#vanessa;
the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

240788-->leo;
ex-IJTP.4/nine2004;
cjc.1T05;
swimmer; drama mama; councillor;
laugh_out_loud247[at]hotmail[dot]com;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
pinkstilettos;
temporary insanity;
guestbook;
poetry;


angels`
-friends

4/nine.
chij.
alyssa.
angie.
benjamin.
bernie.
bert.
brendan.
carol.
carol n.
charles.
cheryl.
chris.
corinne.
dalun.
darren.
elsa.
erika.
gen.
joachim.
jolene.
judette.
kimberly.
lester.
nat.
qibing.
roxy.
sam.
sean.
seb.
sheryl.
stephi.

-snaps
[Carolling]
[Dinner&Dance]
[CJC]
[Chinese New Year]
[Poetry]
[Misc]
[Sentosa]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

-thanks
blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

-memories
July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;

layoutandimages[by]q|en

Saturday, November 29, 2003
Today... Had swimming again and I'm beginning to not like it all over again. I don't know maybe it's just the way I'm feeling right at this instant. =( Seriously, if I was given a choice between ELDDS and swimming, it'd be LD hands down. But since next year will be my last year and all... might as well give it my all. (Right, and we all know how good Vanessa is at doing that?) -sighs- [I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright.]

Went out with my daddy after that, and went over to Gillian's house to play with Duchess (Her dog. I think it's a cross-breed between golden retriever and labrador?) and have lunch. Duchess is HUGE. Seriously. I was sitting down and she came straight at me and I was nearly thrown off-balance by her weight. Haha. But she's not so bad once the initial excitement is over. =) Haha. My dad is really good with dogs. Generally he's pretty good with all animals so yupp. -beams- Haha. It sounds stupid but I'm proud of my daddy. =) Lol. Anyway, after that, we went to Aunt Bunny's house (My godmother) but she wasn't around, so we just played with her cats (There were only 3 but I'm sure the rest were hiding somewhere...) and her disgusting luohan fish. Haha. Was a pretty simple outing, but I'm glad anyway.

Met Elizabeth and Carol to go for CYF Night after that. It was fantastic. The band played lotsa songs and some were really nice, and even if the singers weren't that good, it was still a remarkable effort on their part. =) The skits were really funny too! Hahahaha. the 'Romeo and Juliet' one set to a Grease theme was so cute! Hahaha. And everyone was laughing and hooting so loudly especially when Peter came out dressed as a girl. Hahaha. Someone should sue Jack Neo. Then the next skit was equally funny, the 'actors' did a great job. Everyone should have been there. I didn't even get to watch the entire thing though... because my mother wanted me home by 9.00 and by the time I reached home it was already 9.45. Luckily, she didn't make a big deal out of it, but I still feel... sad? Upset? It's not out of guilt or whatever. It's just a different kind of feeling.

[I could cry if I want to.]

she smiled
at 10:55 PM


shouts: (because that blasted tagboard of mine is showing a temper.)

lyss: haha nah i think it's dry eyes. haha thanks anw! *hugs*
bern: hi! hahaha. nahh turns out i'm not quitting swimming.
carol: u lame shit! haha xP
rach: hahah yes yes have to catch up soon yeahs. x) ilu! *hugs*
linn: soh yilin! i still cannot change the thing leh. i followed your instructions but the thing refuses to change colour! -pouts-
stephi: for some reason, i can only see what everyone else tags and i can't tag my own board? it's so freaky! urggh. =(
roxy: hey roxy! haha hope you're having fun this hols yeahs. x) thanks for tagging and u tk care always! *hugs*

she smiled
at 10:06 PM


my tag's not working. bah.

she smiled
at 9:51 AM


So lately, been wondering
Who will be there to take my place?
When I'm gone you'll need love
To light the shadows on your face
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then between the sand and stone
Could you make it on your own?

If I could, then I would.
I'd go wherever you will go

Way up high or down low,
I'll go wherever you will go...

And maybe, I'll find out
A way to make it back someday
To watch you, to guide you
Through the darkest of your days
If a great wave shall fall and fall upon us all
Then I hope there's someone out there
Who can bring me back to you.

[Chorus]

Run away with my heart
Run away with my hope
Run away with my love

I know now, just quite how
My life and love might still go on.
In your heart, in your mind
I'll stay with you for all of time...

If I could, then I would
I'll go wherever you will go
Way up high or down low
I'll go wherever you will go...

she smiled
at 9:45 AM


i cannot WAIT til i'm 21.
then i shall come back with my hair dyed blue, my nose, eyebrow and tongue pierced, a tattoo on my back and my arm around some gangster who's my fiance. then i shall tell you, "But Mummy Dearest, i'm 21."
and i hope you throw me out of the house. i can't stand living with you.
talking abt 'you're still under my care (insert cynical snorts here.) until you're 21' like i'm your property. and it's not just a one-off thing. you do it every single time.
just your property. not your daughter.
you know, i may have to love you 'cause you're my mother, but regarding how much i like you, i DON'T.
not in the least bit.
you don't listen to me, you know that? you think you do. you don't.

thanks for ruining my day. really, thanks.

she smiled
at 12:00 AM


Friday, November 28, 2003
-beeeg grin- happy day!

haha. i'm really quite happy today, for once! x) got back a while ago from CYF orientation. hahah it was lotsa fun but more of that later. =) woke up really late today and didn't go swimming. my mum knows i'm not looking forward to training with a bunch of strangers when i haven't swum for so long, so yesterday morning we went leisure swimming! haha. it was a nicee change and guess we 'bonded' a little. =) while that moronic brother of mine bonded with his pillow. =P haha. hmmm but we didn't go this morning 'cause it was raining, and for some reason i slept right through til it was nearly two! -omg- haha. i broke my own record? xP

hmmm after that i met carol and bernie at church for the Mustard Seed meeting. it was nice!! hahaha. quite a small group, but all in all it wasn't so bad. =) hmmm let's see. ada, julianna, isabelle, maria, stephanie, bernie, carol, me, kenneth, ian, matthew, lee, shawn, aileen, greg, jonathan. hahaha in the exact order that we were sitting in! -brag brag- as if my memory's that good. haha hope i didn't miss anyone out. played some ice-breaker games too and it was really funny! hahaha they pasted something on your back that said things like 'i'm the queen of england. bow when you speak to me.' or 'my ears are at my butt' and you have to guess what it said from the actions everyone did to you. quite entertaining! =) haha. anyway, i've already got an article to write on tomorrow's CYF Night! -beams- quite happy about that. =)

CYF after dinner with carol and elizabeth was fun. hahah at first carol and i were so apprehensive 'cause there were a lot of people there and i don't know... it seemed really fake. like pretentious? yeah. but after that, during the ice-breakers and stuff it was really not so bad. hahaha quite fun actually. played that silly game again and this time the paper read "i don't speak english." so everyone was speaking chinese and malay and all to me! hahaha. quite a laugh. made lotsa new friends (so to speak, even if it was a simple one-line intro? lol!) so i'm pretty glad about that haha. had to leave early 'cause of mommy dearestest (insert hacking cough) and was really rushing. i'm still smiling over something that happened. =)

CYF night tomorrow! and i'm going out with my daddy tomorrow too. happy happy. -beams- =)

she smiled
at 11:54 PM


Wednesday, November 26, 2003
my eyes are nearly swollen shut. ouch. ahh boring days are here again. how fun. mum's decided that i'm not quitting swimming til next year so i've to start training ASAP. and i'm not looking foward to it. =( *sighs* hmmm and last night i took out my ear-stud 'cause it was itchy and i wanted to scratch it. and after that i couldn't get the blasted stud back in. PISSING! oh well. next time i go out i've just got to remember to go down to Bits and Pieces to pierce it again. =/ this entry is shit boring. news flash: LIFE SUCKS.

"if one day you should come to understand me... that wouldn't be a good thing."

she smiled
at 3:25 PM


Monday, November 24, 2003
haha i love that song! probably my favourite hymn. =) today's going to be yet another boring day. how absolutely fun. on the bright side, CYF Night is this Saturday and i can't wait to go! haha. everyone tells me it's going to be great so yupp. can't hardly wait! haha. msged ada just now, and she said our confirmation certs would most likely come in the mail. other classes have to go back though. hmmm. ahahaha. read something completely cuteee last night. i mean, it's nt really very funny, but it's really coincidental. =) hahaha. i don't make sense. =) so sue me!

she smiled
at 1:04 PM


I will come to you in the silence.
I will lift you from all your fear.
You will hear my voice, I claim you as my choice,
Be still and know I am here.

I am hope for all who are hopeless.
I am eyes for all who long to see.

In the shadows of the night, I will be your light,
Come and rest in me.

Do not be afraid I am with you.
I have called you each by name.
Come and follow me, I will bring you home,
I love you and you are mine.

I am strength for all the despairing.
Healing for the ones who dwell in shame.
All the blind will see, the lame will all run free,
And all will know my name.

