#vanessa;
the average goddess,

the compulsive shopaholic,

the absentminded ditz,

and just a little insane.

240788-->leo;
ex-IJTP.4/nine2004;
cjc.1T05;
swimmer; drama mama; councillor;
laugh_out_loud247[at]hotmail[dot]com;

# resolutions;
1. participate more actively in CYF/Mustard Seed.
2. participate more in CCAs.
3. be a better older sister.
4. be a better daughter for once.
5. get good grades and maintain them.
6. listen, not talk. (this applies to class too!)
7. have a journal/diary.
8. be a friend to everyone.
9. remember important dates.
10. stay happy, even when the tears fall. :)

# linkage;
pinkstilettos;
temporary insanity;
guestbook;
poetry;


angels`
-friends

4/nine.
chij.
alyssa.
angie.
benjamin.
bernie.
bert.
brendan.
carol.
carol n.
charles.
cheryl.
chris.
corinne.
dalun.
darren.
elsa.
erika.
gen.
joachim.
jolene.
judette.
kimberly.
lester.
nat.
qibing.
roxy.
sam.
sean.
seb.
sheryl.
stephi.

-snaps
[Carolling]
[Dinner&Dance]
[CJC]
[Chinese New Year]
[Poetry]
[Misc]
[Sentosa]
[Thanksgiving Mass]
[The Rockafellaskank]
[CYF Camp]
[T8 Orientation]
[31st March]
[Elects Camp]
[Discover! Camp]

-thanks
blogger;cursor;angelfire; photobucket;music;

-memories
July 2003; August 2003; September 2003; October 2003; November 2003; December 2003; January 2004; February 2004; March 2004; April 2004; May 2004; June 2004; July 2004; August 2004; October 2004; November 2004; December 2004; January 2005; February 2005; March 2005; May 2005; June 2005;

layoutandimages[by]q|en

Friday, October 31, 2003
Hazel and Hattie were born one of a kind,
Hattie died suddenly before their time.
Hazel wasn't ready to acept death with her,
So Hattie arose to bond them by murder.

she smiled
at 6:04 PM


obs is over. but the memories remain. dhanabalan forever!

haha okay that sounds pretty stupid, but it's true. we rock okay. haha. sam, alyssa, qb, marie etc shld know what i mean yeahs? lol. i'll blog about everything we did from day one to day five, but for now my fingers and my toes hurt like hell and my blisters are about to explode and the mosquito bites are making me irritable. i'm really quite happy and i had a blast at obs, but i just heard my EOYs marks and they're NOT good at all. i got 21 for chem? and failed both E and A maths? both the maths i have tuition for? what sort of rubbish is this. i'm really disappointed with myself right now. words cannot describe the way i'm feeling.

Disappointment, meet your new friend Vanessa.
Vanessa, surely you recognize Disappointment? You've met her so many times.

oh well. blog about obs tmr or tonight yeahs. nt in the mood now. tk care everyone and thx for the sweet msgs it was so lovely. *sniff

she smiled
at 6:01 PM


Sunday, October 26, 2003
obs is tomorrow. (btw, everyone if you don't mind, can you sign the gbk instead if you want to leave me a note? 'cause i don't want the tagboard to get filled then i won't be able to see earlier msgs. haha sounds a little egotistical. lol oh well. thanks lots!)

i got my period yesterday night. *screams* i just knew that was going to happen? arghh. oh well. didi i'm in the same boat as you already. *sighs* oh well. the whole goal i've had for today is to bleed as much as possible! LOL! i'm going to miss everyone! i know it seems really stupid, missing everyone even though it's only 5 days, but i don't know. it's just the way i'm feeling. hahaha i hope i don't get too homesick. last time in primary school they used to have those two-day-one-night camps and i used to cry at night 'cause i missed my family so much. hahaha so loser right. hope this time i won't end up flooding the place. -it'sjustemotionstakingmeover- mmmmm. i don't know how i'm going to survive without the internet for 5 days. or my phone. or without seeing my family or friends. *starts crying* i'm missing everyone. haha i think this whol entry is just on how much i miss my friends. just some short messages then i'm off to (finally) finish packing.

my cupcake: *blushblush* such a sweet tag! but what to expect from such a sweet person? ilu my cupcakenumber#1. remember that? haha. will always be here for you yeahs? a cupcake's love is forever! -hugsandkisses- missing you loads. *sniff*
lulu: thanks for the sweet msg! omg nearly cried. hahaha you're such a jerk-sucker but i love you all the more. *smooooch* can't wait to tell you everything when i get back! til then... *you'realwayasonmymind* haha and don't shrink back in fear okay! lol.
nephew: thanks for trying to cheer me up yesterday. haha really appreciate it yeahs? tk care and stay outta trouble while your auntie is gone okay! lol and tk care of my son and sister too! gonna miss you all loads. -hugs-
bitchfest: carol thanks for the sweet msg! haha even though one said 'tk care when you go for obs' and the next said sth mean haha i can't remember! lol tk care nat, tash, chris, carol, stephi, abish. bitches forever yeahs? *sistersforeverandever*
threenine2003: there are too many of you darlings to make an individual shout-out too so i'm just sorta lumping them all together. sorry yeahs. =) you guys will all be at the sec3 adventure camp! shuckers. and those of us at obs will be missing out on 'bonding' with the rest of you.. *sobs* we're the loudest and most talkative class in the whole level and i hope nth will ever change that~! the class that talks together stays together. haha that's VERY LAME but you know me? haha. love you all. *bighugstoeveryone*

goodbye my friends, please pray for me.

she smiled
at 5:51 PM


Saturday, October 25, 2003
(from living dead dolls)
Sweet little Sin, consumed by flames at seven.
Better to serve in Hell, than to grow up and play in Heaven.

Poor little Posey was buried alive
Some things won't stay dead, even after they've died.

When it's time to dissect, this one is sure to pass
Sadie gives a new meaning to the term cutting class.

Maimed by jealous rivals on prom night,
Turned queen to carcass by morning light.
Deadbra Ann is back without a breath
To turn each night into a dance of death.

E - is for everything hateful inside
V - is for vengeance and unholy pride
I - is for infidels shall be eaten by ghouls
L - is for lustfully disposing of fools.

Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave her mother forty whacks
And when she saw what she had done,
She gave her father forty one.

Risen from the ashes, of a furious
This little one, will always remain underground.

He'll hand out balloons, then lop off your head.
He's playful and witty and also quite dead.

Tiny Inferno liked to play with black magic,
Until she met with her demise so tragic.
She conjured a demon she could not control,
Angry and starving, he devoured her soul.

Locked away, forever insane,
The doctors came and removed her brain.
She died on the table by morning light,
Now in search of a mind, she wanders the night.

She skated towards the concrete stairs
Hearing the many shouted dares
Then she tumbled straight to Hell,
Into her own little grave, our dear Lulu fell.

Placed under a voodoo curse,
it was an evil spell he could not reverse
a soul trapped behind lifeless eyes
all things alive are now despised.

she smiled
at 8:41 PM


okay i feel like blogging now. haha. hmmm went out with my dad today, which was pretty fun. went to serangoon road for breakfast then over to serangoon garden south school (i think?) 'cause that's his old school. there was this huge aviary there with chickens and ducks and cockerals. ahaha and there was one, i think it was a cooing pigeon, that kept cooing at us. lol. =) after breakfast we went to see the few pet shops along the road!! haha and for once the pet shop actually had dogs in it. and the dogs were all so cute!! *melts* i mean, i'm sorta afraid of dogs, especially when they like jump you and all, but those dogs were so cute! haha. =)

then after that, we decided to go to orchard road just to roam about. haha then ended up going to cine, where that idiotic brother of mine didn't want to watch a movie. *sticks tongue out* whatever. so we were just walking around and around. haha bought my laogong's 'the one' album! can't wait to watch it later. =) oh and we saw this very very very cool shop that sold living dead dolls!! those dolls are so cool but they look so morbid and scary and they come with their own death certificate! *freeeeeakkkyyy* haha. hmmmm. then we went to marine parade down there to watch the power boat thingy, but it hadn't started yet so we just walked up and down lol. but on the whole it was just nice to be with my dad again. *awwwwsh* =) iloveyoudaddy.

not alot happened. haha. oh well. i'm going to buy some shit now so tc everyone! love ya'll.

she smiled
at 7:55 PM


The Pink Dress

There was this little girl sitting by herself in the park.

