you can be a blessing to others. You just never know where a person is in his/her life and what they are going through. Never judge another persons scars, because you don't know how they got them. Also, it is soooo important that we are not selfish to receive the blessings of these messages without forwarding them to someone else. Right now, someone needs to know that God loves them, and that you love them too: enough to not let them go.

she smiled
at 4:06 PM

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