I am the Word that leads all to freedom.
I am the Peace the world cannot give.
I will call your name, embracing all your pain,
Stand up now, walk and live.


she smiled
at 12:56 PM


Sunday, November 23, 2003
FINALLY CONFIRMED!!!

ahhhhh. today. hmmm. changed my plans to meet matty to go for a haircut at the last minute 'cause i didn't want to get into any deeper shit with my mum. so we went to church (just my mum and me, she being my stand-in godmother for the day because she wanted to deprive me of my own godmother at my own confirmation.) and i felt so damn ridiculous in my sleeveless top and skirt. esp the skirt!! it was the epitome of retarded and see through. haha mel's as well! lol. ooh and matty was *pinches cheeks* soo pretty! high heels, long skirt and make-up! *squeals* so pretty! hahahaha. she's never going to hear the end of this. =) hmmm. so took some photos and then went in for mass. the mass was okay and the bishop's pretty okay too. hahah thought he'd be like some old fogey who can't speak english properly... hahaha. but he wasn't! =) sitting through the entire thing next to my mum who's mad at me wasn't very easy but it wasn't so bad lah. i think she's less angry with me now, which is a good thing! haha. anyway the real fun part was AFTER the mass! x)

saw TONS of schoolmates there, although that wasn't very surprising. hahaha. but was pretty disappointed that i didn't see stephi sweeetie. *sniffles* and qb was mean man. she didn't want to wish me happy confirmation! you watch out! hahaha. hmmm yeah and i saw my cupcakey too! after so long. and she looked absolutely gorgeous! *what's new?* x) saw tricia tan and val too and sheryl-jiejie!! she even made me a card? *bursts into tears* so sweet! plus i finally saw her. the one person that made me SO happy today, the best thing's that's ever happened to me... ANDREA! she's my best friend. hahaha for 9 years and still counting. god i missed her! so yeahh spent the rest of the day with her. went to Macs to eat a little and yeahh. just had fun talking to her after so long. hahah we even bought rings! *//a ring is a circle, it has no end. and that's how long you'll be my friend.//*

ooh then after that i went to cut hair. hahaha i likee it! lol. i feel bimbotic today. hahaha. xP then when i got home, i saw this present on my table. inside was a cross+chain necklace. 18 carat silver. from my mother. i'm really touched, but i don't really know what to make of it. maybe it's a peace offering? haha. but it was sweet. and i'm touched. *tears*

mel: you ahma!! made me lie so much! pui! hahahaha. *hopeless!*

she smiled
at 9:23 PM


Superman (It's Not Easy)

I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive...
I'm just out to find, the better part of me.

I'm more than a bird:I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train and
It's not easy to be me

Wish that I could cry, fall upon my knees.
Find a way to lie, about a home I'll never see...

It may sound absurd: but don't be naive...
Even Heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed: but won't you concede?
Even Heroes have the right to dream but
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away:away from me
It's all right: You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy: or anything...

I can't stand to fly, I'm not that naive
Men weren't meant to ride, with clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

It's not easy to be me.



for the first time in my life, i don't want to be me. i'd rather be anyone, but me.

she smiled
at 1:37 AM


re-read my testimonials on friendster, and i just don't understand why people say i'm nice. honestly and i swear to God i don't understand. i mean is it possible that so many people don't really know me? that they don't know what a moronic asshole of a bitch i can be? i know some people have seen the Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde side of me, but what scares me is that if it's true what people say, that i'm 'nice', then that means that my horrible alter ego hasn't surfaced in quite a while. and that's just scary 'cause when she finally does show up, the show's going to be anything but subtle. and when the bitch in me finally shows herself after sucha long hiatus, then she's going to hurt everybody.

haha i sound like a complete schizo. but i'm not, really. just... i don't know. concerned+confused, i guess. confirmation's tomorrow. couldn't wait at first, and now i'm dreading it. i'm so not myself.... then again i don't know if i can say what IS myself anymore. i feel so numb. i've cried all the tears i could possibly (ever in this entire lifetime) cry, explained all that i could possibly explain to myself, and yeah. guess what? it still sucks. talked to linn just now and she really cheered me up a little :) don't wanna say it here, but thanks dear. you may nt think it was a lot, but it really helped. and yeahh thanks for just being there. :)

anyway, nth much happened today. the whole cat class met up at EC macs to have breakfast together. haha like the Last Supper or something. haha. but it was really nice actually in a sentimental soppy sappy way. =) after that we had confirmation rehearsal for the mass that's taking place around 14 more hours in the future. and then carol, and the two elizabeths and i went for lunch (after i signed up for CYF and Mustard Seed!) at the interchange. went all the way to IMM at jurong east after that to see lulu? haha. madness* =) then came hme. how interesting. k i've to sleep. ciaos.

//I've become so numb.
I can't feel you there.
Become so tired.
So much more aware.
I'm becoming this.
All I want to do...
Is be more like me,
And be less like YOU.//*

she smiled
at 1:23 AM


Friday, November 21, 2003
[You] give me strength
[You] give me hope
[You] give me someone to love,
someone to hold
When I'm in [your] arms,
I need [you] to know
I've never been, never been this close...

she smiled
at 2:01 PM


ahh had a wonderful dream yesterday! hahaha still smiling about it. =) -beams- haha. anyway, today i was supposed to meet up with mellie! but my bitch mother wouldn't let me go out 'cause i "pricked" my ear. wth. completely pissing offing. like, hello? MY ear? arghh. but anyway, listening to music helps take away your anger lol. for me, anyway. i'm not sure what's the point in blogging when nothing's happening. haha. friendster is fun! =)

my ear still hurts.

she smiled
at 1:46 PM


Thursday, November 20, 2003
is it possible to be depressed and still happy at the same time? hmmm.

she smiled
at 12:40 PM


Extract from Dave Pelzer's Book

I know school isn't always easy, or dealing with other kids, or things you have to face on a daily basis. No offense, but that's life. Everybody has problems. Everyone.

But you're different: you deal with things. It's not always easy, but that's the way it is. I'm not trying to be a tough guy about this, but no matter what happens to you, it doesn't give you an excuse to blame others or wallow in self-pity. Your mother, your teachers, others who love you, or even myself: we can only help you so far. It's going to be up to you to amke it happen. No one's perfect. There are no sets of perfect parents; no one has a perfect life. As you grow older, maybe you can learn something positive from mistakes.

You're going to be fine. You've got a strong heart. In life, you're going to make mistakes, you're going to fall down, but it's getting up that counts. Just like in baseball: you'll get a few hits, but most likely, you'll strike out more than you'll get on base. But don't quit. Find your focus, relax, take a deep breath, and give it a good swing. I beg of you, don't quit. There are so many people who cave in at the first sign of trouble. They quit school, they act like they know it all, and develop a habit of quitting on everything. You're better than that. If you quit, everything you fought for-your grades, baseball, your self-respect-would have been in vain.

The thing is, at the end of the day, you still have to face yourself. I know it's a lot to digest at your age, but i'm here to help you. There is nothing, and I mean *nothing*, you cannot accomplish if you want it bad enough. The choice is yours. Always has been, always will be. Stay on your course. be true to yourself, and you'll be fine.

she smiled
at 12:39 PM


"Iris"

And I'd give up forever to touch you*
'Cause I know that you* feel me somehow.
You're* the closest to heaven that I'll ever be.
And I don't want to go home right now...
And all I can taste is this moment
And all I can breathe is your* life
'Cause sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you* tonight.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand...
When everything's made to be broken,
I just want you* to know who I am.
And you* can't fight the tears that ain't coming.
Or the moment of truth in your* lies.
When everything feels like the movies.
And you* bleed just to know you're* alive.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you* to know who I am...
...
I just want you to know who I am

she smiled
at 11:53 AM


my ear hurts. last night i couldn't even sleep properly 'cause everytime i turned, it started hurting. arghhs. -pissed off-

she smiled
at 11:19 AM


Wednesday, November 19, 2003
Birth stone: Star onyx.
You like: Bold colours, big laughs and being the centre of attention.
You dislike: Boring nights in, being told off and being ignored in the street.
You’re best at: Showing off ur best side at parties and on stage, motivating people when they're fed up and being the first one to volunteer for a dangerous mission.
Deep down: U need to be noticed for all the good stuff u do. Helpful but haughty, u will do anything for those u love, as long as they shower u with affection and thanks.
Your career: Film director, architect, photographer or sports administrator.
Fashion: You like fashion, but like to mix stuff you already own with new items. This can set you apart from the crowd and that's fine by you - even if people do stare sometimes. You adore all that glitters - from lurex to lame. You can be conservative when you need to be but ideally you like to look a bit flashy.
As a mate: You are the natural leader of the pack. Friends flock around to soak up ur energy like moths to a flame. Watch that big head though – nobody likes an egomaniac. Display ur generous side and remember that pride comes before a fall.
As a girlfriend: Bright, bold and bodacious, u turn heads wherever u go. No shrinking violet, u are passionate and faithful in love, but expect ur honey to worship at ur feet. U crave attention and may sulk for days if u don't get it!
If your boyfriend's a Leo: Watch out world – this one's hot. Vain and confident, he'll sweep u off ur feet and make u feel like a princess. Tell him how precious he is and he'll purr like a well-fed tabby. Forget to tell him and he'll start clawing the furniture in a fury. A Leo boy believes he is king of the beasts.

she smiled
at 6:20 PM


just got back from town. haha i pierced my left ear twice, one on the higher side! and linn kept going 'you're really piercing?' over and over. hahaha she was probably more nervous than i was. haha. x) but it wasn't as painful as i expected la. just that i don't know HOW i'm going to hide it from my mum. and if she does see it what can i say? arghh. oh well. deal with that when the time comes. =)

anyway, today i went to help chris with her chocolate entrepreneurship thingy but she, corinne and frances were discussing the chocolates and all and i couldn't help since i wasn't in their group. haha had i known i wouldn't have woken up at 8+ for it! lol. and she called me just when my dream was just getting nice and interesting. bah! hahaha. any case, after that linn msged me so i went to meet her and nicole at paragon. such wonderful timing though, my phone went flat! wth. haha. hmmm so met them and walked to cine. along the way we saw this girl with practically her entire butt showing? omg shit gross k! haha not like it's sucha nice butt too so. haha. bummed around a little waiting for that stupid woman at bits and pieces who kept telling us to come back in 10minutes. wth. but finally pierced my ear and then linn and nicole met their friend (oh and we saw alyssa too! haha.) and went to watch a movie. haha lil' broke me just went home hahaha. so loser! oh well. who asked me not to bring money. ho-hum. *sighs* met roxanne at wisma on the way and we took the train back together since she was going to church. haha chatted a little and it was nicee. haha. x)

k this entry today is seriously retarded! lol. just talking about my not-so-interesting day. *sighs* haha. tomorrow will be a better one. =)

she smiled
at 6:13 PM


Tuesday, November 18, 2003
just came back from bugis! haha met stephi (carol had already gone home, that sucker! hahaha but she actually called me to tell me sth that's funny+notfunny haha. thanks!) and we ate yoshinoya! hahaha missed eating the beef bowl. *yummmmylicious* mmmm then we went arnd walking and stuff. not much happened but it was just fun being with stephi agaiN! haha. x) hmmm had a loooong chat with zh today too and that was really nice! haha i missed talking to him and all his cartoonish ways lol. and he's so sad somemore because of sth.. haha i better not say here. but cheer up yeahs! *hugs* and thanks again for sucha sweet testimonial even though you said you're scared of me. pui! haha kidding. love ya lots tk care! =)

hmmm. this week is looking qt okay! haha. i don't think it'll be as boring as last week and the previous one. tmr i may be going to lulu's to bleach hair! hahaha. want to cut it too finally. =) then on thursday i'm going out with linn and lulu! yay! xD maybe on friday can go out with rachie? haha hope so! x) lalalalala. happy happy happy!