Everyone passed by her and never stopped to see why she looked so sad. Dressed in a worn pink dress, barefoot and dirty, the girl just sat and watched the people go by.

She never tried to speak. She never said a word. Many people passed by her, but no one would stop. The next day I decided to go back to the park in curiosity to see if the little girl would still be there. Yes, she was there, right in the very spot where she was yesterday, and still with the same sad look in her eyes. Today I was to make my own move and walk over to the little girl. For as we all know, a park full of strange people is not a place for young children to play alone.

As I got closer I could see the back of the little girl's dress. It was grotesquely shaped. I figured that was the reason people just passed by and made no effort to speak to her. Deformities are a low blow to our society and, heaven forbid if you make a step toward assisting someone who is different. As I got closer, the little girl lowered her eyes slightly to avoid my intent stare.

As I approached her, I could see the shape of her back more clearly. She was grotesquely shaped in a humped over form. I smiled to let her know it was OK; I was there to help, to talk. I sat down beside her and opened with a simple, "Hello".

The little girl acted shocked, and stammered a "hi" after a long stare into my eyes.

I smiled and she shyly smiled back.

We talked until darkness fell and the park was completely empty. I asked the girl why she was so sad. The little girl looked at me with a sad face said, "Because, I'm different".

I immediately said, "That you are!"; and smiled. The little girl acted even sadder and said, "I know."

"Little girl," I said, "you remind me of an angel, sweet and innocent!"

She looked at me and smiled, then slowly she got to her feet and said, "Really?"

"Yes, you're like a little Guardian Angel sent to watch over all people walking by."

She nodded her head yes, and smiled. With that she opened the back of her pink dress and allowed her wings to spread, then she said "I am. " I'm your Guardian Angel," with a twinkle in her eye. I was speechless -- surely I was seeing things.

She said, "For once you thought of someone other than yourself. My job here is done". I got to my feet and said, "Wait, why did no one stop to help an angel?"

She looked at me, smiled, and said, "You're the only one that could see me." and then she was gone. And with that, my life was changed dramatically.

So, when you think you're all you have, remember, your angel is always watching over you. Pass this to everyone that means anything at all to you. Make sure you send it back to the person who sent it to you, to let them know you're glad they care about you. Like the story says, we all need someone... And, every one of your friends is an Angel in their own way. The value of a friend is measured in the heart. I hope your Guardian Angel watches over you always.

she smiled
at 7:22 PM


+

she smiled
at 6:55 PM


Friday, October 24, 2003
it's a damn cold night, trying to figure out this life.
won't you take me by the hand, take me somewhere new?
i don't know who you are.
but i'm with you.


she smiled
at 10:07 PM


=

she smiled
at 2:17 PM


TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS
Question 1: If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had eight kids already, three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?

Question 2: It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.

Candidate A - Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists. He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10 martinis a day.

Candidate B - He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C - He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

*****************

Candidate A: is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B: is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C: is Adolf Hitler.

And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question:
If you said yes, you just killed Beethoven.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember: Amateurs built the Ark, Professionals built the Titanic.

Can you imagine working for a company that has a little more than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
*29 have been accused of spousal abuse.
*7 have been arrested for fraud.
*19 have been accused of writing bad checks.
*117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses.
*3 have done time for assault.
*71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit.
*14 have been arrested on drug-related charges.
*8 have been arrested for shoplifting.
*21 are currently defendants in lawsuits.
*84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year.

Can you guess which organization this is?

It's the 535 members of the United States Congress.

The same group of idiots who crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

she smiled
at 2:12 PM


people
congrats you're human. you are the most powerful
species on earth and yet, you're so so stupid.
as a human you are terribly superficial and
mean. you have been branded the only species to
eat its own for reasons beyond survival. but
you can be sweet and kind, just not very often.
you may also be filled with creativity


what species/animal are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

chocolate
well hello lil miss sweety! your heart is made out
of chocolate. you're sweet and every one wants
you, you're mysterious. lucky you, you are
totally irresistable, enjoy life, you deserve
it


what is your heart made of?
brought to you by Quizilla

happy deepavali! haha my heart's made out of chocolate! lol. just had lunch a little while ago. i think i slept for like 12 hours? hahaha *yawns and stretches* my room is the most conducive for sleeping since it has dark blue curtains, blue walls, tinted windows. sleeping rocks. =) haven't packed my stuff for obs yet. hahaha it doesn't feel the same, in some weird way. and i keep thinking the more enthusiastic i get about it, the more i can't wait and want to go, the higher the chances something'll come along and fuck it all up. *sighs* maybe i'm paranoid. haha.

she smiled
at 1:53 PM


Thursday, October 23, 2003
haven't packed my obs stuff. haha i feel so excited. but at the same time i don't want to jinx anything up. *sighs* oh well. =) i'm going to miss everyone so much. *cries* you all tk care okay. my sisters. my family. my darlings. my babies. *hugsallaround* i love you guys always.

nephew: hey! eh you didn't help much!! hahaha but thanks loads anyway. feels nice to know my nephew understands. *hugs* tk care always yeahh and rem ur auntie is always here for u! and hope ur sunburn gets better! ilu*

son: heyy you. mathilda seraphina chan! haha it sounds nice. oh well. i'm not sure i'm of much help to anything, but you know i'll always be here for you yeahs. *hugs* time will tell yeahs? hahaha you tk care!! ilu*

she smiled
at 9:44 PM


from kelly's blog. it's a lovely poem.

i've tried ways and means to forget you
to wipe you off my mind
but why is it tht i often find
you stick to my heart like paper to glue.
hw you could just walk away
my heart will never understand
you left my life plain and bland
the sky has turned a dark dark grey.
the times spent with you
i will always treasure
that was joy one could never measure
now you've left me grey n blue.
despite all you've done
the memories we shared, i find
will always be etched in my mind,
i will always love you hun.
leaving me, you left me scarred
i ws alone,i was afraid
but those hv started to slowly fade
but othrs will still find my heart barred.
i know tht one day i will heal
fm all the hurt and pain
on me you brutally lain
soon, love i will feel.
you hurt me in ways
i never evr thought smone could
yet your heart stays stiff like a plank of wood
maybe tmr ill be outta this daze.
and until then..
ill be wishing hoping dreaming
tht to myself i'd stop screaming
peace will come, if not now, tell me when.
i knw tht in sm ways you hate
you detest you loathe
e way im clinging to us both
but let us leave it all to fate.
until tht healing day
i want you to realise
my true feelings i show through cries
waiting waiting.. on my bed i lay...


she smiled
at 3:40 PM


DECK OF CARDS
A young soldier was in his bunkhouse all alone one Sunday morning. It was quiet that day, the guns and the mortars, and land mines for some reason hadn't been heard. The young soldier knew it was Sunday, the holiest day of the week. As he was sitting there, he got out an old deck of cards and laid them out across his bunk.

Just then an army sergeant came in and said, "Why aren't you with the rest of the platoon?" The soldier replied, "I thought I would stay behind and spend some time with the Lord." The sergeant said, "Looks to me like you're going to play cards."

The soldier said, "No sir, you see, since we are not allowed to have Bibles or other spiritual books in this country, I've decided to talk to the Lord by studying this deck of cards." The sergeant asked in disbelief, "How will you do that?"

"You see the Ace, Sergeant, it reminds me that there is only one God.

The Two represents the two parts of the Bible, Old and New Testaments.

The Three represents the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost.

The Four stands for the Four Gospels: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John.

The Five is for the five virgins that were ten but only five of them were glorified.

The Six is for the six days it took God to create the Heavens and Earth.

The Seven is for the day God rested after making His Creation.

The Eight is for the family of Noah and his wife, their three sons and their wives, the eight people God spared from the flood that, destroyed the earth.

The Nine is for the lepers that Jesus cleansed of leprosy. He cleansed ten but nine never thanked Him.

The Ten represents the Ten Commandments that God handed down to Moses on tablets made of stone.

The Jack is a reminder of Satan. One of God's first angels, but he got kicked out of heaven for his sly and wicked ways and is now the joker of eternal hell.

The Queen stands for the Virgin Mary.

The King stands for Jesus, for he is the King of all kings.

When I count the dots on all the cards, I come up with 365 total, one for every day of the year.

There are a total of 52 cards in a deck; each is a week, 52 weeks in a year.