it's amazing how one person can turn your whole life around, and take you right back up to where you were before you fell. thank YOU for being that someone. YOU may not know it, but YOU've touched me and i thank YOU with all my heart for that. =)

she smiled
at 6:58 PM


Five Constipated Men

There were five, five, constipated men
In the Bible, in the Bible
There five, five, constipated men
In the B I B L E

The first, first, constipated man
Was Cain, he wasn't Abel
There five, five, constipated men
In the B I B L E

The second, second constipated man
Was Balaam, he couldn't move his ass
There five, five, constipated men
In the B I B L E

The third, third, constipated man
Was Moses, he took two tablets
There five, five, constipated men
In the B I B L E

The fourth, fourth, constipated man
Was Solomon, he sat for forty years
There five, five, constipated men
In the B I B L E

The fifth, fifth constipated man
Was Samson, he brought the house down
There five, five, constipated men
In the B I B L E

( got this off bernard's blog. haha the people were shit funny! everyone was howling with laughter haha. x) )

she smiled
at 12:33 AM


don't think you'll read this but that was really sweet of you. thanks. =)

she smiled
at 12:18 AM


Monday, November 17, 2003
xiang hui dao guo qu...

she smiled
at 5:49 PM


It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To turn around and walk away
Pretending I don't love you

she smiled
at 2:21 PM


I can't let you see
What you mean to me.
When my hands are tied,
And my heart's not free,
We're not meant to be.

she smiled
at 2:21 PM


It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to do
To look you in the eye
And tell you I don't love you
It's the hardest thing
I'll ever have to lie
To show no emotion
When you start to cry.

she smiled
at 2:19 PM


back from confirmation camp! haha. it was quite okay la, just that our group was like really quiet 'cause none of us really knew another so yeahh that part sucked a little. but it got better later on. was sorta counting on the bedrooms to be like thsoe at obs, with fans and no sockets and stuff but it turned out to be air-conditioned!! wth man. hahaa i hate air-con. i get dry eyes and sinus in the morning because of it! stupid stupid stupid. and the first night it was so cold k. hahaha *whiner* but on the whole it was quite okay! haha. x)

life SUCKS. there's nothing to do at all. 'cept maybe go to the library with that sucker who's chasing me for her freaking $2.60. pui lulu!! xP blahs. hols are shit boring. xP on the bright side, confirmation is on sunday!! yes yes yes!! 23rd Nov at 3 at the Church of the Risen Christ. everyone who reads this is invited! x) hahaha can't wait for con. but it'll be bittersweet i guess. =( oh well.

she smiled
at 1:31 PM


Wednesday, November 12, 2003
JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotionally temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. Likes to be quiet. Homely person. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Prone to having stomach and dieting problems. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

uh. this sounds more like the horoscope of cancer than me, since cancer's month is july. so i guess mine should be august which is leo. hahahaha seriously NOT accurate at all. i mean, NO DIFFICULTIES IN STUDYING?? everyone can tell you that vanessa cannot study at all. xP plus i don't like to be quiet, i'm not hardworking and i'm not moody!! haha but in other aspects it's quite accurate. i don't look for friends 'cause i'm a little shy when it comes to meeting new people (something i'm trying to change! arghhh.) and i do get stomach problems and i do have a lot of pride. hahaha why am i even analysing this. xP

AUGUST:
Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless. Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends.

haha sounds more like me! but the anger part is more tiong than me haha. x) you know i love you!

she smiled
at 3:10 PM


January 01 - 09 ~ Dog
January 10 - 24 ~ Mouse
January 25 - 31 ~ Lion
February 01 - 05 ~ Cat
February 06 - 14 ~ Dove
February 15 - 21 ~ Turtle
February 22 - 28 ~ Panther
March 01 - 12 ~ Monkey
March 13 - 15 ~ Lion
March 16 - 23 ~ Mouse
March 24 - 31 ~ Cat
April 01 - 03 ~ Dog
April 04 - 14 ~ Panther
April 15 - 26 ~ Mouse
April 27 - 30 ~ Turtle
May 01 - 13 ~ Monkey
May 14 - 21 ~ Dove
May 22 - 31 ~ Lion
June 01 - 03 ~ Mouse
June 04 - 14 ~ Turtle
June 15 - 20 ~ Dog
June 21 - 24 ~ Monkey
June 25 - 30 ~ Cat
July 01 - 09 ~ Mouse
July 10 - 15 ~ Dog
July 16 - 26 ~ Lion
July 27 - 31 ~ Cat
August 01 - 15 ~ Monkey
August 16 - 25 ~ Mouse
August 26 - 31 ~ Turtle
September 01 - 14 ~ Dove
September 15 - 27 ~ Cat
September 28 - 30 ~ Dog
October 01 ! - 15 ~ Monkey
October 16 - 27 ~ Turtle
October 28 - 31 ~ Panther
November 01 - 16 ~ Dove
November 17 - 30 ~ Cat
December 01 - 16 ~ Dog
December 17 - 25 ~ Monkey
December 26 - 31 ~ Dove

If you are a Turtle:
You are near to perfect and nice at heart. The examples of your kindness are always circulated in groups of people. You, too, love peace. You wouldn't like to retaliate even to a person who is in the wrong. You are loved due to this. You do not wish to talk behind one's back. People love the way you always treat them. You can give, give and give love, and the best part is that you do not expect it back in return. You are generous enough. Seeing things in a practical light is what remains the best trait of you guys.

If you are a Dog:
A very loyal and sweet person! Your loyalty can never be doubted. You are quite honest and sincere when it comes to your attitude towards working. You are a very simple person, indeed. Absolutely hassle free, humble and down-to-earth!! That explains the reason why your friends cling on to you! You have a good taste for clothes. If your wardrobe is not updated with what is trendy, you sure are depressed. You have a little group of dignified friends, all of them being quality- personified.

If you are a Dove:
You symbolize a very happy-go-lucky approach in life. Popular and easy-going. Whatever the surroundings may be, grim or cheerful, you remain unaffected. In fact, you spread cheer wherever you go. You are the leader of your group of friends and good at consoling people in their times of need. You dislike hypocrisy and tend to shirk away from hypocrites. They can never be in your good books, no matter what! You are very methodical and organized in your work. No amount of mess, hence, can ever encompass you. Beware, people can easily fall in love with because of your sweet attitude.

If you are a Mouse:
Always up to some sort of a mischief! The mischievous gleam in your eyes is what makes you so cute and attractive to everyone. You are an extremely fun-to-be-with kind of person. No wonder, people seek for your company and look forward to include you for all get-togethers. However, you are sensitive, which is a drawback. People need to select their words while talking to you. If someone tries to fiddle around and play with words while dealing with you, it is enough to invite your wrath. God bless the person then!

If you are a Cat:
An extremely lovable, adorable person, sometimes shy, with a passion for quick wit. At times, you prefer quietness. You love exploring various things and going into depth of each thing. Under normal circumstances you're cool, when given a reason to, you are like a volcano waiting to erupt. You're a fashion bird. People look forward to you as an icon associated with fashion. Basically, you mingle along freely but don't like talking much to strangers. People feel very easy in your company. You observe care in choosing your friends.

If you are a Panther:
You are mysterious. You are someone who can handle pressure with ease, and can handle any atmosphere without going berserk. You can be mean at times, and love to gossip with your selected group. Very prim and proper. You like all situations and things to be in the way you desire, which, sometimes is not possible. As a result, you may lose out in some relationships. But otherwise, you love to help people out from difficult and tight spots when they really need you.

If you are a Monkey:
Very impatient and hyper!!! You want things to be done as quick as possible. At heart, you are quite simple and love if you are the center of attraction. That way, you people are unique. You would like to keep yourself safe from all the angles. Shall your name be dragged or featured in any sort of a controversy, you then go all panicky! Therefore, you take your precautions from the very beginning. When you foresee anything wrong, your sixth sense is what saves you from falling in traps. Quite a money minded bunch you people are!!

If you are a Lion:
Quite contradictory to your name, you are a peace loving person. You best try to avoid a situation wherein you are required to fight. An outdoor person, you DISLIKE sitting at one place for a long duration (hmm. explains why i don't like exams. xP). You are a born leader, and have it in you how to tactfully derive work from people. You love being loved, and when you receive your share of limelight from someone, you are all theirs!!!! Well, well... hence some people could even take an advantage, flatter you to the maximum and get their work done. So be careful...

hahaha very very true. x)

she smiled
at 2:57 PM


What if God decided to stop leading us tomorrow because we didn't follow Him today?

What if God couldn't take the time to bless us today because we couldn't take the time to thank Him yesterday?

What if we never saw another flower bloom because we grumbled when God sent the Rain?

What if God didn't walk with us today because we failed to recognize it as His day?

What if, God took away the Bible tomorrow because we would not read it today?

What if, God took away His message because we failed to listen to the messenger?

What if, God didn't send His only begotten Son because He wanted us to be prepared to pay the price for sin?

What if, the door of the church was closed because we did not open the door of our heart?

What if, God stopped loving and caring for us because we failed to love and care for others?

What if, God would not hear us today because we would not listen to Him?

What if, God answered our prayers the way we answer His call to service?

What if, God met our needs the way we give Him our lives?

she smiled
at 2:45 PM


Tuesday, November 11, 2003
What do you think of Mexicans?:they wear big hats? haha and they eat buerritos and stuff like that i guess.
Jews?:-silence- haha i don't know what to say.
Do you like Canada?:don't know. i've never been there!
I just got my own way, instead of you getting yours. Are you pissed?:haha a little bit? i'm quite proud la.
Does Britney Spears turn you on?:uh no. haha but i think her music's nice, esp the latest one with madonna.
Have you ever gotten suspended or expelled from school?:hahaha near to it!
If so, what for?:haha for skipping school half-way.
If you had to,would you kill the love of your life, or 30 strangers?:the love of my life just 'cause i don't think i could just kill 30 strangers and still be normal. plus the police wld throw me into jail so what's the diff.
What's better? An amusement park or a water park?:both! haha but water parks are more fun 'cause you get wet and all. x)
Do you like cats?:YES. YES. YES.
Kruisenga's an ass, isn't he?:who?
On a scale of 1-10, how much do you like your parents?:umm 7 i think.
What do you think of retards?:they're still people even if they're not our idea of normal.
What do you think of fat people?:so what if they're fat?
Fire = yum:no. fire = burn = ouch. =)

Your opinions and such. brought to you by BZOINK!

she smiled
at 4:21 PM


Movie?:lots. can't pick one out.
Computer?:this one i'm using now? haha.
Band?:good charlotte! busted+linkin park+creed+bsb+nysnc+simple plan.
Song?:currently it's jay chou's bandaotiehe and anhao.
Person?:myself! haha jk. i'm not sure.
Solo Artist?:jay!!! haha and christina!
Sex Position?:can i not answer this?
Food?:meats. haha and chocolate! and crisps and stuff like that.
Pepsi?:pepsi twist is the only one right?
Animal?:CATS!! haha any sort. hmmm and dolphins and all those majestic ones.
Type of Clothing?:tanks and jeans.
CD?:eminem's 'the eminem show' and jay chou's badukongjian.
Subject in School?:english and literature!! xD
TV Show?:reba. haha and 'as told by ginger' and some other kiddie shows. haha and XIJIESHAONIAN!!

Your Favorite brought to you by BZOINK!

she smiled
at 4:06 PM


School or sleep?:*goggles* sleep of course! x)
Dad or mom?:daddy! but sometimes my mum isn't so bad la.
Friend or foe?:friends duh.
Girl or guy?:for friends? either or haha. =)
Love or lust?:neither. infatuation is easier to deal with.
Bald or hair?:depends where haha. who wants a hairy chest?
Boxers or briefs?:boxers. but then again i'm not a guy so.
Bike or car?:bike as in motorbike or bicycle? but i'd rather have a motorbike. =)
Life or death?:hmmm depends on the situation.
daughter or son?:daughter! haha.
Math or Science?:NEITHER. both of them SUCK.
Choir or PE?:choir haha. actually either la. 'cause PE is fun only when we get to do whatever we want.
Rain or Sun?:depends on the situation but generally sunniness is nicer! x)
walking lawn mower or riding lawn mower?:can you ride a lawn mower? *punn*
Trick or Treat?:trick! trickortreatsmellmyfeetgimmesomethingnicetoeat! xD

Vs. brought to you by BZOINK!

she smiled
at 4:00 PM


Which person comes to mind
best-friend:andrea!! ilu dear. *mwahh*
enemy:i don't really regard anyone as an enemy 'cause reconcilliation is always possible! =)
love interest:hahaha *zips mouth*
person you talk to when you're down:sheryl or natalie. haha or basically anyone la.
person you try to avoid:i don't think i'm avoiding anyone.
person you haven't spoken to in a long time:andrea haha. and some of my cousins.
person that makes you made:mad? haha alot! but nahh no one in [articular.
someone you think is stupid:haha mrs wong. and darling francis yap.
a celebrity you wish u could meet:aaron carter. the cast of xijieshaonian. and joshua ang loL!
person that cheers u up:hmmm actually everyone can cheer me up 'cause i'm not very susceptible to depression? haha does that make sense. nahh it's like i get sad then after an hour or so it goes away
person who hates u:haha a lot of ppl i think. =)
teacher that pisses u off:omg. hahaha i don't have to say already la.
person that pisses u off the most:hmmm when i fall in love i'll let you know. "Hate is not the opposite of love, it's indifference."
person u wish u could spend more time with:everyone! 24 hours a day isn't enough.

People brought to you by BZOINK!

she smiled
at 3:55 PM


WHERE...

Were you born?:singapore
Do you want to die?:uh. singapore i guess?
Were you happiest when you were little?:hmm most probably when i was in front of the telly haha or playing with some toys in front of it.
Were you happiest during your teenaged years?:seeing as i'm still in my 'teenaged years', it'd be school. haha or town. =)
Are you happiest now?:i'm happiest when i'm with my friends! x)
Do you fear being?:in a dark+unknown place alone. *shudders*
Is fancy bred? In the heart or in the head?:in the heart!! "Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties."
Would you go if you could go anywhere?:hmmm florida, tampa bay!
Would you go if you could go anywhere in the continental US?:ditto above. =)
Do you want to be married (if you do.)?:on a beach. hahaha and OBVIOUSLY not a singaporean beach. =)
Can you concentrate best?:in school, during a test. other than that it's at home, the night before an exam.
Do you like to eat most?:yoshinoya! haha the beef bowl rocks. =) oh and the coffeeshop near my house that sells great fried rice. =)
Do you like to be touched?:hahaha ERM.
If you're touched, causes you to freak out?:my neck haha. 'cause it's ticklish. oh and my sides too. =/

Where... brought to you by BZOINK!

she smiled
at 3:49 PM


WHEN...

Did you lose your virginity?:not yet
Were you born?:24th july 1988
Do you think you'll die?:i don't know haha. but i think soon, 'cause the lines on my hand are very short. shorter than anyone else's. =/
Did you know you loved your last real love?:i don't know.
First did you have sex with the last person you did?:what?
Did you last cry?:umm quite some time ago i think.
Did you last dance?:hahaha again some time ago.
Did you last laugh out loud?:yesterday i think.
Was the first time you remember being scared?:i'm easily scared of anything! haha. but i think it was when i first saw a cockroach? haha maybe.
Was the last time you were scared?:hmmm yesterday night i think.
Do you say "enough is enough?":when school is getting annoying. ahaha then i skip.
Do you plan on getting married (not a yes/no question)?:hmmm maybe when i'm 20+?
Do you make your decisions?:any moment i guess.
Is your favorite time of day?:in the afternoon haha like right now.

When... brought to you by BZOINK!

she smiled
at 3:33 PM


i think i'm suffering from insomnia. it's like every night i can't sleep. then i'll go online til 2 in the morning or sth. and still i'll wake up quite early and be tired but i simply CAN'T SLEEP. it's so annoying. *tears hair* whatever. i don't really like the hols even though i get to do whatever i want ('cept go out of course. bah!) 'cause it's like there's nothing to do at all and i'm just sitting at home rotting away. *sighs* i'm going to go to the CC or somewhere and find SOMETHING to do. it's killing me!! x( *sighs* anyone got any ideas?

she smiled
at 3:01 PM


can you tell i'm very very VERY bored?

[current clothing]: grey spag and orange+blue shorts. hahaha so do NOT match? lol.
[current mood]: a little sad by some stuff, but other than that quite contented and happy =) oh and yes, tired.
[current taste]: curry noodles hahah. just had lunch a little while ago.
[current hair]: in a bun with all the shorter bits sticking up everywhere. *messssy*
[current annoyance]: at Friendster which is always taking so long to load. and at my own incapability to sing jay chou songs 'cause of how fast he sings! xP oh and because i have to wait another 7 DAYS to watch xijieshaonian again. *sobs*
[current smell]: got a little bit of a blocked nose haha.
[current thing you ought to be doing]: probably studying for next year. haha.
[current jewelry]: just my blue ear studs. haha my first pair when i went to pierce them.
[current book]: Alice, I Think by Susan Juby
[current refreshment]: nothing. =)
[current worry]: that channel U will fuck something up and i won't get to watch westside story next week. *eyes widen* hahaha. not much of a worry. i don't think i've any worries actually; i hardly get worried. =)
[current crush]: haha joshua ang 'cause i watched him on the telly yesterday. *swoons* haha. x)
[current favorite celebrity]: hmmm. don't think i have one unless you count the entire cast of xijieshaonian. -beams-
[current longing]: to watch xijieshaonian again. and again. and again. then to watch the next episode. haha. *obsessed*
[current music]: jay chou's bandaotiehe! x)
[current wish]: for more cash to go christmas shopping!
[current lyric in your head]: "ta de shou ying gai bi wo geng nuan" - bandaotiehe
[current undergarments]: haha purple sports bra and plain unmentionables haha. xP
[current regret]: sleeping at 3+ last night.
[current desktop picture]: just a plain black one.
[current plans for tonight]: tonight is a BUSY BUSY BUSY one. at eight it's PCK! then at eight-thirty it's LIVING WITH LYDIA! then at 9 it's something else la. but yeahh can't you see how busy i am today? *sighs* hahaha. shit lame.
[current cuss word du jour, more like phrase]: what's that? a cuss word? well if that's what they're asking for then it's my favourite swear word! FUCK! haha. x)
[current disappointment]: that i didn't go out with lulu (HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUCKER.) today.
[current amusement]: this survey thingy. haha. =)
[current IM/person you're talking to]: not talking to anyone at the moment.
[current love]: westside story and everyone in it. and joshua ang and nick shen. hahaha. xD
[current obsession]: hahahahahahaha. can't you tell by now? XIJIESHAONIAN. x) and jay chou of course. =)
[current avoidance]: doing my chores later. and my homework and training of course. haha.
[current thing or things on your wall]: a TON of posters. haha and some pics too i think.
[current favorite book]: Gossip Girl by Cecily von Ziegesar. hahaha it rocks man. =)
[current favorite movie]: hmmm i've got too many faves to just pick one.

she smiled
at 2:53 PM


Monday, November 10, 2003
**********PICK ONE: THIS OR THAT**********

161. [lights on/off] off.
162. [sun or rain or snow] all three~
163. [mickey D’s (McDonalds) or BK (burger king)] both!
164. [do you like scary movies or happy movies better] happy movies!
165. [backstreet boys or NSYNC] bsb. ONLY WITH NICK.
166. [on the phone or in person] in person
167. [summer or winter] summer.
168. [chocolate or white milk] chocolate.
169. [CD or tape] cd.
170. [hugs or kisses] both? but if i had to choose then hugs.
171. [cake or pie] cake.
172. [cats or dogs] CATS. *squeezes all the cats in the world*
173. [mud or jello wrestling] mud.
174. [skiing or boarding] don't know i haven't tried either.
175. [day or night] day. nights are lonely.
176. [sunset or sunrise] sunset.
177. [diamond or pearls] diamonds.