The four suits represent the four seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall and Winter. Each suit has thirteen cards; there are exactly thirteen weeks in a quarter.

So when I want to talk to God and thank Him, I just pull out this old deck of cards and they remind me of all that I have to be thankful for."

The sergeant just stood there and after a minute, with tears in his eyes and pain in his heart, he said, "Soldier, can I borrow that deck of cards?"

she smiled
at 3:38 PM


last day of school. sexuality talk today. the woman was pretty funny actually, but natalie hated it. 'cause of all the homosexuality is distorting and wrong and unnatural. i didn't agree with that at all. like, what? all bungs were traumatized as children or molested or raped? okay, i guess sometimes those are the unfortunate cases, but not ALL of them are. why can't they be born that way? why can't homosexuality be a choice? singapore proclaims open-mindedness. regardless or race, language or religion. so why can't it be regardless of sexuality as well? is there really something so wrong with being gay or lesbian? are they not people too? are they not human beings that need love, care and attention like *everyone* does? straight people can be so prejudiced over them, they don't mind setting serial murderers free, they don't mind killing and abusing their own children, but they protest so vehemently against a school for homosexuals. homosexuality is not wrong. it will never be wrong. there was a catholic priest that came to my school once, to give a talk, and said "Sin is the denial of love." and it was a *catholic* priest.

enough ranting. haha. nat did that all on her blog. they showed this video on abortion too, at the sexuality talk. at first they started with showing the different photos of the babies at different weeks, and there was one shot where the baby moved it's hand. and i started tearing *already*. so i knew i wouldn't be able to watch the entire thing after that without sobbing my eyes out or screaming like a banshee so i just kept my eyes squeezed shut. but tasha next to me was so pale and gripping my chair so tight, so i know it was very gruesome and horrid. i just don't understand how these people can be so cruel. they're their own children, after all, and i don't see how they can bear letting their own baby get ripped to pieces. there is no more love in this world. the human race has died.

i don't know why, but today has been quite a bad day. even when i'm broken inside, the world will see me smile. <-- jie's nick. *hugsjiejietight* ilu dear. i really miss those days last year, when you were just next door. and u still owe me a letter u bad jiejie. hahaha. but i shall be a good mei and still love you. haha. but i relate to that nick really well. i'm quite like that too. hmmmm. but i feel so empty. i'm half the person i used to be. i feel like i'm just a shell of myself. i don't feel like myself, just so empty. but then, tomorrow it'll be over, and i'll be back to my weird-ass self, so i guess i should wait for tomorrow. you always smile, but in your eyes, your sorrow shows.

going out with my dad tomorrow, finally. for like the first time in 3 months? yeahh. so i'm pretty thankful for that. my mum is unreasonable sometimes. last month, he couldn't take us out 'cause on the last week that he was supposed to take us, there was some emergency delivery or something and he couldn't make it. but my mother wouldn't allow him to take us out twice the next month. i don't understand why she still holds on to the anger and hurt. my dad told me this quote once "Holding onto anger is like holding onto a piece of hot coal, waiting to throw it at your enemy." you're definitely going to get burnt first. so why is she holding onto that anger? why is she still hating? sometimes it doesn't make sense.

i think today's entry is depressing. sorry everyone. it's just the way i'm feeling.

i hope tomorrow will be a better day.

she smiled
at 3:33 PM


Wednesday, October 22, 2003
if hearts were unbreakable.

she smiled
at 4:06 PM


just got back from nat's house. went swimming this morning with abish, carol and nat. chris, tasha and stephi all didn't come. *sobs* and it was supposed to be the Bitchfest Family Day. haha. it felt strange waiting at the bus-stop looking at all the girls that went into school while i just sat there, baking in the sun. haha it was so hot. lol. we played like mad man.. such a change from the usual 'swimming time' i have. usually swimming = training, and lately it seems that training is getting less to be a love, and more to be a burden. i don't know. but we were like playing with the floats and mucking around and stuff so it was quite fun. =) took some photos so maybe i'll post them on my web when they're developed. had breakfast there too, and the food rocks, but the egg tasted funny 'cause they put milk inside. anyway, after that, we went to nat's hse to play mahjong! hahahaha it's been so long since i played! so fun. hahaha and carol that horny grandma was being mean. lol.

all in all, not that much happened today, just that it was quite fun. =) haha. my nose hurts. i think it's peeling! oh shit. i didn't know i tanned so easily. it was just a few hours in the sun, and i became practically grey! hahaha and carol and abish are green with envy. *winks* hahaha. *lamelamelame* hmmmm. tomorrow will be the last day of school for the obs people. shuckers. gonna take loads of photos. ahaha hope so anyway! =)

i'm craving for lollies. a strawberry and vanilla one. *yummmmmylicious*

she smiled
at 4:00 PM


Tuesday, October 21, 2003
The Emptiness. [copyright, van ann '03]
The emptiness is eating me from inside.
Gnawing, ravaging, tearing at my soul.
There's nothing left to work for, nothing to dream.
Nothing left there to make me whole.

There's no light ahead of this tunnel.
No stars are shining tonight.
The moon seems whiter than ever.
The darkness does not fade with the light.

The time for us has come and gone,
That I shall have to remember.
But the clouds are grey and the skies are black,
From January down to December.

she smiled
at 4:40 PM


Not Really. [copyright van ann '03]
the sun is shining brighter today
but to me the golden rays burn cold.
the birds are singing, the flowers are in bloom,
but the colours of the world seem so old.

friends kissed me on my cheek today,
and told me how much they appreciated me.
and while i hugged them back, and smiled,
my heart wasn't really there, i hope they didn't see.

YOU smiled and asked for my number today,
and i know i really should be overjoyed.
but the smile i gave YOU didn't reach my eyes
and my heart was left, of feelings devoid.

my heart is empty, my skies are grey,
i feel unbearably numb.
my eyes do not see, my ears do not hear,
my throat has been struck silently dumb.

i know i should be happy, i've so much to live for,
so much left yet to enjoy and do.
but somehow sadness overwhelmes me.
i don't see tomorrows anymore.
and my only truth is you.

she smiled
at 4:38 PM


oh, forgot to blog. =) yesterday, while tasha and me were looking at all the high-class clothes and stuff at dfs (galleria), we saw this mannequin. it was one of those wooden ones, where every part of the body is bendable 'cause of hinges and stuff? yeah, and this one on particular was giving the finger. hahahaha. high-class people have a sense of humour too. lol. oh and we bought fake tattoos. hahahaha so lame okay! and stephi saw them and said 'they're very plastic!' x) lol. then then then. that stupid tasha wanted hers on her butt, so she bent over and i put it on her back. the lower part. not really her butt yet hah. then she straightened up, and the first thing she said was "Ooh. It wrinkles." hahaha shit funny. =) and someone stole my "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade the throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until you get the oranges you originally asked for." quote. fucker. go and die. think i never listen to perfect ten isit. *fingers* hahaha i'm vulgar. excuse me.

hmmm. that wasn't much. but i just felt like saying it. haha. =) *lamelamelame*

she smiled
at 4:37 PM


everything that you thought i would be is falling apart right in front of you. today was not so bad. haha. retreat in the morning was quite okay 'cause the father (father mike) was very funny/lame/eccentric. haha so it was pretty okay. but then after that it got quite stupid 'cause they wanted us to put on some sort of play shit after the break. so decided to pon with binny, tricia, nephew, matty. hahaha and after debating for a VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY VERY long time in 3/6 deciding whether to come back for the camp briefing or not, or whether to even stay in school or not. in the end, the two tricias, mat, kah yee, cupcake and me left. hahaha and so damn suay okay. saw both jac yip and mrs nicks while waiting for the bus-that-arrived-too-late. arghh. and it's been so annoying 'cause none of us has figured a fool-proof way out. *tears hair* and everybody's freaking out. but, mat, tricia, tricia, binny and i are still willing (or me, anyway) to take the fall okay. hahaha sounds so drama. but yeah, when it comes down to it, rather us than you guys yeah? =)

mmmmm. wish i could've bought this ripcurl pencil case i saw today, but i blew my entire week's allowance on yesterday's outing with tasha. hahaha. so today i was wandering around, getting bored quickly. haha. but it was worth spending so much. haha. lalalalala. no school tomorrow! yay! going swimming at the polo club with carol, stephi, nat, abish! funnnnnn. can't wait! -beams- eh. so coincidental. binny's going suntanning tmr with tricias too. hahaha. pull the strings okay nephew! hahaa. i feel mad.