*****What do you think about the following***** >
155. [Abortion] it's awful. they're taking a life. x(
156. [Homosexuality] (ubrina! nat and u have been friends all this while and she hasn't influenced you yet? haha) i think it's fine.
157. [Rap] is great.
158. [Classical] is yucky.
159. [Oldies] are fun to sing along to when it's not the beegees.
160. [Swing] is very fun! hahaha. (and everything gives ubrina a headache!)

*******What is your...******* >

150. [Good luck charm] leaves. hahaha those leaves that fall off trees and that you catch before they hit the ground. it represents a day of good luck!
151. [Bedroom like] airy. haha blue and very comfy.
152. [Favorite Breakfast food] coffee. haha i noe that's nt a food but still.
153. [Favorite lunch food] steak. hahaha meats.
154. [Best thing that happened to you today] sitting with marie during phys remedial.

*****Word Association - (1st Thing That Comes To Mind)*****
114. [Rubber Gloves] pink
115. [Disney Character] mickey
116. [Fast Food place] macs
117. [Board Game] monopoly
118. [Rock] brown
119. [Blue] kickboard
120. [Wet] tears
121. [Cry] sad
122. [Peanut Butter] sticky
123. [Hay] horse
124. [Paper] white
125. [Wood] hard
126. [Yellow] sun
127. [Laugh] cheryl chua! hahaha i have no idea why but i just thought of that.
128. [Ugly] screwed up face
129. [Happy] lalalala

*****Preference*****
105. [Sleep on your back, stomach or side] side and curled up cos it's cold.
106. [Adidas, Nike, or Reeboks] nike
107. [Croutons or Bacon Bits] bacon bits!
108. [2 doors or 4 (on a car)] either one just get me the damn car! xP
109. [Bridges or Tunnels] either.
110. [One pillow or two?] twooo!
111. [Salt or butter flavored popcorn] salty's the best
112. [Fizzy or still water] fizzy
113. [Red wine or white wine] i don't drink but red wine smells nice! haha.

*****DO YOU BELIEVE IN ******
40. [yourself] yups! -beams-
41. [friends] of course! you lot rock yeahh.
42. [best friends of the opposite sex] yupps. actually guys are sometimes easier to talk to 'cause they're not as bitchy as some girls can get.
43. [santa claus] yeahhh!! i've always believed in him and i always will! hahaha i guess it's just one of my childhood beliefs that i'll never forget.
44. [tooth fairy] hahahahaha yeah i guess i do?
45. [angels] always! my guardian angel rocks. lol! x) *mildlyinsane*
46. [ghosts] yeah spirits too.
47. [aliens] LINN IS MY ALIEN! god today she was all 'aliens are pink and green and talk at 725.54 letters per second...' right.
48. [God] of course! i'm a catholic!

she smiled
at 2:14 PM


i CANNOT believe i'm up at 2.15am. anyway, i did my pics!! so proud of myself. haha. but some of them are seriously OLD and the rest are blur. *sniffles* why can't my pics be nice! *sobs* haha. oh well. the entire thing can be found here but the different categories are at the side under my name part. yeahh. =) okay gonna get some shut-eye now. good night! (good morning?)

she smiled
at 2:17 AM


Sunday, November 09, 2003
yesterday's No Mercy was disappointing!!

(Cruiserweight Title Match) Tajiri (by Pinfall) vs. Rey Misterio Jr.
A-Train vs. "The Crippler" Chris Benoit (By Submission)
Stephanie McMahon (w/ Linda McMahon) vs. Vince McMahon (by Forfeit) (w/ Sable)
John Cena vs. Kurt Angle (by Submission)
(United States Championship Match) Eddie Guerrero vs. The Big Show (by Pinfall)
(WWE Title Match - Biker Chain match) Brock Lesnar (by Pinfall) vs. The Undertaker

i LOVE chris benoit. haha and A-Train is so bloody hairy! how come everyone else in WWE is so hair-free and he has all the hair? haha. and he's got pierced nipples too! lol! definitely happy chris benoit won x) sable is a COW. trust vince mcmahon to have such lousy taste in women. can't believe he won! yucks yucks yucks. really pity stephanie mcmahon. i mean, to get to stage in your relationship with your father that's so bad that he'll actually fight you in an "I QUIT" match must really suck. and vince is a bastard. excuse my french, but that's the only way i can describe him that's the least vulgar. =P i could give my two cents about the rest but i think i won't bore all of you yeahs. haha. =)

haha and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the reason why i slept at 2.30++ yesterday night and in the living room. lol. good thing my mum didn't wake me up to go for training or i'd have drowned. mmmm went to ikea just now. so bloody crowded! xP don't really like crowds though i like shopping and stuff like that? a little strange i guess. =)

she smiled
at 7:41 PM


Saturday, November 08, 2003
this is infuriating. my blog takes so long to load. and even then i can't see my own tagboard. wtf?! how come i can see everyone else's but not my own? so annoying.

*happyhappyhappy* today there's No Mercy!!!! yay yay yay yay yay yay!! haha finally. and i'm sure stephi and i will be among the avid WWE fans that'll stay up to one to finish watching. haha. x) can't wait!

she smiled
at 1:42 PM


Friday, November 07, 2003
( from alyssa's blog. )

DESCRIBE YOUR:
1) Wallet - white and black with a button that keeps it shut. haha and it's got the word 'van' written with correction fluid on the side.
2) Hairbrush - ummm let's see... purple. haha quite big.
3) Toothbrush - white with a little bit of purple here and there
4) Jewelry worn daily - my blue ear studs and my cross+Mary pendant necklace.
5) Pillow cover - white for one and the other is covered in blue and yellow flowers!
6) Blanket - blue thermal one that they use in hospitals! full of holes but it keeps me warm =) actually that's quite symbolic.. haha.
7) Coffee cup - i don't have one that i use all the time. i swap ard.
8) sunglasses - it looks like, well, sunglasses. tinted and frameless.
9) Underwear - HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. i've got loads so i'm not going to bother describing them all.
10) Cologne/Perfume - impulse. hahaa and givenchy! x)
11) CD in stereo right now - my cd player isn't working but the one i'm listening to now is full of christina aguilera songs =)
12) Tattoos - none. YET.
13) Piercings - one on each ear. how completely boringg haha. i want more!!
14) What you are wearing now - a spag and track pants =) comfy for napping in later =)
15) In my mouth - uhh. everything that's supposed to be in a mouth?
16) In my head - wondering why my blog takes so long to view.
17) Wishing - that i had gotten better results for my eoys. and that i was back at obs where i would not have to think about said results.
18) After this - tv! and more snacking =)
19) Fetishes - hahaha eating and sleeping! do those count? haha. =)
20) If you could get away with it and murder anyone, who and for what? umm i don't hate so powerfully so i don't think there's anyone.
21) Person you wish you could see right now - cupcake so i can tell her all my stories and she'll tell me all of hers. haha. x)
22) Is next to you - umm on my right is the printer and the left is a desk and swivel chair. oh and my brother's bag.
23) Some of your favorite movies - lots. but i can't be bothered to write it down.
24) Something you're looking forward to - christmas i guess. actually come to think of it there really isn't anything to look forward too. mmmm oh my confirmation!
25) The last thing you ate - my lunch and a brownie this morning.
26) Something that you are deathly afraid of - cockroaches and being left alone in a dark place. oh and the unknown. that was why i was so terrified when we took a night walk in obs where it was so dark you couldn't see your hand in front of you! *shudders*
27) Do you like candles - hahaha i don't really bother about them.
28) Do you like incense - depends on how strong the smell is but generally no.
29) Do you like the taste of blood - not really but i'm not about to gag or anything because of it. =)
30) Do you believe in love - yupps.
31) Do you believe in soul mates - a little bit?
32) Do you believe in love at first sight - uhh yeah i guess.
33) Can you eat with chopsticks - hahaha not very well! everyone tells me i hold the bloody sticks wrongly but i can't be bothered to change. much rather use a fork and spoon though.
34) What are some of your favorite candies - snickers! haha and mars and twix and all other chocolates x)
35) What's something that you wish people would understand -

-.F I R S T.T H I N G S.F I R S T.-
[my name is]: vanessa
[in the morning i am]: cranky. and sleepy.
[all i need is]: freedom. *alliwantiseverything*
[love is]: not everything but a nice little bonus to life. =)
[i'm afraid of]: cockroaches and dogs jumping me. *shudder*
[i dream about]: lotsa weird things that i can picture vaguely and yet not be able to describe. =P

-.F A V O R I T E S.-
[COLOR]: lots lots lots. x)
[NUMBER]: 24 and 7!! x)
[SUBJECT]: english and literature. =)
[CLOTHING BRAND]: hang ten! hahah and any other brand la. i'm not that particular.
[SHOE BRAND:] new balance 'cause they're shoes are made for people like me with wide toes. hahaha =)
[SPORT TO PLAY]: hahaha as long as it doesn't involve hand-eye coordination i'm fine. =)
[DRINK]: iced mocha latte. or coke! haha.
[ANIMAL:] cats!
[HOLIDAY]: any holiday that means i don't have to go to school.