she smiled
at 4:31 PM


Monday, October 20, 2003
amaths is over! in other words, the fucking exams are finally over. *breathes again* finally. don't know why the shit school go and drag and drag until it's what? 20 days? stupid asses. oh well. amaths was terrible. was doing section A and i was smiling to myself 'cause it was so easy and i had a fleeting hope that maybe i'd just pass! was quite wrong. went on to section B and C and i was gaping in horror instead. honest. it was so hard there were blanks all over my paper. i'm so dead. oh well. just hope i manage to pass somehow (my dad just told me to pray hard!) hahaha. =)

mmmm. after the paper, frances, val, lulu, baby and me went to EAT! i think i've gained like 5 kg *starts inspecting cellulite* 'cause after exams the first thing everyone says is 'let's go eat!' hahaha. =) bk rocks. i love the mushroom swiss. and the whole lot of them are mad! mushing all the food together and daring baby to drink. *madness* hahaha and lulu was being a prig. she didn't want me to go home! she actually promised to go shopping with me ('cause i wanted to buy a top to wear later on) and she said she would. then after that she say she wanna go watch movie at frances' house. meanieeeee! and val was so sweet hahaha. she pulled lulu away b4 that jerk could kill me. *hugsval* lifesaver! hahaha. then went all the damn way back to j8 to buy my top! it rocks okay. though it's quite plain and cost me a hefty $14. *cheapo* haha. and it's NOT from hang ten okay. haha. =) mmmm then came home after buying marshmallows for that brother of mine and lunch for him too. *tiring*

went out at 3 to meet tasha for our little shopping spree! hahaha. finally bought my darling slippers after so long. they're grey and the straps are black. damn nice okay! remind me to show it to all of you. =) lalalala. so happy! hahaha you know what i find very annoying. when we're all stuck at home or in school 'cause of exams, there'll be TONS of nice shows at the cinemas. and when you're finally free from your shit books, there's NOTHING nice to watch! wanted to watch infernal affairs - NC16. wanted to watch americal pie (the wedding) - R(A). fuck it man, even underworld was NC-16!!! why am i not 16. why do i have to be 15. arghhh. so instead we just bummed around, walking from lido to far east. then from far east to isetan. then from isetan back to far east. then from far east back to isetan. yeahh we were pretty bored!! hahaha. then we went to take neos! but it looks SO RETARDED that we pinkie-swore to just hide it at home. hahaha. but tash was looking good~! -beams- i just looked... well you know how i look! hahaha. then we went to get coffee! iced mocha lattes rock. *yummmylicious* yummmmmmmmmm. hahaha mad. but it was $4.90. so xingteng you know. *sighs* oh well. overpriced coffee is one of the many luxuries that i can enjoy only once a mth or so. =) back to far east. we went to see the tattoo parlour there after resting our poor aching feet (we're both creatures of luxury okay.) and it was just plain freaky. those ppl inside are freaks. haha. that's mean. oh well. but my dad (who's got 12 tatts. he's mad. but i'm madder.) has a friend called johnny two-thumbs who did all his tatts for him. shittt. i'm gonna beg him. ask him to make one for me next year! hahaha and my crazy mother'll flip. oh well. you win some, you lose some.

retreat tomorrow. hahaha. can't wait. i think it'll be pretty fun! hahaha hope so anyway! do i sound hyper? i think i'm hyper! i'm on a overpriced-iced-mocha-latte high! *manical giggling* hahahahaha i am HIGH! OH NO! *slaps self* lol. but aside from amaths and a not-so-successful outing to town with tash, today was niceee! if only all days could be like this. if only. if only. hahaha. =) just re-read what i wrote in my past two entries. it's not nice to be bitter. therefore i shall not be. =) but i'm still inviting my godma to go. *iloveyougodmaaaa*

nepheww~ auntie's advice, so u must take it okay hahaha: don't worry so much yeahh. just when you feel life has no meaning, when you feel like you don't belong, when you feel you can't take it anymore, something beautiful's gonna come your way and you're gonna see everything in a more perfect way than ever. (actually that's advice linn gave me. haha.) a burden is always lighter when carried by two, so don't forget your auntie's here for you! that rhymes haha. *hugs* you tk care yupps. cannt afford ath happening to my nephew yeahs? or got no one to bully. lol. *meann*

she smiled
at 7:33 PM


Sunday, October 19, 2003
you think everything's okay.
you act like everything's okay.
news flash: IT ISN'T.
it's not okay. nothing's ever okay.
sometimes i want to run to a place so far away that i won't remember you.
sometimes i wish you'd just go away.
you just leave me there to fend for myself.
to deal with the demons you've conjured up by myself.
what if i'm too weak? what if i can't handle them?
did you ever think of that? i'm not superman.
you're not listening.
everytime i tell you something, you're not listening.
do you ever listen?
sometimes you don't even remember my age.
sometimes you don't even seem to care.
sometimes i wish i didn't.

she smiled
at 7:45 PM


this entry is for the person who calls herself my mother. i am very angry. very very very angry. your so fucking contradictory. in case you didn't get that, it's contraDICKtory. so ironical i want to slap your ugly face. it's my fucking confirmation, and in case your shit MINUTE brain didn't get that, the operative word in that sentence was MY. who the hell do you think you are by not allowing MY FUCKING GODMOTHER to my confirmation? it's my confirmation. i'm already 15, MOTHER. do you honestly think that you can keep me under your fucking thumb for the rest of my life hate to break it to you MOTHER, but that's the biggest bullshit in the world. you want me to take some unknown stranger for my confirmation? when other people will have their own godparents there? you say you want to move on. well GUESS WHAT? you're NOT moving on. WHAT YOU'RE DOING IS BLOCKING THEM OUT OF YOUR PATHETIC LIFE. and i have no objections to that. it's your life, who am i to run it? but, incidentally, MOTHER, you're blocking them out of MY life too. and i won't let you do that. never. OVER MY DEAD BODY. do you want to see that?

she smiled
at 7:33 PM


i wanted to be like you, i wanted everything. so i tried to be like you. and i got swept away... i didn't know that it was so cold and you needed someone to show you the way. so i took your hand and we figured out that, when the tide comes i'll take you away. yesterday i was having the world's biggest headache. it was so bad that i was just like sitting there after taking the panadol (and that idiot brother of mine actually whacked my head with the pillow!) waiting for the pain to ebb. honest it was so painful. haha okay i'll stop whining. at least it's gone now. and i think my mum passed her damn flu to me too, 'cause was sniffling for the entire day too. mass was shit. couldn't pay attention and i kept falling asleep. argghh. x( so unholy. and tiong that darling, taught me amaths yest too. =) thanks tiong!!

my phone's back! ilu dad! and it's working!! -beams- so happy. can't wait for obs. =) although dunnoe how i'm gonna survive without my darling phone. *sighs* my mum was being a prig yesterday and banned me from using the com. oh well. amaths exam tomorrow, and i'm really dead. i don't understand matrices, permutations+combinations and binomial theorem that well, so i'll just have to practice more later. =( hope i pass tomorrow. really don't want to have to drop amaths. it'll be disappointing to both myself and my parents so yupp. *pats self* must work harder!

oh no. i feel my headache coming back.

she smiled
at 12:38 PM


Friday, October 17, 2003
And now I am suffering I think I should go to sleep,
It’s in my dreams that I fall in your arms if I slip...


*snoooooze* gave myself a tattoo on my left hand. haha now it looks like black octopuses. yayers. =) shall go over it again. then do it on my feet too. chin up, everyone. know lotsa you are demoralized about the exams and you feel you could have done better but it's over now, and there's not much you can do about it. except breaking into the school and changing your grades or test paper, but that is NOT an option. so. good luck for the last/last few exams coming up. just the one LAST (finally!) ooomph to a grand exit. -hugsallaround- i'm not so sure that made sense, but i am very bored. haha. humour me, dears.

she smiled
at 5:02 PM


because i am bored. and because i do not want to study amaths.

yang (direct): aries, gemini, leo libra, sagittarius, aquarius.
ying (indirect): taurus, cancer, virgo, scorpio, capricorn, pisces.

cardinal signs (active): aries, cancer, libra, capricorn.
fixed signs (persistent): taurus, leo, scorpio, aquarius.
mutable signs (adaptable): gemini, virgo, sagittarius, pisces.

fire signs (energetic): aries, leo, sagittarius.
earth signs (practical): taurus, virgo, capricorn.
air signs (intellectual): gemini, libra, aquarius.
water signs (emotional): cancer, scorpio, pisces.

planet -- signs -- ruled life energy
sun -- leo -- self
moon -- cancer -- intuition
mercury -- gemini/virgo -- communication
venus -- taurus/libra -- love
mars -- aries -- energy
jupiter -- sagittarius -- opportunity
saturn -- capricorn -- limits
uranus -- aquarius -- change
neptune -- pisces -- imagination
pluto -- scorpio -- transformation

house,sign and it's life area
first house: aries, personality.
second house: taurus, money.
third house: gemini, communication.
fourth house: cancer, home.
fifth house: leo, children.
sixth house virgo, work.
seventh house libra, relationships.
eighth house scorpio, sex.
ninth house sagittarius, trips.
tenth house capricorn, career.

she smiled
at 4:55 PM


Justin leant his chair back, balancing it on two legs, and thought about Nick. It wasn't that he was jealous, he decided, because he still knew he was good, better than 99% of the wannabes out there, and he had skills with things Nick could only dream of - electronics, explosives, hand-to-hand combat. He just wanted to hang around Nick as often as possible, learn as much as he could. It wasn't an opportunity he got very often.

Joey thew a glance at Justin's lap. "Dude."

Justin looked down. Oh. So he was a little happy. "He's got skills, man. Mad skillz. It rocks my world."

"It's rocking something, that's for sure."


(naughty fic. justin/nick) yep it's slash. you've been warned. haha. but it's a pretty good story so give it a shot!

she smiled
at 12:43 PM


you don't mean anything to me. you're what i never want to be. the chinese exam today was not so bad, considering i stayed up til 3 to study and woke up at 5 to study again. which adds up to a grand total of 2 hours of sleep. i look like a panda with eyebags the size of boulders. so that's the price of studying 12 chapters of chinese all in a night before the exam. how lovely. =) but the coffee i drank this morning has quite definitely ensured no sleep for the next few hours or so. so i guess i'll be reading my amaths textbook, trying to figure out what the hell is the binomial theorem. yucks. amaths sucks. *bleahs*

mmmm. after the exam, had an obs briefing (again! so embarrassing.) before going for brunch with marie and baby. those two are completely mad okay. dipping marie's hashbrown into her ice-cream. and marie can't eat ice-cream! *howls with laughter* haha. meanie. =) on the bus home, marie told me about going to mediacorp and standing in as extras! hahaha i'd like to try that. i mean, you get to get involved in "acting" (however meagre) and you still get paid. apparently it's $80-$200 per day or something. so damn cool. =) maybe i'll try it after i get back from obs. hahaha but then the camera screens will probably crack so... haha. i feel hyper. there's only ONE more paper to go, and then we're free. *dreamy* 4 days of school before obs. can't hardly wait!

been singing my laogong's songs for the whole day today. and i think yappers thought i was cheating 'cause i was singing without making any noise. hahahaha. so it looks as if i'm talking to someone by just moving my lips. *weirddd* and it was so embarrassing today 'cause roxy told me she can hear me talking to myself during the exams. omg. hahaha. so freaky okay. i didn't even know that i talk to myself, let alone so loudly that even she can hear it. i think i have a problem. oh well. whooops* sprry roxy! -embarrassed-

oooh news! haha. kelly says her mum wants to publish a book on my poems! *blushes* omg! i feel so flattered and it's not as if i write very well or whatever so it's such an honour! OMG~ hahaha i'm mad. mmmm. so the plan for today is to go and sleep for the next 5 hours or so, go for amaths tuition where i shall beg my teacher to teach everything on binomial theorem and permutations+combinations. and then i shall go and write more poems. =) *poetic madness*

taking my time / i'm trying to leave the memories of you behind / i'm gonna be fine / as soon as i get your picture right out of my mind.

she smiled
at 12:41 PM


Thursday, October 16, 2003
I try not to think
About the pain I feel inside
Did you know you used to be my hero?
All the days you spent with me...
Now seem so far away.
And it feels like you don't care anymore.
And now I try hard to make it
I just want to make you proud
I'm never gonna be good enough for you.
I can't stand another fight.
And nothing's alright,
'Cause we lost it all.
Nothing lasts forever...
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late and
We can't go back...
I'm sorry, I can't be perfect.

-- stolen off qb's blog. it's a damn nice song. but i don't know what it's called or who sang it. someone tell me if you don't mind? =)

what would make my life -perfect-
1. jay chou.
2. jay chou's first album.
3. jay chou's second album.
3. jay chou's fourth album.
4. jay chou.
5. confirmation clothes - blouse, skirt (or pedalpushers).
6. sleeveless tops (black/white).
7. jay chou.
8. to get rid of all the excess fats on my podgy body.
9. abs.
10. a phone pouch (blue/green).
11. a new wallet (ripcurl/billabong).
12. a new pencil case (BIG).
13. a new pair of low-slung hipsters (bought only after 8 is completed).
14. nice slippers (black/white).
15. 4 more ear piercings.
16. berms (37degrees/OP).
17. 3 tatts (ankle, back, tummy).
18. jay chou.
19. good grades for my eoys (good enough so that i won't drop to combined science).
20. for every single one of you who read this to be happy. remember. when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. (although i like the other one better: "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade, then throw it in the face of the person who gave you the lemons until you get the oranges you originally asked for." oh well. maybe that's just me.)

she smiled
at 10:15 AM


second day of the threeniners special holiday! haha. we're the only class that didn't have to go back to school AT ALL for two days. this rocks man. lol but i'd still rather take combined chem/phys and bio in 3/7 than pure chem and pure phys in 3/9. haha but i still love my class! *hugsall3/9ppl* =) i don't want to let go... how can I leave you? but you have gone so far away... and i will slowly walk away... anyway. was supposed to study chinese yesterday but... hahaha ended up reading this book instead "If Tomorrow Comes' by Sidney Sheldon. it's a great book, but it's quite old lah so the pages were all falling apart. whooopsie.

mmmmmmm. bored.

i want to return to the past, to try to hug you
your blushing face may seem a little childish
but i want to see the world you see, i want to be in your dreams
only if we lean on each other can we feel the blissfulness
i want to return to the past, if only to try to allow our story to continue
at least i won't allow you to leave me again
i'll take note when we part, so i'll hug you even tighter
this sort of salvage effort...
i don't know if it's still in time...
but i just want to return to the past


she smiled
at 9:02 AM


Wednesday, October 15, 2003
*yawwwn* it's nice to wake up at 9.30 rather than the usual 6am. haha. but i don't like being woken up by the damn telephone ringing. so annoying. anyway, gotta start studying for chinese today. so i plan to study chinese ting xie today and zao ju tomorrow. then cheng yu on thursday night+friday morning. and whoever teacher is marking it better not give me 0/15 for zao ju again. i'll kill her. =) can't wait for all the exams to be over. then it's four days of school before going for obs. hahahaha qb i know you cannot wait to be alone with me. *winkwinknudgenudge* lol. =) mmmmm. i feel very monotonous today. don't know why.

what can i do, to make you mine?
falling so hard, so fast this time...
what did i say, what did you do?
how did i fall, in love with you...?


she smiled
at 10:36 AM


Tuesday, October 14, 2003
i hate this shittified computer. bah. stupid files disappearing all over the place and i can't find the one i saved just a few hours ago? pissing-offing.

ba shou man man jiao gei wo, fang xia xin zhong de kun huo
calm your heart, and rest your hands in mine
yu dian cong liang pang hua guo ge kai liang zhong jing shen de wo
raindrops slide down and split apart my mind
(lyrics from jay chou's fen lie (split apart))

i'm getting so into chinese. this is scary. haha. oh well. dinner time. ciaos.

she smiled
at 6:45 PM


blogged yesterday, but the post didn't appear. i hate blogger. haha. oh but chemistry was easy. i mean, how easy can it get to just sit there and eeenymeenyminnymoe-ing at your paper, and leaving a 10-mark question and a whole 9-mark table blank? pretty easy, once you think about it. i just hope i can get above twenty marks. that would be a blessing already. =) can you tell i've given up on chemistry completely? mrs wong will probably be so glad to kick me out of her class at the end of the year. not much losing a student who talks in class, doesn't pay attention AT ALL and who really couldn't give a fuck about chem. x) but enough about chem!