-.H A V E.Y O U.E V E R.-
[pictured your crush naked?]: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. NO! not that obsessive thank you very much. xP
[actually seen your crush naked]: no no no no no.
[been in love]: depends.
[cried when someone died]: not really. just felt empty and sad but no tears.
[lied]: yeahh. many many times.

-.W H O.-
[makes you laugh the most?]: everyone! x)
[makes you smile]: everyone again! hahaha because they've all touched my life in one way or another. x) *cheeeesy*
[gives you a funny feeling when you see them]: hmmm. define funny.
[has a crush on you?]: hahahaha volunteers please stand up! lol!
[easiest to talk to]: natalie.

-D O.Y O U.E V E R.-
[sit on the Internet all day waiting for someone special to I.M. you?]: can you sit on the internet? haha but nope my mom would kill me.
[save aol/aim conversations]: hahaha no. then again i don't have aol or aim so. *evil gleam* go figure? =)
[wish you were a member of the opposite sex]: yeahh once a month.
[cry because of someone saying something to you]: yeahh haha. *weakling*

-.H A V E.Y O U.E V E R.-
[fallen for your best friend]: nope haha andrea's my darlinggg though!
[been rejected]: sort of? hahaha don't know la.
[rejected someone]: uhh yeah i think? don't really know.
[used someone]: i don't think so but i'm sorry if i have.
[done something you regret]: millions and millions and millions more. i don't think i'll ever learn! *slaps self*

-.W H O.W A S.T H E.L A S T.P E R S O N.-
[you talked to on the phone]: my dad i think.
[hugged]: ummm i think it was linn or cupcakey haha i'm not sure.
[you instant messaged]: nat i think.
[you laughed with]: justin 'cause we were watching wwe together haha.

-.D O.Y O U / A R E.Y O U.-
[smoke cigarettes]: nope.
[obsessive]: hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. ummmm. yeah i guess but i've stopped already! *angelistic*
[could you live without the computer?]: haha i survived for 5 days during obs so yeahh guess i could even though i'd miss it terribly.
[how many peeps are on your buddylist?]: if you're talking about msn then 95.
[fruit?]: umm i like fruits? esp mango!!
[drink alcohol?]: nope but i sorta like the smell of it? hahaha it's weird i know.
[like watching sunrises or sunset]: sunsets i think. 'cause i'd never wake up early enough to watch the sunrise.
[what hurts the most?]: betrayal and dishonesty but everyone has to deal with it. oh and pouring water or insect cream over open sores. *winces*
[trust others way too easily?]: yeahh i do. still haven't learned my lesson. such a glutton for punishment! xP

-.N U M B E R.-
[of times i have had my heartbroken?] umm once i think? hahaha but i'm not sure it counts so.
[of hearts u have broken?]: lol i don't think i've broken any!
[of continents I have lived in?]: singapore if it counts.
[of drugs taken illegally?]: ummm none i think. i'm a good girl! x)
[of tight friends?]: quite a few i think.
[of cd's that i own?]: ummm around 30 i think.
[of scars on my body ?]: hahaha too many to count. frm falling down to scab scars and now stupid sandfly bites have added about a million more (give or take another million)
[of things in my past that I regret?]: hahaha ditto above, too many to count.

-.P I C K.O N E.-
[MARRY PERFECT FRIEND OR PERFECT LOVER]: perfect friend? haha how would i know when i'm only 15?
[CATS OR DOGS]: CATS!!!! xD
[1 PILLOW OR 2 ]: two, one to place under your head and the other to snuggle against haha. yuckk that sounds almost disgusting? lol!
[W/ OR W/O ICE CUBES]: with . i love eatin e ice
[TOP OR BOTTOM]: hahaha if this means what i think it means, i'm not answering it!
[WINTER/SPRING/SUMMER/FALL]: all 4? haha 'cause i've never experienced any yet so i wouldn't really know. but i think fall is nicee! x)
[NIGHT OR DAY]: night. time to sleeeep!
[GLOVES OR MITTENS]: gloves
[DRESSED OR UNDRESSED]: dressed haha.
[BUNK OR WATER BED]: either. never slept on a water bed before.
[MTV OR VH1]: mtv
[OCEAN OR POOL]: pool if you're talking about singapore but normally it's oceans. esp the one at ubin where we kayaked!!
[SHOWERS OR BATHS]: showers. haha i don't like soaking in my own filth.
[LOVE OR LUST]: hahaha can i just say infatuation? it's a lot easier to deal with than either of the two.
[SILVER OR GOLD]: silver!
[DIAMONDS OR PEARLS]: neither. haha diamonds will just make me worry that it'll fall out and pearls are for older women.

-.I F.Y O U.C O U L D.-
[Move anywhere]: melbourne. just somewhere far far away from s'pore.
[Meet one famous person]: aaron carter! hahaha or nick shen 'cause he's so so so cute. *bimbotic*
[Live with one person the rest of your life]: hmmm don't know yet i suppose.
[Name one thing you love]: my friends. *awwww*
[Name one thing that embarrasses you]: blushing. so it's a vicious cycle. get embarrassed, blush, get embarrassed somemore. haha.
[Do you like school?]: just the friends+slacking part. not the studying+exams part. =)
[Do you like to talk on the telephone?]: not really but i'm game for the occassional hour-long gossip call? haha.
[Do you like to dance?]: hahaha when no one's watching! x)
[Do you sing in the shower?]: nope
[Do you think cheerleading is a sport?]: yeahh i guess.
[What's on your ceiling?]: umm the fan and light?
[What's the hardest thing about growing up?]: getting that once-a-month nightmare. *scowls*

she smiled
at 4:30 PM


Thursday, November 06, 2003
baked brownieeees!! omg they rock. hahaha i thought i'd have blown up the kitchen or something, but i didn't! what an accomplishment! lol. *dreammy* haha i heard the holland v song again! it's so nice! sounds like that 'another dumb blonde' by hoku. x) haha okay gtg watch tv now. ciaos everyone!

she smiled
at 8:02 PM


don't your legs ever get tired?

So Yesterday
If you're over me, I'm already over you
If it's all been done, what is left to do?
How can you hang up if the line is dead?
If you wanna walk, I'm a step ahead.
If you're moving on, I'm already gone.
If the light is off then it isn't on.

she smiled
at 1:21 PM


Wednesday, November 05, 2003
you make me feel so emotional. today's been okay. haha quite fun. went to school to collect my result book. everything was so confused! first wong said meet at 8.00am for Chem corrections. then mrs siow said meet at 7.30 for SS corrections and yap couldn't even tell us where to meet? arghh. but yap is such a liar. his comments in my report book: "vanessa is very committed to her studies." errr. right. never heard of a more inaccurate description. =) guess he never really saw me in class. (well actually that might explain why he never scolds me for eating in class. heck, he never scolds me, PERIOD.)

went out with stephi and nat after getting the report book 'cause we didn't want to do chem corrections (what's the point, exactly, when i won't understand a thing i'm copying down anyway?). watched "Intolerable Cruelty". OH MY GOD. $6.50 down the drain. it was the world's crummiest, stupidest, lamest, bullshittiest show i've ever watched. sheeesh. nat, stephi, next time i suggest watching a movie, shoot me aiight? haha. *lame* oh but i think i gained 10kg today. haha seems i'm forever eating! after school: EAT. before movie: EAT. after movie: EAT! stephi has already christianed (sp?) me the bottomless pit! haha nahh i think it's just 'cause i've a high metabolic rate so food burns up faster? hahaha dunnoe lah. =) saw helena at the bus-stop and took the bus home with her. *wiggles eyebrows at Someone* haha she's really so sweet! *aww* Someone's really lucky mmmm. haha don't kill me x) anyway. yeahh she kinda told me stuff and well. what can i say? it's disappointing i guess. i'm not angry or suicidal or sad... just disappointed i guess? yeahh. guess you probably had your own reasons, i'm in no position to judge anything, but i think the least you could have done is to admit it. oh well. no point in dwelling on it. =)

after that i went to siying's (i missed you!! god haven't talked to you in ages. hope you see this haha. then we'll catch up yeahs? *bighugs* tk care dear!) house to pick up the 4 kittens that her brother picked up! god they're adorable. 4 little bundles of black fluff. completely adorable! *melts* my dad came to take them away just now. this'll sound kinda stupid since i had them for about an hour but i'm gonna miss them a little. haha i love cats! life's unfair. i totally love cats and yet i'm allergic. *pouts* UNFAIR.

i don't know whether to laugh or to cry.
i don't know whether i should let go or to give it one last try.


she smiled
at 4:56 PM


Tuesday, November 04, 2003
*shock*

umm. just found out my dad remarried. 18th august 2003. yeah and without telling me? or anyone else i guess. umm. at least i know the woman (i don't think i can say the 'w' word.) AJ. she's umm. quite nice, i guess. yeah so just thought i'd write that down. yeah so umm maybe it'll make more sense tomorrow. i don't really mind i guess. just that it's ummm. weird i suppose. okay i guess i should go. tc everyone.

i'm blogging alot today. oh and updated my site again. thanks all.

she smiled
at 6:12 PM


hah! it's gone. finally. =) nothing better for cheering your spirits then a nice bright song like yeyepaodecha. x) ilovejay.

she smiled
at 3:01 PM


xiang hui dao guo qu. jay chou's song. really nice =) but the music video is a bit dumb haha. somehow he seems to like girls with stupid hairstyles and that i'm-oh-so-cute-don't-you-think personas. oh well. who am i to judge. i hate that fucking comment box. and i don't know HOW to get rid of it. someone, anyone, HELP.