geography today was quite okay! hahaha. surprising, since i only studied for an hour or so last night and about an hour this morning as well. made up so many acronymns to help me remember plantation agriculture and market gardening and manufacturing yada yada yada. then started worrying that i couldn't remember the acronymn. hahaha *loserish* and jac yip invigilated us too so that was pretty scary. every time she opened her mouth she made me feel nervous all over again. hahah. but it was quite okay. although, i didn't study for malaysia and it came out as a eleven-mark question so that will probably be the source of a huge loss of marks. oh well. at least it's over! -beams-

oh! lulu was being an ass yesterday. after the chem paper, frances, marie, lulu and i went to eat breakfast at thomson, and lulu was being an ass. kept hurrying us to go home and study geog. so when we finally left, that IDIOT forcibly prevented me from getting off the buS! after i pressed the bell somemore. so embarrassing!! then we were screaming and fighting in the bus. there goes our school name. she wanted me to go see her damn hamster at her house so i had to walk back all the way! lulu you watch out okay. i'll get you back. *grrrrs*

so tomorrow and the day after, we don't have to go back to school since we don't have any papers! how fun! hahaha. but anyway, good luck to all of you guys taking geog/bio/phy+chem etc. don't forget to study for chinese and amaths too! haha. oh god. i'm turning into my mother. eeeeks.

she smiled
at 10:42 AM


Sunday, October 12, 2003
today has been yucky. been studying chem for the entire morning, and the more i read, the more i sort-of-maybe-a-little understand and the more i feel there's no way for me to catch up on redox and all the mole stoichmetry (is that how you spell it?) and cations and anions i've been not listening to. *sighs* so tomorrow, the paper will go like this: 7.45 -- open the test paper.
7.46 -- finished writing names on the paper(s).
8.00 -- test paper is completed.
8.00-10.05 -- sleep/daydream/smile at paper.
yeahh. i'm pretty sure it'll go something like that. *lamelamelame* chemistry is the pits. you lucky asses out there who didn't take it. *sighs* oh well. at least after geography on tuesday we have two days break to study for chinese while everyone else has to go back. *evil laugher* haha i'm mean. oh well.

she smiled
at 12:29 PM


Saturday, October 11, 2003
listening to jay chou just now. and oi nephew of mine! i didn't know it was yeye pao de cha (until i read the lyrics book last night.) as in the grandpa's 'yeye' i thought it was 'ye ye' as in nightly. omg. hahaha. i'm shit slow. now the song sounds funny. who sings songs about their grandfather brewing tea? but don't worry jay. i still love you!

she smiled
at 12:21 PM


moral education
english language paper1/2
social studies
chinese language paper1
pure physics
elementary maths
literature paper1
literature paper2

pure chemistry
sub-geography
chinese language paper2
additional maths

i do not want to start studying for chemistry. *sighs* oh well. literature exam today was pretty okay. haha moderate 'cept that i couldn't remember a shit thing about the lumber room even though i read the notes over and over and over again so had to the daughters of the late colonel and the passage based was also that. and i only read the daughters once. haha. hope i do well for that one and it brings my average for literature up! see!! everyone should take lit. literature rocks! -beams- haha. anyway. then my dad sent me and lulu home and the new van's like a horse-carriage. you sit in the back on a single chair and the thing goes bounce-bounce-bounce and you -bounce-bounce-bounce even more. haha. so fun! =) bought breakfast for my brother and myself too. macs is so *yummmmylicous* x)

but as i was turning into the lift after getting off the bus, something caught my eye. then i turned and nearly died. it was a quite a big cage with two beautiful full-grown white rabbits. i was so shocked. so i went home and called my mum to ask if she'd let me bring them back. i mean i wasn't about to just let them stay there! they had so little water and not a lot of food left and it's quite a cold day so i wanted to bring them back before they caught a chill. but that BITCH was all 'no! what if they have a disease??' fucker. if they die i'm going to blame her. and i can't call the spca 'cause my dad says you have to bring them there and God knows i can't. *sobs* people are evil! why'd you go and buy pets when all you're going to do is throw them away like some junk? bastards.fuckers.assholes. ROT IN HELL.

on a lighter note, i've just discovered that there is someone else in singapore who's name is vanessa ann varcheese. hahaha. i think she's more pitiful than me. but we have the same intials!! -beams-

she smiled
at 11:13 AM


Friday, October 10, 2003
i went offline to study my twentieth century short stories and surprise, surprise, i'm back again. because i spent about an hour and a half just throwing pink and white marshmallows in the air and catching them with my mouth and reading my journal at the same time. highly unproductive so i'm here improving my english and typing skills while simultaneuously destryoing my already-impaired eyesight. i'm going to become very blind very soon. anyway. i am seriously bored. *sighs* i know! i've just been struck with sudden inspiration. i know everyone loves literature so here's an excerpt from one of the stories i'm reading/pretending to read/studying/ for my literature exam tomorrow:

The week after was one of the busiest weeks of their lives. Even when they went to bed it was only their minds that lay down and rested; their minds went on, thinking things out, talking things over, wondering, deciding, trying to remember where...
Constantia lay like a statue, her hands by her sides, her feet just overlapping each other, the sheet up to her chin. She stared at the ceiling.
"Do you think father would mind if we gave his top-hat to the porter?"
"The porter?" snapped Josephine. "Why ever the porter? What a very extraordinary idea!"
"Because," said Constantia slowly, "he must often have to go to funerals. And I noticed at - at the cemetery that he only had a bowler." She paused. "I thought then how very much he'd appreciate a top-hat. We ought to give him a present too. He was always very nice to father."
"But," cried Josephine, flouncing on her pillow and staring across the dark at Constantia, "father's head!" And suddenly, for one awful moment, she nearly giggled. Not, of course, that she felt in the least like giggling. It must have been habit. Years ago, when they had stayed awake at night talking, their beds had simply heaved. And now the porter's head, disappearing, popped out, like a candle, under father's hat.. The giggle mounted, mounted; she clenched her hands; she fought it down; she frowned fiercely at the dark and said "Remember" terribly sternly.


it's so nice. hahaha that's only the beginning though. the rest of the story is just as nice, except that it's far too long (12 chapters) and yeah i'm not that lame. hahaha. *contradictory* oh and here's the other story we're to be tested on tomorrow. joteo would get so excited every time she analyses this story, it wouldn't have been surprising to see her spontaneously combust during a double-lit period. but it's a nice story so yeah haha =) :

The children were to be driven, as a special treat, to the sands at Jagborough. Nicholas was not to be of the party; he was in disgrace. Only that morning he had refused to eat his wholesome bread-and-milk on the seemingly frivolous grounds that there was a frog in it. Older and wiser and better people had told him there could not possibly be a frog in his bread-and-milk and that he was not to talk nonsense; he continued, nevertheless, to talk what seemed the veriest nonsense, and described with much detail the markings of the alleged frog. The dramatic part of the incident was that there really was a frog in Nicholas' basin of bread-and-milk; he had put it there himself, so he felt entitled to know something about it. The sin of taking a frog from the garden and putting it into a bowl of wholesome bread-and-milk was enlarged on at great length, but the fact that stood out clearest in the whole affair, as it presented itself to the mind of Nicholas, was that the older, wiser, and better people had been proved to be profoundly in error in matters which they expressed the utmost assurance.
"You said there couldn't possibly be a frog in my bread-and-milk; there *was* a frog in my bread-and-milk," he repeated, and with the insistence of a skilled tactician who does not intend to shift from favourable ground.


*it's so interesting right! hahaha. read this story! "The Lumber Room", by Saki (or HH Munroe) and the other one was "The Daughters of the Late Colonel" by Katherine Mansfield.

she smiled
at 6:35 PM


Angel_Of_Love
Love


?? Which Angel Or Demon Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

HASH(0x871b4d4)
You are Lust!
Sexy!! But they say that theres such a thing as too
much of a good thing. You have sex on the
brain, and it doesn't stay just there for long.
Passionate, Fiery - and most certainly
confident. You're a fun loving, spontaneous
person who is always up for a laugh. People
however, have trouble keeping up with you.
You're sex crazy, and perhaps need to tone it
down a bit! learn a little self control!
But, Hey, Congratulations on being the Sexiest Red
Hot deadly sin out of all the 7...


?? Which Of The Seven Deadly Sins Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla
This CANNOT be true. haha R(A)
Season = Autumn
You're Most Like The Season Autumn ...

You're warm, and the most approachable. You have
that gentle prescence about you. People can
relate to you, and find you easy company.
However it's likely you've been hurt in the
past and it has left you scarred so things can
become rather chilly with you at times. Being
the third Season in, you're mature, trustworthy
and loyal to your friends but prone to
depression and negative thinking.

Well done... You're the shy and sensitive season :)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Season = Summer
You're Most Like The Season Summer ...

Whoa.... Passionate eh ?? Typically you're a fiery,
zesty dominant person. As the hottest season,
you certainly ooze Sex appeal. You have
confidence which draws people to you, and you
have the makings of a good leader.
However sometimes your exterior is stronger then
you are and so you scare people off before they
can get close.

Well done... You're the most memorable of seasons
:)


?? Which Season Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

(i did that test twice 'cause i didn't believe the answer. haha. i'm not sure i believe it now, anyway.)

STUPID HUMOR: Doing shocking things, making faces,
flailing your arms about, and producing bizarre
noises are how you make people laugh. You were
always the one that people call
"wierd", and they still do, because
you are. You enjoy being wierd, and people
enjoy watching you act wierd and over-the-top.
Just be careful, too much of it at a time will
begin to annoy people. You are one FUNNY guy!

YOUR GOOFINESS IS WELCOMED AT:
http://pub98.ezboard.com/bkickbanned


How funny are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Scream
You're living the movie Scream!


?? Which Horror Movie Are You Living ??
brought to you by Quizilla

i am so bored.

she smiled
at 4:01 PM


moral education
english language paper1/2
social studies
chinese language paper1
pure physics
elementary maths
literature paper1
literature paper2
pure chemistry
sub-geography
chinese language paper2
additional maths

emaths paper and lit paper1 today. god it sucked. usually my math is fine, and bearings and trigonometry and all that mean median mode are all okay. but today... *sighs* screwed the last bit and lost 13 marks because i used an angle i didn't even know. i actually knew i was wrong, so i went back to correct it using a different method. AND I USED THE SAME FUCKING ANGLE. so yeah, long story short, it's still wrong. and i was counting on that A. oh well. =/ hmmm. then literature after that which was completely fucked up as well. had absolutely no IDEA what to write. who in the world would test on alfieri and rodolfo and offer 25 marks for the damn essay? they're the MINOR CHARACTERS! (and lucky lucky lucky lulu studied rodolfo only and it came out. i hate that bloody fag. eddie, i'm on your side for this one.)

the poem was rubbish (my grandmother. need i say more?). the prose was rubbisher (who talks about gentlemen and cleaning ladies?). the essay was rubbishersher. *sobs* i don't want to fail lit! gotta study later for the damn twentieth century short stories. (this year is a complete replica of last year. totally 'dip in the poole' and 'journey's end' all OVER AGAIN. but dip in the poole was better cos the stories were nice.) haha okay i'm ranting. i need to shut up. -beams- hmmm. so i have to wake up tomorrow morning and take that bloody 1 hr paper 2. and then start CRAMMING for chemistry. life sucks.

she smiled
at 2:20 PM


Thursday, October 09, 2003
i've gone completely blue mad. hahaha i like this bluish thingy. haha tell me what you think yeah? =)

she smiled
at 1:46 PM


moral education
english language paper1/2
social studies
chinese language paper1
pure physics
elementary maths
literature paper1
literature paper2
pure chemistry
sub-geography
chinese language paper2
additional maths

she smiled
at 1:45 PM


today. oh well. better than yesterday! hahaha. quite surprising actually, since the physics paper was today. and i was such a nerd and studying the whole time. i actually woke up at 5.30 this morning to study 3 chapters that i didn't manage to finish last night. actually i didn't finish about 9 chapters hahaha. so was pretty lucky that the paper was sort-of-but-not-quite-but-still-not-so-bad. -beams- i really hope i pass. can't afford to fail again for physics, chemistry and amaths. i'll probably still fail chemistry though, considering i haven't been listening since mid-year. so i'm banking on physics. they can't tell me to drop if my physics is good! hahaha. *wishful* oh well. tomorrow's emaths and literature paper1 so i'm pretty thankful for that 'cause it means i don't have to really mug like mad. literature is just reading (and candice still hasn't finished the short story! lol!) and if you pay attention during lessons it's fine. i'm such a gloat haha okay i'll be quiet. ENOUGH about my stupid studies! =)

i'm feeling much better than yesterday so that's a good thing. -smiles- life is good. life is great. life is unbelievable. life is hard. life is cruel. life is just so beautiful. that song is nice! so bubbly. =) and i'm in love with jay chou. he's the best damn singer in the world and natalie he is NOT GAY. (he's mine!)

she smiled
at 12:55 PM


Wednesday, October 08, 2003
today's not been a very good day. social studies was shit. government support for the essay question came out and it just HAPPENED to be the ONLY one that i hadn't memorized. *pissed* but overall i think it's passable so i'm not too upset over that. then chinese compo was rubbish. finished so much earlier than everyone (except for roxy who finished earlier than EVERYONE!) i wrote rubbish in my rubbish basic chinese with so many fucking rubbish blanks. today's not been a good day at all. plus when i was on my way home with that fucking HUGE umbrella that my mum brought to school for me (she actually came to pick me after my exams 'cause it was raining. so damn sweet of her okay. i'm saying an extra prayer for her tonight. i love you mum.) everything was going wrong. i dropped that shit umbrella like a few thousand times in the damn fucking bus. then i went to popular and my coins spilled over the floor. then both my laces got untied at the same time. that fucking umbrella is jinxed.

jay chou rocks. i've been singing (well not really. more like humming) his songs all day. he's great. and tricia ye ye pao de cha is addictive. =) life is fuck. baby you know why. i think you're the only that knows actually. haha. oh well. i'm bitter. i don't like to be bitter. it's not a nice feeling.

she smiled
at 5:32 PM


Monday, October 06, 2003
-pissed- hahaha that's just my ranting. i'd say more but i have to go. tk care peeps and good luck for the exams! *peace*

van

she smiled
at 8:13 PM


i hope you know who you are. this entry is meant for you: you make me sick. if you hate me so much, why don't you just say it to my face? don't tell me you're afraid to do that? it's quite absurd really. i thought i could trust you. i thought that maybe, just PERHAPS, you might just be a friend. i guess i was wrong this time. if you're gonna bitch about me behind my back, and sit around laughing at me while i delude myself and be blinded by your niceties, then don't bother puttingon that fake smile to flash at me. it's disgusting. act like the bitch you are. you should stop faking to everyone around you, you'll soon realize that you don't know YOURSELF, much less any of THEM. you should know who you are yups. get your own fucking life and get the hell out of mine.

she smiled
at 8:12 PM


Sunday, October 05, 2003
I am a little bit insecure, a little unconfident. 'cause you don't understand, I do what I can, but sometimes I don't make sense. I say what you never wanna say, but I've never had a doubt. It's like no matter what I do, I can't convince you, for once just to hear me out. So I let go, watching you, turn your back like you always do. Face away and pretend that I'm not, but I'll be here 'cause you want what I've got//I don't know what's worth fighting for, or why I have to scream. I don't know why I instigate, and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright. So, I'm breaking the habit, I'm breaking the habit tonight.//And I know, I may end up failing too. But I know, you were just like me with someone disappointed in you

she smiled
at 2:29 PM


Sadness has me at the end of the line. Helpless, I watched you break this heart of mine. Loneliness only wants you back here with me, Common sense knows that you're not good enough for me -- Justin Timberlake 'Never Again'

she smiled
at 1:49 PM


i think i have a problem. (quite an understatement!) currently i have writing all over my the back of my hands, on my fingers, on my toes leading up to my ankles, on my knees and my fat thighs. in black ink, and all of them are quotes or sweet messages from friends or song lyrics or stars or ilu* hahahhaha. i am mad! but the one i like best is the shit long quote on my right foot: there's a danger in loving someone too much. and it's sad when you know it's your love you can't trust. there's a reason why people don'y stay where they are. baby, sometimes love just ain't enough. hahaha. actually that was a quote in a letter that cupcake wrote me. *ilucupcakenumebr#1* lol. and the one around my left wrist goes 'what goes around comes around.' totally ripped off from p!nk! hahaha. x) i am truly insane.

hmmm. oh! i forgot to mention. i prayed last night. hahahaha the first in quite a long while, and it wasn't really a prayer. i was just sleepless (coffee, again!) so i was standing at the window and i was talking to myself. (don't laugh.i do that alot) so i was talking over all my problems and shit in my life and everytime i was uncertain about something or was questioning something, there would be a flash of lightning in the sky or a clap of thunder. so symbolic! hahaha. i don't know about everyone else, but i just find symbolism in the smallest weirdest things. hahaha i think i really do have a problem! *horrified* hahaha.

i'm gonna study my ass of later for social studies. and physics. -angelic smile- since lulu is burnt out from studying, and my bro won't be pestering me with any more of his questions since PSLE is only a few days away, i've got the best environment to study in! hahaha. i'm so evil. lulu you know i love you babe! x) but i don't think i'll end up studying very much anyway. surprise, surprise.

she smiled
at 1:37 PM


Saturday, October 04, 2003
I'm Amanda
Which Sarah Michelle Gellar are you? Find out!