she smiled
at 2:50 PM


*pooof* i was never waiting for the tears to start.

woke up not too long ago and was reading and having breakfast in bed. haha my idea of bliss? lol. told my mum my marks yesterday. she didn't seem that upset by the horrendous chemistry marks which was lucky, but can tell she's a little disappointed. *sighs* shall try harder next year and a little this hols. =) blah. boreddd. x(

Every little thing that you do
I'm so in love with you
It just keeps getting better
I wanna spend the rest of my life
With you by my side, forever and ever
Every little thing that you do
Oh, every little thing that you do
Baby I'm amazed by you.


she smiled
at 11:54 AM


oh and i finally updated my web haha. go see!

she smiled
at 1:07 AM


watched westside story just now. haha i'm becoming addicted. *shrugs* the lead's cute i guess? haha. slipped in the bathroom just now on a puddle and cut my hand while simultaneously banging my head against the concrete. owwwwwwww.cnow i can feel an enormous bruise forming, sticking out of my head. lol! gross. x(

shit. i'm bored. can you tell?

i wanted to be like you, i wanted everything. so i tried to be like you, and i got swept away.

she smiled
at 1:05 AM


Monday, November 03, 2003
oh! i forgot to add. SOMEONE'S birthday today! hahahaha. happy birthday, nepheww! guess you may not see this til much later but it's worth a mention i suppose. =) anyway, it's been great having you as a friend, though we might not always have seen eye to eye. may your days ahead be filled with fun, love and enjoyment! hahaha. and always *always* remember to love your auntiee. -beams- lol! tk care and study hard! hugs*

( for nephew. God bless you always. )
May there always be work for your hands to do;
May your purse always hold a coin or two;
May the sun always shine on your windowpane;
May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;
May the hand of a friend always be near you;
May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.


she smiled
at 12:26 PM


( stolen off kelly's blog )

some people that we meet
as we live each day
change us by their lives
and the things they say.
so with much caution,
our friends we should choose
lest by their influence
our own soul we should lose.
often times i have considered
the choices that i make.
at times, i honestly admit
my choices made me afraid.
good friends are a treasure
more precious than can be told.
their worth cannot be measured
in silver or in gold.
i have the richest blessing
of friends and loved ones, dear,
who have been such good examples
and made the way so clear.
you have been my anchor.
you have been my friend.
the way your life has touched me,
has given me hope again.

life would be torture
from beginning to end
if not for that someone
we can call our friend.
they fill the emptiness
in our lonely days
and affect our lives
in many different ways.
they share with us
in all of our plans
and all of our mistakes
they really understand.
they are not a friend
just when things go fine
but true they remain
when all's on the line
as we grow older
and in time, we part.
distance doesn't matter
they're still in your heart.


she smiled
at 12:21 PM


I MISS OBS. DHANABALAN ROCKS. I MISS OBS.

just got back from school where i collected my EOYs papers. *sighs* what can i say? i'm thoroughly disappointed with myself. maybe next year i'll be taking combined science instead of pure like now, and i might have to drop amaths. really don't know. i think my mum's disappointed too. argghh. i hate this feeling. and i can't believe next year we'll already be sec4 and taking our Os. where has time gone? *sighs*

english: B3 (69)
chinese: C5 (56)
amaths: D7 (48)
emaths: C5 (55)
chemistry: F9 (27)
physics: C6 (51.2)
ss/geography: C5 (56)
literature: B4 (62)

great. and there'll be remarks this time round too. how absolutely fun. yappers will probably say something like vanessa needs to learn how to shut up. she needs to learn how to pay more attention in class, especially those she's very very very weak in, like, oh i don't know, her entire subject combination? yes. and, oh, she should probably stay away from natalie and christine and natasha because she's a BAD influence. ESPECIALLY on natalie. (this is what he told nat's mum on the last Report Day. fucking fag. -pissed-) mmmmm. shan't get so worked up over that. i'll cross my bridges when i get to it. =) jext asked me to teach her english and she's supposed to teach me chinese! haha cutee. and mellie is supposed to help me in amaths while i teach her emaths. peer tutoring! sounds like fun. =) hmmmm. after getting back my shit-ass results, sam marie and i went for breakfast. *yummmmylicious* teh ping is nice. =)

my legs are itching so badly. i HATE sandflies. somehow it wasn't this bad at OBS when we were constantly surrounded by those enormous mozzies but it's just worse here. poor alyssa's got 314! and ubrina's got 75! haha okay shall go count mine later. =) life sucks. itch. itch. itch. my legs are permanently scarred. my beautiful elephant legs. *sighs* hahaha. mmmm. gonna update my webbie now. tc everyone. hope you did better than i did for your EOYs.

get a hint and leave me ALONE.

she smiled
at 12:19 PM


Sunday, November 02, 2003
my blog is looking strange. suddenly there's a comment box at the bottom and i didn't even put it there! *raises eyebrow* strange. mmmm bored at home.
mosquito bites are itchy.

she smiled
at 12:08 PM


Saturday, November 01, 2003
finally i can blog about today.
haha. i miss life at obs. it feels strange now to be here. i don't think i'm the same person anymore haha. it feels weird taking the bus and going out. i don't know. just hope this feeling fades soon. i miss pauline. i miss dhanabalan. i miss obs. i'm on the verge of saying 'i want to go home' haha. :/ anyway. woke up at one today, after sleeping at 10 the night before. shiiiok! hahaa such slang. tsk. :) hmmm then had lunch and read and read til 3.40 when i realised i was late for cat class. haha. it was our last lesson there! a little saddening but overall it wasn't so bad i guess. then had mass with erzi! saw carrie there too haha *dhana-ians* hahaha erzi wo ai ni! she's shit funny to sit next to and i rearranged her wallet... *hint hint mat* lol.
yeah. so my day has been pretty boring. oh well. tomorrow will be a better day. got to go scrub my shoes now. night everyone! happy belated halloween!

she smiled
at 11:34 PM


Day 3.
PT today sucked agaiN! i hate waking up early usually, but here at obs it's quite okay? hahaha a little strange. mmm pt sucks big man. i hate running. but the games sort of make up for it since they're quite fun and lame sometimes lol. mmm today we had some police cadets with us too and had to play this number game where the girls were worth 10cents each (wtf! everyone was so indignant.) and the guys were worth 1cent each (everyone was LESS indignant! haha we laughed so much.) and we had to form a group amounting to $4 and gen was laughing so hard 'cause it was like 400 guys to make $4!! haha so lame. anyway. we did rock-climbing today! at first the wall looked really easy and i thought it would be okay, since i've done climbing before and it's quite easy for me. but when you actually put your feet on the wall and start climbing, it starts getting very difficult. in our group, the only one who reached the top was alyssa! the rest of us made it slightly over half-way before we gave up. i felt quite sad to give up, but seriously i couldn't find a single hole or 'cookie' that i could grip. *sniff* haha sam and i gave up at the same place! belaying is quite scary actually, 'cause you don't really know if you can hold onto the rope and if you'll let the person fall. and sam actually FLEW yesterday when she was belaying someone else! hahaha everyone was nearly crying with laugher. loL! hmmm. tomorrow there's an expedition for two days one night. really hope i can make it. 'cause every time i'm on a camp, i'll feel very homesick the moment night falls. the past 2 nights have been fine since sleeping in a bed is sorta like sleeping in your own bed so you don't really get that homesick. oh well. just hope i don't disappoint the watch. dhanabalan rocks! we built a rock in the afternoon. it was SHIT fun!! omg. haha actually we were only given an hour and 15 minutes to build it and it was so tiring and painful (i got rope burn from it.) but in the end, we pulled through and we were the ONLY group whose raft managed to stay together! and FLOAT! i think we seriously bonded together as a watch and that was nice! haha but michelle was really tired so hope she rests up enough tonight since she's leading the expedition tomorrow. i think the mgs girls are really quite sweet lol! when their raft decided to come loose and we passed them they did a cheer for us! so sweet then we cheered for them too. lol. later on, when we got stuck in the muddy ground a little far out to sea, they decided to help pull us along. so they were running towards us, without knowing the ground was so muddy and that they'll sink. it was all really quite baywatch slow-motion! lol! then we were waving and shrieking for them to stop since they'll only get stuck in the mud. THEN. they all tripped and fell as one. hahahahahahahahaha! it was so so so so so FUNNY!! LOL i guess that sounds a little mean but seriously they seem like nice people la so i take back what i said about them. =) packed for the expedition just now. the bags are very heavy. they're so heavy that if you stand straight and just put the slightest weight on your heels you'll fall backwards! and we have to trek so shit far tomorrow. i hope i last. night everyone.