Hell Yeah!  I'm Stronger Britney!
Which Britney are you? Find out!

Mmm...I'm Ariel!
Which Disney Princess are You?Find out!
(why am i not surprised? x))

Pretty!  I'm a rose!
Which Flower Are You?Find out!

Rock On! I'm...Pop!
Which Music Type are You?Find out!

I'm Annette
Which Reese Witherspoon are you? Find out!

YAY!  I'm Buffy!
Which Female Buffy Character are you? Find out!

As If!  I'm Cher!
Which Clueless Chick are you? Find out!

Happy New Year!
Which Holiday are YOU? Find out @ RelentlessDivas.Net!

Ummm...I'm Sane.
Are You Crazy??Find out!

Fuckit, I'm Laney!
Which Angelina Jolie are you? Find out!

Acs guys
good looking, spiked hair guys with big egos and
rather flirty charater. usually over
confident.usually well like by many girls


What school boy would u most likly to date?
brought to you by Quizilla

she smiled
at 7:19 PM


Hey, you there!

Yep, you, right over there!

You have made such a huge difference in my life, in more ways than one, whether you've known me under a year, two months, three days... And I'd just like to say a big I love you! to you, for taking the time to read this message, and playing this under-a-minute part in my life.

*hugs*


stick this in your journal/blog, to pass the message on, and let everyone know that they are loved and appreciated, in more ways than one. we all need a little love every once in a while.

she smiled
at 6:38 PM


just got back from cathecism class. i think my teacher is getting funnier! lol. but kinda late though, 'cause it's only a few more months before we never have to go back again. i'm looking forward to not having to go for cat classes anymore, but at the same time, it's kinda sad that we won't see everyone again. and i'll miss all my friends! *starts counting* bernie, carol, matty, hyeh yun, trixy, lynn, melliedarling, daryl and so many more. (well, okay, not that many but still! hahha.) so *bighugstoeveryone* take care yeps? and stay happy always! =)

lulu dropped by to borrow my lit book, and the stupid girl called my home (while i was at cat) and she said to my mom "eh, which floor you live on? your boyfriend's here already." and my mom was like "?! who's this?" and then lulu, obviously realizing her mistake, slammed down the phone! -howls with laughter- lulu is shit lame. she's always doing that! posing as someone else. madmadmad woman. hahhaha. reminds me of the time when a few of us were walking out, and cheryl told lulu that her tuition teacher's car was parked across the road because lulu's teacher was supposed to pick her from school. and that mad girl ran all the way down the overhead bridge and banged on the car window and when the woman inside turned to look at her, it wasn't her teacher!

can you imagine how hard we laughed?

she smiled
at 6:36 PM


Friday, October 03, 2003
Leo
What they're like: The lion loves to roar - obviously. And a Leo girl loves to be noticed whether it be through her dress sense or behaviour. She is confident, outgoing and enthusiastic and has an infectious optimism. Leo girls are very honest, so if you're feeling fragile about a new haircut, avoid the lioness. Girls born in late July or August are respected by their friends, big-hearted and generous. They can also be bad-tempered and bossy.
They are generous, creative, enthusiastic, faithful, bossy, too interfering and often very intolerant of others.
Likes: Being the king of the castle and wearing the most over-the-top outfit to the Prom.
Love Style: This girl is a man magnet! And if a guy ignores the lioness, her eye will wander.
Best Friends: Virgos (tricia, jieying), Arians(linn, judith, roxy) and Sagittarians (steph goh, bonnie)
Best Partners: Arians (linn, judith, roxy), Leos (hyeh yun) and Sagittarians. (steph goh, bonnie)
Not-so-good Partners: Scorpios (lulu, christine, tricia, frances) and Taureans.(alyssa, kelly)
How to win a Leo: Leos love to be spoilt and they love flattery, so make sure you shower them with attention or they'll quickly lose interest. Leos hate dishonesty and disloyalty, so if you want to win them over you have to prove yourself trustworthy.

all the underlined words are those that i don't believe to be true. hahaha. i don't know why, but i love reading all these horoscopes and zodiacs and all. hahaha. it's so interesting! lol! and i included all the names of people i know who are virgos etc. just 'cause i was bored! hahaha. i love my horoscope. LEOS RULE! hahaha. x)

wo hai pa ni xing shui mei ren, bang ni cha yan lei. bie guan na shi fei, zhi yao wo men gan jue dui.

she smiled
at 7:59 PM


didn't blog yesterday 'cause was quite busy and couldn't really find the time. anyway. today was quite an okay day. chem test in the morning was rubbish. didn't study AT ALL and therefore finished the paper within 10 minutes, leaving half the paper blank and spending the rest of the time staring at the birds that were bathing outside. hhaha. but i'm quite mad at myself because of that stupid test. i did read some of the stuff on it, and i think had i bothered to study properly and hard, i think i could have passed. oh well. next time, then. haha lulu's supposed to teach me chemistry over the weekend too, so hope she explains better than wong. =)

hmmmm. mydarling didn't come to school today. so sad! hahaha. but was msging her in school for fun anyway. i'm such a horrible person. -hohum- oh well. so sat with shireen for today. it was so fun! hahaha. *ilovemyshireeeenbaby* lol. spent the day just writing short notes to everyone! lol. i'm so lame right. hahaha. after school, went to john's hse to study. her place is damn cool! simplish-elegantish. LOL! but didn't really get much studying done though. hahaha spent most of the time just joking around and laughing like mad. *ilovemybaby* lol! plus she's insane okay. this damn dettol soap she uses smells like cologne. and, what's more, my dad's cologne. so i kept thinking of him! i miss my dad!! -sobs- haven't seen him for weeks. *sighs* oh well.

i've realized that i've gotta start studying more! actually, if you think about it, the only subjects you have to study for are (for 3/9ers) geography, social studies, physics and chemistry. the rest are just the sort where you practice and read and you should be able to score. maybe it's just me, i don't know, but it seems that way to me. plus i keep thinking that we actually have a lot of time to study. i mean, we have two whole days to study chinese, and two more for amaths. it's just the rest that we've got 5 days to study (plus an extra day if you count the night before the test) for the rest of the subs. i don't know. maybe it's just me, i guess. =) -beams-

funny joke of the day (or yesterday, really.):
linn: *singing and swaying from side to side* i can be your hero, baby... dooh dooh dooh dooooooooh.

she smiled
at 6:01 PM


Wednesday, October 01, 2003
i'm so proud of myself, i tell you! i actually did zaoju and tingxie for 3 chapters of chinese just now, and even opened my chemistry textbook. -beams- what an accomplishment! haha. actually it's 'cause lulu told me today that we have a week left to exams, which are starting next wednesday. cheryl i've started studying already so you must study too yeah! hahaha. lamelamelame. =)

anyway. today was pretty nice! sat with linn for the day, since jieying couldn't see properly and she needed to get closer to the board (and i bet she's regretting it now! read marie's blog then you'll see what i mean) so spent the day chatting with linn and erika. i love you both! always remember that yeah, you two? *smucks* okay have to go now. my mother's being a bitch. she's always a bitch, but today i can sense the uber-bitch gushing forth.

i've become so numb, i can't feel you there/ become so tired, and so much more aware./ i'm becoming this, all i want to do/ is be more like me and be less like you.


she smiled
at 8:15 PM


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