Day 4
it is now 1 am in the morning. and i am awake. because i am tired. and because i cannot sleep. because of the water coming in from both sides of the tent and i am squashed at the side. ARRRGGGHHH. i'll start at the beginning. PT today was fun!! i take back what i said about connell. he's not so bad! he said we had to jog 6 rounds around obs and everyone went 'HUH!!!' so loudly. we were so pissed since the expedition was today and obviously we'd be tired out. in the end, he took us to run six rounds around the obs INSIGNIA!! everyone was laughing so hard. could tell we were all really relieved! lol! hmmm. after that we had to go for breakfast which was rubbish 'cause i couldn't eat a single bite. seriously, i was on the verge of throwing up. so i just drank the milo for energy lol. (obs is very physic-y. eric tan would love it here!) after that we packed up and met pauline who gave us a briefing then onto the expedition. we were to walk to a checkpoint and do a task. once the task was completed, she would give us two numbers to the final campsite. so we walked! the first checkpoint was on a hill. at first it was very difficult since climbing with a shit heavy pack is absolutely no fun. but once we reached it was fine. we did this tunnel thing for the task, where we were supposed to go into a pitch black tunnel and crawl til we reached the end. i thought it would be okay, but it was really kinda scary 'cause it was so dark i couldn't see anything and was just clinging to sam's track pants. lol. in the end, when the last girl got in, and the lid of the tunnel was closed, the first girl reached the end of the tunnel! hahaa it was just a short 2 metre one! omg haha. thennnn we trekked to the next one. this second one was very hard and we spent a lot of time there since we couldn't find the point. we overshot the thing by about an entire 1km 'cause we read the map wrongly. in the end, when we found the point (which was behind a grave. those people are evil! they thought we wouldn't dare go there. actually we didn't but we did in desperation haha.) two hours later, the quote on it said this: "good judgment usually comes from experience; usually experience comes from poor judgement." so true! haha. next one! i had to pace 1km. shit tiring 'cause i was counting up to 710 paces. it started raining shortly after that and it was even more draining. i really felt like giving up, but i'm glad i persevered. "life is either a daring adventure or nothing." that was the next quote. the last checkpoint was the fastest of them all i think! haha and we walked to the campsite after that. along the way, it was raining so hard that bo seng, kurt and us were told to stop at the temple to wait til it cleared before going on. when we finally moved, we wanted to swim in the quarry but pitching tents was the main objective so we did that first. felt so envious seeing kurt go swimming while we were still stuck there haha. so we put it up and ran to the quarry where the water was so warm. it rocked!! but we couldn't play very long and had to go back to change because of some myth about the 'quarry people' and how at 7 the guardian angels would leave and the 'quarry people' would try to drag you down. haha pauline only told us this on the last day! lol. hmmm. then we changed and built the fire and started cooking. the food was YUMMMMMMMYLICIOUS! maybe it was 'cause we were hungry. haha the rice was mush! and the sausages were cold but it tasted great. hmmm. after that we washed up at the waters edge (where everyone was so helpful, shining torches on the rocks so ppl could see where they were going and not fall) we went to sleep. we were the first watch to sleep okay! at 10! *omg* everyone was still laughing and talking but we decided to sleep. lol. but now, the rain is pushing in. it's been raining on and off and the water is seeping in from both sides, my head and my feet. gen's sleeping next to me too and it's quite nice sleeping with her, can put her arm around my waist! lol! but it's hard to sleep without a pillow and just curled like a ball. so i'm up now, writing. the bo seng girls are still talking and i can hear some people talking from the other tent so i'll stop for now. everyone in singapore, good night.

Day 5.
i'm home! blahs. gonna miss pauline a lot! she's really a sweet instructor, very motherly. 'cept that she talks a little too much? lol. hmmm let's see. after waking up at two we started packing up! haha could hear the other watches (bo seng i think) complaining we were making too much noise. peeing in bushes is disgusting! haha. made milo and spooned it to sam who said i was very motherly! lol! =) it was quite bland though. it was just fun sitting around the fire warming our hands. got bitten very badly last night. after a while (at 6) we were told of a Cat1 (storm) coming, so we had to quickly pack and pack and get everything ready. by then our tent (the one gen and i were sleeping in) had already been dismantled halfway! omg. so we packed everything superduper fast and put the lifejackets on them and put our disgusting sandy and pokey ponchos on and sat on the groundsheet waiting, pulling the blue tarp over our heads and getting ready for the Cat1. it didn't come. bah! quite annoying, but i don't think we would have packed so fast if we'd known it wasn't coming. we were the first watch to move off! what a change! but my feet had blisters that were so bad, i was walking with my heels out of my shoes which hurt even more. oh well. i hate that camping bag it's shit heavy. we were the first watch to reach back! we all yelled at the top of our voices! haha could tell we were so glad to be back. pauline said that we were walking like bullet trains! what a change from yesterday hah! *pooop* hmmm. had to wash up and put the stuff back and that was very painful since the blisters hurt so badly. oh well. they're fine now. we didn't really lose anything i think, 'cept for a water bottle or two? haha when we were in the boat after that we saw it floating in the water! lol! hmmm. then pauline gave us a three-hour debrief. it was quite sad... sitting in the room and hearing everyone talk, knowing that it was the last time the 16 of us (pauline included) would be in the same place sharing the same experience. *sniff* dhana forever. went to buy gifts and souvenirs (bought 4 collarpins for my parents and bro! so sweet right lol.) and lunch was hurried 'cause we wanted to leave early. but i miss everything now. took some photos with pauline and all and then we left. pauline drove the boat and we all hugged her goodbye. the journey back home was strange. i felt so disorientated and weird. like i spent a year there instead of just 5 days. i feel sad. right now it's late and i'm so irritable and tired. so i'm going to sleep.

"Let us realise that many things that happen to us are outside of our control. but the way we choose to react to it is inside our control."

i want to go back.

she smiled
at 11:28 PM


Day 1.
6.58am
just made a call to my dad. i'm gonna miss him a lot. and just now i didn't even get to say goodbye to my mum. fuck it she didn't even respond when i tapped on the window. whatever. i just noe i'm gonna miss her like hell i'm gonna miss everyone! hope i can survive out there, having my thing and all. argghh and it's second day?! fucks. why must i be a woman. why must we all have wombs!! ARRGGHHH. waiting...waiting... boring! //i'll think of you, will you think of me? don't let time pass us by. weep not for memories.//*
7.50pm
okay! i'm in a group called dhanabalan with marie, qibing, alyssa, sam, eunice, livia, val, evon, priscilla, cerise, gen liu, bonnie, michelle, carrie and myself. haha our name is so absurd we just call it nana-nana or balan-balan!! lol. and the rest of the watches have equally weird names like bo seng, eng soon and kurt. kurt is the mgs watch. how unfair that they have a single-syllable name while we have a four-syllable one! lol. had a briefing in the morning frm adam, our camp director with the sexysexy legs! *insidejoke!* and our instructor is PAULINE! ex-ij girl who loves talking! but she's really so nice and quite funny so i'm pretty content even if the other watches have guy-instructors and therefore do things a bit faster than us. seems we're always late for any activity! lol! as you can tell, we are in residential. along with the rest of ijtp girls and the watch of mgs girls. at first we thought it would be mobile, and all of us sighed as one when we heard it was residential instead, since we expected mobile to be tons funner than reisdential. but now i'm pretty happy it's residential! haha it's quite a relief to see a bed and a shower when you're tired, dirty and wet. been kayaking the whole day! it was shit fun. but quite tiring too. haha and qibing and i were both worrying that it'll start dripping once we got out of the water! helena's got it too haha such luck! and she told me she couldn't seem to get the tampon up?! LOL! *tmi!* haha. marie and i were having so much trouble trying to steer the bloody thing! it was like 'turn LEFT! NO WAIT! turn RIGHT! A BIT MORE! RIGHT RIGHT! NO NO LEFTT!!' lol. you wouldn't believe how heavy the bloody kayak is. cut my nose on it too haha. and we had to carry EIGHT up and down the rocks! very tiring. we had to do capsizing and rescuing which was fun, 'cept that it's damn tiring getting back into the kayak when you're already in the water. started raining half-way through so we were all soaked to the bone and freezing. i've got so many cuts. and i was bathing just now and all the horrible fibreglass is stuck in my hands and feet. fibre glass HURTS. specially when you rub against it? yeah. hmmm the mgs girls are very dao. haha they seem like the sort to 'act-big' like sam says. oh well. haha i'm shit tired. gotta go for a talk later then wake up at 5 am tomorrow. i cannot wait to sleep. nights.

Day 2.
today. i'm EXHAUSTED. my feet HURT. someone woke us up at 5.05 (i think it was gen) by yelling so loudly and carrie, who was sleeping on the bunk next to mine (it's a double-decker. marie's sleeping below me.), yelled for us to go back to sleep. after gen woke me up i couldn't sleep anymore. so i just lay awake and packed til 5.20 when i woke the rest up by shouting. haha *embarrassed* :) went down to the expedition court where two watches already were. at least we weren't last! and we had 'assembly' but w/o saying anything. it was quite funny 'cause the flag-raisers couldn't coordinate! lol! after that was PT. PT SUCKS. we actually ran up and down the hill twice. it was so hard and so tiring. this campus is so biggggg and my thighs are hurting like crazy now, so bad i can't even squat or walk down the stairs without wincing. i'm glad it's residential. after that was breakfast and the food here is RUBBISH. for supper we had a coconut bun? major ick. bleah bleah bleah. haha i'm such a whiner. anyway, after blekfast (as pauline would say! lol!), we had breakfast duty. i hate mopping! the floor is shit dirty okay. and the water was like cocoa. haha reminded me of my chores at home. thank goodness i don't have to fold clothes here. lol. after that we had the rest of the day learning how to wear a harness (mildy obscene?), learning how to tie different knots (of which none i can understand) and a small rope-climbing excerise. shit fun! =) i even walked an enitre rope course without falling! what an accomplishment. ahem ahem. the ditz actually has a sense of balance! yeahh baby yeahh! haha whatever vanessa. we set up a tent today too and yhat was hard. i even giaped my pinky which is throbbing now. and we were expected to sleep in it tonight but we're all so dead tired and so pampered (haha) that we just chose to sleep back in the dorms. who in the world wants to sleep on grass and soil when they have a bed free from bugs!! lol. went on a night trek too. it was very very very scary. i mean, i didn't think i had such a problem with being in darkness. it's seriously scary when you can't see your feet or your own hand in front of you and you still have to navigate your own way through rocks and all. i think i was sweating so much from more of panic and fear than actually sweating? yeahh haha. qb even told me to relax! lol! i'm tired. my feet hurt. and i really felt like giving up but i'm glad i didn't there's only three days and 2 nights left and i'm SO going to survive this. =) even though the mobile girls may 'sneer' at us lol. =) this dorm is like a house, and i'm sleeping in the living. on my right is qibing and michelle and if i stretch a little higher i can see the michelle's bed. and in front of me is alyssa's bed on the upper bunk, sam, bonnie, gen liu and cerise in their own 'room'. out here is me, marie, priscilla, eunice, carrie, livia and evon. anyway. going to sleep now. i hope tomorrow will be a better day. i hope tomorrow i will have the strength to go on. NIGHT.

she smiled
at 10:18 PM


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